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DarkLight
Guest
May I ask if you are in or are considering college? I’m wondering because many campuses have a large number of social groups for all interests.
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mrajax
Guest
Oh, I’m going to enter our version of college soon so I’ll try entering a club or something.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Sigh. I hear you.
I am a female nerd and can talk endlessly about my interests, i.e., stellar evolution, cosmology, solar physics, and J.R.R. Tolkien. However not a lot of people share my interests.
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Byrnwiga
Guest
Same problem for me, too. Despite my interests being quite broad, most are still uncommon, or not taken as seriously. Hardly anyone seems to care about how Byzantine ships were constructed, or what the etymology of the word ‘assassin’ is (very interesting, actually), or how image stabilisation in lenses works, or about the art of the Pre-Raphaelites, or a whole other host of topics and areas. Much of what fascinates me is equated with boredom for others.
That said, I do know people who share some of my interests, and it’s very nice to be able to discuss said interests with them. While it is true that it would be better to find someone (for marriage) who shares our interests, or at least can stay awake while we go on about them
, it is, sadly, not very likely. Maybe it’s the “Gift of Singleness.” 
C’est la vie.
I had to look up the etymology of “assassin” after reading this. It is interesting indeed.
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Edmundus1581
Guest
Me tooI had to look up the etymology of “assassin” after reading this. It is interesting indeed.
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InigoMontoya
Guest
That’s good to hear! It would be far more difficult to answer if you were significantly older. Especially if you’re also about to enroll into a college equivalent soon. Start joining a variety of clubs or social groups, become active in them, the more so the better. Keep passion for your current interests, passion makes me people interesting. Start working out as well, it’ll boost your confidence and help with kendo.
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Byrnwiga
Guest
I had to look up the etymology of “assassin” after reading this. It is interesting indeed.
Of course I meet people who are interested in those kinds of things now.Me too
:shrug:
Oh well, perhaps one day we’ll all meet a person (in person) who has the same interests. One can always hope.
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mrajax
Guest
To be honest, not searching out people isn’t really a good thing in my opinion. Now don’t get me wrong, really don’t, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single: it’s better to be a good person whilst single than to marry in a false love. But theres a diffirence ebtween someone like you who does and is still searching for friends and someone who utterly shuns the affection of others out of a perverse sense of humility.Same problem for me, too. Despite my interests being quite broad, most are still uncommon, or not taken as seriously. Hardly anyone seems to care about how Byzantine ships were constructed, or what the etymology of the word ‘assassin’ is (very interesting, actually), or how image stabilisation in lenses works, or about the art of the Pre-Raphaelites, or a whole other host of topics and areas. Much of what fascinates me is equated with boredom for others.
That said, I do know people who share some of my interests, and it’s very nice to be able to discuss said interests with them. While it is true that it would be better to find someone (for marriage) who shares our interests, or at least can stay awake while we go on about them
C’est la vie.
I can understand how you feel. Mostly I just love discussing works of fiction and without menaing to be rude, I think your topics are interesting in a way. Even if we may find it boring, people should still be good lsiteners and eventually they’ll strike up something that will make everyone think.
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Gyrfalcon1993
Guest
I’m the same age as you, and I know what you mean. The key is to generalize your interest or hobby to come into contact with more people. Take my experience for example: One of my interests is birding + IDing anything with insects or animals, and there ain’t too many girls or even young people with the same interest. My solution was to look to similar activities that won’t compromise the first one. Photography and hiking are two very sociable activities that I concentrated on to meet more people, without jeopardizing my original interest.
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Cat
Guest
I’m a 55 year-old women with two grown daughters. Daughter #1 is almost 30 and single. Daughter #2 is in her late 20s and married.
Without question, girls search for a man who can provide a decent income, and those girls who don’t look for this in their first man look for it in their second man.
It’s not about princesses wanting more purses and shoes. It’s about having the option of staying home and raising your own babies rather than working and putting the babies in daycare. Even though many young women want a career and want to earn money, when it comes to babies, many young women want very much to stay home, at least for the first few years of their children’s lives. This means marrying a man who can provide enough of an income to enable the wife to stay home while children are young.
Even though some of the women on CAF are amazing at living the most simple lifestyle and being content and happy, most women don’t want to live this way, counting every penny, making their own curtains from worn bedsheets, washing clothes in a bathtub, soaking dried beans for supper every night, homeschooling because you’re afraid to let your little ones attend the neighborhood public school and you can’t even begin to afford a private or parochial school, and living in a broken-down shanty in a neighborhood where you have to carry a gun to feel safe.
