Why do you think there are so few twentysomethings in the Church today?

[haastiin]

Thank you, Disciple_I_Hope, for your thoughtful analysis and sensible recommendations. One of the things that has astounded me in this and other evangelization topics is the paucity of good instruction within the Church - in fact the persistence of bad instruction contrary to Scripture, Tradition, and the Magisterium is a frequent theme.

Those of us “of a certain age” who went through that white-rapids of history that brought V2 into the world now travel in calmer waters. We can and do look back and realize, perhaps wistfully, that it all went by too fast, and we missed some of the power-packed documents which were intended to bolster the Church’s appetite for the Holy Spirit. Now we hear and feel a call to “Go, eat rich foods and drink sweet drinks, and allot portions to those who had nothing prepared; for today is holy to our LORD. Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the LORD is your strength!”

The rich food of the Bible and the sweet drink of the Catechism are certainly a Feast in which we can and should delight. The documents of V2, the books and writings of holy men and women - some canonized, some approaching that, and some barely remembered in the World - further enhance that diet of goodness that place-takers in the pews often miss.

I think this is what Benedict XVI would call the New Evangelism. I have a hard time getting my head around that most days, but I’m beginning to understand that this evangelization, this work of missions, is much like the early Church, The Way. It is you, and me, and our family and friends sharing, “Did you know that …” We will tackle the task of making the Church relevant to youngsters and young adults (and even some of us who are older) by making them aware of how the Church values, cherishes, nurtures, and welcomes their full commitment to Christ.

There is some very accessible wisdom in Scripture that leads us to hear, believe, repent, be baptized, and confirm and confess our faith. ALL of that has to be internalized, and that requires that someone steps up to deliver the message: Romans 10: 14-15 – *14 But how can they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how can they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone to preach? 15 And how can people preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring [the] good news!” *

You heard that call, and answered,“Here I am. Send me.”

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

-]/-]

All people have an intrinsic need for Truth, Goodness and Beauty. The “Holy” is something “wholly other”.

Opus101 (what composer, if I may be so bold), you sound like Pope Emeritus Benedict XV!, or is it Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, or is it St. Augustine? Maybe all three?

You did say something to which I was going to respond humorously, but, after reflecting on it, I want to thank you for the compliment. I have been asking the Father “To remove my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh and to write His law on it.” If my nurturing and caring showed through, then He has answered. I’m actually the kids’ dad. Please don’t be embarrassed.

And, hasstiin, thank you for the thumbs up and the validation. Thanks also for talking about “those times.”

I thought of posting some more thoughts in this thread, but it’s possible that the discussion will go “off topic” from the question YoungThinker asked. I don’t want to steal the thread, so after a little more thought I think I’ll start a new one.

 

[Young_Thinker]

Come join us here @ Young Singles group

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=1737

Check it out!

Thank you, I will!

 

[KnightIHSV]

Honestly, it seems like I’m the only one at my parish who’s between 19 and 35- either you’re in high school or you’re old and married LOL. Having converted a couple of years ago, I still kind of feel like an outsider- I joined the Knights of Columbus last year, but everyone else in my council is at least 40 (and my council isn’t particularily active as of late anyway), and lately I’ve been attending a Lifeteen Mass on ocassion at nearby church, but as a single 23-year old, I still left out and in a class unto my own. LOL Does anyone feel this way? Why are there so few young people (post-high school) who go to Mass? Boredom, overrationalism…?

I know this is not the answer but I had the same experience in my late 20 and now 30s here in Sydney, Australia. There is an inverted demographic pyramid across much of the western Catholic Church. Many commenters have made some very good points about the “why”.

In my own case, when I was younger, I found that I was one of the few males in my demographic, certainly one of the few who took church seriously. Many of my Catholic friends had ditched Mass. Some went to other Protestant churches and others gave it away, sometimes for good. I found when I asked friends, in my pathetic attempt at evangelising, why they had left, I found that the sex abuse scandals shook a lot of guys, as in Australia we have had some really bad cover-ups of awful abuse. Many guys I know just had it with the church over the sex abuse cover-ups. The hierarchy here in Australia generally did not do a good job of investigating and removing bad priests and the empty pews are what has resulted sadly. Plus the Church has been overly feminised and sissified, the music is awful and too few priests deliver a homily that has had some thought and effort put into it. Again, this might be a Sydney problem.

