What do girls search in guys?

[Kamaduck]

For example, what if the roles were reversed? What if it meant; that to be “overweight and weak”, were beneficial to “health and fertility”, while “toned and strong” were indeed detrimental to it?
Could you then say that being overweight and weak was objectively beautiful? If what you claim is true (that beauty is inexplicably linked to “health and fertility”), then the answer would be yes… but such a solution seems utterly implausible!

I actually think that’s exactly what would happen, we would consider it beautiful. It’s implausible because our minds know that being overweight and weak ISN’T healthy. I don’t know this, of course, becase it’s impossible to seperate that part of my mind from the rest.

I would think other things would be beautiful for other reasons. We admire the beauty of a sunset, but it usually doesn’t tempt us to lust. So I think it’s different, right? Both the aesthetic beauty of a sunset and sexual attraction are present at once in humans, and I think Debora is merely explaining our basis for sexual attraction. She seems to be right about its causes, as far as I can tell.

 

[Greg_N]

I would think other things would be beautiful for other reasons. We admire the beauty of a sunset, but it usually doesn’t tempt us to lust. So I think it’s different, right? Both the aesthetic beauty of a sunset and sexual attraction are present at once in humans, and I think Debora is merely explaining our basis for sexual attraction. She seems to be right about its causes, as far as I can tell.

I think both goodness and beauty are to be thought of together, and divorcing the two is when the problems arise.
I think my analogy demonstrates that once you remove goodness (health/fertility) from beauty, it becomes deficient.
Placing the meaning of beauty under the category of “subconscious” and “primitive” is hardly an adequate connotation for goodness.

 

[Debora123]

I actually think that’s exactly what would happen, we would consider it beautiful. It’s implausible because our minds know that being overweight and weak ISN’T healthy. I don’t know this, of course, becase it’s impossible to seperate that part of my mind from the rest.

I would think other things would be beautiful for other reasons. We admire the beauty of a sunset, but it usually doesn’t tempt us to lust. So I think it’s different, right? Both the aesthetic beauty of a sunset and sexual attraction are present at once in humans,** and I think Debora is merely explaining our basis for sexual attraction.** She seems to be right about its causes, as far as I can tell.

Yes, that is exactly what I’m doing. I’m glad someone here get’s the message.

 

[Debora123]

Deb, I don’t intend to embarrass you, but objectifying has nothing to do with reductionism.

My point is that there is more to beauty than the innate biological preferences you keep reducing them to (yes, I said it again). To say that something is beautiful because its linked to “health” and “fertility” is not the whole picture.

For example, what if the roles were reversed? What if it meant; that to be “overweight and weak”, were beneficial to “health and fertility”, while “toned and strong” were indeed detrimental to it?
Could you then say that being overweight and weak was objectively beautiful? If what you claim is true (that beauty is inexplicably linked to “health and fertility”), then the answer would be yes… but such a solution seems utterly implausible! Why? Because beauty itself is something apart from both “health” and “fertility” (even if they are intertwined); it exists as a universal in its own right. There is more to beauty than our “primitive” partialities after all.

As I’ve just demonstrated, how can you explain “why” by appealing to something objectively unique in its own right?
How is it that we see beauty in “health and fertility” in the first place? How do you explain the beauty in a sunset or the northern lights?

To say that it’s a “subconscious” “instinctive” or “primitive” inclination (to me) sounds like some evolutionary babble about “survival of the fittest” or some such; when beauty is not about that at all. You cannot reduce beauty to such a banal concept.

No you haven’t! I’m thankful for your explanation, and I tend to agree with much of what you say, such as; that there is an innate appreciation to beauty (in our human nature) which lends itself to what is inherently good (i.e. the flourishing of humanity through fertility and health); I’m just pointing out that there is a certain uniqueness (however ambiguous) between both beauty and our “primitive” biological preferences of what we find attractive.

Yep, complete waste of time on my part.

I could dissect what you’re saying and explain why you still don’t fully comprehend what I’m talking about, but It’s time to give up and let it go. I should’ve told my college professor that all the science is wrong and that GregN from CAF holds the answers.

 

[Greg_N]

Yep, complete waste of time on my part.

I could dissect what you’re saying and explain why you still don’t fully comprehend what I’m talking about, but It’s time to give up and let it go. I should’ve told my college professor that all the science is wrong and that GregN from CAF holds the answers.

