Why being a virgin is hard

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Right. But libido can be worked on. People often go to the doctor or a therapist for depression but marriages suffer because couples neglect libido issues.
 
SacredHeartBassist said:
Right. But libido can be worked on. People often go to the doctor or a therapist for depression but marriages suffer because couples neglect libido issues.
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It can be worked on, however that depends on the couple. If both parties are happy with their libido, when say for another couple it would be ridiculously low, then that is okay.

As always, therapy is great, couples therapy is great and if there are problems in that department, it is important to work on them together so both can enjoy a happy marriage. 🌷
 
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LittleFlower said:
You have to love the person, regardless of their libido at the end of the day.
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No one has to do anything. Either you love them or you do not. Love cannot be forced. People should really love someone before they marry them. Marriage is a sacrament. That is why I take marriage seriously and won’t just jump to marry anyone who says yes to a date with me.
 
You have to work at love. It doesn’t just happen. And after you marry you may not feel the same sort of infatuation anymore but you still are called to love and nurture the relationship. Sorry but the Bible disagrees with you.
 
HNA444 said:
now I feel like guys will not want to bother when they can find another girl who will do sexual things with them, not just sex.
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You know who you are. Don’t try to be someone else in order to find a spouse. That is true about accidental things or even trying to pretend what people consider a virtue in a false way. It is true ten times over about giving up what you know very well is a virtue. You would die for your faith. Guard your virtue for your faith, too. If you waver, ask St. Maria Goretti, St. Agatha and the other virgin martyrs to intercede for you. You have been given the grace to be preserved from this sin. Hold on to the crown you have been given.

Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him. James 1:12
SacredHeartBassist said:
Sometimes I feel like certain people hide behind religion to mask their lack of or nonexistent libido
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What insight do you have to think such an uncharitable thing? I mean that honestly: has someone told you somewhere along the line that they remain chaste because they have no interest in sex but cite religion so that they won’t be criticized? If you don’t know someone who would do that, why would you think they would do that? Because they’re trying to make their lack of interest into something to be showing off about? Many people these days, even non-religious people, are not sexually active because they aren’t interested in it. There isn’t a stigma to to it.

We know, after all, that some people see the valuable things that others have and inexplicably need to find a way to denigrate how those others came to have those valuables or to make the valuables out to be nothing of any account (=sour grapes).
 
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It’s possible to have a very high libido and know that if you start kissing, it will be difficult to not continue.

It’s also very easy for a woman to know if she has any desire for a man. In fact, it takes less than five minutes of talking to a guy, and most women know where they’re at.

You don’t have to figure out if you have any chemistry by kissing him. When a man is interesting, he has only to walk into a room and my heart shifts. I can even tell just by looking at a man on television. Kissing him doesn’t prove anything. Only time will tell if there is love and in MP_Kid’s case, there was not.
 
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How does the bible disagree with me? Are we to just marry anyone and then work at love? I do not understand how what I am saying disagrees with the bible.
 
MP_Kid said:
Are we to just marry anyone and then work at love? I do not understand how what I am saying disagrees with the bible.
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That’s not what I said, for instance when you quoted me above.

Once you are married, you should love the person regardless of their libido. However, if there are issues, then with love, you can go to therapy together and work on issues. Many couples find that after children it get’s hard to make the time for intimacy.

Before you get married, you should discern with the other person, whether you are suited for each other (these are all hypotheticals because once you are married it changes again) in things like children, finances, holidays, expenses, faith, libido, community, charitable giving, further education, debts, etc.

You have to talk about these things with your would be spouse, prior to actually marrying them. But once you are married, you need to love them as a person and as a spouse and be willing to work through any issues.
 
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Any kind of kissing that causes sexual arousal is only allowed within mariage.
 
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That I do understand. Too many people today just seem to get married and do not talk about things like how to raise kids, finances, sex, furthering education, etc. That is why most people get divorced.

I do eventually want to get married, but seeing all the divorce in the world scares me. That and I also seem to attract non-Catholics who do not view things the same was as I do.
 
MP_Kid said:
That I do understand. Too many people today just seem to get married and do not talk about things like how to raise kids, finances, sex, furthering education, etc. That is why most people get divorced.

I do eventually want to get married, but seeing all the divorce in the world scares me. That and I also seem to attract non-Catholics who do not view things the same was as I do.
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I think many divorces come about because people do not accept ahead of time that they are going to have to give up some things along the way that are very difficult to give up. They think a lifetime of not getting our way about something important to us is some terrible offense against ourselves as persons. If that were true, then self-sacrifice is foolish, lunacy, a pointless exercise that harms everyone. That isn’t what it is. It is the only way that two people of immense potential could ever live together in contentment.

Virginity prior to marriage is self-sacrifice of exactly the kind that marriage requires. Sometimes it is even the identical kind that will be necessary later in the marriage, when one spouse becomes incapable of having sex or becomes unavailable for whatever reason.
 
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Historically that’s how early Christians and Jews did it for hundreds of years.

Marrying because you’re romantically in love first is a relatively new thing

Not saying that’s what should be done. Im just saying that Paul tells us men to love our wives the way Christ loved the church. And Jesus died for the church.
 
Ja90172 said:
Any kind of kissing that causes sexual arousal is only allowed within mariage.
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Yes, and no. There are no clear cut and dry answers on the subject of kissing, that I can find. If anyone has any, please post them! 🌷
 
MP_Kid said:
Too many people today just seem to get married and do not talk about things like how to raise kids, finances, sex, furthering education, etc.
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Couples need to talk about these topics, hence why marriage prep is a thing.

And you need to revisit topics regularly, as to make sure everyone is still in the same boat, or if they have any concerns etc. It’s not a one time thing.

🙂 On the right track, mate!
 
Everyone’s biological make up is different ,everyone’s life experience is different.
I have a healthy libido but it wasn’t woken up till I met my husband.That means I kept my mind and body pure.
There is nothing wrong or unhealthy about that.
 
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Greenfields said:
Everyone’s biological make up is different ,everyone’s life experience is different.
I have a healthy libido but it wasn’t woken up till I met my husband.That means I kept my mind and body pure.
There is nothing wrong or unhealthy about that.
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It is a great blessing to have been preserved from temptation and yet also given the natural urge to do what virtue requires. (I’m not saying such a thing happened to you without your cooperation, but that you were greatly blessed.)
 
MP_Kid said:
How can someone truly believe that someone has feelings for them if that person won’t even kiss them?
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Maybe…they tell you…and you trust them? I for one plan to save my first kiss until my wedding. I just don’t really see the need to “express” my love in a romantic sense to anyone I’m not married to. Making out causes sexual arousal and is a near occasion of sin. Such actions are reserved for marriage.
 
casslean said:
The man God is leading you to will respect you. He won’t ask you to compromise yourself for his selfish needs.
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I can’t count how many times when I was younger people said to me ‘the man for you blah blah blah’. How I wished instead of making me promises they couldn’t keep were more real such as ‘Seek out God’s will and be willing to accept He may want you to be single forever’
 
And a lot of people are “rejected for doing the right thing”.
 
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