All I can urge you to do is to please persevere and pray for the Church, that we get through this difficult time and purify and rededicate ourselves. I know that is not much help right now. Be thankful you are not a Catholic woman trying to get married, as I understand it is very hard for good, decent Catholic girls to find husbands who are not porn-addicts or weirdos without jobs.

 

[CMatt25]

I think it is because of many reasons. Not limited to these. But the scandals haven’t helped. If they attend another religion’s services maybe those speak better to them in music, in the homilies/sermons. Another faith community might offer more in terms of youth activities and fellowship. And honestly I’m not sure the return to greater emphasis on Latin, for instance, in the Catholic Mass is going to help.

 

[KnightIHSV]

I think it is because of many reasons. Not limited to these. But the scandals haven’t helped. If they attend another religion’s services maybe those speak better to them in music, in the homilies/sermons. Another faith community might offer more in terms of youth activities and fellowship. And honestly I’m not sure the return to greater emphasis on Latin, for instance, in the Catholic Mass is going to help.

No, I agree on Latin, and I am a more orthodox Catholic on most things, but agree that more Latin is not the answer.

I do sometimes think that we as as a Church put so much emphasis on Mass that this is all there is to being Catholic. Protestant churches have their Sunday services but also have night events, tailored for their flock (eg especially men’s groups where the emphasis is on Biblical duties of men and the like). I think we can learn somethings from how Protestants organise their churches and focus them on young men and young women.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

The last two posts really got my attention, and I’m compelled to respond. I will do my best to not seem demagogic and judgmental. At the outset I offer my remarks with respect and Christian love. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will give me the right words.

First of all:

CMATT25:

I think it is because of many reasons. Not limited to these. But the scandals haven’t helped. If they attend another religion’s services maybe those speak better to them in music, in the homilies/sermons. Another faith community might offer more in terms of youth activities and fellowship. And honestly I’m not sure the return to greater emphasis on Latin, for instance, in the Catholic Mass is going to help.

And then:
KnightHSV:

I do sometimes think that we as as a Church put so much emphasis on Mass that this is all there is to being Catholic. Protestant churches have their Sunday services but also have night events, tailored for their flock (eg especially men’s groups where the emphasis is on Biblical duties of men and the like). I think we can learn somethings from how Protestants organise their churches and focus them on young men and young women.

The Catholic Church, which is not some organization “out there,” but is you and me, the person next to you and all those who come together to eat the Supper of the Lamb. It is not, I repeat not, a social club. It’s purpose is not to provide a venue for people of any age group to “hang out together.” Does a given locality, a parish, provide buildings in which this becomes convenient? Yes.
I am not saying that there should be no interest in the wants, desires and needs of young people–or of old people for that matter. I’m speaking of what the Church actually is.

Too much emphasis on the Mass? For what other reason does the Church exist. Words from the Second Vatican Council express this well.
Sacrosanctum Concilium:

7…Rightly, then, the liturgy is considered as an exercise of the priestly office of Jesus Christ. In the liturgy the sanctification of the man is
signified by signs perceptible to the senses, and is effected in a way which
corresponds with each of these signs; in the liturgy the whole public worship is
performed by the Mystical Body of Jesus Christ, that is, by the Head and His
members.

From this it follows that every liturgical celebration, because it is an
action of Christ the priest and of His Body which is the Church, is a sacred
action surpassing all others; no other action of the Church can equal its
efficacy by the same title and to the same degree. (emphasis mine)

During my younger years, there was the Catholic Youth Organization (CYO). I have heard nothing about it in years. Although priests and religious would support it and be present at some of the functions, it was not an “official” part of the Church, just like the Knights of Columbus is not an “official” part of the Church.

I do not know why these social organizations have lost popularity or ceased to exist over the years. I’m wondering if it’s connected to what I call the “general casualness” towards the Mass, the sacroments and the Church in general that I see today. I think that meeting the social needs of people, with Catholicism at the core, is really, really important. My solution is to try to get one started, as I’m trying to do in my parish. Maybe you younger folks could do the same in your parishes.

