If it didn’t happen multiple times even after hanging out with someone several times, I would give the guy the benefit of the doubt. When it happens multiple times, it signals a disinterested carelessness. One particular guy is very vocal about his beliefs on facebook and espouses this Catholic manhood persona on his facebook has been downright rude. I’ve seen him in several settings but he has never extended the courtesy of saying hello.
Maybe they just aren’t interested in you? When I was in college people would request you on Facebook just to snoop. Guys and girls. Also, I would be very social at parties, but when I was headed to class or whatever I was focused on the things I needed to get done. Unless someone stopped me, I wouldn’t even notice close sorority sisters. Guys can be the same way.
Okay, these are not effective ways of communicating romance. I’m talking about a bar fly who comes up to girl, raises his eyebrows a few times and says “come here often?”.
As I said, a lot of men have difficultly because they may think that being a good, devoted Catholic will attract a good Catholic woman and that is all they need to do. There needs to be more than that.I would think these traditional men are well-versed in the art of courtship
I agree. In order for this thread to be helpful, it needs to be more than just complaining about a group of people.
And I’m actually not interested in the particular guys I’m referring too–that really isn’t the point I was making. The point I was making is they generally only seem to be interested in a certain type of woman who they pre-determine meets their stringent mental checklist. And by the way–doesn’t the Church teach us that we’re supposed to be open to everyone? Maybe my folly is that I expect people to be cordial?Maybe they just aren’t interested in you? When I was in college people would request you on Facebook just to snoop. Guys and girls. Also, I would be very social at parties, but when I was headed to class or whatever I was focused on the things I needed to get done. Unless someone stopped me, I wouldn’t even notice close sorority sisters. Guys can be the same way.
No–I am definitely interested meeting a guy who practices his faith! However, I personally feel that there is a disconnect between the traditional leaning men and reality. Again, I’m not discounting the shy men–and they are pretty easy to spot. I’m taking about the more brash, macho, traditional Catholic who doesn’t think most women are quite good enough. It may be a regional thing where I am (but I suspect it isn’t, again based on online dating. . .), but I have never seen so many disinterested traditional Catholic men before.
It’s not impossible that some percentage of those aren’t actually heterosexual.
You make a point to say that you aren’t interested in them, then say that the church says we should be open to everyone…OK.And I’m actually not interested in the particular guys I’m referring too–that really isn’t the point I was making. The point I was making is they generally only seem to be interested in a certain type of woman who they pre-determine meets their stringent mental checklist. And by the way–doesn’t the Church teach us that we’re supposed to be open to everyone? Maybe my folly is that I expect people to be cordial?
Yes, what I said made perfect sense: NOT being romantically interested in a person doesn’t preclude being cordial. You seemed to imply that “maybe they aren’t interested in you” as a good reason for their lack of being charitable.
I have read through all your posts a few times. I get the sense you had or still experience some negative, internal response to the behavior you encountered; maybe both emotional and intellectual. What specifically concerning the behavior you reference is really bothering you? Is some of your response simply a frustration at not having married yet?
If you see someone and and feel the need to speak to the person, walk up and say, “Hey!” I don’t see the big deal. Don’t get your feelings hurt because they didn’t speak to you. If you do say hey and they look at you weird and say nothing, then yeah they are rude. Dust off your shoulders and move on with life. I was a popular kid in high school and college. I would have been late to every class if I spoke to everyone I met or was Facebook friends with.
I lived in the South all my life (25 years). Never was I called doll baby or sugar.
Really? I’ve been called “sugah”I lived in the South all my life (25 years). Never was I called doll baby or sugar.
I’ve been called darlin’, honey, sweetie, baby, sweetheart, baby girl, and child*.I’ve been called all of the above when I lived in the Midwest.Really? I’ve been called “sugah”
*Some southerners use “child” as a term of endearment. In a sentence: Come on in child, you thirsty?
I’ve heard adults called child by people. Lol.
Spot on. And in all honesty…some southerners just dont like yankees.Especially the rednecks ( I use that term affectionately because my family is loaded with them) It does’t matter how friendly or smart or dumb a person it.Hmmm, depends on your definition of “traditional.”
If by “traditional” you mean traditional Catholic men who are closely associated with the Tridentine Mass, the answer is different–let me know and I’ll answer that question. I assume you mean more Southern guys in general, though.
I moved to the South when I was 18. I actually had to have a manager sit down and explain this to me because I honestly didn’t understand it. Yankee (I use the term fondly) customs are different.
It’s not the intelligence or the career. There’s a tradition here of women being charming, friendly, and bubbly, at least by yankee standards. Yankee introverts like yours’ truly ahem have an even harder time with this.
In my normal interactions, I was polite–almost too formally so by Southern standards–but I didn’t smile very often or very warmly. Why? Because the way I had been brought up was to be somewhat more reserved, which is typical, especially on the northeast coast. There, smiling and being as engaging as the “typical” southern woman is is seen as socially pushy, and kind of boundary-crossing. (This is very hard to describe to someone who hasn’t lived in both places, but I’m taking a stab at it.) As a result, a lot of my coworkers assumed that I had a very bad attitude all the time, even though I didn’t and I generally liked them. I had to learn to smile more and be more effusive in order to work better with customers, and this translated over to life in general.
Again, it really isn’t the career or your intelligence, at least not for most of the guys. It’s that not acting a certain way isn’t expected, and is like you’re speaking a foreign language, except it’s a body language rather than a verbal one.
PS–Also, my accent didn’t help. Because I spoke more formally, with fairly precise northeast-coast diction and without the Southern vowels or contractions, I appeared even more “snooty,” for lack of a better term, when that was combined with my body language. Eventually my accent has softened a bit, plus I learned how better to interact with people here, and those who I worked with for any length of time eventually learned that I didn’t mean to sound or act at all snobby, but that I’d grown up a certain way and was still learning how to integrate a bit more into the South.
PPS–None of this is to sound denigrating to either culture; I love both! I’m just trying to explain my experiences with this and why the OP might be picking up the vibes that she’s getting.
I can appreciate what you are saying. Thank you for giving us the male perspective. How do they expect to meet someone if they never talk to her? A lot of more traditional women generally feel it’s more appropriate to drop a subtle hanky and allow the gent to pick it up. And some of the women may also be shy.
Yeah, I have noticed how regular schooled guys are not weird at all.Because they’re home schooled.
