When does honesty become gossip?

[PelagiathePenit]

My friend has recently has her breasts augmented. I told a mutual friend about it and she became upset. Part of me is like if she were so secure in her choice to get plastic surgery she wouldn’t care who I tell. Facts are facts. I think she is upset with herself because she has seen how vain she truly is. She accused me of gossip. Sooner or later people will find out and it is clear.
If you’re telling the truth, why do people think it is rude? Like expressing concern for people’s spending habits. I commented on how I noticed my friend rarely received the euçharist. She accused me of being nosy, we attend church regularly. She told me at least I’m not self righteous enough to think I’m worthy of communion.
I thought we are our brother’s keeper. Why do people being honest and correcting others is wrong or being a busybody?

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Discussing someone’s medical procedures, parts of their body that are private should be a no-brainer. Look up the Catholic definition of detraction so as to understand why the scope of gossip isn’t just “private” matters.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Discussing someone’s medical procedures, parts of their body that are private should be a no-brainer. Look up the Catholic definition of detraction so as to understand why the scope of gossip isn’t just “private” matters.

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

 

[Rhubarb]

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[Rosebud77]

My friend has recently has her breasts augmented. I told a mutual friend about it and she became upset. Part of me is like if she were so secure in her choice to get plastic surgery she wouldn’t care who I tell. Facts are facts. I think she is upset with herself because she has seen how vain she truly is. She accused me of gossip. Sooner or later people will find out and it is clear.
If you’re telling the truth, why do people think it is rude? Like expressing concern for people’s spending habits. I commented on how I noticed my friend rarely received the euçharist. She accused me of being nosy, we attend church regularly. She told me at least I’m not self righteous enough to think I’m worthy of communion.
I thought we are our brother’s keeper. Why do people being honest and correcting others is wrong or being a busybody?

OP if you even have to ask that, you have problems. You really do.

Yes it was gossip. It was talking about someone who was not there to approve or to defend herself. It was also betraying something she had shared with you as a friend. She had not broadcast it for all to know.

Not your place to correct like that either. Good brothers would not do that. It is unkind and totally out of order.

I have had that done to me here and it has finished me with that person.

 

[Rosebud77]

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

Nope.

NB how would you like it being done to you? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”?

 

[GratefulFred]

We simply cannot assign ourselves the duty to inform others about someone else’s PRIVATE affairs. It simply is NOT our story to tell.

When I was a kid we had a saying: M Y O B. Mind Your Own Business.

Unless a person gives you specific permission to tell others about that person’s affairs it is NOT your business or duty to tell others.

 

[Lou2U]

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

I think “commenting on people’s behaviour” is gossip. There’s no reason to pass on private information to others and then label their upset as seeing their own vanity. If I were your friend, I would be very upset that you had betrayed my confidence. Perhaps you should consider why you thought it was acceptable to do so.

Lou

 

[spiderweb]

Detraction and Prudence must both be taken into consideration.

 

[Jeanne_S]

OP if you even have to ask that, you have problems. You really do.

Yes it was gossip. It was talking about someone who was not there to approve or to defend herself. It was also betraying something she had shared with you as a friend. She had not broadcast it for all to know.

Not your place to correct like that either. Good brothers would not do that. It is unkind and totally out of order.

I have had that done to me here and it has finished me with that person.

This:thumbsup:

 

[Crusaderbear]

Agree with the MYOB crowd on elective items and issues of a personL nature. When some form of abuse, terrorism, or suspected criminal activity is involved, that is a different story! See something, say something is the rule!

 

[Bruised_Reed]

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” And he said, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

It’s ironic that you used the phrase “brother’s keeper” for this. Cain was trying hide that he killed his brother. You are trying to hide your gossip with being self-righteous.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That’s God’s instruction to parents who have authority over their children, never mind that you do not have authority over friends. This is especially applicable to your comments to your friend about not going to communion. You did anger her when you could have encouraged her.

 

[1ke]

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

Breast augmentation and refraining from communion are not sins.

You have NO business asking someone why they aren’t going to communion on a particular Sunday or any day. The Church requires once per year, during Easter time. The person may have eaten something right before mass and not maintained the fast, they may be conscious of a sin they need to confess, they may find that they are better able to give proper devotion to the Eucharist when they do not receive every time. IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS. They are not doing anything wrong. You, however, are being VERY rude, nosy, and yes gossipy.

Regarding breast augmentation, there can be good reasons and not so good reasons for such an operation. AGAIN, not inherently sinful, and NOT your business. And certainly not your business to tell other people about it.

