What's the big deal with rings?

[BlueEyedLady]

This is not just my experience…this is very common.

I’m sure it is. Truthfully, I’m not sure I could ever date or marry a widower. I also don’t see myself remarrying if my husband died. But, if he did and I did remarry, it would probably have to be to a widower who was head over heels for his first wife.

Regardless, I’m not convinced ring decisions should be made with potential second spouses in mind.

 

[Bookcat]

From the** Rite of Marriage**:

May the Lord bless these rings
which you give to each other
as the sign of your love and fidelity.

The bridegroom places his wife’s ring on her ring finger.

He may say:

(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

The bride places her husband’s ring on his ring finger.

She may say:

(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

• See more at: catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/text-rite-of-marriage-mass.htm#sthash.dqD5alP0.dpuf

It is important from time to time to revisit the rites of marriage…they can help one meditate on ones vocation.

 

[bitterhope]

hah…not always, and in my exploration of support groups for those dating widowers, many times NOT a blessing.

What I’m seeing is that the normalcy the widower accepted as being “good” is explored as “oh my gosh-- it wasn’t good”…which leads to so much pain and and pre-programming, then a reorientation… that becomes a major hurdle for new spouse to get through.

This is not just my experience…this is very common.

Not any more than a person who was divorced or in a long term relationship with anyone else. It’s part of who that person is and how the came to be in the way they are today. If a person is not finding it to be a good thing they should not proceed to the altar with them. Regardless, the marriage existed and impacted that person and worked to shape them into the person they are. They would not be the person the second or whatever number spouse fell in love with and decided to marry if they hadn’t had their past experiences. None of that could or should be erased

 

[bitterhope]

From the** Rite of Marriage**:

May the Lord bless these rings
which you give to each other
as the sign of your love and fidelity.

The bridegroom places his wife’s ring on her ring finger.

He may say:

(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

The bride places her husband’s ring on his ring finger.

She may say:

(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

• See more at: catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/text-rite-of-marriage-mass.htm#sthash.dqD5alP0.dpuf

It is important from time to time to revisit the rites of marriage…they can help one meditate on ones vocation.

Rings are an optional part of the Mass. It is possible to marry in a Catholic Mass without rings.

 

[agapewolf]

Not any more than a person who was divorced or in a long term relationship with anyone else. It’s part of who that person is and how the came to be in the way they are today. If a person is not finding it to be a good thing they should not proceed to the altar with them. Regardless, the marriage existed and impacted that person and worked to shape them into the person they are. They would not be the person the second or whatever number spouse fell in love with and decided to marry if they hadn’t had their past experiences. None of that could or should be erased

Nowhere has it been suggested that it should be erased,

but you are not in line by suggesting that a widower’s baggage would be no more than a divorced man’s, or a simple “long term relatiosship”. That is completely subjective to each individual. I have dated divorced men (annulled)…the stuff I have dealt with in this relationship is unique to anything I have come across in my many years.

And it should NOT be a blanket statement to say all of it is a “blessing”. That was the point.

 

[Bookcat]

Rings are an optional part of the Mass. It is possible to marry in a Catholic Mass without rings.

The rite above answers the question as to why the rings.

Very deep in meaning.

 

[CradleJourney]

I’ve actually come to appreciate that we do not wear our rings everyday. (He doesn’t because of work environment. I don’t because I’m a complete klutz with hand swelling issues - aka it gets loose I take it off, it gets lost / it gets tight I take it off, it gets lost - or else it catches on things.)

Anyway - better all around for us not to wear them day to day. But we do put them on for mass, for those rare times we get to go on a date with each other, and for important family events (graduation, weddings, funerals, etc.). And each time we do, we place the ring on each others hand in a remembrance of our vows (and sneak in a kiss) .

We’re not a particularly romantic couple - but this ritual is one that I really cherish and means more to us than if I wore mine all the time (assuming it’d stay on) and he just put his on when it was safe.

 

[AdamP88]

Rings are an optional part of the Mass. It is possible to marry in a Catholic Mass without rings.

It may be optional. But it can’t be denied that it’s not an important and powerful symbol and sacramental.

It means something to society as well when you remove your wedding ring it tends to signal “available again” or “divorced”. People often look at the ring finger to see someone’s married status.

In my own opinion, I don’t see myself taking my ring off even if it was hurting my finger. I kayak a lot and often get a callous on my hand below the ring finger from my promise(engagement) ring being pressed into my hand by the paddle. I still refuse to remove it. My wedding ring, which will replace that other one soon, is better fitting and more comfortable. But even if it did annoy me, it would be hurtful to my future wife if I decided to just not wear it.

 

[mommy_k]

I just noticed your signature quote. – is your wearing a ring important to your wife?

And then I noticed the other quote in your signature about making your own rules…

Seems like the problem is a conflict between both siggys.

