What should I do?

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abelin said:
I’ve finished speaking to my dad. It was really emotional he broke down in tears and admitted that he had been seeing her but for a much longer period of time than expected around 2 years. His reasons for the affair were that he had always loved her and so couldn’t be without her for much longer otherwise his soul would die. He also stated that if it wasn’t for her his life wouldn’t have been worth living any longer I don’t know if he was lying but his emotions were quite strong
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Yeah, people’s emotions are usually quite strong when they are caught committing adultery 😦 I hope that he plans to get his life straightened out. It’s such a shame–as a Catholic, he has so many sporitual resources available to him to help avoid temptation and make life worth living.

I hope, Abelin, that whatever happens in your family, that you will turn to God and rely on Him in *all *things.
 
St_Francis said:
Yeah, people’s emotions are usually quite strong when they are caught committing adultery 😦 I hope that he plans to get his life straightened out. It’s such a shame–as a Catholic, he has so many sporitual resources available to him to help avoid temptation and make life worth living.

I hope, Abelin, that whatever happens in your family, that you will turn to God and rely on Him in *all *things.
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Thanks and indeed i feel my faith has been strengthened by this largely unpleasant experience.
 
His “feelings” are irrelevant here. He married your mother. He has allowed this dalliance to go on for too long, and he needs to end it. He may be having an emotional outburst to guilt you into taking his side. Don’t fall for it. He is supposed to be a role model to you on how a Good Catholic Husband behaves, and instead he’s doing things that not only hurt your mother, but also hurt you, any siblings you may have, the other woman, any children she might have, as well as her family. If you haven’t already, tell him that if he doesn’t end it, you’ll have to tell your mother. Not out of any desire to HURT your mother, but for your mother’s safety, regarding venereal disease and what not. As well, if your father HAS gotten this woman pregnant, it will negatively impact your family’s finances to provide for the child.
 
mandajane said:
His “feelings” are irrelevant here. He married your mother. He has allowed this dalliance to go on for too long, and he needs to end it. He may be having an emotional outburst to guilt you into taking his side. Don’t fall for it. He is supposed to be a role model to you on how a Good Catholic Husband behaves, and instead he’s doing things that not only hurt your mother, but also hurt you, any siblings you may have, the other woman, any children she might have, as well as her family. If you haven’t already, tell him that if he doesn’t end it, you’ll have to tell your mother. Not out of any desire to HURT your mother, but for your mother’s safety, regarding venereal disease and what not. As well, if your father HAS gotten this woman pregnant, it will negatively impact your family’s finances to provide for the child.
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You think he may be bluffing? His outburst may have been a showing that he did get her pregnant
 
Ok I see, perhaps he was originally just in a friendship with her but it got too far.
 
abelin said:
He’s had an outburst in front of me and his sister surely this mght force him to do so
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Do not ever be moved to pity by the tears of someone caught in a pattern of deceit, except when you are being moved to help them repent and amend their lives. That doesn’t mean that decent people who do something awful never cry, or that your father’s tears were not “real”. It means that if he isn’t resolved to do right by everyone, including you and your mother, then his tears are for himself, not for the person who deserves the sympathy. It does mean that decent people won’t try to keep you from doing the right thing in order to keep their bad actions from having their reasonable consequences. Manipulators who want to keep lying do that, though.

Certainly never be moved by the tears of a liar to keep their bad behavior a secret from those who have a right to know. This unfortunately still applies when the liar is someone you love very much or when the bad behavior is something that never happened, but it is especially true when the person who wants you to keep the secret has a pattern of bad behavior.

Never forget: The victim here is your mom, not your dad! Don’t let Dad try to act otherwise.
 
EasterJoy said:
Do not ever be moved to pity by the tears of someone caught in a pattern of deceit, except when you are being moved to help them repent and amend their lives. That doesn’t mean that decent people who do something awful never cry, or that your father’s tears were not “real”. It means that if he isn’t resolved to do right by everyone, including you and your mother, then his tears are for himself, not for the person who deserves the sympathy. The victim here is your mom, not your dad! It does mean that decent people won’t try to keep you from doing the right thing in order to keep their bad actions from having their reasonable consequences. Manipulators who want to keep lying do that, though.

Certainly never be moved by the tears of a liar to keep their bad behavior a secret from those who have a right to know. This unfortunately still applies when the liar is someone you love very much or when the bad behavior is something that never happened, but it is especially true when the person who wants you to keep the secret has a pattern of bad behavior.
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How should i react then?
 
abelin said:
How should i react then?
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You can have sympathy for him, but do not feel that he has “fate” or your mom to blame. His lover shouldn’t have let this happen, either, but in the end this mess is his doing, he is responsible, and it is his job to clean the mess up and make amends to everyone harmed because of his selfish and self-centered choices. To support him is to support him in making amends. He can be forgiven, IOW, but he must not be excused.

Again:** You mom is the victim here, not your dad and his complicit lover.**
 
The best thing to do is for your dad to sever all contact with the woman.
 
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