Why do I seem to attract the wrong sort of guy

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hmm…someone seems to have misunderstood, so to clarify, if you read her original post she states she attracts bad boys that as she puts it “won’t commit or play the field”…that is hardly something you would find out with a background check (and yes there are bad boys at catholic events too!) my point is that she never admitted that maybe she is equally attracted to them and therefore needs to take some ownership of her situation. once a person acknowledges their own actions, they then have a better chance at correcting them and making better decisions…good luck to her, it sounds like she is on the right path!
 
Sierrah said:
Note: I’ve prayed about this but don’t seem to get any kind of answer from God :confused: :rolleyes:
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Forgive me as I cannot bother to read all the posts and yet, I want to contribute.
  1. I think this thread is probably an answer from God. …It may make more sense down the road, though.
  2. Does it worry you that you may never get married? I don’t know you so I don’t know if you are going into panic mode over this, but, shouldn’t this be a bennefit? Have you ever thought you’d be happier if you forgot about dating altogether and JUST focused on God? …Have you already answered that question in a previous post?
 
adstrinity said:
Have you ever thought you’d be happier if you forgot about dating altogether and JUST focused on God? …
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As this poster says, it might make you happier in the long run to quit worrying about marriage and devote yourself to work, charitible activities, sports, etc. I met my current husband after seventeen years of single parenthood, when I’d totally given up the idea of marriage. I was just enjoying life, and didn’t even realize I liked him at first.
Not easy to do, I realize.
 
catholicsingles said:
hmm…someone seems to have misunderstood, so to clarify, if you read her original post she states she attracts bad boys that as she puts it “won’t commit or play the field”…that is hardly something you would find out with a background check (and yes there are bad boys at catholic events too!) my point is that she never admitted that maybe she is equally attracted to them and therefore needs to take some ownership of her situation. once a person acknowledges their own actions, they then have a better chance at correcting them and making better decisions…good luck to her, it sounds like she is on the right path!
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But the point is that maybe she is NOT attracted to them but they are attracted to her! Nothing in her post stands out as a red flag.

The only other thing I would offer her is that she take some time to do an analysis of all the people who have been attracted to her and the ones she has been attracted to. Analyze what caused her to be attracted to them and vice versa. Analyze where they first met (bar, health club, church activity, work, family), what each was doing, what caught the eye, how long it took for a relationship to develop, etc., etc. If there is a PATTERN, then, yes, maybe there is something subconsciously going on that MAY need to be changed (I say MAY because we don’t want to change healthy, wholesome CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC patterns). But if there is no pattern, then this just be more evidence that it is just harder to find a good Catholic spouse in this day and age, especially when the whole “you don’t need to be married” mentality only CONTRIBUTES to the inability to commit. Believe me, just look through this forum and find the number of MALES who also are having a hard time finding a good Catholic wife! (Myself included)
 
adstrinity said:
  1. Does it worry you that you may never get married? I don’t know you so I don’t know if you are going into panic mode over this, but, shouldn’t this be a bennefit? Have you ever thought you’d be happier if you forgot about dating altogether and JUST focused on God? …Have you already answered that question in a previous post?
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Viki59 said:
As this poster says, it might make you happier in the long run to quit worrying about marriage and devote yourself to work, charitible activities, sports, etc. I met my current husband after seventeen years of single parenthood, when I’d totally given up the idea of marriage. I was just enjoying life, and didn’t even realize I liked him at first.
Not easy to do, I realize.
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Here’s the thing, though. She said she was 37, so she may be worried about time running out on the ability to have a child.

Unless the problem is that she is somehow broadcasting this and her clock is ticking so lodly that people around her are thinking about calling ATF…
 
Norseman82 said:
Here’s the thing, though. She said she was 37, so she may be worried about time running out on the ability to have a child.

Unless the problem is that she is somehow broadcasting this and her clock is ticking so lodly that people around her are thinking about calling ATF…
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I recall a certain quasi-relationship (finding out if we would mesh) which I broke away from as I concluded that my personality (in more than one sense) did not matter and that basically any guy would have done (I wanted a more specific, more targetted feeling directed towards myself), regardless of feelings or anything. I basically didn’t want to be a figure in someone’s plan and I wanted to matter as a person. I do fear if I’m not giving out similar signals myself at my current age (which she was back in the time, three years ago) and in my current situation. But I can’t really do much with it, so I pray to God not to let me treat any girl or woman as an object and pray to Marry for intercession in that, as well as to St. Joseph for guidance. If you’re concerned with the fate of a certain Catholic (hope-hope-hopefully) girl you don’t even know (or I yet, for that matter), I’ll be obliged for a Hail Mary and it may make her life easier. 😉

I don’t know what’s the best defence from that, but perhaps it would be good to make sure relationships are in fact as deep as they are perceived and that no false, self-delusional promises are being made to oneself and that people are “allowed” their specificity and what makes them different from the rest, and that they are loved for what they are, not just seen as good candidates for something yet to be.

Additionally, perhaps there might be huge levels of incompatibility between a 37 years old lady seeking marriage and men of the same age with a decade or two of old bachelor formation. 😉
 
Norseman82 said:
Was that misspelling an intentional pun?
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I’m sorry, it was a genuine typo. I apologise for the confusion. It’s embarrassing. Perhaps I was thinking too much and not very collected.
Agreed, and that incompatibility is not limited to 37-yo females.
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Correct. I believe it’s healthy not to have the need always to be in a relationship with someone, but the opposite can be troublesome sometimes. In some cases learning how to be with a person may be too much of a burden for a relationship.
 
