It sounds like you are trying to shape your image of God to conform to your own experiences and intellectual reasoning. You are in fact creating your perception of God in your own image and likeness. In my experience, the more I rationalize and the more I try to approach the existence of God from a more scientific approach, the further away I got from the truth. Jesus said that we should all have the faith of little children. He mentions this many times the New Testament. You want to accept God on your terms. You are fighting a losing battle my friend. We need to accept God on God’s terms as revealed to us in the wisdom of the ages and the simple truths found in the Holy Bible. You are over-thinking the problem here! Simple faith is the answer!
Simple faith is indeed the answer, for simple people.
God gave mankind a number of bibles. The Christian Bible began with the Torah, the more interesting components of which were cribbed from cultures far more advanced than the Hebrews (Greeks, Babylonians, etc.) who may well have cribbed them from the Chinese.
After the early Church assembled its own proprietary Bible, after discarding quite a few interesting but challenging writings, along came the Koran, Ki’tab’I’quan, Book of Mormon, and California. While these writings were being assembled, people in Asia were writing The Book of the Dead and transcribing the teachings of Buddha. Off in China, Confucius was doing his best to advance principles of human behavior.
What all these writings have in common is that they were written by men, evaluated by men, and adopted by men as sacred or revered teachings. Some men have been so arrogant as to claim that their preferred selections of things written by men, were actually inspired by God. (But not the other folks’ preferred selections.) Other men have chosen to believe that the men who said that some men actually transcribed inspired words of God were making that stuff up too.
Wars have been fought (i.e. many people have been killed, butchered, etc.) over whose men were the men who actually transcribed the actual inspired words of God. People have been tortured and murdered for daring to propose that the men who said that other men transcribed the true words of God, made that up.
In the meantime, there existed another Bible which God has also given man. This is an unusual Bible, for its credibility cannot be questioned by nits like me, or by you. It is the only Bible which men of all faiths are required to accept as the word of God.
Curiously, the majority of those who profess to follow this bible are atheists-- Obviously, atheists who have not read or translated all its passages accurately.
Few men accept this bible, because they are not qualified to read it, and do not want to acquire the requisite qualifications. (E.g: the ability to think, critically.) Nonetheless, this is the only Bible certain to have been written by the Creator of the Universe, and not by men.
It is, of course, the physical universe. My God-concept is derived from the best understanding I, and others, have made of God’s only certifiably true Bible. My God-concept has nothing to do with me or my preferences; in fact, I greatly preferred the more comforting God-concept of my childhood.
Finding a God-concept contrary to my own preferences, and contrary to the beliefs of large numbers of the people who’ve bought into other people’s beliefs was neither fun nor easy. I do not take seriously, comments from people who’ve simply adopted the beliefs they were taught.
But I do take seriously the idea that the Creator might occasionally drop some army “volunteer” onto planet earth to attempt to get a few rudimentary teachings into whatever passes for human minds. Jesus Christ might be one. He actually wrote some material especially for you, in Matthew’s “Parable of the Talents.” You may not have recognized it, figuring that you were the 5 talent servant, or at worst the 2-talent guy. Read about the 1-talent servant, and his fate, for your words mirror his behavior.
