When is the best age for a child to know about LGBT issues?

[Rau]

My 14 y.o. son’s well check is in less than two weeks. If this thread is still going, I will post back.

Is it standard practice (where you are) to get a medical exam for a 14 yo who is not unwell at the time?

 

[1990Domer]

And this is why we’re homeschooling if our very traditional, conservative parochial school doesn’t offer us financial aid.

We’re right there with you!

 

[1990Domer]

I don’t know exactly what you mean by shunned but this question assumes that the parents are the only ones that “hold the cards” in a two-way relationship and that isn’t the case in any relationship I have ever been in my entire life!

I have family members that belong to the LGBT community and we attempted what we thought was middle ground in the relationship and we wound up as the ones shunned if you want to use that word. The LGBT individuals were cross-dressing, and had other LGBT friends that had same-sex-partners that were openly affectionate with one another, and that dressed very scantily at a family party this is their right it wasn’t my home. Because of this situation, we decided it would not be prudent to bring our young children to the gathering. (we had four children at the time were all under the age of 9 years old.) I didn’t make a huge production out of this, I simply bowed out quietly, or I tried to but the LGBT family member was pushy and started calling me prejudice.

Oddly enough, this had nothing to do with me. Actually, I always liked this family member and their friends. I called them, I still sent them Christmas cards they were doing absolutely nothing to me I have nothing against them, no reason to shun them.

This was 100% a **parenting decision **as our children were not ready to learn about that yet.

So there you go: that was my experience, there was no coming together to try and find a place of comfort for all involved. I had to have my children accept and embrace their lifestyle 100% OR ELSE and this is what I have heard from other families and friends too. *I was *never asked about my children, what their concerns might be, if they had questions, nothing, just that I better bring them so what if two men in dresses kiss each other I was a jerk that’s it.

This was our same experience. We also received friction from in-laws over our stance. So, we became the black sheep.

 

[GEddie]

Is it standard practice (where you are) to get a medical exam for a 14 yo who is not unwell at the time?

In some places/states, such is the practice at the return to school in the fall, or for entry into competitive athletics.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Jack_Common]

Let’s be reminded about church teaching regarding gay people, which the media does champion as a “rights” issue, specifically as it regards sexual expression.

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20030731_homosexual-unions_en.html

I’m not sure why you have referred me to that document, Ed. It says that “clear and emphatic” opposition to “gay rights” is a duty.

Marriage is not just any union, and LGBT persons should be respected as persons, but our compassion should be tempered with understanding.

Ed

Of course, we should be compassionate and understanding. But it betrays a lack of compassion, and certainly a lack of understanding, to pretend that homosexual acts are not contrary to human nature, profoundly evil, and offensive to God. We should not in the slightest concede the idea that “homosexuality” is an “orientation” that is as legitimate as “heterosexuality”, rather, we must be emphatic in declaring that it is a perversion of sexuality, harmful to those who practice it and to society as a whole.

 

[Rau]

I’m not sure why you have referred me to that document, Ed. It says that “clear and emphatic” opposition to “gay rights” is a duty.

No it doesn’t. It does not mention “gay rights”. It says: * "In those situations where homosexual unions have been legally recognized or have been given the legal status and rights belonging to marriage, clear and emphatic opposition is a duty. "*

 

[pensmama87]

In some places/states, such is the practice at the return to school in the fall, or for entry into competitive athletics.

ICXC NIKA

Yes, “sports physicals” are very common this time of year, but there’s also just annual “well visits.” Even adults are supposed to do them and many insurance plans will cover one per year. Never mind that I haven’t had one in about almost five years… (though in my case most of it gets checked out as part of prenatal and postpartum care anyway. )

 

[mommy_k]

When are you planning to (or have already) “talked to” your kids about plain old sexuality?

How would you teach them about alternate sexualities if they’re not yet introduced to the genuine article?

