When does honesty become gossip?

[e_c]

I thought a good friend or family tells you what you need to hear NOT what you want to hear. Breast implants are a sign of vanity. Why can’t I comment, correct or critique what I see in another person’s life as wrong? Like if someone is gaining weight, cannot parent well, overreacting, acting lazy. We are our brother’s keeper.

We are our brother’s keeper - not our brother’s tabloid.

 

[1ke]

We are our brother’s keeper.

You keep saying that, but you are misusing a phrase found in Genesis 4. There is not any teaching that we are our brother’s keeper. The teaching regarding fraternal correction is much more nuanced than you want it to be, and it seems you are unwilling to read what has been presented to you, talk to your pastor, or heed all the fraternal correction you’ve gotten on this thread.

So, there is another passage that applies here-- it refers to sandals, dust, and the shaking of thereof.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

I don’t see how commenting on someone else’s behavior is judgmental if it is sinful. Families and close friends often have lax boundaries. Isn’t it prideful to think no one should comment or correct you on how you lead your life?

For someone who is so intent on correcting others, you don’t seem to be getting that you yourself are being corrected on how you’re conducting your life. Don’t like it when the shoe’s on the other foot, much?

 

[thequeen]

For someone who is so intent on correcting others, you don’t seem to be getting that you yourself are being corrected on how you’re conducting your life. Don’t like it when the shoe’s on the other foot, much?

I have been observing the same thing.

 

[Jestersage]

Seriously, instead of keep beating the OP down about she can’t see she had committed a sin of detraction, I will keep it simple:

OP, Have you talk with your priest? If not, why?

If you did, and he say the same thing as we did, why did you reject his teaching? Did you then keep looking for another priest, hoping to find an answer to your liking?

Also, IF she did indeed committed a sin of vanity in a mortal manner, which she does not, then the fact that she go to Mass but not receiving Eucharist makes her a better person than many who are unaware of one’s sin, even when pointed out by others. Those that does committed a sin of sacrilege.

 

[mommy_k]

If you are judging others harshly it sometimes points to insecurity and weakness you have with yourself in these matters.

The bible calls it having a splinter in your eye.

Psychology calls it projection.
People who project will not understand or have any type of relief until they address these areas in themselves.It is evident here …and many other threads of late.

Op, you don’t have to understand why things are wrong to do…change these in yourself…read the humilty tips, take the adevice offered and when you practice this, it will become clear.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Should we only say good things about others? Legally revealing the truth is no crime. No one is above criticism. Breast implants to look youthful is vain. Sooner or later others will notice her change. The truth hurts. If you were secure enough in yourself, what others say about you would have little to no bearing on your well being. Should we only say things that are agreeable or make people feel comfortable? People need to address and change their faults. Some faults are more costly than others.
Opinions are neither truth or false. Why would that hurt you?
I may be too harsh or critical or too honest. A person can die from their vanity. Implants are dangerous.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

Should we only say good things about others? Legally revealing the truth is no crime. No one is above criticism. Breast implants to look youthful is vain. Sooner or later others will notice her change. The truth hurts. If you were secure enough in yourself, what others say about you would have little to no bearing on your well being. Should we only say things that are agreeable or make people feel comfortable? People need to address and change their faults. Some faults are more costly than others.
Opinions are neither truth or false. Why would that hurt you?
I may be too harsh or critical or too honest. A person can die from their vanity. Implants are dangerous.

Everything you just posted equally applies to you. You seem to have a vanity about being ‘right’. You refuse to accept the reality that what you did is also subject to criticism. Again, just because it’s not ‘wrong’ to do a thing, doesn’t mean you should do it.

I don’t even know why you started this post. You clearly don’t want to hear anything other than your own smug superiority complex that insist that you alone are correct, and everybody else here is too stupid to get your ‘truth’.

 

[Lou2U]

Should we only say good things about others? Legally revealing the truth is no crime. No one is above criticism. Breast implants to look youthful is vain. Sooner or later others will notice her change. The truth hurts. If you were secure enough in yourself, what others say about you would have little to no bearing on your well being. Should we only say things that are agreeable or make people feel comfortable? People need to address and change their faults. Some faults are more costly than others.
Opinions are neither truth or false. Why would that hurt you?
I may be too harsh or critical or too honest. A person can die from their vanity. Implants are dangerous.