I do not judge the people who posted for what they say. It is only confirmation of what I see in my parish and my diocese. I know that worship and prayer–encountering God–propels people to come together socially. It’s a “chicken and egg” thing. Teach God first then meet the social needs or meet the social needs then teach God?

I must also respond to the “scandal” thing. To me, using that as an excuse to leave the church is pretty lame. How many citizens of the United States quit being Americans when there was a sex scandal in the Oval Office during the 1990’s. I’m not condoning this behavior. I think it comes close to sheer arrongance when someone says, “I’ll show them. I’ll just quit going to Mass.”

Thank you all for honestly and openly expressing your thoughts. God bless you.

 

[CMatt25]

The last two posts really got my attention, and I’m compelled to respond. I will do my best to not seem demagogic and judgmental. At the outset I offer my remarks with respect and Christian love. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will give me the right words.

First of all:And then:The Catholic Church, which is not some organization “out there,” but is you and me, the person next to you and all those who come together to eat the Supper of the Lamb. It is not, I repeat not, a social club. It’s purpose is not to provide a venue for people of any age group to “hang out together.” Does a given locality, a parish, provide buildings in which this becomes convenient? Yes.
I am not saying that there should be no interest in the wants, desires and needs of young people–or of old people for that matter. I’m speaking of what the Church actually is.

Too much emphasis on the Mass? For what other reason does the Church exist. Words from the Second Vatican Council express this well.During my younger years, there was the Catholic Youth Organization (CYO). I have heard nothing about it in years. Although priests and religious would support it and be present at some of the functions, it was not an “official” part of the Church, just like the Knights of Columbus is not an “official” part of the Church.

I do not know why these social organizations have lost popularity or ceased to exist over the years. I’m wondering if it’s connected to what I call the “general casualness” towards the Mass, the sacroments and the Church in general that I see today. I think that meeting the social needs of people, with Catholicism at the core, is really, really important. My solution is to try to get one started, as I’m trying to do in my parish. Maybe you younger folks could do the same in your parishes.

I do not judge the people who posted for what they say. It is only confirmation of what I see in my parish and my diocese. I know that worship and prayer–encountering God–propels people to come together socially. It’s a “chicken and egg” thing. Teach God first then meet the social needs or meet the social needs then teach God?

I must also respond to the “scandal” thing. To me, using that as an excuse to leave the church is pretty lame. How many citizens of the United States quit being Americans when there was a sex scandal in the Oval Office during the 1990’s. I’m not condoning this behavior. I think it comes close to sheer arrongance when someone says, “I’ll show them. I’ll just quit going to Mass.”

Thank you all for honestly and openly expressing your thoughts. God bless you.

Disciple, since my post was one of the 2 that caught your attention to respond to, let me assure you I did not find your reply judgmental. Thank you for the respectful tone you conveyed. I truly hope I come across in kind. So with regard to the scandals that have afflicted the Church in Her more recent history, just allow me to try to explain why I included it. I know everyone sins. And abuse and sex scandals occur among various walks of life. The one difference though I think some people might give some consideration to is the Catholic Church considers Herself to be the one and only true Church of Christ. So when She professes to be Christ’s true Church, I don’t necessarily think it’s too unreasonable or too much of a surprise if people then hold Her hierarchy to a higher standard. And what made the sex scandals worse for some imo was those whom Catholics believe to be apostolic successors, covering up and moving priests to other locations. I understand too that Peter himself denied Christ. But maybe there’s just something very troubling I think for some people when apostolic successors who preach the sanctity of life, then didn’t seem to know better than to cover up abuse of a child. And Jesus spoke something about the fruits they produce being something by which we are to know them. So I still think the scandals have hurt. The situation with Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston comes to mind. At the least, they were very sad to have occurred. There’s not much any of us can do though than to pray.

Again thank you for your charitable reply. I truly hope you have found me to be in the same vane. And God bless you too. Peace.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

CMatt25, thank you for your kind words. And, yes, you come across as honest and respectful–two traits that are necessary for fruitful communication.

