Why do you think there are so few twentysomethings in the Church today?

[KnightIHSV]

Young Thinker:

I don’t know what city or diocese you are in, but there were many great suggestions here about visiting Newman Centers and going to Theology on Tap. At 23, there may be a few graduate students (I’m thinking Psychology or English majors primarily) around your age who may come to the Newman Center. You also may want to check when the Newman Center has Mass on Sunday. You may want to go occasionally. Where I live, 15-20 miles to drive to church seems normal.

Some dioceses have an office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry, that might lead you to places for productive fellowship, like Theology on Tap.

I’m glad you are a Knight. Me and another guy were in our 30’s when we joined (I wish now I would of joined in college where I returned to the Catholic Church), and one reason we joined a particular council was there were quite a few men there under 45. Our council has gotten a few more younger members too. I also belonged to a men’s fellowship a few years ago, and one thing my friends and I liked was our group was a good mix of young and old - and we learned quite a bit from the older gentlemen (i.e. 60+). One critique we had was, “you did a good job not placing all the young guys in one group.”

I also know some parishes tend to be friendlier to younger people than others. There’s a parish in my current city where quite a few young people attend, and the pastor is open to letting them be lectors, Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, etc. Years ago, I began to attend a certain parish (where I used to live) was they had an active Young Adult Group, and I was 29 years old at that time. The Young Adult Group was primarily 18-35 (average age was about 26), and a mix of single and married people.

My parish does CRHP, and I was really happy to see that many of the younger ladies between 22 and 40 have gotten involved with that, and found community there.

Young Thinker, you may also want to sign on to one of the Catholic Online Dating sites, such as Ave Maria Singles or Catholic Match. Both sites have some forums, where you might also find suggestions to meet other Young Adults at Catholic Events.

Here’s another thought: try setting up a community service event for Young Adult Catholics. Go to about three or four parishes and advertise a Saturday afternoon serving lunch at a soup kitchen. You could also set up an informal evening social at a Starbucks or a local diner.

Hope that helps you out Young Thinker. Good luck.

Well said. Great advice.

 

[Young_Thinker]

Well said. Great advice.

LOL I definitely agree!

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

It’s tough to be a twenty-something Catholic. Started a YA group in my parish, and we have a small devoted following. I teach a sacramental prep and a I co-teach a youth group; I’m also a lector.

But, I have found myself harshly judged. I’m teased by co-workers and fellow Catholic’s for being so involved in church, and I’ve suffered through some pretty vicious parish gossip. I’ve had my parish priest text people behind my back, “I’m worried that Jeanne_dArc isn’t learning enough about the faith and isn’t being fed. I think she needs to go to confession/mass more. I’m concerned.” I saw this text, and it might explain the rumors, because who knows how many people he is sharing this with. (I go to confession once a month, and he has **never **voiced a concern directly to me!)

Honestly, if I didn’t believe with every ounce of my being that my salvation lies with Christ in His Church, I would leave in an instant.

I think many twenty-somethings are worried about dealing with this type of judgement. It’s too bad because we should remember that Christ ate with sinners and tax-collectors.

 

[Margy1948]

This is only a guess, but a lot of my Catholic friends in their 60s and 70s say that they met their spouses at dances that were held at the Church on Friday nights.

I asked around my area but not one of the Catholic Churches still does this.

I do know that a lot of folks in their 20s, who did not meet ‘the one’ in college or on the job revert to the internet to meet guys and girls, which is a trifle disturbing because of the possible dangers.

Peggy, on Mad Men, said that if you get the girls the boys will follow, this makes sense to me.

 

[The_Blunt_Brig]

I think there aren’t more young people because their parents where taught by hippies that only said peace and God loves you instead of teaching what we believe. They are not told that it is a mortal sin to miss Holy Days of Obligation and don’t know that Jesus is present in the Eucharist and their parents don’t know it either. Therefore, it is rational not to go to church if it is not entertaining. And if a Protestant Church is interesting to go there instead because they believe in Jesus just the same as hippy catholics.

My dad was in that generation. He left the catholic church when Evangelicals started trying to convert him because he was never told that we don’t believe in the bible alone. If he knew that and that the Roman Catholic Church was the one Christ founded he probably wouldn’t have left.

 

[jarn98]

2 of my sons fall into this age group, Although they are grown and gone, they still attend Mass on Sunday in the towns where they currently reside. One complaint they BOTH had was the overaggressive efforts of parishioners to get them interested in becoming priests. As much as I would love to say “My son(s), the priest (s)” , it made them uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that, and then became less active in their respective churches. Both boys also remain ashamed over the pedophile sex scandals, and one of them is especially resentful of demands for increased offerings to pay off the subsequent lawsuits.

 

[hwriggles4]

I’ve suffered through some pretty vicious parish gossip. I’ve had my parish priest text people behind my back,

I think many twenty-somethings are worried about dealing with this type of judgement. It’s too bad because we should remember that Christ ate with sinners and tax-collectors.

Jeanne:

I get disappointed when I hear gossip amongst parishioners. My mother is always telling me about the church politics and complaints at her parish, and when she begins to vent, I try to tune out. A few years ago, a priest at my parish left on sabbatical and rumors begin to circulate that he was leaving the priesthood. When the priest returned, I publicly said at a few organizational meetings how disappointed I was about the rumors. I also felt that some of these rumors came about due to media influences.