Most women want to be able to have the option of sending their kids to the parish school. Most women want their little ones to take piano and swimming lessons, or have a pet dog, or take a weekend family trip to the Six Flags Over America. It’s really really tough to be poor in the U.S. Again, some women on CAF are obviously not very wealthy (although they do have access to a computer), and they are an example to us all.
But you won’t meet up with too many women like that. Most women want to live a “normal” life, and so they search for a man who can help provide them with that life.
And it really doesn’t matter if that man is a “geek” who enjoys the most nerdly of hobbies. Most women, when push comes to shove, will go with the geeky guy who makes a good living, and leave the hunk who earns minimum wage standing at the bar holding his beer mug.
Without question, girls search for a man who can provide a decent income, and those girls who don’t look for this in their first man look for it in their second man.
It’s not about princesses wanting more purses and shoes. It’s about having the option of staying home and raising your own babies rather than working and putting the babies in daycare. Even though many young women want a career and want to earn money, when it comes to babies, many young women want very much to stay home, at least for the first few years of their children’s lives. This means marrying a man who can provide enough of an income to enable the wife to stay home while children are young.
Even though some of the women on CAF are amazing at living the most simple lifestyle and being content and happy, most women don’t want to live this way, counting every penny, making their own curtains from worn bedsheets, washing clothes in a bathtub, soaking dried beans for supper every night, homeschooling because you’re afraid to let your little ones attend the neighborhood public school and you can’t even begin to afford a private or parochial school, and living in a broken-down shanty in a neighborhood where you have to carry a gun to feel safe.
Most women want to be able to have the option of sending their kids to the parish school. Most women want their little ones to take piano and swimming lessons, or have a pet dog, or take a weekend family trip to the Six Flags Over America. It’s really really tough to be poor in the U.S. Again, some women on CAF are obviously not very wealthy (although they do have access to a computer), and they are an example to us all.
But you won’t meet up with too many women like that. Most women want to live a “normal” life, and so they search for a man who can help provide them with that life.
And it really doesn’t matter if that man is a “geek” who enjoys the most nerdly of hobbies. Most women, when push comes to shove, will go with the geeky guy who makes a good living, and leave the hunk who earns minimum wage standing at the bar holding his beer mug.
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johnnyjones
Guest
Lets put the cards on the table. If your a good guy, but for some reason you don’t have a job, your unlikely to get a woman. Woman want a man with a secure job. If you have money by whatever means (birth, self success, lottery) you will do well with women. I never saw a baseball player with an ugly wife. Is it all superficial nonsense? Sure. But that doesn’t change what women want. Yes there are exceptions but if we are speaking averages, this is it.BVM,
Hello there. Well, pretty much what it says in the title but can anyone here, preferably girlstell me what girls themselves seek in a man? I heard someone say that she likes man who are emotionally strong yet have a certain awkwardness and shyness that she said makes them really ‘charming’ and as soemone who feels called to marriage, I sort of want to be that kind of guy, someone who will be able to protect his wife or girlfriend and will forever support them.
Now sorry if I’m offending anyone by my words here but personally, what I do seek in a girl is that she, sigh, should be a supermodel! Nah, just kidding, I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. I like it when girls are like that but like that lady, I also like girls who are a bit shy
Like the blues singer Robert Cray opines, “anytime I got a woman, things can’t be too bad.”
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SamH
Guest
Girls say they are looking for a nice romantic guy with a career and a wonderful personality. Then they date the guy that has a nice body, steals their money and cheats on them with their friends.
In short, girls don’t know what they want.
In short, girls don’t know what they want.
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mrajax
Guest
I’saying this before I read the rest of your post and I agree 110%. In fact, watching anime I really admired the guys who put of getting married or having a girlfriend because they wanted to be able to financially support her. They didn’t play the phrase for laughs but were always serious about it. One of these instances really hit me because it left the girls the guy was talking to about the matter at a loss for words.
I disagree. Disneyland is better than Six Flags
. Kidding! But again, I agree. With all respect to the women (and men) who live a simple lifestyle, I sorta do want to have that kind of happy (but not to meterialistic) lifestyle with my wife if I ever do get married. it is a nice thought but in the end, all that matters is how the kids are brought up and how loving the spouses are to each other. They can still go out and live cheaply and your post actually confirmed to me the fact that yes, catholic families that live happily do exist, the absolutely rubbish of anti-theists be damned.I think there is some variation of course. I think (well, it’s obvious
) most women search for nice guys. It’s also true mny of these guys turn out to be either wolves in sheeps clothing or really weak guys who let everyone trample over them. I don’t want to be wolf in sheeps clothing, the kind of guy who cheats on his wife or doesn’t communicate with her, the kind of guy who rule the household with an iron fist and doesn’t relent for anything; at the same time, I want to be genuinely strong and nice. I want to be like my heroes, Kenshin Himura and Kenzo Tenma. They’re genuinely nice guys but they’d do anything even at the risk of their lives ti protect their loved ones.
