I think a monster factor is black fatherhood. In Mississippi, 4 of 5 black babies are born to unwed women. That kid isn’t going to have the solid launch pad I had growing up. It’ll have fewer chances for success and the margin for shocks and error will be much less generous than the one I enjoyed.
I agree with this.
But one of the problems is that many women, especially black women, insist that “I don’t need a man! I can do it myself!”
This feminist mantra certainly inspires women to take steps to become more knowledgeable about matters that in the past, have been done by their husbands; e.g., get a job and earn money, manage money and investments, do the taxes, pay bills, do simple home repairs, purchase and maintain a car, etc.
I will admit–and I’m ashamed of it–that I rely HEAVILY on my husband for all of these things other than working in my job. When something in the house breaks, I call for him! I’ve never been good with my hands (other than on the piano!), and I generally have no clue about how to fix anything.
I think that this is definitely changing. Both my daughters are very handy, take care of their money and cars (my married daughter is in charge of family finances in her home, and generally are able to live independently without needing a man to do much of the “heavy lifting.”
HOWEVER…I think many black women have taken this mantra to a different level, by choosing to bear children and NOT invite the man into the childrearing or homemaking. Almost every black woman I work with is a single mother, and most of them work in hospital jobs that do NOT pay a wage that pays all their expenses–they are forced to rely on various government and private programs to make ends meet.
Also, most black women that I know do NOT consider pursuing a legal route to collecting child support money from the father(s) of their children.
It’s not that they are ignorant about these things. They are just determinied to do it on their own, without a “man.” Many black women with children live with other black women and children, which is a good thing for everyone, but it means that the children grow up without a constant male influence by the choice of the mother. What kind of society does this create?
I will not participate in charities that encourage a black woman with children to not include the father of the children in their lives.
Finally, years ago, I heard a wonderful speaker (can’t remember which one), say that the best way a woman of any color can get out of poverty is to get married. Statistically, the poorest people in the United States are single women, and the next-poorest people in the U.S. are minor children of single women.
Obviously, getting married can be a tragedy if the husband is an addict, criminal, abuser, or generally a bounder. But if a good man is available, that could make a real difference for many women and their children.
