Except he basically goes into, well I can’t be happy with anything else, if I can’t have this my life has no meaning and I hope I get hit by a car tomorrow.In your place, I’d have said, “Amigo, tough cookies, life doesn’t always give us what we want. Time to replan your trajectory.”
ICXC NIKA
Gee whiz–is he planning on having a TLC-sized family and worried he won’t be able to crack double digits?The trouble is he responds by saying he feels like he’s doing everything he can - he’s applying to different programs, he’s tried online dating, he’s gone to various christian groups around town, and nothing. And he doesn’t feel like the single life is even really worth living anymore, he feels like he’s absolutely miserable without the hope of family and kids, and like he’s getting too old for the family he wants.
OK–I think we’ve reached suicide hotline time with that particular remark.Except he basically goes into, well I can’t be happy with anything else, if I can’t have this my life has no meaning and I hope I get hit by a car tomorrow.
I don’t think he knows how to be happy by himself right now.
I had a coworker who was just like your friend. The constant griping wore on the rest of us not to mention it drove away women who could have been potential girlfriends. Eventually it also drove away the men who could have been friends.Except he basically goes into, well I can’t be happy with anything else, if I can’t have this my life has no meaning and I hope I get hit by a car tomorrow.
I don’t think he knows how to be happy by himself right now.
He puts up a better front for other people, I think. I do think the desperation is driving people away. The thing is I think he’s telling the truth when he says, he doesn’t know how to want anything else, or be happy with anything else. And I don’t know what to say to that.I had a coworker who was just like your friend. The constant griping wore on the rest of us not to mention it drove away women who could have been potential girlfriends. Eventually it also drove away the men who could have been friends.
Nobody likes despair.
I shudder just thinking about what might happen if he did marry and for some reason is still not happy because married life did not measure up to the ideal he has in his mind. Will he turn to his wife and ask her why she isn’t making him happy? That’s quite a burden to bear, to be responsible for someone else’s happiness.He puts up a better front for other people, I think. I do think the desperation is driving people away. The thing is I think he’s telling the truth when he says, he doesn’t know how to want anything else, or be happy with anything else. And I don’t know what to say to that.
I had thought of it as well. But I’m not sure what to say - do I tell someone who’s miserable to the point of almost wishing they get hit by a car that their one hope for happiness, the one thing they say they can’t be happy without, also won’t make them happy? I don’t think that will improve the situation.I shudder just thinking about what might happen if he did marry and for some reason is still not happy because married life did not measure up to the ideal he has in his mind. Will he turn to his wife and ask her why she isn’t making him happy? That’s quite a burden to bear, to be responsible for someone else’s happiness.
You know it’s possible he has this desire because, you know, a man is complemented by a spouse. Who is to say the desire is not this man’s call to keep at it? I reject the notion that this man must learn to be happy alone. What if he’s not called to be alone? If he ends up alone and miserable, it might not be his fault. We actually live in a fallen, perverse, often disgusting world where injustice roams rampant. Maybe his situation is his fault. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s partially.Except he basically goes into, well I can’t be happy with anything else, if I can’t have this my life has no meaning and I hope I get hit by a car tomorrow.
I don’t think he knows how to be happy by himself right now.
I don’t think there is nothing much you can say at this point.I had thought of it as well. But I’m not sure what to say - do I tell someone who’s miserable to the point of almost wishing they get hit by a car that their one hope for happiness, the one thing they say they can’t be happy without, also won’t make them happy? I don’t think that will improve the situation.
This really all started when he broke up with his last girlfriend. He was insisting that she was perfect, and she dumped him for wanting to move too quickly.
Even if he’s called to keep at it…this is impacting his ability to do his own work. And I’m almost positive his last relationship failed because he was far too invested in having her be the one he wanted to marry far too soon.You know it’s possible he has this desire because, you know, a man is complemented by a spouse. Who is to say the desire is not this man’s call to keep at it? I reject the notion that this man must learn to be happy alone. What if he’s not called to be alone? If he ends up alone and miserable, it might not be his fault. We actually live in a fallen, perverse, often disgusting world where injustice roams rampant. Maybe his situation is his fault. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s partially.
It may very well not be his fault but the situation is what it is. At this point he has a choice to make the best of what he has or to be unhappy for the rest of his life. Frankly, the latter option is no way to live.You know it’s possible he has this desire because, you know, a man is complemented by a spouse. Who is to say the desire is not this man’s call to keep at it? I reject the notion that this man must learn to be happy alone. What if he’s not called to be alone? If he ends up alone and miserable, it might not be his fault. We actually live in a fallen, perverse, often disgusting world where injustice roams rampant. Maybe his situation is his fault. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s partially.
He is alone and miserable right now.You know it’s possible he has this desire because, you know, a man is complemented by a spouse. Who is to say the desire is not this man’s call to keep at it? I reject the notion that this man must learn to be happy alone. What if he’s not called to be alone?** If he ends up alone and miserable, it might not be his fault. **We actually live in a fallen, perverse, often disgusting world where injustice roams rampant. Maybe his situation is his fault. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s partially.
Have you told him that? Or do you think he couldn’t take it?Even if he’s called to keep at it…this is impacting his ability to do his own work. And I’m almost positive his last relationship failed because he was far too invested in having her be the one he wanted to marry far too soon.
What I would do is not the end-all solution, but…It may very well not be his fault but the situation is what it is. At this point he has a choice to make the best of what he has or to be unhappy for the rest of his life. Frankly, the latter option is no way to live.
What would you do if you were him?
But he’s not keeping at it.What I would do is not the end-all solution, but…
If I thought I was called to marriage, I would keep at it and reject all the advice from people who say I should be complacent.
Who said anything about being complacent?What I would do is not the end-all solution, but…
If I thought I was called to marriage, I would keep at it and reject all the advice from people who say I should be complacent.
I haven’t seen anyone advise him to be miserable. Living with an empty vocation doesn’t mean one has to be miserable. But it does mean living with an unfulfilled vocation.Also, miserable people are usually less attractive
Some in this thread have offered the advice that he needs to alter his life plans to accommodate his dating woes. I agree he doesn’t have to despair, but we live in a perverse world. The focus of the problem might not be justly directed at him. Does that make sense?Who said anything about being complacent?.
What is there about trying to be happy and contented while looking will prevent him from fulfilling a vocation to marriage?I haven’t seen anyone advise him to be miserable. Living with an empty vocation doesn’t mean one has to be miserable. But it does mean living with an unfulfilled vocation.
He may be well served by learning strategies of handling Christian suffering, but I don’t see how he wouldn’t be well-served by seeking refuge xontrary to his vocation.