ICXC NIKA

This talk does not involve deep details as it is started young for us…
We teach modesty and purity in dress, speech thoughts and actions at a young age.and it is ongoing.

When this is brought up, it is that as Catholics we do not believe in boys dating boys andd girls dating girls and marrying each other. Kids know that marriage is…before sex…

They know too that as Catholics sometimes we do not act or beleve in what alot of others do in actions speech and behavior…however because we are Catholic, and because God loves all of us , and we are to be kind in our speech and actions. Nevertheless, if a situation or person makes them incomfortable, to please let me know and I will take care of it.

I would never allow immodest displays of affection be OK for the kids to witness in our home and if it is on tv, or media, they have already been taught custody of the eyes.

When the children are very young we tell them to pretend the Blessed Mother is next to them at all times and do things that make her happy, and it is not easy. But this is how God wants them to be protected.

 

[EasterJoy]

Is it standard practice (where you are) to get a medical exam for a 14 yo who is not unwell at the time?

They wind up in the doctor’s office about every two years for sports physicals, if nothing else. I think whether it is “standard” or not depends on the interval for wellness checks that one’s insurance allows.

 

[mommy_k]

Parents have the right to discern what is best to do for their children.

p.s. off topic: as far as your son goes, for his physical please check the laws in the state that you live in is your husband going to the exam? I would guess you will be asked to leave the room for sure as his mom at age 14 I know I was for my boys but dad’s can stay.

Monicad, can you provide a link to the information regarding the illegality of parents staying in the exam room? I searched and cannot find info.

I also found this where it is recommended but not illegal to stay so I am confused. I only step out for a second during testicular exam which is also in this article.

themominmemd.com/

Thanks.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

When I was a teenager if there were one of my uncles going to an event dressed as a woman with his other cross-dressing “date”; my dad would have refused to bring us kids to the event and no one would have said a word to him.

Now we have many families here on a Catholic forum questioning whether or not it is even morally acceptable to keep their young children from such an event can you imagine?

Parents have the right to discern what is best to do for their children.

I hope you are not referring to me because I am not questioning whether it’s morally acceptable to keep young children from witnessing public acts of sexual deviance.

But, the tendency of many posters to assume that anyone who identifies as LGBT must be marching in lockstep with the “gay agenda” and are a danger to children, seems to ignore those who may have SSA tendencies and even identify as LGBT, but actually also try to follow Church teaching.

While no one has actually said it, I do get a vibe that many here think that if it was actually possible to keep kids ignorant of SSA forever, that would be the ideal.

The problem with that attitude is that some of those kids are actually going to have SSA themselves. As DarkLight’s testimony shows. If the primary message they get from their parents about SSA is that it’s some deep dark secret that should be kept as hidden as possible, then I doubt they would be comfortable actually going to the parents to discuss SSA. And they may eventually wind up running to the LGBT community and never getting a chance to actually deal with SSA in a moral way.

Maybe you think such kids are rare enough that it’s okay to sacrifice their well-being to protect the majority of kids who don’t have any SSA tendencies. But I doubt that, say, Pope Francis would agree.

ETA: Note that if kids don’t have SSA themselves, then the primary threat LGBT people pose to them, is that they would come to believe same-sex activity is acceptable, but they would not be engaged in such activities themselves, and the last I checked having a false belief is not a sin and of itself.

For kids who do have SSA, then obviously LGBT people do pose a threat in persuading them to actually engage in the acts themselves. But if parents send a message that “gays are icky and I don’t want to talk about them” to such kids, then are they really going to come to the parents with their own struggles? And if they can’t come to the parents, then where will they go? It’s very likely they’ll reach out to people who do NOT share the parents’ beliefs. Seems an overly hush-hush attitude could actually wind up backfiring.

 

[signit]

While no one has actually said it, I do get a vibe that many here think that if it was actually possible to keep kids ignorant of SSA forever, that would be the ideal.

