I see. You’re disagreeing with Karl Keating and saying that maybe God really does have one particular person picked out for us, and our only job is to find her, or him. I find that quite unlikely. I think we select our own spouse and turn him or her into a princess or a prince by our decision to love them unconditionally for life.
I’m not saying I disagree. In fact, I take the same position by default, at least on the rational level (emotions are a different story, soulmate theories have the potential to hit home there). I’ve always commented in like vein in those threads here where this type of soulmate theory pops up, saying that there’s nothing to give that idea a solid backing. Somewhere down the route, however, I realised that my arguments were based on the idea that God wouldn’t get Himself involved like that. And then I recalled some passages from the Gospel, including the one about Him caring for every sparrow, every hair being counted on our heads and so on. And then I thought, you can’t really make an argument like that; yes, He leaves us free will and a good share of autonomy but on the other hand He does care infinitely and on a very personal level too. Then things just hung in the air for me. One obviously can’t substantiate the idea of God basically match-making His children so that everybody has his or her intended. On the other hand, you definitely can’t say He doesn’t care enough to get involved in each of His children’s lives on a personal level (in other words any reason for God not doing this must be different than one based on a notion that God doesn’t care enough, is too remote, removed from our lives etc., which would be false premises; on the other hand one can argue from free will and autonomy). This does leave us somewhere in the middle, where you can’t prove either position and I guess you’ve got to say, ‘I don’t know.’ But maybe I’m wrong here.
Oh absolutely! I point out the friend card for a reason though. For awhile I did think just being friends first would be a great thing, but I kind of saw the downside of it. There was a guy I was very good friends with for about six months…And it was to the point I realized he scared off perhaps other guys… We did date for awhile and I broke it off after I realized he really wasn’t all that crazy about me, considering his actions on another circumstances. And thank goodness I realized too that I wasn’t all that crazy about him.
If your just playing “friend” with a girl to get her to eventually date you, I actually don’t know if I agree with that. Of course talking with someone a couple of times, feeling them out is another. But a lot of times the nicer guys don’t get the girl because they just don’t ask. I do think though that a lot of us quieter girls need to learn to give some guys some more encouragement too…And not just sit there make eye contact etc… Its a two way thing.
I guess my whole experience showed me the value of a guy who is upfront about his intentions from the very beginning. There’s a real level of honesty there. And it also shows that the guy really wants to date you as well. Versus a guy that hems and haws.
Time for a man perspective on that, if you’re interested.
In fact, I believe it doesn’t depend on the sex of the individuals but rather on the difference in perspective between the person who does the approaching and the person who is being approached.
Somewhat naturally, if you’re being approached by a romantically interested stranger who doesn’t immediately sweep you off your feet, you would prefer to be friends for a while. Happens to me also when I’m approached by a lady as opposed to my approaching one.
On the other hand, a person who is finding himself or herself ‘in love’ can’t really switch it off for a while as if with a light switch. This is much more complicated.
Incidentally, friends or ‘friends’ scaring (other) potential mates away from you is more complicated than that. Basically, any relationship which can be ambiguous to the beholder can scare potential mates away. This includes any affectionate or close friendships (or otherwise potentially misleading to the beholder), not just the ones with people we LJBF-ed (friend-zoned).
As for being upfront, while it may seem that women like it in men, it isn’t always so. I’m suspecting that a woman (or man for that matter) either likes you that way or not and it doesn’t matter that much if you’re upfront or not, as long as you aren’t completely passive. At any rate, being upfront early with a woman (or man) results in the woman (or man) needing to make a decision while not having enough data to base it on; in my opinion a woman in such a situation is very likely to friend-zone you on an instinct (a man probably too). Plus, you can still be thought of as ‘creepy’, same is the scenario where you probe first to see if there’s any interest in you from that person.
