Uncommitted Dating

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So who is in the wrong here? He seems to think I’m wrong for him getting his feelings hurt. He’s not Catholic. Apparently he took my admission that I see no future as rejection and liberty to stay in contact with his ex. I told him I was looking for something deeper so he decided to cut off the ex then became angry I accepted a date.
 
From what you said? Yeah. Cute person across the room when you’re on a date with someone else.
At minimum, disrespectful, at worst, player.
 
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If you aren’t in a relationship then you’re just talking with the other person. You’re free to go on as many dates with as many people so long as you aren’t exclusive with someone else.

And they’re free to get upset too.
 
Does it matter whether or not I do so when they are around? Why are they allowed to feel upset? Isn’t that being possessive?
 
because everyone is entitled to feel a certain way. all’s fair in love and war.
 
Must you keep confounding discussions with logic, Miss Stephie? It really doesn’t seem fair to some of us.
 
Hyprocrites,I do not know,but immature,yes.It sounds like that at least.

You said you are trying to see if you are compatible. Compatible for what? What are you looking for? And what for?
Do not need to answer here,just perhaps think about it.
 
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I see courtship in several “Phases”
  1. Contact and Initial Date
  2. Subsequent dates at various locations. Both parties are Not Exclusive
  3. Unanimous declaration of exclusivity and “going steady”
  4. Interdependence and Engagement
  5. Marriage
Personally, I wouldn’t refer to my girlfriend or wife as my “partner” either. Partner, to me, seems to suggest that we’re engaging in premarital relations and without any commitment. You start off as boyfriend/girlfriend and end up as Husband/Wife.
 
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Ok. Stage 2. That is the unclear one . A minefield of mutual hurt or a shallow playing around with fire.
More than one at the same time,that is what I understand you are saying.
Her case is not " subsequent" but two at the same time.
Where am I wrong,Cruciferi?
Please adjust it for me so as to better understand.
 
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graciew said:
More than one at the same time,that is what I understand you are saying.

Her case is not " subsequent" but two at the same time.
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I’d say if someone was seriously dating a person for over a month, it would be hurtful to run off with someone else. In my opinion, it has to do with the number of dates and the length of time. The longer you date, there should be an agreement of exclusivity.

That’s my opinion; however, it’s pretty common for people to have multiple relationships going on at the same time. My one coworker was juggling at least four sexual relationships 😟
 
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Thank you.
When one " dates" these days,and says one is " romantically involved" ,what is the need to have other dates?
It sounds a little bit imposed .Is it what is " has to be like " these days?
That is the part I do not understand. If it is mutual,and openly disclosed to each other
What moves a person to " date" others ?
 
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They are just having fun until something better, or “the one” comes along.
 
Basically, this is where society is at:

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.”
 
Sounds complicated. I prefer something simpler, like Tensor Calculus in n dimensions.
 
Exactly. The problem is that people are gravitating towards an opportunistic view of relationships. Kinda like it’s climbing up the ladder at work. This is kinda manipulative if you’re dating but it’s definitely happened in marriages too.
 
Yes, afraid they might not find something better, they juggle many, until they drop them all for the “right one.”
 
Thank you… It s got to hurt… Whether admitted or not.
Thank you,Cruciferi. Love your way to express things,even through your quick photos.
 
Jump4Joy said:
Does your partner have know if you’re seeing other people? Do they have any right to feel jealous if you flirt with others when they are around?
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Your post is quite puzzling, for the contradictions.

You called the other person your ‘partner’. Why would you hide such important stuff from a ‘partner’? Doesn’t sound like a recipe for a successful relationship of any merit.

Let’s assume the other person is not your partner, but just someone you date on occasion. Why not be open that you are both free to date other people, to reduce deception and hurt feelings? Then if and when appropriate, you can later have the discussion about making it an exclusive relationship.

If you like someone, it’s quite normal for them to feel jealous if you are flirting in their face with other people. How would you expect anything different, unless perhaps the relationship is quite shallow and they don’t really have an interest in you. Are you intentionally but subconsciously trying to make them jealous? Think about it.
 
Jump4Joy said:
If you’re casual dating someone, they aren’t your official committed partner. If they show up to a party, and you see someone else you’re more interested in, is it okay to ask for a date or accept one even if they are there?
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That is a very clear sign you should stop ‘dating’ the person you only have mild interest in. Break off the romantic dating, have consideration for their feelings and let them move on to find someone that really is interested in dating them.

It’s selfish to string them along until you find what you really want.
 
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