What factor in 2004 makes folks feel most unable to cope with larger families?

  • Thread starter Thread starter WhiteDove
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
  1. as more and more people come from a houshold with 2 kids, most can’t fathom having more than 2 kids. it’s counter cultural.
  2. to some people having kids is like having an object. “You have a boy and a girl I guess you’re done right?” It ranks up there with the dog, beemer and SUV.
Over and over I see large families making it well on a modest income. i.e. 1 teacher’s salary 6 kids, most going to big10 colleges:bowdown:

How do they do it?

SACRIFICE
 
I don’t think health issues are a major factor for most couples today. But that certainly plays a part for some. I only have 1 child because I have a cardiac condition that would make another pregnancy deadly (aside from divine intervention). Trust me I’ve looked into second & third opinions, I’ve got the top Dr in the country probably world wide treating me. Besides that the handful of meds I take would almost certainly be very detremental to a child in my womb. It’s funny because I never considered it my choice to limit my my family. ( We use NFP) Infact I would have chose something completely different- I’ve wanted a large family since I can remember. I was heart broken. But God has given me the grace to accept it and I am so blessed by our beautiful daghter and grateful that we have her.
 
40.png
daniellet:
Yelling and slapping is discipline?

You remind me of my mother! If you would like me to expand that thought, I will. 🙂
Click to expand...
I send my mother the therapy bill, not more scarring to a child then their own parent taking a physical temper tantrum. My mother wasn’t bad, she just couldn’t handle it sometimes.

I don’t get it, if a slap an adult it is a punishable crime (assualt charges and restraining orders) but it is perfectly ok to hit a child who doesn’t know any better? We have enough violence in the media, they don’t need any more from their parent.

I only have two, but if I hear one more time that I have the perfect family I get flustered. My children are pretty calm, no media violence, and my husband and I are good role models we don’t take adult temper tantrums out on each other or on our children. I really have no complaints about my children. I can’t wait to have another.
 
Dr. Ray Guarendi said it best when he said “children are not expensive, lifestyles are expensive.”
 
I just wanted to say a word or two about St. Gianna. I’ve read the two books that are available on her and from what I gather she had the kind of work arrangement that is not available to most working moms today. She had her own practice, so she set her own hours. She worked quite close to her home, so she could come home in the day to eat if she wanted. She had live-in help and extended family to watch her children, which is quite a bit different from institutional daycare! She also was filling a greatly needed role in her community, that of a doctor. Her life was about service, and she balanced that as best she could. While I believe that a woman’s primary place of work should be at home there are times and places and situations that call for work outside the home. And similarly there are some situations where daycare is necessary, hopefully as a last resort! If we are called to work outside the home as St. Gianna was, may we all be so fortunate as she to have the flexibility and support she had.

LeeAnn
The Hidden Life

P.S. Catherine Doherty, a Russian-Canadian whose cause is being made for beatification, was also a working mother. Her husband was a chronic adulterer and they had one son. Eventually her husband left her and the marriage was annulled. She was never able to care properly for her son because she was working and their relationship was strained. So saintly people can come from imperfect backgrounds as well. Canonization does not imply a perfect life.
 
40.png
pprimeau1976:
Dr. Ray Guarendi said it best when he said “children are not expensive, lifestyles are expensive.”
Click to expand...
BINGO! We have five (soon to be six) kids. I’ve gotten “out” of the Catholic school bill by homeschooling. Our curriculum is all Catholic, we go to mass daily as much as possible, we buy used vehicles, I make alot of our food from scratch, we buy used clothing, hand me downs, no expensive sports, etc.

We live in a nice house, I must say, but it’s one of the smallest in the neighborhood and we definately have the most kids in our neighborhood! Our homeschooling group is full of huge (we are a minority at times) families that are poor LOL but filled with love. I can’t think about college or beyond. I paid for alot of my own college with loans. My kids can do the same. I cannot go against God’s law of NFP b/c of money.
 