The problem with that attitude is that some of those kids are actually going to have SSA themselves. As DarkLight’s testimony shows. If the primary message they get from their parents about SSA is that it’s some deep dark secret that should be kept as hidden as possible, then I doubt they would be comfortable actually going to the parents to discuss SSA. And they may eventually wind up running to the LGBT community and never getting a chance to actually deal with SSA in a moral way.

This all remains me of a discussion in the fraternities thread about alcohol and young people in college away from home for the first time in their lives.

Obviously, you can’t pretend alcohol is a “deep dark secret”; sooner or later your kids are going to come into contact with people who use it. Similarly, sooner or later they’ll meet, for example, a co-worker with SSA The best solution might be to meet the matter head on, e.g., “This is what some people believe . . . we’re Catholics; we believe this . . . .”

 

[PhiloMed]

Is it standard practice (where you are) to get a medical exam for a 14 yo who is not unwell at the time?

In the US, yes. Children generally see a pediatrician for a yearly well check at least through age 18 and often through college age.

 

[1990Domer]

Is it standard practice (where you are) to get a medical exam for a 14 yo who is not unwell at the time?

I asked the same question and was told yes because our school require it.

 

[1990Domer]

I am sorry this happened to you I know it is painful

Yes the world has changed and is continuing to change. When I was a teenager if there were one of my uncles going to an event dressed as a woman with his other cross-dressing “date”; my dad would have refused to bring us kids to the event and no one would have said a word to him.

Now we have many families here on a Catholic forum questioning whether or not it is even morally acceptable to keep their young children from such an event can you imagine?

Parents have the right to discern what is best to do for their children.

p.s. off topic: as far as your son goes, for his physical please check the laws in the state that you live in is your husband going to the exam? I would guess you will be asked to leave the room for sure as his mom at age 14 I know I was for my boys but dad’s can stay.

No, I am taking him. I forgot that rules change at 14 (ugh). I’ll step outside the room then go back in. Thank you for the heads-up. And he is not getting that nasty Garasil shot! (This says more about the company that makes it than the shot itself.)

 

[pensmama87]

I hope you are not referring to me because I am not questioning whether it’s morally acceptable to keep young children from witnessing public acts of sexual deviance.

But, the tendency of many posters to assume that anyone who identifies as LGBT must be marching in lockstep with the “gay agenda” and are a danger to children, seems to ignore those who may have SSA tendencies and even identify as LGBT, but actually also try to follow Church teaching.

While no one has actually said it, I do get a vibe that many here think that if it was actually possible to keep kids ignorant of SSA forever, that would be the ideal.

The problem with that attitude is that some of those kids are actually going to have SSA themselves. As DarkLight’s testimony shows. If the primary message they get from their parents about SSA is that it’s some deep dark secret that should be kept as hidden as possible, then I doubt they would be comfortable actually going to the parents to discuss SSA. And they may eventually wind up running to the LGBT community and never getting a chance to actually deal with SSA in a moral way.

Maybe you think such kids are rare enough that it’s okay to sacrifice their well-being to protect the majority of kids who don’t have any SSA tendencies. But I doubt that, say, Pope Francis would agree.

ETA: Note that if kids don’t have SSA themselves, then the primary threat LGBT people pose to them, is that they would come to believe same-sex activity is acceptable, but they would not be engaged in such activities themselves, and the last I checked having a false belief is not a sin and of itself.

For kids who do have SSA, then obviously LGBT people do pose a threat in persuading them to actually engage in the acts themselves. But if parents send a message that “gays are icky and I don’t want to talk about them” to such kids, then are they really going to come to the parents with their own struggles? And if they can’t come to the parents, then where will they go? It’s very likely they’ll reach out to people who do NOT share the parents’ beliefs. Seems an overly hush-hush attitude could actually wind up backfiring.

Frankly, this is incredibly rude.

“I asked for your opinion, but I didn’t get the responses I thought I’d get, but based on scanty evidence and a few posts out of many I’ll continue my general opinion that you are all secretly nasty, prejudiced, stupid people who keep your heads in the sand and aren’t ready to handle the trials of the real world.”

