Veils at Other People's Weddings

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Chiltepin

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Good evening!

I am new to posting, so hopefully I have put this in the right place.

I wear a veil to mass. I started doing this a little over a year ago. I know it does not sound like long. To me it feels that it is the sort of practice that once you do it, you really can’t go back. (perhaps you can identify or perhaps you disagree)

I have only been to one wedding since I began doing this and I wore a brown veil for that occasion. I did this considering the cultural meanings of black(funerals) or white(brides) veils to the modern public. I also felt that it was the most discrete, as my hair is light brown.

So my first question is what do you ladies who veil do when you are attending weddings in congregations where most women do not wear veils?

My second question is simply to ask for a bit of advice in my recent situation. My sister is getting married this year. The women in my family do not wear veils and I have never really tried to get them to, as it can be a touchy subject. I am the maid of honor in this wedding and my sister does not want me to wear a veil. She has seen what I wear and does understand that it would not be long, flowy and white. What would you do in my situation? I could be mis-interpreting her, but she seems to find what I see as an act of reverence as something upsetting.

I even thought about buying one of those lunch lady hairnets that are virtually invisible and cutting a circular section out of it to set on top of my head. Am I being ridiculous in not just accepting her wishes? Am I being ridiculous with sneaky invisible lunch-lady plans?
 
She is not asking you to do something wrong nor irreverent. It is her wedding. Since she is your sister, it would be wise to thoroughly understand your own motivation.

Whether you want to or not you will be drawing attention from her and onto yourself.

There is a time and place for charity, especially in regards to sisters.
 
As a fellow veil wearer, I can understand the stress one feels about the idea of being in front of the Eucharist without a veil. There are what are known as chapel veils, which are basically what you just described - a little circle of lace that’s worn on the top of the head. If it’s discrete, or nearly invisible against your hair, it shouldn’t create a fuss. The important thing is that your head is covered, whether other people can tell or not. G-d will know, and that’s all that matters. If your sister still cannot accept even that, then I agree with the previous poster, in that you should do without. It would be better to remain humble about the situation than to upset your family. G-d will understand.
 
I cover my head for Christ. Personally, I would remove myself from the wedding party before I removed the veil from my head. But that’s just me, and not what I’m suggesting. 😉

If you are the maid of honor it is ok for you to look a little different from the other women in the wedding party. Perhaps she would be ok with you wearing something in the wedding color that looks like it supposed to go with your dress.

Something like this - and with perhaps a bit of the colored net over your head. These are VERY fashionable and appropriate right now, I don’t think it would look out of place at all.

View attachment 5038

If her problem is that she wants to be the only one in a veil, well then I think she needs to understand why you cover your head, and that there are ways to do so without looking like you are trying to upstage the bride.

About three weeks ago I did one of the readings in a wedding. I did cover my head with a chapel veil - it was black lace with a light gray lace edge to it. The bride had no issues, and the best man said that he appreciated seeing a woman with her head covered in Church.

Good luck - brides can be tough sometimes! 😉

~Liza
 
Back when women covered their heads at Mass all the time, they didn’t always wear veils. Often they wore hats or other coverings that looked like a wide headband with some decoration. I would explain to my sister why wearing a head covering is important and then look with her for a hat, snood, headband, etc that would compliment the maid of honor dress, but not look at all like a wedding veil. If you think that pinning a bit of net to your head would be enough to fulfill the ‘spirit of the law’, then a fancy headband or snood (bun cover) should certainly be acceptable to you.

Whatever you do, please don’t pin the bit of ‘lunch lady’ net to your head. That will look tacky and cause your relatives to have more questions about your decision to veil.
 
Chiltepin said:
Good evening!

I am new to posting, so hopefully I have put this in the right place.

I wear a veil to mass. I started doing this a little over a year ago. I know it does not sound like long. To me it feels that it is the sort of practice that once you do it, you really can’t go back. (perhaps you can identify or perhaps you disagree)

I have only been to one wedding since I began doing this and I wore a brown veil for that occasion. I did this considering the cultural meanings of black(funerals) or white(brides) veils to the modern public. I also felt that it was the most discrete, as my hair is light brown.

So my first question is what do you ladies who veil do when you are attending weddings in congregations where most women do not wear veils?

My second question is simply to ask for a bit of advice in my recent situation. My sister is getting married this year. The women in my family do not wear veils and I have never really tried to get them to, as it can be a touchy subject. I am the maid of honor in this wedding and my sister does not want me to wear a veil. She has seen what I wear and does understand that it would not be long, flowy and white. What would you do in my situation? I could be mis-interpreting her, but she seems to find what I see as an act of reverence as something upsetting.

I even thought about buying one of those lunch lady hairnets that are virtually invisible and cutting a circular section out of it to set on top of my head. Am I being ridiculous in not just accepting her wishes? Am I being ridiculous with sneaky invisible lunch-lady plans?
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allow me to write for my wife. she’s taking a nap and unless i’m willing to stay awake whole night, better not disturb her. after attending mass at st. peters basilica 5 yrs ago, my wife started wearing her veil whenever attending mass. for a while she was the only woman wearing one w/c she continues to date. i asked her one time if she’s not bothered by other women not wearing veils. she said wearing one for her is honoring the Lord, and that it’s between her and the Lord. she said she’s not bothered by what others do, wedding or not. two other women are seen now wearing veils in our parish. 👍
God bless.
 
Chiltepin said:
Good evening!

I am new to posting, so hopefully I have put this in the right place.

