In my experience I’ve seen several “nice guys” go for the “bad girl” types time and time again and avoid the “nice girls”. I haven’t seen many “nice girls” attracted to “bad boys” I think if anything that only happens when you’re younger. But I have several guy friends to overlook quality people for the bad news types. They are adults though have the freedom to make their own mistakes.
Okay, I guess it may be of some use for the sake of discussion and some common search for the truth, so I can suffer some humiliating dissection. Basically, what drives me to ladies you wouldn’t exactly call “good girls”, well, not actually bad, but as I said, somewhat wayward, generally tends to be an engaging, rich, fresh personality, intelligence, elegance. All of which traits, incidentally, sociopaths are likelier to possess, at least on the surface, than the general populace (regardless of gender). I’m not attracted to their “bad sides”. In fact, I get sad and possibly even angry when they mention or joke about those bad sides, as I do whenever any woman insists on her right to have a bad girl side with the implication that morality gives way to pleasure, satisfaction or excitement in that bad side. In each single case, I’d much rather they didn’t do any of the bad things I see them do, all of which are excruciating for me and produce emotional sensations sometimes of an intensity that results in physical pain or other physical symptoms (strong emotions can mess with the metabolism). In connection with the foregoing, I am going to take offence if anybody suggests it is the bad traits (e.g. a too liberal attitude to sexual ethics, honesty, rights of others) that I am attracted to, that would simply not be true. In many cases, discovering those traits or rather seeing the woman in question act is if she possessed them (since you don’t really know about traits, you only see actions), feels like a gruesome realisation that begs the question: ‘why again’ (i.e. why is this happening to me again, in each and every case etc.) but the truth is that I can always trace at least some warning signs that I ignored because I was attracted (rather than because of being magnanimous enough to ignore something, which I guess I’m not incapable of but it isn’t really my dominant trait), I didn’t wait patiently in my single condition and so on. I suppose one should speak here about my being in denial about the woman concerned. I just fight against accepting obvious facts, it seems. Except that nothing is obvious and you can really be surprised if you misjudge people and classify them as lost cases. One of those women, for example, risked drawing the ire of three scary appellate judges by making commotion in the court room to pass me information when I was pressing a pro se case against the government. How do you tell somebody: ‘you’re not ethically kosher enough for me’ after that? So I guess I also understand women who stick with men whom the world considers the bad guys.
Frankly, it’s more productive to quit judging or even analysing and just focus on improving oneself. And there’s generally always something to work on. Which is not to deny that women are bad pickers. But so are men, in general.
(However, I would appreciate if historical novel writers gave up on the cliché of a distressed damsel falling in love with her rapist or could have been rapist. Too much is too much.)
On a final note, while thinking about these things, it once dawned on me that people are generally meant to complement each other, so in some cases it may be the specific man’s role in that specific relationship to provide the ethical backbone or the clear limits (as opposed to shades of grey), while it would be for the woman to provide something else, also important (love, charity, open heart, enjoyment of life, non-judgemental approach, some of which I saw in some of the ladies I’ve crossed paths with). Again, I guess it could be similar with those “good girls” being with “bad guys”. There may well have some traits that could be forged into something positive in connection with those women. For example instead of thugs, they could become defenders, supporters of the community. Instead of putting themselves first, they could direct their masculine energy in the service of the world, the community, ultimately God. As I recall multiple saints began their careers as quite the scoundrels before they were called, e.g. in connection with a different saint.
Eh. Gotta go back to work. I need to shovel three dayloads of office work until 14 hours from now. Incidentally, for all my “nice guy” exterior, you could call me a bad guy for failing to have started that work yesterday evening or today morning & afternoon. In turn that not so nice guy may be a type that always puts work first and doesn’t get distracted (and gets the results), which is actually a very positive trait, for all the unpleasant aspects of his attitude. Just to complicate your collective thought processes, guys, a little. Because I’m mean like that.
Come to think of it, plenty of work isn’t bad. It gets your mind off stupid things. If there’s any advice I could give to disgruntled young “nice guys” from my own experience, it’s get work, get results, get productive. If you can’t, at least spend time trying. It’ll make your life all-round better in more ways than you can imagine. It’ll give you confidence, it will toughen you up (and you need to get tougher), it will give you the resources to take care of a woman (from dating to married life) and children, teach you responsibility, develop your talents, make you a better person. Find yourself thinking too much about being a nice guy women don’t seem to like? Just put your hands (or brain, or both) in some work. Only avoid putting excessive strain on your organism, which some people do when they turn into workaholics because of needing distraction from personal life.