If you see someone who is ACTUALLY committing a sin and you meet ALL the criteria that should be in place for fraternal correction (see here: newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm) THEN you can PRIVATELY talk to them. And you need to do so out of charity, love for them, not with glee that you are lording it over them.

You cannot and should not spread around to others whatever it is you have discussed privately. That is indeed gossip.

 

[Rosebud77]

Agree with the MYOB crowd on elective items and issues of a personL nature. When some form of abuse, terrorism, or suspected criminal activity is involved, that is a different story! See something, say something is the rule!

Ouch. I was once picking berries on a very secluded and lonely lane that led to a sheltered
ocean inlet. I used to go there a lot and never saw a soul

However, this day my appearing caused a great stir,

There were two cars with men in them and a small boat speeding in with several folk in it. ,…

when they saw me, cell phones came out, the boat turned round and then one of the cars raced past me.

I was… terrified. Had no idea what was going on but there are signs up along all our coasts re drug alert and customs alerts etc. No one knew where I was… I carried on picking berries as if all was well, hands shaking and praying, please if they kill me, tell my family…

All went quiet and I went back to my car. There was still one car hidden in the bushed.

I went to the local post office and asked what to do. NOTHING, the lady said NOTHING.

She was right as my family assured me. They would have had my car number.

 

[1ke]

What purpose did you have for revealing the surgery to a third party?

 

[pianistclare]

I think “commenting on people’s behaviour” is gossip. There’s no reason to pass on private information to others and then label their upset as seeing their own vanity. If I were your friend, I would be very upset that you had betrayed my confidence. Perhaps you should consider why you thought it was acceptable to do so.

Lou

This.

As someone said, this is a problem for you, You often ask these types of things.
The fact that you ask means you get some blowback from doing so.
STOP IT. If people are offended…that is your first clue.

It’s none of your business and soon you will have zero acquaintances, never mind friends.

 

[macstar]

I commented on how I noticed my friend rarely received the euçharist. She accused me of being nosy, we attend church regularly. She told me at least I’m not self righteous enough to think I’m worthy of communion.

You are not her confessor (priest). That is between her and her confessor. Nor are you her pastor or spiritual director.

Proverbs 11:13
One who slanders reveals secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

Proverbs 20:19
A slanderer reveals secrets; so have nothing to do with a babbler!

Considering the other behavior you describe in this post, you’re lucky she still counts you as a friend.

 

[BroIgnatius]

As our brother’s keeper, aren’t we allowed to comment on people’s behavior or call out sin as we see it without being labeled a busybody?

This was not about a sin and even if it was detraction is a GRAVE sin:

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;

• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;

• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved. ~St. Ignatius Loyola

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

2507 Respect for the reputation and honor of persons forbids all detraction and calumny in word or attitude.

And someone not receiving communion does not need correcting as they are doing nothing wrong, which has already been pointed out.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

My friend has recently has her breasts augmented. I told a mutual friend about it and she became upset. Part of me is like if she were so secure in her choice to get plastic surgery she wouldn’t care who I tell. Facts are facts. I think she is upset with herself because she has seen how vain she truly is. She accused me of gossip. Sooner or later people will find out and it is clear.
If you’re telling the truth, why do people think it is rude? Like expressing concern for people’s spending habits. I commented on how I noticed my friend rarely received the euçharist. She accused me of being nosy, we attend church regularly. She told me at least I’m not self righteous enough to think I’m worthy of communion.
I thought we are our brother’s keeper. Why do people being honest and correcting others is wrong or being a busybody?

Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it’s your place to say it–especially not to a third party that has no right/need to know.

Trying to cast the blame on her by saying, “Well, obviously she’s ashamed!” does not excuse what you did. She has a right to privacy and to expect her confidences kept. I doubt she’ll make that mistake with you again.

Would you want your friends broadcasting something you told them in confidence?

And incidentally, your friend doesn’t need correcting, but you do. I believe the saying in your religion is “remove the beam from thine own eye”.

 

[1neophyte]

My friend has recently has her breasts augmented. I told a mutual friend about it and she became upset. Part of me is like if she were so secure in her choice to get plastic surgery she wouldn’t care who I tell. Facts are facts. I think she is upset with herself because she has seen how vain she truly is. She accused me of gossip. Sooner or later people will find out and it is clear.
If you’re telling the truth, why do people think it is rude? Like expressing concern for people’s spending habits. I commented on how I noticed my friend rarely received the euçharist. She accused me of being nosy, we attend church regularly. She told me at least I’m not self righteous enough to think I’m worthy of communion.
I thought we are our brother’s keeper. Why do people being honest and correcting others is wrong or being a busybody?

If you’re going to refer to this person as “my friend”, why do you refuse to treat her like a friend?