I know that’s just an excuse Debora, we both know you’ve got plenty of time on your hands, and if I were to meet your college professor I’d tell him he’s an idiot.

I’m joking.

You fought well my friend, and I thank you for the drawn-out discourse.

I’m sure we’ll meet again.

God bless you.
Greg.

 

[Greg_N]

yep, complete waste of time on my part.

hehe

 

[Crescentinus]

Crescentius- I acknowledge that appearances are a valid consideration when dating.

In my case, I am quite critical of this aspect. For one thing, I am very careful about judging a woman’s figure with the whole “taking care of yourself” standard because it has been known to backfire very badly. In any case, the fact that I go for proportions is somewhat frowned upon in our current dating scene, because the dating scene wants extremes. Suffice to say, I go for proportions since it’s a sound standard of physical beauty.

 

[Debora123]

I know that’s just an excuse Debora, we both know you’ve

Eh, not exactly. I work a double shift today so I’m taking a half hour break right now and then it’s back to work till 9pm. Nonetheless, even if I DID have plenty of time on my hands, as you so graciously assume, I still wouldn’t want to waste it on talking to a brick wall.

Fair well.

 

[Debora123]

In my case, I am quite critical of this aspect. For one thing, I am very careful about judging a woman’s figure with the whole “taking care of yourself” standard because it has been known to backfire very badly. In any case, the fact that I go for proportions is somewhat frowned upon in our current dating scene, because the dating scene wants extremes. Suffice to say, I go for proportions since it’s a sound standard of physical beauty.

You’re allowed to have your preferences, it’s just a matter of being tactful. You don’t have to go around telling girls left and right that you like big breasts. Just use your common sense, and you should be fine.

 

[SweetLambs]

Regarding physical appearances, what attracts me to a guy is not that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find them attractive- it’s just that I am attracted to their smile or especially their personality. I’ve noticed that they tend to be of average build and looks. They aren’t ever people who would turn heads because of their physical appearances. Even their teeth aren’t perfect- it’s just that they actually, genuinely smile.

They are, however, usually extremely intelligent people who open the door for you, laugh at their own strange jokes, and are fascinated with very specific areas that also interest me very much. It’s the same type of person, but physically all are pretty different. I don’t personally understand how people can be very specific sometimes with physical types (ya know- the old “blue eyes and 6’2” thing)- but I don’t think there is something wrong with that as long as it is not put before faith and character. It’s cliche, but looks fade. A person’s personality and morality are there forever.

 

[kelvinf]

You’re allowed to have your preferences, it’s just a matter of being tactful. You don’t have to go around telling girls left and right that you like big breasts. Just use your common sense, and you should be fine.

Fact is, he has never said that he likes big breasts as you choose to put it. I can remember him explaining this before.

 

[Debora123]

Fact is, he has never said that he likes big breasts as you choose to put it. I can remember him explaining this before.

Well, whatever it may be he likes… I’m just saying that it’s ok for him to prefer whatever he prefers, and he doesn’t have to feel bad about it. Nonetheless, it is good to use tact and common sense when being open about your preferences… whatever they may be.

 

[Kamaduck]

Regarding physical appearances, what attracts me to a guy is not that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find them attractive- it’s just that I am attracted to their smile or especially their personality. I’ve noticed that they tend to be of average build and looks. They aren’t ever people who would turn heads because of their physical appearances. Even their teeth aren’t perfect- it’s just that they actually, genuinely smile.

They are, however, usually extremely intelligent people who open the door for you, laugh at their own strange jokes, and are fascinated with very specific areas that also interest me very much. It’s the same type of person, but physically all are pretty different. I don’t personally understand how people can be very specific sometimes with physical types (ya know- the old “blue eyes and 6’2” thing)- but I don’t think there is something wrong with that as long as it is not put before faith and character. It’s cliche, but looks fade. A person’s personality and morality are there forever.

Honestly, this is the same for me (in terms of being attracted to a certain personality). Everyone I have been interested in during high school seems to be very intelligent, has a slightly offbeat sense of humor, likes the weird stuff I love, and tries to do the right thing. They are considerate of others (always in different ways, though) and have things they are passionate about. They also tend to be unusually tall, but I think that’s just something that keeps happening.

