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EasterJoy
Guest
The blessing of the rings is included in the liturgy because it is so common that the couple will want to exchange rings. Rings are not required for valid consent, so they’re not required in the marriage ceremony.
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Book_Worm
Guest
I guess I’m in the minority on this one.
I think that self-denial-to-make-your-spouse-happy thing works both ways. I don’t think it’s particularly loving to ask your spouse to do something that they find disagreeable just because it makes you feel better. I view it the same way I do a man who insists that his wife keep her hair long because he likes it even though it makes her life more difficult. It’s one thing to say “I love your long hair,” and quite another to demand that she spend the extra time necessary to maintain long hair or feel unattractive because she thinks long hair is not flattering any longer.
We both began married life with wedding rings. After two or three weeks, DH’s skin began eroding under the ring. He has (for lack of a better word) “webby” fingers. I suggested he take it off at night to let it get completely dry and the skin breathe. That worked, and he never wears his ring at night. That meant that, while he wears his ring more often than not, some days he forgets to put it on. I never really noticed one way or another. In 48.75 years of marriage, he has never given me any reason to doubt his love, fidelity and commitment. (His sanity, occasionally, but not his love.) He knows he’s mine, and I know he is (and I his), so I don’t feel any necessity to make it a point to others. Perhaps because I remember quite vividly the day when I was a child that my uncle lost his ring finger in an industrial accident because the ring caught on the equipment, I know that he wasn’t any less married without the ring (or the ring finger).
I would feel quite selfish to ask him to do something that made him feel physically uncomfortable, all day, every day, just to make me feel better. Just as he can “get used” to wearing a ring, she can “get used” to the idea that wearing a ring is only as important as she wants to make it.
I think that self-denial-to-make-your-spouse-happy thing works both ways. I don’t think it’s particularly loving to ask your spouse to do something that they find disagreeable just because it makes you feel better. I view it the same way I do a man who insists that his wife keep her hair long because he likes it even though it makes her life more difficult. It’s one thing to say “I love your long hair,” and quite another to demand that she spend the extra time necessary to maintain long hair or feel unattractive because she thinks long hair is not flattering any longer.
We both began married life with wedding rings. After two or three weeks, DH’s skin began eroding under the ring. He has (for lack of a better word) “webby” fingers. I suggested he take it off at night to let it get completely dry and the skin breathe. That worked, and he never wears his ring at night. That meant that, while he wears his ring more often than not, some days he forgets to put it on. I never really noticed one way or another. In 48.75 years of marriage, he has never given me any reason to doubt his love, fidelity and commitment. (His sanity, occasionally, but not his love.) He knows he’s mine, and I know he is (and I his), so I don’t feel any necessity to make it a point to others. Perhaps because I remember quite vividly the day when I was a child that my uncle lost his ring finger in an industrial accident because the ring caught on the equipment, I know that he wasn’t any less married without the ring (or the ring finger).
I would feel quite selfish to ask him to do something that made him feel physically uncomfortable, all day, every day, just to make me feel better. Just as he can “get used” to wearing a ring, she can “get used” to the idea that wearing a ring is only as important as she wants to make it.
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Padres1969
Guest
You know, wearing the ring isn’t for some people. My wife hasn’t worn her original wedding ring in years because it had some small diamonds on it that kept getting knocked out (and it doesn’t fit particularly well anymore). I got her a new better fitting band for our 5th anniversary that she wears for special occasions, but day to day she’s just not a jewelry person. I on the other hand have worn my band since the day we were married (other than a short period where I was having a nerve issue and I wore a lighter, and slightly larger, titanium band in it’s place). I like it when my wife wears her band, but I don’t begrudge her not wearing it. I didn’t think I’d ever adjust to having a ring on my finger at first. And some people never do. My wife’s grandparents were married for 71 years and he didn’t wear a ring for the bulk of their marriage. My wife’s father similarly doesn’t wear a ring and they’ve been married for just shy of 50 years. On the other hand my dad’s worn his ring so long that it literally can’t come off as his finger grew around it. My grandparents were the same way. All had/have good marriages by all accounts. My uncle also wore his wedding ring for 2 decades almost religiously… he and my aunt divorced after over 20 years of marriage.
A ring is just a ring, it’s not the sign of a good marriage and it’s absence isn’t the sign of a bad marriage. For some like me it can be a nice reminder of your marriage. For others it’s a strange foreign body stuck on your finger that never feels right. Neither position is “better” than the other.
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Javan
Guest
Agreed.
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Xantippe
Guest
I actually know a guy who had that done.
I believe he was doing a lot of construction work at the time.
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Graceful_Lamb
Guest
Thanks, BEL and all the others that responded to my question.
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Medical_Student
Guest
Wedding bands are a new phenomena in the world. Many Asians have no such tradition. I do not intend to wear a ring once married and do not expect my wife to either. I have never worn any jewelry.