I wear a veil to mass. I started doing this a little over a year ago. I know it does not sound like long. To me it feels that it is the sort of practice that once you do it, you really can’t go back. (perhaps you can identify or perhaps you disagree)

I have only been to one wedding since I began doing this and I wore a brown veil for that occasion. I did this considering the cultural meanings of black(funerals) or white(brides) veils to the modern public. I also felt that it was the most discrete, as my hair is light brown.

So my first question is what do you ladies who veil do when you are attending weddings in congregations where most women do not wear veils?

My second question is simply to ask for a bit of advice in my recent situation. My sister is getting married this year. The women in my family do not wear veils and I have never really tried to get them to, as it can be a touchy subject. I am the maid of honor in this wedding and my sister does not want me to wear a veil. She has seen what I wear and does understand that it would not be long, flowy and white. What would you do in my situation? I could be mis-interpreting her, but she seems to find what I see as an act of reverence as something upsetting.

I even thought about buying one of those lunch lady hairnets that are virtually invisible and cutting a circular section out of it to set on top of my head. Am I being ridiculous in not just accepting her wishes? Am I being ridiculous with sneaky invisible lunch-lady plans?
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since you are the maid of honor, in weddings now she will usually have something a little special to make her stand out a little bit from the rest. maybe you could discuss a small simple formal hat that matches your dress. they have white ones that can be dyed to match the color of your dress. its not a veil and their are some really classy ones that dont look old ladyish. also you may want to talk to the ladies at the bridal shop. they deal with unusual situations all the time and may know of some creative ideas.
 
How about a lovely fresh floral headpiece? Perhaps for all the bridesmaids?

Betsy
 
At my church, all the ladies wear some form of head covering. But an earlier response had it right - it doesn’t need to be a long, flowing sort of deal. A small circle of lace or even a hat of some sort can be appropriate and shouldn’t draw too much attention.

Either way, while it is certainly a difficult issue, one shouldn’t have to compromise firmly held beliefs in order to make everyone happy. Sometimes a simple explanation to those concerned will do the trick and in other situations it may be more difficult.

Hope all works out for you!
 
Ooh, toughie. :confused: I do think a snood would be a nice idea. They come in some decorative styles that are less lunch lady-looking. That’s what I’d do.
 
I have only been veiling for a few months, but I could never not veil at this point. I think I would bow out of the wedding party if the bride insisted I be unveiled after giving her other options (like a hat, snood, etc.) that other people have recommended here. But. you should do what you are comfortable with, of course.
 
I wanted to give you the perspective and opinion of one who does not veil, but completely supports women who do.
This is your sister’s ‘Big Day’. The only ‘Big Day’ she will ever have.
Veiling is a personal choice that you have made to honor Christ. What honor is there when there is the possibility of angry feelings between you and your sister? What honor is there in placing yourself before your sister on her day? The focus should be on her and nothing should pull attention away from her. Besides, veiling is not a mandate in our churches and you will stand out. (Which is why I chose not to veil. Drawing attention to myself did not seem right)

I would make an attempt to come up with an option that works for both of you. But, if your sister is adamant, then concede. It should be much more important to go to the altar in support of your sister in peace and charity.
I’ll pray for you that a peaceful solution can be found.
 
seems like this is an area where all the bridal attendants can and should get together with the bride and help her decide what they will wear, and you could certainly make a plug for a lovely veil or hat of some kind. It is not necessary btw that all the attendants dress identically, their outfits don’t have to match, only to go together. maybe come armed with pictures of good choices so they can see how well it will look. I would certainly not use something that is meant to be private statement of devotion into a bone of contention.
 
It is her wedding.
No, it isn’t her wedding. It’s the CHURCH’S wedding service, and it’s being bestowed upon the couple. (This is not the same as the Western teaching that the couple bestows the sacrament upon each other. Even then, it’s the CHURCH’S sacrament.)
 
Tell her you have a small but very prominent and shiny bald spot, and your veil will keep it from reflecting into the camera lens. 😉
 
juliasmith said:
I would make an attempt to come up with an option that works for both of you. But, if your sister is adamant, then concede. It should be much more important to go to the altar in support of your sister in peace and charity.
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But that argument can be stretched to mean a variety of things. How far should one be willing to go to preserve peace and charity at the expense of one’s own conscience?
 
Having just recently been through the wedding of our second daughter, I can attest that emotions run very high.

I don’t veil, cover, etc., as I don’t find it necessary or indicated, but if it is important to you, then I think that surely there would be some color-coordinated pretty bit of fluff for your hair that your sister could agree with! (I rather like the photo of the little feather “headdress” that another poster showed.) It is not something I would “go to the mat” for, however. It is not as if you are being asked to take communion in a non-Catholic church, or profess a heresy of some sort. I would not let something that is a personal preference, and not a church law, come between you and your sister. I cannot imagine refusing to be in the wedding over something like this and likely causing a rift in the family.
 
Extempore said:
But that argument can be stretched to mean a variety of things. How far should one be willing to go to preserve peace and charity at the expense of one’s own conscience?
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I think it is a matter of choosing one’s battles carefully, and differentiating between a personal devotion and actual church law.
 
dixieagle said:
I think it is a matter of choosing one’s battles carefully, and differentiating between a personal devotion and actual church law.
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Why should someone be asked to sacrifice even a personal devotion? She’s not saying she wants all women to veil- just that SHE veils, and it is a personal devotion. No one should ask someone else to sacrifice a personal devotion they make to the Lord.
 
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