I hope that my remarks about the scandals didn’t hide what I said about the Mass. That’s a segue into how I want to respond to you.

Leaving the Church because of the scandals may be lame, but it’s also understandable, especially given the reasons you cite. The beauty of a forum like this for me is that, when someone responds to something I say, it gives me the ability to reflect on my own life and actions. Leaving the Church because of the scandals is as lame as my leaving the Church because of Vatican II.

The Church does portray itself as the bastion of morality and it’s a blow when sinful men sin. During my Catholic education–14 years of it–I got taught that the Catholic Church would never change. This sense of permanency was the reason the Mass was in Latin. One could go anywhere in the world and understand what was going on–Mass. Then Vatican II came along, and the Church changed. That was a blow to me and many of my contemporaries.

Like many today, I searched for a different formal way to worship, but because of that catechesis I had, I never found “completion.” I reasoned, and rightfully so, that this lack was due to the unchangeable nourishment given by the Eucharist. Clinging to that sacrament, although I didn’t partake of it for many, many years, kept my “internal identity” Catholic. I “came home” for the last time about ten years ago, and promised my Maker that I wouldn’t leave again.

Because of my love and respect for Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, I started reading those documents with which I had the problems. I discovered that what I thought was the Church was, in reality, not the Church. As many people are seriously angry, hurt and disillusioned by the scandals, so was I about the “spirit” of Vatican II.

More to the point, one of the goals of the Council was for the Church to redefine itself. I haven’t read “Lumen Gentium, The Constitution on the Church in the Modern World” yet to determine whether the Church achieved this goal. The bishops and the popes, John XXIII and Paul VI, wanted to define the Church as “pilgrim,” just as we faithful are. Because of that definition, then, it made the Church “imperfect” and in need of redemption just like those of use who sit in the pews. Also, I believe that, just like the rest of Catholicism, the Church hasn’t really caught up yet to what Vatican II actually says. Before he resigned, Pope Emeritus Benedict urged people, especially the cardinals and bishops, to get away from the “spirit of Vatican II” and delve into what the council actually said.

To the point of this thread, “Why do you think there so few twentysomethings in the Church today?” I believe, and will continue to do so until I see something different in my parish and diocese, that we older folks lost sight of our only goal on this earth and that it visibly is presented to us at Mass and in the Eucharist, and we didn’t teach it to our children who are now the “twenty somethings” who don’t go to Mass. And until people in general start talking in their daily conversations about our faith, salvation, redemption–all contained in Holy Scripture–this may not change. A scandal-less or unchanging Church will not provide this. It is up to us each as individuals to “live our faith,” thereby evangelizing those in our lives and being good disciples.

Thank you again, CMatt25, for providing the conduit through which I could express myself this way. I’ll get down from the pulpit now.

Grace, peace and love.

 

[Jade17]

**I must also respond to the “scandal” thing. To me, using that as an excuse to leave the church is pretty lame. **

I respectfully disagree. As someone who left the church, I can tell you that there are many reasons that “pile up”, and that was the icing on the cake for me. I felt increasingly uncomfortable in the church because of certain awful experiences, but after a hiatus from age 19-22, I decided to give it another go. I really made an effort to squash the misconceptions I had about the faith in general, and I did. I finally went back to church, and it was terrible. Not long after, I found out our pastor had been convicted of having child pornography on his computer, and I resolved to never go back. I was an alter server with him. This is a person I trusted and confided in, and even in my 20’s I feel “creeped-out”! I had an awful 18+ years with the Catholic Church, and it’s a place that I will always feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. My parents still attend, and because they ask me to and I love and support them, I still go with them to church when I’m home. My family is the reason I’m on this forum; to better understand where they are coming from and what they believe.

So getting back to your point, I believe it is a legitimate reason, but often one of many for people like me. It may be what you hear about most (because it’s a disturbing/sensitive issue) but please understand that there are often underlying issues that exist as well. I respect the faith, and I understand that all churches are not like the ones I went to. It’s just not for me.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

Jade17, thank you for responding to my remarks. Did you, however, read the reply I wrote to CMatt25? I said that it might be lame, but understandable and then talked about my lame reason for leaving the Church.