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Irishmom2
Guest
You’d better find out what your future wife expects before you get married.
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truetofaith
Guest
People will think you are living in sin.
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twf
Guest
I literally can’t take mine off. It hasn’t come off for one second since our wedding day over 2 years ago. I don’t say this to boast of my devotion…at this point it is more the fact that I can’t remove it than anything else. (I’m sure if I put my mind to it and applied liberal amounts of lard I might be able to make it happen…).Joe won’t wear his.
Says he’s afraid of losing it.
All I can say is, it hurts my feelings.
I wear HIS ring.
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truetofaith
Guest
When we were married in 1967 men usually didn’t wear a ring. At my job we were advised not to wear rings, because of safety, so I only got a ring for my wife.
A visible ring wouldn’t make me more faithful. We’re married 49 years.
A visible ring wouldn’t make me more faithful. We’re married 49 years.
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
OP here. I’m surprised this thread is still going.
I’m rather surprised at the meaning so many people, mainly women into not wearing a ring. I must say that most of the meaning they attach to it sounds pretty ludicrous and not based on any reality I know.
I’ve decided to wear it sometimes and not wear it sometimes. Frankly, I don’t like wearing rings, sometimes it hurts a bit, and I have a great fear of losing it. There is an awkward feeling when holding things with that hand with the ring plus the worry of scratching, chipping, or otherwise damaging things or the ring.
I’m rather surprised at the meaning so many people, mainly women into not wearing a ring. I must say that most of the meaning they attach to it sounds pretty ludicrous and not based on any reality I know.
I’ve decided to wear it sometimes and not wear it sometimes. Frankly, I don’t like wearing rings, sometimes it hurts a bit, and I have a great fear of losing it. There is an awkward feeling when holding things with that hand with the ring plus the worry of scratching, chipping, or otherwise damaging things or the ring.
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Xantippe
Guest
Speaking of ring injuries, has anybody posted this yet?
Don’t click if squeamish!
cnet.com/news/ring-avulsion-happens-to-people-other-than-jimmy-fallon-and-its-horrifying/
Don’t click if squeamish!
cnet.com/news/ring-avulsion-happens-to-people-other-than-jimmy-fallon-and-its-horrifying/
Try paddling a canoe marathon with a wedding ring on. Yeah, the ring can hurt your pinky but it’s a visible sign of the sacrament you and your wife have entered into. Like a roman collar or a religious habit. If it’s important to your other half, surely it’s better to just man up and wear it. The pain it causes is hardly even a concern.
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pensmama87
Guest
Well, there’s a big mistake right there.
Attachment and reinforcement of a love relationship requires continued recommitment to the relationship. I did read (and maybe even post) on the thread originally, but I can’t remember if someone brought up love languages. No, these aren’t based in logic. There’s nothing at all inherently logical in wearing rings, or buying cards/flowers/chocolates, or holding hands, or even saying the words “I love you.” In a vacuum, they’re all meaningless gestures. But in an attachment relationship, they can have great power.
Humans are symbolic creatures. We put meanings onto things. This has gone on for thousands and thousands of years. The cultural trend right now in the United States is, “married people - men and women - wear wedding rings.” There’s nothing at all essential about the rings or about who wears them, but the fact by itself that it’s the norm does give it some power. If you’re personally not into visible signs, you may think it’s silly or inconvenient, fine, and there’s examples of people who have made that work despite the symbolic norm today, or people from other cultures with different norms.
But I would be very cautious about dismissing people who value that norm. It can be taken to extremes, absolutely (especially the larger and more garish the rings get, though that’s mostly an engagement ring thing.) Really, though, I think it comes down to love languages. A ring is a visible symbol of love, it’s apparent to anyone who sees you wear it, and wearing it gives your spouse assurance that you will see it and think about her even when you’re apart. That desire for assurance is not silly at all.
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Lea101
Guest
Well, there’s a big mistake right there.
Attachment and reinforcement of a love relationship requires continued recommitment to the relationship. I did read (and maybe even post) on the thread originally, but I can’t remember if someone brought up love languages. No, these aren’t based in logic. There’s nothing at all inherently logical in wearing rings, or buying cards/flowers/chocolates, or holding hands, or even saying the words “I love you.” In a vacuum, they’re all meaningless gestures. But in an attachment relationship, they can have great power.
Humans are symbolic creatures. We put meanings onto things. This has gone on for thousands and thousands of years. The cultural trend right now in the United States is, “married people - men and women - wear wedding rings.” There’s nothing at all essential about the rings or about who wears them, but the fact by itself that it’s the norm does give it some power. If you’re personally not into visible signs, you may think it’s silly or inconvenient, fine, and there’s examples of people who have made that work despite the symbolic norm today, or people from other cultures with different norms.