40.png
legeorge:
I don’t think you need to shift your priorities as much as your attitude. Why so pessimistic? Let me say that I am a mother of 4 (so far). I stay at home with them. Between my husband’s main job and his second job, we end up with about 2,400 a month in take home pay. We have a house payment for a house that is old, but pretty decent sized with some land. We have 1 car payment (one is a 1993 and paid for, the other is a 1997, bought used). Add up insurance, electric, gas, phone, internet (my husbands 2nd job is online) tuition, etc, and sometimes, I can’t believe we actually eat. But you know what? We do. We never go hungry. We trust in the Lord. Sure, we go through tough times, but somehow, everything always works out. I look at the bills each month and wonder, how will I manage this time? But no matter what, God always sees us through, and we are still standing. A small raise here, an unexpected windfall there, a tragedy, a blessing, a child, a roof, an infestation, a celebration. Life is full of things that cannot be planned or prepared for. There is always something else around the corner. Do not worry so much about money. Do you have love? Do you have faith? Do you trust God? Put him in charge, quit crunching numbers, and follow Him! Do I still worry sometimes? Sure, I am human. But the fact remains that no matter how bleak things may look on paper, we always get along. And I cannot imagine how horribly stressful and unhappy life would be without my children. Imagine having all those money worries without a couple of giggles and "I love you Mommy"s to brighten your days. 😉
Click to expand...
WOW! You took the words and the thoughts right out of my head! I’m a mom of seven with precious number eight due in May. My school-aged children (six of them) all attend Catholic school, I am a stay-at-home mom, we have two vehicles (both paid in full), have a 3500 square ft. home, etc. It was when I stopped ‘crunching numbers’ and surrendered my fertility and my life, my family and my finances to God that we saw the blessings begin to TRULY flow, just like YOU! Most days, I feel like I’m walking on the water to reach Jesus on the shore! Some days, I find myself up to my knees in water before I remember to TRUST and hand over to him all of the trials, joys and little “blessings” 🙂 that he has bestowed on me. Our marriage is wonderful, our faith is strong and I will never truly understand why my prayer to “let me know you God… let me share in your wisdom… use me for your purpose” has resulted in eight children and such overwhelming happiness. I never dreamed that my life could be like this. Have faith, surrender and love the Lord above all things. God bless you all! Kimi
 
40.png
legeorge:
I don’t think you need to shift your priorities as much as your attitude. Why so pessimistic? Let me say that I am a mother of 4 (so far). I stay at home with them. Between my husband’s main job and his second job, we end up with about 2,400 a month in take home pay. We have a house payment for a house that is old, but pretty decent sized with some land. We have 1 car payment (one is a 1993 and paid for, the other is a 1997, bought used). Add up insurance, electric, gas, phone, internet (my husbands 2nd job is online) tuition, etc, and sometimes, I can’t believe we actually eat. But you know what? We do. We never go hungry. We trust in the Lord. Sure, we go through tough times, but somehow, everything always works out. I look at the bills each month and wonder, how will I manage this time? But no matter what, God always sees us through, and we are still standing. A small raise here, an unexpected windfall there, a tragedy, a blessing, a child, a roof, an infestation, a celebration. Life is full of things that cannot be planned or prepared for. There is always something else around the corner. Do not worry so much about money. Do you have love? Do you have faith? Do you trust God? Put him in charge, quit crunching numbers, and follow Him! Do I still worry sometimes? Sure, I am human. But the fact remains that no matter how bleak things may look on paper, we always get along. And I cannot imagine how horribly stressful and unhappy life would be without my children. Imagine having all those money worries without a couple of giggles and "I love you Mommy"s to brighten your days. 😉
Click to expand...
WOW! You took the words and the thoughts right out of my head! I’m a mom of seven with precious number eight due in May. My school-aged children (six of them) all attend Catholic school, I am a stay-at-home mom, we have two vehicles (both paid in full), have a 3500 square ft. home, etc. It was when I stopped ‘crunching numbers’ and surrendered my fertility and my life, my family and my finances to God that we saw the blessings begin to TRULY flow, just like YOU! Most days, I feel like I’m walking on the water to reach Jesus on the shore! Some days, I find myself up to my knees in water before I remember to TRUST and hand over to him all of the trials, joys and little “blessings” 🙂 that he has bestowed on me. Our marriage is wonderful, our faith is strong and I will never truly understand why my prayer to “let me know you God… let me share in your wisdom… use me for your purpose” has resulted in eight children and such overwhelming happiness. I never dreamed that my life could be like this. Have faith, surrender and love the Lord above all things. God bless you all! Kimi
 
40.png
kjbrown39:
WOW! You took the words and the thoughts right out of my head! I’m a mom of seven with precious number eight due in May. My school-aged children (six of them) all attend Catholic school, I am a stay-at-home mom, we have two vehicles (both paid in full), have a 3500 square ft. home, etc. It was when I stopped ‘crunching numbers’ and surrendered my fertility and my life, my family and my finances to God that we saw the blessings begin to TRULY flow, just like YOU! God bless you all! Kimi
Click to expand...
well, you and Legeorge are truly blessed! I am glad that everything is working out so well for you and your families.

I am sure it is not like that for every family though. If we were all meant to have a large family I would think that the Church would not support the use of NFP for preventing pregnancy.

How many children, how much to tithe, and other similar decisions are very personal and need to be made with a lot of prayer. What works for one does not always work for most…and what works for most doesn’t work for some.

As long as the decision is made in full cooperation with your spouse and God, it is a good decision.

Finella
 
My wife and I have 5. At the time I had three (all preschool) I was all for not having any more. My concerns were primarily selfish.

I was a “practicing” catholic who went to church every sunday but stopped praying and listening to God. I was financially stressed, I missed time alone with my wife, I missed freedom to do what I wanted (time and money).

Since that time I have learned to trust God, to pray constantly and be open to whatever comes. I still feel pressure to take protect, provide for and teach my family. But I now do it joyfully and am happier than ever.

My Wife however, has had her difficulties with having 5 kids. She somtimes feels embarrassed (people considering us irresponsible) and she still has difficulty trusting in God to provide.
 