I must go on record. To be clear, I think that child molestation and abuse are heinous and not to be tolerated. I’m not minimizing what went on. I, myself, I discovered had a “near miss” when I was in high school. One of the priests who taught me for four years and whom I deeply respected was convicted of multiple instances of this. He molested some of my classmates and was very good, I found out a few years ago, at “grooming” his targets. Based on what I learned about molesters then, he was grooming me. I refused to be vulnerable–I could not have used those words 45 yrs ago–and he failed with me. In hindsight, I breathe a sigh of relief. One of my other friends was not so lucky. He was molested by his pastor, and still deals with the fall out from that incident.

But it sounds like–reads like–the scandals weren’t the reason you left. They provided you with something evil to give you a “graceful” way out.

Jade17:

As someone who left the church, I can tell you that there are many reasons that “pile up”, and that was the icing on the cake for me…but please understand that there are often underlying issues that exist as well.

Let me reassure you that I’m not judging you and I respect your opinion. I’m drawing a conclusion–right, wrong or indifferent–from what you said. If you feel comfortable, maybe you could lay out that “other stuff” somewherre here in these fora and get resolution and answers.

I am sorry you feel “uncomfortable and unwelcome.” That statement is a common one by many people. At the risk of seeming cold, which I am not, the parish church is not a “feel good place.” It’s a place to offer the sacrifice of the Mass with other members of the Body of Christ. If you participate in the sacraments and pray, chances are you won’t have an experience like St. Paul and get knocked from your horse. But He will act. That’s what believing in Him and trusting Him is all about. However, from my own experience I can say, it’s frustrating that God acts slowly and over time. It’s hard for people to be patient, especially when they want patience. And want it right now!!!

Please look past what I said about the scandals and glean the message that I was trying to transmit. If I wasn’t clear, please let me know.

Grace, peace and love.

 

[KnightIHSV]

The last two posts really got my attention, and I’m compelled to respond. I will do my best to not seem demagogic and judgmental. At the outset I offer my remarks with respect and Christian love. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will give me the right words.

First of all:And then:The Catholic Church, which is not some organization “out there,” but is you and me, the person next to you and all those who come together to eat the Supper of the Lamb. It is not, I repeat not, a social club. It’s purpose is not to provide a venue for people of any age group to “hang out together.” Does a given locality, a parish, provide buildings in which this becomes convenient? Yes.
I am not saying that there should be no interest in the wants, desires and needs of young people–or of old people for that matter. I’m speaking of what the Church actually is.

Too much emphasis on the Mass? For what other reason does the Church exist. Words from the Second Vatican Council express this well.During my younger years, there was the Catholic Youth Organization (CYO). I have heard nothing about it in years. Although priests and religious would support it and be present at some of the functions, it was not an “official” part of the Church, just like the Knights of Columbus is not an “official” part of the Church.

I do not know why these social organizations have lost popularity or ceased to exist over the years. I’m wondering if it’s connected to what I call the “general casualness” towards the Mass, the sacroments and the Church in general that I see today. I think that meeting the social needs of people, with Catholicism at the core, is really, really important. My solution is to try to get one started, as I’m trying to do in my parish. Maybe you younger folks could do the same in your parishes.

I do not judge the people who posted for what they say. It is only confirmation of what I see in my parish and my diocese. I know that worship and prayer–encountering God–propels people to come together socially. It’s a “chicken and egg” thing. Teach God first then meet the social needs or meet the social needs then teach God?

I must also respond to the “scandal” thing. To me, using that as an excuse to leave the church is pretty lame. How many citizens of the United States quit being Americans when there was a sex scandal in the Oval Office during the 1990’s. I’m not condoning this behavior. I think it comes close to sheer arrongance when someone says, “I’ll show them. I’ll just quit going to Mass.”

Thank you all for honestly and openly expressing your thoughts. God bless you.

First, what I related from guys I knew was what they told me. I am not sure whether you are male or female but for many guys, including me, the sex abuse scandals cast a pall over the whole church. I have tried to get them back to church but have failed, not helped by what has recently happened in Scotland and also here in Australia, with more sexual abuse revelations. More is expected of the Catholic Church’s leadership than whoever wins the electoral college. These scandals will hurt the Church for a very long time.

