I hope these comments will help you to understand the heart of a total abstainer. You don’t have to agree. Just try to understand, OK?
I don’t drink. Ever. No one in my family drinks. Ever.
I don’t like to be around people who drink. The smell is sickening. Last week I attended an Arthur Murray dance party (for guests–my husband and I are considering taking some ballroom dancing lessons). They offered wine–no soft drinks or water or milk. People were drinking wine to “loosen up.” I found the smell very off-putting and even though the people weren’t drunk, they were all acting silly and giggly. I didn’t enjoy myself at all. I prefer to be around people who are not “loose.” I found it strange that people needed to “loosen up” to learn a skill. I wondered if they have to “loosen up” to learn a new skill in their workplaces or homes.
My husband and I are taking private lessons in the future. I don’t want to be in that situation again. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I just want to learn to dance, not learn to party. And I want to be around sensible people who don’t need to loosen up to move their feet in a pattern to music.
I don’t like going out to dinner with people when there is alcohol consumption. I don’t trust the people when they are drinking. I’m never sure just how “loose” they really are. I don’t like having conversations with people who are silly or “loose.” I like serious, deep conversations, or fun conversations that I know that everyone will remember the next day. I’m never sure of myself with “buzzed” people. I feel awkward and uncomfortable. And it smells bad.
Drinking was The Major Stumbling Block for me to enter the Catholic Church. Seriously. It wasn’t Mary or the saints or the True Presence or the Pope or any of those issues–it was drinking. I wish with all my heart that Catholics didn’t drink and that church functions didn’t feature alcohol. I wish that the Church didn’t allow drinking alcohol at all, but I realize that there are only about two other people in all of history who agree with me. I will always be left out of many Catholic social situations. And that’s OK. I accept that . I would rather be alone than be in situations where people are drinking.
I miss church socials with Christians who didn’t even dream of taking a drink, and where the strongest “drink” in the room was Coke-a-Cola or iced tea or coffee. I really really LOVED those situations and felt totally comfortable and safe and had so much fun. I miss them. I feel that since becoming Catholic, I have become much more sequestered socially. I do a lot of piano playing in the Church (I don’t have to loosen up to play piano), but I don’t socialize with people much at all. An occasional covered dish supper at the end of a semester of Bible study. That’s about it. We suggested a party once at our house to our RCIA group–right away, several people said, “Well, if you have enough wine and beer, we’ll be there.” And we said, “Sorry, there won’t be any wine or beer at our house ever.” And that was the end of that.
I only tell you this because I want you to realize that it HURTS to feel so left out. I feel like a strange visitor from another planet at Catholic social functions. So I don’t go to the ones that feature alcohol. Pancake breakfasts are good. Dinners–no.
In my novels, people drink. But not much. And the hero and heroine (both Catholic) don’t drink at all. I like my novels better than real life.
The Catholic Church is worth losing all my friends over. Jesus is worth it. But it still is lonely for us. Please try to understand and don’t just lash out and tell me how stupid and oppressed I am, OK? Thank you.
You can criticize me and other non-Catholic Christians all you want and tell me that I am a legalist or self-righteous or repressed or oppressed or judgemental or whatever adjective you wish. It won’t make a difference in my POV, and it will only increase the barriers between us.
I accept that the Bible does not teach total abstinence. I agree with you that Jesus and His disciples probably drank wine with meals. I agree that people can drink moderately (although woe and sorrow to the poor souls who CANNOT drink moderately and end up as alcoholics. God have mercy on them and their families.) I agree that moderate drinking is NOT a sin.
I agree with you all and I agree with the Church–with my intellect. I accept it all. I won’t argue with you, except to say that no one ever dies in a Pepsi-related auto accident. Think about that. A lot of “buzzed” people end up killing innocent people on the highways.
But in my heart and soul, I believe that alcohol is totally unnecessary to having a happy life. I don’t need it and I don’t want it and I wish that other people felt the same way.
Again, I hope that this helps you to have a better understanding of the tee-totalling person. I don’t expect you to agree.