Talk about this with your Priest. I fail to see how these online musings will help you, as you do not seem to be truly seeking an answer.

Lou

 

[AbideWithMe]

People need to address and change their faults.

Yes, you said it. You need to address your own faults.

 

[thequeen]

I don’t think I would have you as a friend or invite you to anything since you would only continually point out my faults unlike you I know that I have quite a few. I think the person you mentioned in your OP would be well advised to get you out of her life and find some friends that will accept her as she is cosmetic surgery and all.

 

[LilyM]

Should we only say good things about others? Legally revealing the truth is no crime. No one is above criticism. Breast implants to look youthful is vain. Sooner or later others will notice her change. The truth hurts. If you were secure enough in yourself, what others say about you would have little to no bearing on your well being. Should we only say things that are agreeable or make people feel comfortable? People need to address and change their faults. Some faults are more costly than others.
Opinions are neither truth or false. Why would that hurt you?
I may be too harsh or critical or too honest. A person can die from their vanity. Implants are dangerous.

Revealing the truth can certainly be illegal. And more importantly immoral. As a lawyer I am bound by client confidentiality - no matter how true or important, there are things clients tell me in confidence that I simply cannot disclose to others. And I would be disbarred if I did so.

What if your friend has had breast cancer and was too upset by it to divulge to you - and THAT was the real reason for her implants? I know cancer sufferers, some have a hard time talking about it.

Facts are either true or false. Opinions are neither. They are like elbows - everyone has them. On matters such as what constitutes vanity yours are no more valuable than anyone else’s, which is why you DON’T have some sort of God-given right to open your mouth about topics that are none of your business.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Revealing the truth can certainly be illegal. And more importantly immoral. As a lawyer I am bound by client confidentiality - no matter how true or important, there are things clients tell me in confidence that I simply cannot disclose to others. And I would be disbarred if I did so.

What if your friend has had breast cancer and was too upset by it to divulge to you - and THAT was the real reason for her implants? I know cancer sufferers, some have a hard time talking about it.

Facts are either true or false. Opinions are neither. They are like elbows - everyone has them. On matters such as what constitutes vanity yours are no more valuable than anyone else’s, which is why you DON’T have some sort of God-given right to open your mouth about topics that are none of your business.

There has to be a way to correct other people’s sins without seeming intrusive or rude. I know my friend. In all honesty, her breast implants are evidence of her vanity. Shouldn’t friends freely express their opinions freely without it turning into shaming? As much as I have pride.
Isn’t it prideful to ignore opinions that you don’t want to hear?
The truth is the truth. Just because it is not packaged perfectly, does not mean you should evade it.
If my opinions bother people, why not challenge me back or defend yourself? Why sulk, ignore or cut me off, isn’t that a sign of immaturity?
I don’t know why people are so touchy these days.
I think people are often forgetting the big pictures.
Getting implants is not helping her to go to heaven.
Me calling her out on her sin is helping her go to heaven. I’m showing disapproval for vanity. Ultimately, she knows within herself that she is superficial.
I may not be the kindest person but at least I’m honest and I’m right.
What is next? Streamlining her nose, removing ribs?
We all need someone in our lives that are willing to say what others won’t or lack the courage to.

 

[Lou2U]

There has to be a way to correct other people’s sins without seeming intrusive or rude. I know my friend. In all honesty, her breast implants are evidence of her vanity. Shouldn’t friends freely express their opinions freely without it turning into shaming? As much as I have pride.
Isn’t it prideful to ignore opinions that you don’t want to hear?
The truth is the truth. Just because it is not packaged perfectly, does not mean you should evade it.
If my opinions bother people, why not challenge me back or defend yourself? Why sulk, ignore or cut me off, isn’t that a sign of immaturity?
I don’t know why people are so touchy these days.
I think people are often forgetting the big pictures.
Getting implants is not helping her to go to heaven.
Me calling her out on her sin is helping her go to heaven. I’m showing disapproval for vanity. Ultimately, she knows within herself that she is superficial.
I may not be the kindest person but at least I’m honest and I’m right.
What is next? Streamlining her nose, removing ribs?
We all need someone in our lives that are willing to say what others won’t or lack the courage to.