Second, while I am not a touchy-feely person, there is a need for social and external ministries for different sub-groups.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

So getting back to your point, I believe it is a legitimate reason, but often one of many for people like me.

I have friends who refer to the sex abuse scandal as the reason they left the Church. They weren’t personally affected by it, nor were any of their friends or relatives. I have to wonder that if they’re so sensitive to the Church’s scandal, do they also avoid all other institutions with a history of covering up abuse. Do they keep their kids out of public schools, avoid Protestant churches, forbid their kids from enrolling in Big 10 schools and shun all organized, professional sports? I’m not trying to defend what happened, but I’m tired of hearing people make such a huge issue out of the Church’s scandal while giving all these other institutions a pass.

 

[StranraerHibby]

In the UK, there has been a real attempt by secular forces to wipe any form of religion away from society. And I hate to say it, but it seems to have worked.

Twenty-somethings are now lining the gutters on a Saturday night; neglecting any responsibility and taking to alcohol in all new proportions.

I’m 21 myself and I used to be an atheist and think it was alright to do things that didn’t have consequences but I wish more people my age would turn their life around and join the church - the Catholic church in particular gives me a real sense of direction.

 

[Jade17]

I absolutely understand your point, and thanks for sharing. I’m sorry for your “near miss” and for your friend as well.

You are correct. The scandals are disturbing, but not one of the major reasons why I left. As Gordon Sims pointed out, it is sometimes the sole reason people leave (or don’t join), but that’s another topic entirely. I am willing to share some of my experiences that pushed me away from the church, however I am hesitant. These experiences are not flattering tales of time spent at church, and I don’t want to offend anyone; that’s not why I’m here. I also do not claim to know how many others have had similar experiences.

When I asked my parents why they joined the church, they said, “It takes a community to raise a child.” They felt that the local catholic church was the best place to raise their child, so my mom entered the RCIA program when I was 4 or 5 (my Dad was catholic). I was immediately enrolled in CCD, a program that I blame for many of my poor experiences with the church.

1.) When I was about 10, one of my teachers confessed to the class that he used to “beat his children bloody”, but thanks to Jesus, he no longer felt the need to do so. I was terrified of him, and when I told my parents that I wanted out, they asked me to stick it out with this guy, so I did.
2.) That same teacher used to yell at me for asking bible-related questions in class because “if you would read it, you wouldn’t have any questions.” He gave me an article titled, “How to be nice to other people.” I was an extremely social kid, and he really messed with my self-confidence.
3.) When I was 14, I started having a lot of questions about the faith. I loved our pastor at the time. He was patient and answered all of my questions in a way that made sense to me. Then he was convicted of being an alcoholic, and was excommunicated by the diocese. The amount of trash-talking by other parishioners was unbelievable, and made me question my own morals since I looked up to him so much. Several of my family members (eg: my grandfather) struggled/struggle with alcoholism, and I figured those people thought the same about our family.
4.) At about 14 or 15, we had a pastor come in from another church and give a sermon on the evils of abortion and homosexuality. I had a gay cousin who was really good with me, and I looked up to her. I was distraught to hear that she would be going to hell, and especially distressed when this man (who I now realize was homophobic) said that we must not interact with “them”. What made it worse was the woman (a mother who volunteered with our group) who sat next to me constantly asked me, “Well you agree, don’t you? Because he’s right.”
5.) I was an alter server, and when I was 15, I volunteered to help teach younger kids how to do it. Our pastor was mean, and snapped at kids for messing up in mass in front of the congregation. Eventually, many of them quit, and when they told their friends, less wanted to get involved. I was blamed for not teaching them well enough.
6.) At 16, I volunteered to be a lector. I (oddly enough) loved public speaking and thought this would be a fun way to connect with the church. I was told that I wasn’t old enough, and there would be words that I couldn’t pronounce…and they couldn’t have that. The following Sunday, they let one of my classmates (whose Mom was very very involved in the church) be a lector. I felt like they thought I was unintelligent, yet I was a straight A student.
7.) When I was 16/17, one of my first CCD (when I was 5 or 6?) teachers volunteered to take the spot of a youth leader that had moved. I loved her when I was a kid, and still talked to her frequently. In the spring, she lectured our whole group on how everyone who went to prom was going to hell. I had gone to prom, and was crushed by her opinion of me. The after party was at my parent’s house. We played basketball, had a bonfire, and drank hot chocolate under their watchful eye.
8.) With all of this adding up, I dreaded going to church. At 17, I thought I felt God in the great outdoors, and spent a ton of time there with my Dad. I suggested a camping trip to my youth group, only to be shamed by the instructors in front of my peers because “A girl like you should be spending time behind the pages of a bible, not outdoors.”
9.) After a hiatus from church, I went to another parish when I was 22, hoping that my parent’s church was an exception. It was July 4th and exceptionally hot in the tiny church I was in. An elderly man passed out 5 or 6 pews in front of me during mass. Not a soul (including the pastor who I know saw him go down) moved to help him for at least a minute, and his row (and the rows around him) were full! He recovered with some water, and the pastor continued on to give the homily, which was entirely about how the US was going to hell, and there was no reason to celebrate July 4th. It was a depressing homily, and offensive in many ways.