For me, I rarely become interested in people because of looks. I have been known to disqualify people because of sub-par looks, but an OK-looking guy and a movie star would be on pretty equal footing. At that point, it would come down to personality and mental attributes.

 

[Debora123]

Honestly, this is the same for me (in terms of being attracted to a certain personality). Everyone I have been interested in during high school seems to be very intelligent, has a slightly offbeat sense of humor, likes the weird stuff I love, and tries to do the right thing. They are considerate of others (always in different ways, though) and have things they are passionate about. They also tend to be unusually tall, but I think that’s just something that keeps happening.

For me, I rarely become interested in people because of looks. I have been known to disqualify people because of sub-par looks, but an OK-looking guy and a movie star would be on pretty equal footing. At that point, it would come down to personality and mental attributes.

 

[Crescentinus]

You’re allowed to have your preferences, it’s just a matter of being tactful. You don’t have to go around telling girls left and right that you like big breasts. Just use your common sense, and you should be fine.

Point well taken.
There is one problem though. There are guys who are offended by what attracts me. I just told them in the most courteous and tactful manner that I am not attracted by the criterion that attracts them. After that, they erupt in a fit of intolerance.

 

[kelvinf]

Point well taken.
There is one problem though. There are guys who are offended by what attracts me. I just told them in the most courteous and tactful manner that I am not attracted by the criterion that attracts them. After that, they erupt in a fit of intolerance.

girls or guys?

 

[Crescentinus]

girls or guys?

Yes, guys. Men. Blokes (if you’re British).
I am dead serious about this. I’ve known men who go into fits of intolerant rage whenever their taste in women are criticized by other guys.

 

[Kamaduck]

Yes, guys. Men. Blokes (if you’re British).
I am dead serious about this. I’ve known men who go into fits of intolerant rage whenever their taste in women are criticized by other guys.

Then either you’re being insulting or they’re taking it way too seriously and you should stay away from them. It could be either one, though.

 

[Crescentinus]

Then either you’re being insulting or they’re taking it way too seriously and you should stay away from them. It could be either one, though.

If what attracts me is insulting to them, then you have a point. In any case, I have learned to stay away from them. However, they always return.

 

[mrajax]

MY GOSH! I’M GONE FOR A FEW DAYS AND I FIND ALL THIS TALK ABOUT BEAUTY AND WHAT IS NOT AND ALL THIS DERAILING AND THE SENSELESS BLOOD AND VIOLENCE ETC… I mean, what happened?!

The Telegraph US - Breaking news, opinion & analysis

Oh that happened!

Anyway jokes aside, I haven’t read all the posts in this thread and I literally have nothing against discussing this topic because this is a forum, it needs healthy discussion but in my opinion, there is really no such thing as ugly people. I do think that people should take care of their appearance as most of the time, people who think they are ugly aren’t really ugly, just unkempt. All my life I would walk and sit slouching but when I started practicing kendo and doing pushups everyday, not only did I start walking with my back straight and head held high but I felt more confidence. There is a saying that goes ‘shout when you do something. Do you think a horse would find you annoying?’ Meaning don’t mind those morons who tell you you are too ugly to date, just fix your appearance and manners if need and guys or girls will be cooing all over you. Don’t mind rubbish like plastic surgery or makeup (not that I have anything agaisnt girls who wear makeup…) or immodest fashion trends, as every said be your your own shy but confident self.

Thats just my two cents. Ones bearing and how it is constantly kept can tell you a lot about a person. Their temparment also tells you a lot. A girl who constantly gets angry over nothing and blames little things for her anger isn’t the kind of girl I’d personally date and I dislike people who get angry and swear like sailors when small annoyances pile on top of each other. Bad manners and losing control of your temperament just destroys the person’s image and makes them seem less beautiful than they really are. I think there are exceptions like getting angry over a very serious issue or defending yourselves against bullies but when it comes to private conversations, I don’t think people should lost their temprerament or become slobs. It doesn’t mean that you have to make unrealistic expectations of yourself. You can’t look like an admiral all the time and frankly I’d love to show my girl if I do date her my crazy side: I’d show her that I love pranking people, that I love anime and kendo, that I am a total geek when it comes to fantasy but I wouldn’t get it in the way of our relationship. In short, being yourself doesn’t mean not taking care of yourself.