What should I do?

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Your mom is probably also feeling ugly, incompetent, and worthless.
Be extra sweet to her now. She needs it.
 
mrajax said:
Thing is, teens at this age and especially with this problem re going to be stressed and may often pull all nighters seeking advice. It’s normal, and it’s also normal for them to feel unnecessary guilt and confusion. I don’t think it is a troll.
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This may be true but my advice stands. He will not get the help he needs for this complex of an issue on the internet and he seems unable or unwilling to talk in depth with his mother or father. His best bet is to connect with his priest and get him involved in his parents problem. He’s being pulled in too many directions by mom, dad and ow.
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I spoke to him an hour ago. What he advised was really lifting; I should love my parents regardless but try and stop him from seeing the ow in order to save both their souls
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If his priest gave him this advise without followup…he should find another priest. I’m not sure what’s so “lifting” about it and saving their souls is his line of work.
 
How should you approach her?

Give instead of take.

Do little things for her, carry the shopping in and put it away. Open the door for her. Compliment her. Be considerate of her and others. Say please and thank you…often. Sometimes say “thank you” just for being such a good mom. Don’t expect cash or rides or similar things. Ask her for them. And thank her for them.Do well in school.

Be the son every mother wishes she had. Be the son you should have been all along, not just now.

Work on your own sense of honour and integrity. Be someone she can be proud of in your own life. Stay away from Facebook, WOW and similar computer games. No drinking, especially binge drinking. NO house parties! At anyone’s house, but especially yours!

Be working towards your future. Have a plan and act on it. Don’t just drift around as if you can stay a 14 year old forever. Be a man and take responsibility for your future. But include her in your plans. Ask her advice, and honestly consider it.

Last thing your mom needs now to to have to worry about where you are headed.

Be everything the Church expects you to be now that you are Catholic.

Not only will this sort of living be good for your mom, it will be good for you.
And moms can only be happy if their children turn out well and are happy.

BTW, I’d be interested in why you “sorta hate your mom”.I’d like to see it from a 16 year olds perspective. That attitude seems to be all the rage with kids these days. I have never been able to figure it out. Why a teenager wants to hurt his parents rather than love them and make them proud. I’ve seen both kinds of kids close up…and the upright, honourable type of teenager are the ones who grow into real men. The others stay stuck in childhood and besides end up flipping hamburgers for a pitiful living, they break their mother’s hearts everyday. And they don’t even care enough about themselves, or their mothers to change.

So I’d like to know what makes a teenager from a good family with parents who love them and are totally supportive, I’d like to know why they so often repay that love with contempt.
 
abelin said:
How should I approach her?
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You can just say, “Mom, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. We’ll get through this. When I can help you and I’m not doing it, let me know.” Then point her to the adults in her life to lean on. When she confides in you, say, “Mom, you deserve better help than I have to give. I’m only 16, and I’m in the middle of this, too. We need someone to talk to who knows the way through a mess like this.” It will be better for her to confide in someone who has real knowledgeable guidance to give her.

It would be a help to say “we’ll get through this” rather than “you’ll get through this.” She needs to know she has some semblance of her family left, that she is not being utterly abandoned and rejected.

If she tries to get you to take sides, other than to agree how moral law applies–this is not her fault and that your father’s adultery has no excuse and deserves no complicity of any kind from you–you need to step back. There is going to be an “afterwards” to this, whether your parents remain married or not, whether they reconcile their friendship or not. What they will not need and especially what you will not need is to have played you as a football between the two of them. Insist that neither one be allowed to do that. Try to get them to get you counseling so you’ll know how to accomplish that bit of diplomacy. You don’t want the failures that come from learning from unnecessary trial and error what someone else could have told you.
 
If I were you I’d confront him and tell him that if he doesn’t tell her that you will.
 
jazzy0710 said:
If I were you I’d confront him and tell him that if he doesn’t tell her that you will.
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The situation is past that. Mom knows there has been infidelity, Mom is devastated, Mom is staying with a friend.
 
abelin said:
Should I just leave her?
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Call her friend and make sure your mom is OK. Talk to your mom, if you can. Let her know that you consider yourselves in this together, because you are. It is your duty to give her the honor and support she deserves as your mother. She gave you life, she brought you up, and although you haven’t been feeling very close to her lately, I don’t think she’s done you any serious wrong. She deserves your support and she deserves to have you support her marriage to your father. (She deserves that just because you are a fellow Catholic, after all!)

You don’t have to micromanage her. She’s the grown-up, you’re still growing up. Just be loyal to her, though.
 