Not one of these experiences has much to do with the actual Catholic faith/bible, but more with the community that surrounds the church. I agree that the church is not meant to be a feel-good place, but it is a place that is touted as an atmosphere to raise a child in, and as such, a community-oriented place. The community is what makes the church strong, and theoretically, vice versa. To this day when I enter a catholic church, I’m flooded by memories of times I did not enjoy. I don’t feel support or love there, and to say that is to say I don’t feel God there. A bold statement, I know, but it’s the way I feel.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

Jade17, thank you, thank you, thank you. You took a big risk sharing your experience publicly. Great courage. You must be an amazing young lady.

I wanted to post this right away in case you’re still monitoring the forum. I wanted you to know as soon as was possible how highly I regard you after your post.

We share some experiences. I will speak to them, but I first want to gather my thoughts.

You may not “see” God in a Catholic Church. Let me suggest to you to look deeply into your heart. You might be amazed at Who is looking back. You are in my prayers.

Grace, peace and love.

 

[123Strontium]

Me too, I don’t think you’re the only one. I’m based in the UK, and it feels like what you explained. But don’t lose heart, be committed and encouraged, be your own person and live your faith fruitfully.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Has anybody suggested contraception yet? I’d wager a bet that some / most 20somethings (maybe not on CAF of course) had parents that did not live authentic catholic lives until later in life…towards the end of fertility. Less kids, less kids at mass.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

Although my thoughts and this post speak directly to Jade17 and if my remarks are meaningful to some who have and are struggling with Catholicism, I address them to all who participate here.

Jade, what severe and serious blows you have taken! And in your formative years, too! I am so sorry, and you are in my prayers. As I said before, you demonstrated great courage by baring your soul in this forum. What cries out from beyond your words wants resolution.

I was slapped by my pastor once because I blew out a candle too hard after I served Mass. He was afraid of getting wax on his vestments. I was “fired” from carrying the crucifix at the head of our procession when I graduated from 8th grade in a Catholic school because I walked to fast. It is possible that an assistant pastor seduced my sister–or maybe she seduced him. Don’t know if it happened but it’s a definite possibility. This same priest left the priesthood as did many others whom I loved and respected as being my teacher and example. One of our assistant pastors was an alcoholic and I had to wake him up to say Mass for the nuns–he could barely perform. Vatican II destroyed my little Catholic world. All of this was before I was twenty.

I, too, wandered in the desert of life questioning my faith, my ethics, my philosophy and ultimately myself. I was empty. I thought I was a fraud. People would tell me how wonderful I was and my interior response was, “Oh, if you only knew how bad I am.”

Then came the social revolution of the 1960’s. We guys burned our draft cards and the girls burned their bras. Everything was great. Yeah, right!

I still felt empty, and dirty and incomplete. I didn’t go to Mass, yet I called myself a Catholic. I searched and searched and searched. Nothing satisfied me. People who tried to counsel me talked to my head and not my heart. My heart died.