There’s also sort of a male view if you dig a bit. They also have something here, which should be taken with a pinch of salt, I believe, but could perhaps be helpful.
 
So what exactly constitutes a “bad boy?” I used to think this meant criminals, and I couldn’t understand why that would be desirable, but according to this article all it means is men who act aloof. That’s no secret. I learned that back when I was dating — when I was attentive and sent flowers, women wouldn’t give me the time of day, but when I wised up and started dodging phone calls and intentionally showing up late, women got a lot more interested in me. How sad is that? But it worked.
 
Gamera said:
I learned that back when I was dating — when I was attentive and sent flowers, women wouldn’t give me the time of day,
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Rule #1 about sending women flowers: always send it to the woman AT WORK (provided you don’t work with her). That way she has an office full of people asking her questions about who the guy is who sent her the flowers, and she WILL respond one way or another!

Sending the flowers to where she lives might also work if she still lives with her folks.
 
Norseman82 said:
Rule #1 about sending women flowers: always send it to the woman AT WORK (provided you don’t work with her). That way she has an office full of people asking her questions about who the guy is who sent her the flowers, and she WILL respond one way or another!

Sending the flowers to where she lives might also work if she still lives with her folks.
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He’s married, so I think he figured it out. 😉
 
LOL! Yep, but for the record, I do sometimes send my wife flowers at work 🙂 .
 
Sierrah said:
This is a question I’ve been asking myself for years. I’m just looking looking for opinions.

I’m a smart, attractive, outgoing Catholic Lady about 37 years old. I’m pretty independent, I keep myself pretty busy with volunteer work and keep phyically fit, I enjoy (hiking, biking working out). But for some reason I only seem to attractguys who are the…bad boy types (guys who want to play the field or just won’t ever commit.) or they lie or try to get controlling (in an abusive way). This has been the story most of my dating life. I’m a confident person and am upfront with guys where my morals stand (conservative with the catholic church). The last nice guy I went out with couldn’t stand the catholic church…he was an excatholic…I didn’t know this before I went out with him. :mad: I just feel like giving up some days (on dating at all). I’m not looking to rush into marriage or anything I’m just looking for a nice guy who likes the catholic church…so many seem to have a gripe against the church it’s really getting to be boring to have that same old conversation.

In any case I’m just confused. I don’t understand why jerks are the only guys I seem to meet up with. I’ve gone to Catholic singles events and church related events just hoping to meet nice people but most of these groups in my area are for the senior crowd.

I try to live a Christ centered life…I’m not perfect and have my issues but so does everyone. I guess I would just like to know what I’m doing wrong so maybe I could correct it.
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Hello Sierrah,
You sound like a lovely young lady and some lucky man will discover you one day soon and sweep you off your feet completely.
As I was reading your post, I kept thinking that there is something which is attracting YOU to the person rather than HIM to you. You sound like you give out the signals to the wrong person. Perhaps this is related to “comfortable” or you see in some young man something which reminds you of your own background, but its not something you are happy with. You keep replaying the very thing which needs to be resolved. If you look at the young men you have dated you might see that they all have a common denominator its this “common denominator” which is thge problem and which you are trying to resolve. Perhaps some catholic Christ centred counsellor maybe able to help you to see what issue it is that you are trying to resolve. There is probably nothing wrong with the young men you have dated, but they werent for you. You were only attracted to them because of your need to resolve the issue which is undermining your self esteem.
I hope this helps you.
Blessings
GraceAngel.
 
I always hand my flowers personally.

And I never dodge calls.

And I always arrive early.

…And I’m single. Right. 😃
 
Gamera said:
So what exactly constitutes a “bad boy?” I used to think this meant criminals, and I couldn’t understand why that would be desirable, but according to this article all it means is men who act aloof. That’s no secret. I learned that back when I was dating — when I was attentive and sent flowers, women wouldn’t give me the time of day, but when I wised up and started dodging phone calls and intentionally showing up late, women got a lot more interested in me. How sad is that? But it worked.
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I’m amazed that you experience that. Most women I know would give their eye/tooth for a guy who at least send them flowers every once in awhile. :cool:
 
Grace_Angel said:
Hello Sierrah,
You sound like a lovely young lady and some lucky man will discover you one day soon and sweep you off your feet completely.
As I was reading your post, I kept thinking that there is something which is attracting YOU to the person rather than HIM to you. You sound like you give out the signals to the wrong person. Perhaps this is related to “comfortable” or you see in some young man something which reminds you of your own background, but its not something you are happy with. You keep replaying the very thing which needs to be resolved. If you look at the young men you have dated you might see that they all have a common denominator its this “common denominator” which is thge problem and which you are trying to resolve. Perhaps some catholic Christ centred counsellor maybe able to help you to see what issue it is that you are trying to resolve. There is probably nothing wrong with the young men you have dated, but they werent for you. You were only attracted to them because of your need to resolve the issue which is undermining your self esteem.
I hope this helps you.
Blessings
GraceAngel.
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I don’t know about self esteem. I think mine is in pretty good shape. Part of the problem is I find confindence very attractive and bad boys tend to be very confident. :eek: Where as sometimes the nicer guys may not come off as outgoing. This is just my humble opinion. :cool: :o
 
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