I hope this isn’t what you mean, because as I read it this is what I hear you say.

You’ll do much better responding to specifics and using what people actually say, rather than inventing things they did not say and responding to that (and then assuming, again, that we are a monolithic group.)

One could get the opinion that you’re not asking these questions in good faith, but as an excuse to bash practicing Christians.

 

[PhiloMed]

To answer the original question of the thread, I think that she will vary based on the maturity of the child and that family’s environment.

What you don’t want is “everyone else” filling in the blanks for a child before you get a chance to set some groundwork for what your family believes. This will be different for a family living in NYC or LA compared to a family living in rural Mississippi or Utah. What children will be exposed to wil vary.

I have a niece who is almost 15 and has a grandmother who is lesbian. She lives with her partner. My niece still doesn’t “know” what this arrangement is and that is the preference of her parents. She is a very immature young girl and is emotionally about 12 or 13 and maybe this is about all she can handle right now.

 

[edwest2]

This all remains me of a discussion in the fraternities thread about alcohol and young people in college away from home for the first time in their lives.

Obviously, you can’t pretend alcohol is a “deep dark secret”; sooner or later your kids are going to come into contact with people who use it. Similarly, sooner or later they’ll meet, for example, a co-worker with SSA The best solution might be to meet the matter head on, e.g., “This is what some people believe . . . we’re Catholics; we believe this . . . .”

That’s been my experience. But parents should be concernned about the aggressive promotion of LGBT persons in the media, especially in “entertainment.” LGBT characters are just there as if they’ve been there all along. A male character has a husband. A female character has a wife. These are very recent developments that occur as if TV and Movie Producers think no one will notice, but people do notice.

Normalizing LGBT behavior through entertainment, including cartoons, is social engineering. It is psychological warfare. And what’s happening in schools?

abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=1230620

And it’s not slowing down.

amazon.com/Beyond-Diversity-Day-Curriculum-Sexualities/dp/074252034X

Parents aren’t even told what their kids are being taught. Again, with this sense of “What’s the big deal?” “It’s not a parental notification issue.”

Ed

 

[AClaire11]

Honestly, I’m starting to regret making that other thread. No, I do not think LGBT people should be shunned. I just object being forced to affirm their lifestyles lest I be branded a bigot. Do I wish we lived in a world not broken by sin where these lifestyles are treated as perfectly normal by doctors and teachers? Yes, but we do not live there, so obviously I will address the issue with my own children while making sure they treat ALL people with Christian love and charity. If my family member chooses not to associate with us because of what we teach our children, I’ll be sad, but it will be HER choice.

Also, I should clarify that this is only one factor of our decision to homeschool or use the parochial school. We can’t afford a decent school district around here and even the good ones aren’t developmentally appropriate. E.g., recess is only 20 minutes for kindergarten on up, and that time includes transitional time and bathroom time. I am well aware that we cannot and should not keep our children in a bubble. I just wish sexual topics were left to the parents to discuss with their children, apart from what is medically necessary for doctors to know.

I don’t know what age is best for discussing these topics. I think maybe middle school is the time for a more “in-depth” discussion, since that’s when most people really start becoming interested in the opposite sex beyond playground crushes. I learned about homosexuality in elementary school after someone used “gay” as an insult and I asked my mom what it meant. I didn’t (knowingly) meet any gay people until high school, and I’ve still never met a trans person.

ETA: I agree it depends on where you live and what your school teaches. The schools in our area, I believe, start talking about “different kinds of families” in kindergarten. So if that includes homosexual partnerships, then you might need to have that discussion earlier if your child’s school does something similar.

 

[GEddie]

In the US, yes. Children generally see a pediatrician for a yearly well check at least through age 18 and often through college age.

I don’t think pediatricians take people over 18 here, although at the age of 18, they’d do the collegiate entry physical.

ICXC NIKA