Fenilla, you sound like such a beautiful lady, may God bless you in all things!!

I am one of 9 kids, my husband is one of 10. We have 5 beautiful kids, the oldest is 15 the youngest is 2. I have worked outside the home, as well as being a stay home mother for the past ten years. Life can way you down if you try and keep up with the “Jones”. I find that if you wake up every morning and roll right out of bed and start each day with a prayer thanking God for all of His blessing, you come to realize how much you do have.

I can’t imagine life without one of my little ones. As each one was added to our family I realized that they play such an important part in the family. How wise and wonderful is our God to know that yes, these children are just what we needed. To me NFP means to acknowledge Gods very important part in creation , and in life.

Truly our God is an “Awsome God”.
 
The unmitigated attempt to destroy the family in all areas.
 
Well, I would like to use my parents as an example showing how it can be done. They earn a lower than mid range 5 digit single salery. My dad works at his photography studio. My mom is a stay at home mom. I have 6 brothers and two sisters, all younger than me. I am 16.

This is the large family that everyone is going on about. It has its ups and downs. I go to a public high school. My parents have put aside about $20 US each month per child since birth for university in some kind of savings bond. I will have to work for part of my university years, but I have the resources and know how to make up to approximately $18 US an hour (note that I live in Canada so all dollar values are being approximated). I am in a public highschool but the rest of my family of school going age go to a private catholic highschool that my parents helped found 2 years ago. Before that my mom homeschooled 5 of us.

Both my parents are trained teachers as well as holding other degrees (Music, French and Micro Biology).

That explains what is being done but not how it is so. My parents are careful with their money and living expenses are cheaper here than in the USA. My mom works insanely hard at home, my dad likewise at work. They have gone on one vacation for 2 days with no kids in the past 5 years. They both have had 2 children in diapers for the past 14 years.

And other things. Did I mention that the catholic school is 25 miles away? They drive in every day. My little brother was burned and in the hospital for a month and is in recovery, and other hardships.

This brings up the conclusion. Can is be done: yes. Is it being done much: no. Why not? In most cases: parents won’t get beyond the selfishness and decide outright to do as God wishes. Yes that can be taken as a direct insult, but most times it’s the hardest thing that is the right thing to do.

I view my parents as heroes, and only hope to mirror their zeal in whatever my vocation is.
 
Joseph Duchesne:
I view my parents as heroes, and only hope to mirror their zeal in whatever my vocation is.
Click to expand...
Wow Joseph! You are an incredible 16 year old…

I am speechless. You have a greater grasp on this concept than most people ever will. You are truly blessed to have the family that you do, but they are equally as blessed to have you!

How is your little brother now? I pray for a speedy recovery and for all of you to continue to have the strength to cope with life as well as you do…

your family is an inspiration to me. Thank you.

Finella
 
Joseph Duchesne:
I view my parents as heroes, and only hope to mirror their zeal in whatever my vocation is.
Click to expand...
Wow. Heroes…and saints. They’re definitely doing something right, you sound like a terrific son.
 
I am the grandmother of six grandchildren and two on the way. My daughter and son-in-law will be the proud parents of their sixth child in February 2004, my son and daughter-in-law will be the proud parents of their second child in June 2004.
I’m sorry to see some, if not most, of the answers to the above question is money. That is the answer I believe we are seeing as being unable to cope with larger families. Where do we put our money? Who pays for college?
My daughter home schools, which is not cheep if you do it right, and when birthdays and Christmas come around, she focus’ on the meaning of the celebration, not the gifts exchanged. She directs their time and money into educational things while having fun. And, what could be more fun than celebrating their birth and the birth of Jesus?
My husband of 35 years and I enjoy our grandchildren even more than imagined because they are not greedy about gifts. The biggest gift of all is spending time together as a family.
We could afford just about anything we want to buy them, but again, spending time with family is the best gift of all.
What greater way can one fulfill God’s plan than by having children and raising them in the church?

 
Widespread unemployment and underemployment makes it impossible to have large families.
 
40.png
BobCatholic:
Widespread unemployment and underemployment makes it impossible to have large families.
Click to expand...
Yes, but what ever happened to “God will provide”? I have to admit that we live a somewhat comfortable life but my husband has gotten several pay cuts over the last few years. We totally live paycheck to paycheck. Recently my husband was sick and missed nearly two weeks of work. He only got two sick days so wasn’t paid for the rest. I prayed and it all worked out. Friends from our homeschooling group and family brought over meals and groceries, an unexpected check arrived. It was a small amount but still it got us through. I sold some things to resale shops and online auctions. I think you really have to believe that God will provide for what you NEED not what you might want. That’s been a tough one for me to grasp and my husband isn’t quite there yet but he will be.
 
I don’t think this really matters, but my soon-to-be fiance is Catholic and wants 4 or 5 children. I know personally 3 would be about the most I would want to deal with for financial and mental stability reasons. Call me selfish, but I want a more comfortable life than my parents had when they were raising my sister and I. Plus, I would like to retire before 60 so I can pursue a second career in academia. Just my thoughts.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top