I wear both my rings everyday, plus an anniversary band on my right hand too. Dh wears his ring everyday to work when he is dressed up, but for casual time he doesn’t. He lost his original ring doing weekend things and is afraid he’ll lose it.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

My husband hates wearing his too. I finally gave up pestering him to wear it.

Speaking from a wife’s point of view:

We are very competitive with other women. We like them to know that you are taken and committed so don’t even think about it.

It’s also a personal reminder to the wearer of that same commitment.

It’s not a necessity, but it is very important to us. Please wear it for her sake.

This!

I had to have my wedding ring cut off during my current pregnancy and I hate not having it on even when I’m out with my son, people assume I’m not married.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

And then I noticed the other quote in your signature about making your own rules…

Seems like the problem is a conflict between both siggys.

Pretty much.

I wear both my rings everyday, plus an anniversary band on my right hand too. Dh wears his ring everyday to work when he is dressed up, but for casual time he doesn’t. He lost his original ring doing weekend things and is afraid he’ll lose it.

Well, I myself am worried about losing it too. I’ve lost a great many things in the past, so much so my solution is to carry less things on my person.

 

[EasterJoy]

Happy wife, Happy life.

Or, conversely, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

That’s the thing. It bugs both of us. It bugs me to wear it. It bugs her if I don’t wear it.

I agreed to honestly give it a try, which I have. The reasons given for wearing it aren’t helping much either.

The best I can suggest is to either have it re-sized or to try a different ring.

At the end of the day it is something between the two of us. I was actually curious about what the big deal was.

For example, I’ve never seen my dad with a wedding bands and I don’t even know if he has one. It was never an issue for my folks.

Yes, in the end it is between you and your wife. If you come up with a solution that satisfies both of you, you’re good. When it comes to “what is the big deal,” in the end the only thing that matters is why wearing it is a big deal *to her *and why getting it off is a big deal to you. This is one of those things where you two can come to a decision and not worry about what anyone else thinks. Marriage is all about finding solutions to these little problems together.

As the rule says: Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it is all small stuff. That is an attitude that the two of you come to as a couple. It takes trust, communication, and generosity, but it is well worth it.

I hope you figure out something that you can both live with, whatever that is!

 

[LethalMouse]

Symbolic in more ways than one.

If the ring is soo truly terrible due to your work or sonething that is one issue…

But the general idea that it probably means much to your wife, and if making her happy via a ring minus some odd medical reason on your part is such a cross to bear… you might want to work on the “love your wife as your own flesh” stuff from that big ol’ book.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Rings are an optional part of the Mass. It is possible to marry in a Catholic Mass without rings.

I am unable to find anywhere that says you can be married in a Catholic ceremony without rings. Can you provide a source or link, please?

 

[AdamP88]

I am unable to find anywhere that says you can be married in a Catholic ceremony without rings. Can you provide a source or link, please?

Well, it’s not an essential part of the ceremony. Once the vows are said according to the Church formula then the couple is married. That said, the Blessing of the Rings is included in the Rite of Marriage for Catholics so it seems that it’s assumed that rings will be exchanged.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I am unable to find anywhere that says you can be married in a Catholic ceremony without rings. Can you provide a source or link, please?

bustedhalo.com/questionbox/do-rings-have-to-be-part-of-a-catholic-wedding

I can’t vouch for that site or the author, but according to her bio she’s a catechetical minister. Also, according to the below ‘Ask an Apologist’, couples can be married without a priest or deacon if they can’t access one. I may be stretching this too far but I would think that if all it takes is the solemn promise before god, rings are also not essential.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=887689

 

[AdamP88]

bustedhalo.com/questionbox/do-rings-have-to-be-part-of-a-catholic-wedding

I can’t vouch for that site or the author, but according to her bio she’s a catechetical minister. Also, according to the below ‘Ask an Apologist’, couples can be married without a priest or deacon if they can’t access one. I may be stretching this too far but I would think that if all it takes is the solemn promise before god, rings are also not essential.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=887689

I think she’s right. Some cultures have different symbols of marital status. That said, while rings are not strictly necessary, they are still an important symbol of fidelity and in the West it is generally assumed that the Blessing of the Rings will be part of the ceremony.

 

[HouseArrest]

My DH always has his on. That gives me happiness. It means a lot to me.

That’s really nice!

Not sure if this was said before, but ask your wife what she thinks and act accordingly. Like a previous poster said, maybe you need a different ring. You could have one tattooed on!

 

[RPRPsych]

I think she’s right. Some cultures have different symbols of marital status. That said, while rings are not strictly necessary, they are still an important symbol of fidelity and in the West it is generally assumed that the Blessing of the Rings will be part of the ceremony.

Absolutely correct. Over here, the symbol of fidelity is a gold chain placed by the husband around his wife’s neck. Very nice, and it makes a nice plaything for babies as well once they come along.

 

[AdamP88]

Absolutely correct. Over here, the symbol of fidelity is a gold chain placed by the husband around his wife’s neck. Very nice, and it makes a nice plaything for babies as well once they come along.