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chevalier
Guest
Well, just for the record, those are all interesting things. On the other hand, somebody who’s around 30 years of age or even 25 will likely have forgotten at least the formulae used to calculate things, which he’d learnt in highschool, so the average person’s knowledge may be very limited even despite being somewhat interested, making that person less attractive to you.
Ease of matching vs match quality.
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EasterJoy
Guest
If women find you attractive but don’t realize it or won’t admit it, that poses a rather large practical barrier to marriage. My impression is that the whole point of the thread is to avoid being the guy everyone wishes they had married from the vantage point of wise old age, but that no one did actually marry. I cannot blame him from wanting to be preserved from that tragedy.
Still, you bring up an important point. There is an old saying, “Don’t marry for money. Hang around rich people, and marry for love.” A man who wants to find a good wife needs to spend time looking like a good marriage prospect in places where good women hang out. The OP wants to know what this “looking like a good marriage prospect” entails, but it is worth reminding him that he needs to be careful about who he is going to attract.
I would make a list of those things you would want your wife to value, and then ask yourself “how can I make it clear that I also value these things?”
If you value a woman who presents herself well, then present yourself well.
If you value a woman who avails herself of the Sacraments often and always dutifully, then do so yourself.
If you want a woman who doesn’t lock herself in a basement with her hobbies instead of spending time with you, then don’t lock yourself in a basement with your hobbies too much.
If you want a woman who shares your hobbies, then get out into a public place where mixed groups who share your hobbies congregate. (If there are none, put that item really low on your list. You’re going to have to be willing to give that one up or else have blind luck come through for you!)
If you value a woman who works hard, then hang out and work hard where hard-working women are to be found.
If you value a woman who is kind-hearted, then take care to be someone who is kind to everyone, especially those who can do nothing for you or who can’t complain if you neglect them.
If you value a woman who is close to her parents but not too close, then (if possible), cultivate just such a relationship with your own parents. Don’t expect that you’re going to attract a woman who doesn’t let her parents run her life if you let yours run your life.
And so on…I think you get the idea, OP. Don’t worry about attracting women generally. Concern yourself with becoming the kind of man that the woman you want is going to want to marry. Put yourself in places that this kind of woman will meet you. Don’t neglect to make friends with people who meet your specifications but are already married, because this is exactly the kind of couple who might know someone who knows someone that you ought to be introduced to! Don’t depend on that avenue entirely, but don’t neglect it, either. Guys who have married friends are attractive as marriage prospects, because well, “birds of a feather”
Women who want to marry are always concerned about finding a guy who’s going to keep them on the line forever, but won’t ask the question. If you find a good prospect, you might double-date with a non-relative married couple every once in awhile, so she’ll know a) marriage is not something you merely give lip-service to and b) that you think that “marriage” and “going out” are not incompatible ideals.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Get to know her friends. If you are a nice guy, it is amazing how often her friends will give you hints about what you’re really getting into, either directly or by what kind of people they are around those they don’t need to impress (which includes you).Girls say they are looking for a nice romantic guy with a career and a wonderful personality. Then they date the guy that has a nice body, steals their money and cheats on them with their friends.
In short, girls don’t know what they want.
It’s good to get to know her family, too, because it will give you a clue about what family dynamics she has been exposed to. Her family, however, will be far more likely to put on a false front with you, and far less likely to tip you off that their daughter/sister isn’t all she’s trying to convince you that she is. Some families will tip you off, but many won’t. Blood is thicker than water, and if they drive you away, they could be left with her ire for a lifetime.
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SamH
Guest
I learned a long time ago if a person can’t get along with their family there will be very few people that they can get along with long term.
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chevalier
Guest
Sorry to interrupt but there’s a different side of the same coin: people will sometimes nitpick over a prospective significant other’s family circumstances etc., which is basically just as bad as unreasonably getting stuck on anything which doesn’t necessarily have all the massive consequence that would justify such attention.
Often nitpickers and hairsplitters have no smaller issues themselves than those they find in their prospective mates.
But yeah, family is a great indicator overall.
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EasterJoy
Guest
It depends on the family. My husband and I get along great with both families, but sometimes, finding your family of origin to be unbearable is a testament to your sanity. Sometimes, it is almost a requirement in order for any adult child of that family to be ready for marriage. Sad, but true.
The main thing is that you see a family dynamic that you can live with. That can mean living with the idea that your would-be spouse is entirely right to want to keep your future children as far as possible from certain (or all) relatives on that side of the family.
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