People do not dance to the beat of your drum.

Speak to your Priest. It is obvious that CAF cannot help you.

Lou

 

[PelagiathePenit]

People do not dance to the beat of your drum.

Speak to your Priest. It is obvious that CAF cannot help you.

Lou

I have read responses I understand your perspective or at least I think do. Part of me feels people are honestly too sensitive. You are responsible for your thoughts, emotions, choices, etc. I think the truth is often not spoken to spare people’s feelings. Things are what they are no matter what you feel. People should mature and move past their feelings to hear the message. Why is nuance so important to some people?
A good friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.

 

[Lou2U]

I have read responses I understand your perspective or at least I think do. Part of me feels people are honestly too sensitive. You are responsible for your thoughts, emotions, choices, etc. I think the truth is often not spoken to spare people’s feelings. Things are what they are no matter what you feel. People should mature and move past their feelings to hear the message. Why is nuance so important to some people?
A good friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.

Talk to your Priest. He can help you with this more than any of us on CAF.

Lou

 

[Bruised_Reed]

OP, what you appear to want is to use the Catholic faith or teaching to bully others. Stay in your lane. Talk to your priest. When you are perfect come back and we’ll talk.

 

[TheLeastofThese]

Breast augmentation and refraining from communion are not sins.

You have NO business asking someone why they aren’t going to communion on a particular Sunday or any day. The Church requires once per year, during Easter time. The person may have eaten something right before mass and not maintained the fast, they may be conscious of a sin they need to confess, they may find that they are better able to give proper devotion to the Eucharist when they do not receive every time. IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS. They are not doing anything wrong. You, however, are being VERY rude, nosy, and yes gossipy.

Regarding breast augmentation, there can be good reasons and not so good reasons for such an operation. AGAIN, not inherently sinful, and NOT your business. And certainly not your business to tell other people about it.

If you see someone who is ACTUALLY committing a sin and you meet ALL the criteria that should be in place for fraternal correction (see here: newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm) THEN you can PRIVATELY talk to them. And you need to do so out of charity, love for them, not with glee that you are lording it over them.

You cannot and should not spread around to others whatever it is you have discussed privately. That is indeed gossip.

What 1ke said!!!

 

[LilyM]

There has to be a way to correct other people’s sins without seeming intrusive or rude. I know my friend. In all honesty, her breast implants are evidence of her vanity. Shouldn’t friends freely express their opinions freely without it turning into shaming? As much as I have pride.
Isn’t it prideful to ignore opinions that you don’t want to hear?
The truth is the truth. Just because it is not packaged perfectly, does not mean you should evade it.
If my opinions bother people, why not challenge me back or defend yourself? Why sulk, ignore or cut me off, isn’t that a sign of immaturity?
I don’t know why people are so touchy these days.
I think people are often forgetting the big pictures.
Getting implants is not helping her to go to heaven.
Me calling her out on her sin is helping her go to heaven. I’m showing disapproval for vanity. Ultimately, she knows within herself that she is superficial.
I may not be the kindest person but at least I’m honest and I’m right.
What is next? Streamlining her nose, removing ribs?
We all need someone in our lives that are willing to say what others won’t or lack the courage to.

Correct people by being a good example and showing encouragement and support and consideration and kindness rather than carping on their faults.

In this day and age, every bar stool, tabloid, tv screen and corner of social media is filled with vitriol and criticism. An attitude like yours can be found in so many places. It’s the very last thing the world needs more of.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

I have read responses I understand your perspective or at least I think do. Part of me feels people are honestly too sensitive. You are responsible for your thoughts, emotions, choices, etc. I think the truth is often not spoken to spare people’s feelings. Things are what they are no matter what you feel. People should mature and move past their feelings to hear the message. Why is nuance so important to some people?
A good friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.

This entire response can be summed up in the question that you’re really asking : " Why can’t I be a jerk to my friends ?"