But I would be very cautious about dismissing people who value that norm. It can be taken to extremes, absolutely (especially the larger and more garish the rings get, though that’s mostly an engagement ring thing.) Really, though, I think it comes down to love languages. A ring is a visible symbol of love, it’s apparent to anyone who sees you wear it, and wearing it gives your spouse assurance that you will see it and think about her even when you’re apart. That desire for assurance is not silly at all.
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exnihilo
Guest
I don’t wear my wedding ring on my finger. I hate having things on my fingers. When I have worn it all I do is fiddle with it taking it on and off and twirling it on my finders. I do wear it on the chain I wear around my neck even when I sleep.
My wife did want me to wear the ring. But I think she’s realized I really hate it. Luckily on our honeymoon we ran into another couple where the man didn’t wear a ring.
Rings are a romantic notion heavily promoted by the jewelry business. The idea that your bride needs to have a ring that is worth so many months of work is very influential. It bleeds over into the husband needing to wear a ring to show his love.
My wife did want me to wear the ring. But I think she’s realized I really hate it. Luckily on our honeymoon we ran into another couple where the man didn’t wear a ring.
Rings are a romantic notion heavily promoted by the jewelry business. The idea that your bride needs to have a ring that is worth so many months of work is very influential. It bleeds over into the husband needing to wear a ring to show his love.
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styrgwillidar
Guest
Symbols can be powerful, but at the end of the day they’re just symbols not the actual thing. The menu isn’t the meal.
Divorced and received a declaration of nullity. I still wear my ring, in a way.
When my ex wanted a divorce she stopped wearing her ring. I kept wearing mine—which worried my kids. They were angry at their mom, didn’t think she deserved ‘my loyalty’, and were afraid I was in denial of the situation. I reminded my kids that marriage was more than a promise to another human being, it was a vow before God. I did stop wearing it when the divorce was final out of respect for the kids’ feelings.
Issue became- what to do with the rings, as I had mine and my ex had left her wedding/engagement set behind. I’d been in the Navy and seen divorced guys dispose of them in various ways- sell them, throw them over the side (one guy even getting the navigator to let him know when the water would be deepest), pawn them, give them away. Too much meaning and memory for me to get rid of any of them, but kind of pointless sitting in a drawer.
Mom had pretty much detached herself from the kids, they lived with me and she was content to just visit. Kids had a lot of doubts and uncertainty about parental love.
Mom started living with a guy very shortly after moving out, prior to the divorce being final. Sometime after the divorce was final the kids noticed she and her boyfriend had their ring fingers tatooed. Didn’t go over very well with the kids. (She’s now moved on from that guy…)
So—what to do with the rings that meant so much, with kids feeling insecure? I had all three rings melted down together and made into a new ring with birthstones of my kids mounted in it and an infinity symbol carved on it. I can’t regret my marriage, out of that merger came my children who I will love forever. The kids like seeing it on me, the fact I wear it. I think it makes a nice symbol of my love for them—but it isn’t the action of abiding by the churches teaching as an example for them, staying single and focusing on raising them, making their home someplace they can have their mother visit. Anymore than a wedding ring is actingly lovingly towards a spouse, having their back, being faithful etc.
Divorced and received a declaration of nullity. I still wear my ring, in a way.
When my ex wanted a divorce she stopped wearing her ring. I kept wearing mine—which worried my kids. They were angry at their mom, didn’t think she deserved ‘my loyalty’, and were afraid I was in denial of the situation. I reminded my kids that marriage was more than a promise to another human being, it was a vow before God. I did stop wearing it when the divorce was final out of respect for the kids’ feelings.
Issue became- what to do with the rings, as I had mine and my ex had left her wedding/engagement set behind. I’d been in the Navy and seen divorced guys dispose of them in various ways- sell them, throw them over the side (one guy even getting the navigator to let him know when the water would be deepest), pawn them, give them away. Too much meaning and memory for me to get rid of any of them, but kind of pointless sitting in a drawer.
Mom had pretty much detached herself from the kids, they lived with me and she was content to just visit. Kids had a lot of doubts and uncertainty about parental love.
Mom started living with a guy very shortly after moving out, prior to the divorce being final. Sometime after the divorce was final the kids noticed she and her boyfriend had their ring fingers tatooed. Didn’t go over very well with the kids. (She’s now moved on from that guy…)
So—what to do with the rings that meant so much, with kids feeling insecure? I had all three rings melted down together and made into a new ring with birthstones of my kids mounted in it and an infinity symbol carved on it. I can’t regret my marriage, out of that merger came my children who I will love forever. The kids like seeing it on me, the fact I wear it. I think it makes a nice symbol of my love for them—but it isn’t the action of abiding by the churches teaching as an example for them, staying single and focusing on raising them, making their home someplace they can have their mother visit. Anymore than a wedding ring is actingly lovingly towards a spouse, having their back, being faithful etc.
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Irishmom2
Guest
What a beautiful, powerful symbol you display for your children. Hope they don’t all fight over it someday!
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