EasterJoy said:
Call her friend and make sure your mom is OK. Talk to your mom, if you can. Let her know that you consider yourselves in this together, because you are. It is your duty to give her the honor and support she deserves as your mother. She gave you life, she brought you up, and although you haven’t been feeling very close to her lately, I don’t think she’s done you any serious wrong. She deserves your support and she deserves to have you support her marriage to your father. (She deserves that just because you are a fellow Catholic, after all!)

You don’t have to micromanage her. She’s the grown-up, you’re still growing up. Just be loyal to her, though.
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I’ll try and keep a close eye on her but it pains me greatly to see her like this
 
abelin said:
Should I just leave her?
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TheRealJulianeWho are you staying with and who is taking care of you?
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My dad and to a degree the ow
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Well, I see your taking the advice your priest gave you. Oh, wait your kinda doing just the opposite.
I should love my parents regardless but try and stop him from seeing the ow in order to save both their souls
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This is what your saying about yourself…
I want to speak to either my priest or paternal auntie but I’m scared… i feel this is against my belief that fidelity is key in marriage…Say my parents were to divorce and she was my step mom. Would it be sinful to love her back if she loved me?..I’m going to confront him!.. I have a coup de grace which I omitted from my op but its a bit perverted … it’s quite a long recording of them kissing in a park and then it cuts to them engaged in fornication wearing what appears to be latex…if he dismisses me ill play it in front of everybody…I know… this is too much for me…How should i react then?..I know he should fix the damage thats done not that im taking sides but what happens to his lover…I love my parents of course that’s a given…Perchance do you think the ow( Susan) actually cares about me…How can I stop my mother’s heart from being broken…It hurts me more to see him so shameless in his conduct…I’m starting to hate him so much…Should I be nicer to her…I kinda hate her…Should I call the police?..Kinda, should i intervene though?..do you think she loves my father?..For some Im growing attached to her…Should i resist these feelings…What next?..Thanks for the realism…How should I approach her…Should I just leave her.
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…

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP
Please get some!
 
Your abandoning your faith, your abandoning your mother and your being seduced by your father’s adulteress. Your not taking your priests advice nor are you taking anyone on CAF’s advice. IMO, this thread has come to a tragic end. There has been some good advice given but for the life of me, I can’t see how this scenario could ever help anyone else. The Moderator should seriously take a look at it. Continuing it will confuse you more then you already are. Fact or fiction, you have my prayers.:gopray2:
 
R1ch4rd said:
Well, I see your taking the advice your priest gave you. Oh, wait your kinda doing just the opposite.This is what your saying about yourself… …

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP
Please get some!
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All I said was the ow is in closer contact with me regardless of my feelings
 
R1ch4rd said:
Your abandoning your faith, your abandoning your mother and your being seduced by your father’s adulteress. Your not taking your priests advice nor are you taking anyone on CAF’s advice.
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I agree with this. I am not even sure what the OP hopes to get out of this thread at this point. Despite the pain that his mother has been caused by his father and the ow, he seems more interested in being with them, more interested in getting along with them and spending time with them. So what is it you need from anyone here? Are you looking for someone here to give you their blessing that it is okay for you to also abandon your mother emotionally and go be with your father? Well it isn’t coming from me.

A feeling, loving son would despise his father for the hurt he has caused his mother. He would want to go live with his mother and make it perfectly clear to his father that he does not approve of his father’s behavior, and tell him he will not be a part of it.

I am sorry that you are forced into this situation, but at 16, you are not so innocent that you don’t know that divorce can and does happen. It is time for you to become a more mature young man and consider your mother in all this. It is something that you seem unable or unwilling to do if you keep asking us if it is okay to love the woman that split up your parents without showing as much regard for your own mother.

If you were my son, it would break my heart if I knew what we know about you from this thread.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I agree with this. I am not even sure what the OP hopes to get out of this thread at this point. Despite the pain that his mother has been caused by his father and the ow, he seems more interested in being with them, more interested in getting along with them and spending time with them. So what is it you need from anyone here? Are you looking for someone here to give you their blessing that it is okay for you to also abandon your mother emotionally and go be with your father? Well it isn’t coming from me.

A feeling, loving son would despise his father for the hurt he has caused his mother. He would want to go live with his mother and make it perfectly clear to his father that he does not approve of his father’s behavior, and tell him he will not be a part of it.

I am sorry that you are forced into this situation, but at 16, you are not so innocent that you don’t know that divorce can and does happen. It is time for you to become a more mature young man and consider your mother in all this. It is something that you seem unable or unwilling to do if you keep asking us if it is okay to love the woman that split up your parents without showing as much regard for your own mother.

If you were my son, it would break my heart if I knew what we know about you from this thread.
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Very well said. And I agree. It’s not coming from me either.
 
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