But there was still a spark in me. Down deep, I knew that the Eucharist was my key, my salvation. I just couldn’t outwardly admit and practice it. Then my kids came along. I felt obligated to go to Mass and enroll them in Catholic schools. Apparently, I was not a good example, none of them practice Catholicism today.

I say all of this to show you how similar are our paths and to let you know why I can see beyond your words and experiences. There is a great “fixer” in me, and in a previous life I was an engineer, so, when presented with a problem, I look at solutions. The topic of this thread, though, is “Why don’t they” and possibly doesn’t include “How do we.” The “how” is probably germaine to 30, 40, 50 and 60 somethings too. Also there are other venues of communication. We’ll see how all this works out.

Let me say that after many “false starts” I came “back home” for the last time–I promised God–about 10 years ago. The richness and fullness of our faith is coming home to me. I try to go to Mass everyday and confession at least once a month. (The first time I received that sacrament in a long time I had to say, “Father, it has been so long that I can’t remember when my last confession was.”) I’m like an addict. When I go without the Eucharist I get restless and unsettled. I’ve learned that when I’m tempted, and I am, it’s never more than Jesus and I together can’t handle.

I sometimes think that I’m still doing wrong because I don’t “feel” that sense of joy and happiness of which St. Paul and the Psalms speak. But when my head is in the right spot, I’m at peace and I am content. St. Augustine, who was, as I was, a slave to sin, said, “I am purging my heart of the old leaven.” The “bad stuff” doesn’t readily go away. It takes time and prayer. That’s really a simple form of this monologue.

Although it is not an easy read simply because there is so much packed in the pages, Pope Emeritus Benedict’s book “Jesus of Nazareth” is wonderful. Let me share something I read just this morning. In speaking of Jesus’ image of the vine and saying, “Remain in me,” at the Last Supper, Benedict says, “[Remaining is the] patient steadfastness in communion with the Lord amid all the vicissitudes of life.” Faith can be really boring.

If you are not now attending Mass, it is not my intent to cajole or convince you to return. What I do urge you to do is not turn away from Jesus. I too found and continue to find God’s presence in creation–on the land outdoors. Take your Bible there and talk to Him. He will talk back. He is in you–your words tell me that.

Grace, peace and love

 

[hwriggles4]

Young Thinker:

I don’t know what city or diocese you are in, but there were many great suggestions here about visiting Newman Centers and going to Theology on Tap. At 23, there may be a few graduate students (I’m thinking Psychology or English majors primarily) around your age who may come to the Newman Center. You also may want to check when the Newman Center has Mass on Sunday. You may want to go occasionally. Where I live, 15-20 miles to drive to church seems normal.

Some dioceses have an office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry, that might lead you to places for productive fellowship, like Theology on Tap.

I’m glad you are a Knight. Me and another guy were in our 30’s when we joined (I wish now I would of joined in college where I returned to the Catholic Church), and one reason we joined a particular council was there were quite a few men there under 45. Our council has gotten a few more younger members too. I also belonged to a men’s fellowship a few years ago, and one thing my friends and I liked was our group was a good mix of young and old - and we learned quite a bit from the older gentlemen (i.e. 60+). One critique we had was, “you did a good job not placing all the young guys in one group.”

I also know some parishes tend to be friendlier to younger people than others. There’s a parish in my current city where quite a few young people attend, and the pastor is open to letting them be lectors, Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, etc. Years ago, I began to attend a certain parish (where I used to live) was they had an active Young Adult Group, and I was 29 years old at that time. The Young Adult Group was primarily 18-35 (average age was about 26), and a mix of single and married people.

My parish does CRHP, and I was really happy to see that many of the younger ladies between 22 and 40 have gotten involved with that, and found community there.

Young Thinker, you may also want to sign on to one of the Catholic Online Dating sites, such as Ave Maria Singles or Catholic Match. Both sites have some forums, where you might also find suggestions to meet other Young Adults at Catholic Events.

Here’s another thought: try setting up a community service event for Young Adult Catholics. Go to about three or four parishes and advertise a Saturday afternoon serving lunch at a soup kitchen. You could also set up an informal evening social at a Starbucks or a local diner.

Hope that helps you out Young Thinker. Good luck.