I even know people who left certain organizations or even changed parishes due to things like gossip and cliques within certain parishes. It is obvious that gossip and cliques often turn off others (even young adults) to certain organizations. While I have never heard a priest gossip about other parishioners (he should know better, since there are trust issues involved). As for myself, I reduced my involvement many years ago when I belonged to a “Catholic Singles’” group, in part due to things like drama, airing out dirty laundry, gossip, cliques, etc. Several of my friends (both men and women) left this “Catholic Singles” group for the same reason. Many of us preferred to find other things to do, because we wanted to get away from the drama - it’s not why we joined.

One thing I do know too, is that no one is perfect. My Protestant friends even tell me they have left certain churches (i.e. left one Baptist church and started going to another Baptist church) over issues such as church politics, cliques, and gossip. I even know a good Methodist who changed to a different Methodist church because he felt the pastor was talking too much about money (the pastor drove a Porsche - no joke).

On another note, liked the Young Adult concept better than “Singles Ministry”. I found people to be more respectful, and more interested in things like community service and faith formation. While socialization can be a part of ministry, there needs to be a balance between spiritual and social. Many times, when you have the spiritual, the social takes care of itself.

I like the quote from Mad Men. It reminds me that when the ladies set the bar high, the men will rise. One Young Adult Group I belonged to had a great group of nice girls who were good examples of practicing Catholics. One focus of the group was a weekly Holy Hour where we prayed the Rosary as a group and then had Eucharistic Adoration. Many of these girls married some good quality men that they met through the group, and an overwhelming majority are still married today, with marriages that are fruitful and on fire for the Catholic faith.

I do go to a larger parish, and I am involved in a few ministries. My pastor and the parochial vicar know me too. However, I try to stay out of church politics, and when the busybody’s talk, I try to take it with a grain of salt.

 

[eonporter]

SecretGarden’s post is spot-on, but I think this is the biggest issue. The catechesis in the 70s-80s was sorely lacking at best. When I started re-strengthening my faith a few years ago I was shocked by some of what I read. I’m not talking about minor points and obscure rules, but a lot of the fundamental basics that I never heard in my 12 years of Catholic schooling. Transubstanti-what? The Immaculate Conception didn’t refer to Jesus? My head spun when I read that missing Mass was a mortal sin and that I was absolutely required to receive Confession once per year. The priest who married us told us that raising our kids in the faith meant getting them the Sacraments. As far as I knew, our sporadic Sunday attendance and occasional appearances on Christmas and Easter were just fine; it was certainly better than what my peers were doing.

Although I know better now, when I try to correct the misconceptions of my family and friends, they think I’m off my rocker. They all came from roughly the same background and think I’m nuts when I tell them that they shouldn’t be taking Communion with mortal sins on their consciences, that things other than rape, murder & adultery are actually considered mortal sins, that the Church doesn’t actually make concessions for contraception and abortion based on your circumstances, and that you truly and honestly are required to be at Mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation. They think the priests who occasionally speak out about sin and pro-life issues should be defrocked, while Father Feelgood, who incorporates all sorts of pop culture references into his homilies, uses his iPhone on the altar and is a card-carrying member of Catholics for Choice, is the only sort of priest who can get them to make their thrice-yearly appearances in the pews.

I think youth groups are a great idea but I think the best hope for getting the twentysomethings back in the pews is for their parents to do the same. I drag my son every time he’s home when we go and don’t give him the option of skipping out on the family Rosary. I talk to him (and the rest of my family) about our faith as often as I can and work hard to instill those things I missed out on. While it hasn’t had huge, visible results, I’m hoping it makes a difference at some point down the road.

Same here!

 

[haastiin]

@eonporter:

WOW!

I’ve been following this thread from the start, and over and over again see accounts like you have given. I am stunned to find this history so prevalent. I was just approaching conversion in 1967 when James Kavanaugh published A Modern Priest Looks at his Outdated Church. There is still plenty of that sentiment around, and I concur that it must have affected a whole generation of catechesis. I’m nearly 70 so people half my age and on down to their 20’s have some astonishing and outrageous interpretations of everything the Church has taught for a thousand years (not 2000 because we were still getting it all together that first thousand years).

On Easter I spoke with a couple in that age range who have a 4 y.o. son. They missed Easter Mass because they were trying to close a deal on a pool table they had been storing in their carport for a friend. They needed their carport cleared out, and that took precedence over any of the several opportunities throughout the Triduum to go to Mass. Mrs. Mom has stated that there is no such thing as transubstantiation because that would make us cannibals. No one should dictate to you what to include in your examination of conscience. You don’t have to go to confession if you haven’t committed an egregious sin like murder or adultery; apparently ignoring God and the sacraments is not egregious. Mr. Dad feels that if the homilies are lack-luster it’s ok to skip Mass and that the parish outreach to the poor and homeless is a good idea but not something he wants to have anything to do with. They rarely attend Mass because their god is a cyclopes that broadcasts a dozen or so sports events every weekend for teams or sports they “can’t miss seeing live.” Neither believe in the Real Presence.

Their “catechesis” - like their catechists - grew out of the existential demythologizing philosophies. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, I say. It truly is important to understand Scripture in light of the sociopolitical, philosophical, and theological mores of the times, but that doesn’t invalidate them because they are not “modern.” It strengthens our ability to apply them if we understand them better. Sticking with the Sola Scriptura argument is even worse because then there is no mythology, no figurative language, no variances in genres, and therefore everything must be applied literally.

To me it seems that the solution to the 20-30’s not going to church sort of falls back into the laps of believers that have recatechized themselves through Bible study and a deep examination of the CCC. We need to become the new missionaries - if you will - for the Faith. Instead of Catholic Outreach, I feel we are sorely in need of Catholic inreach. For that the Church will need lay people who know their stuff, and Priests who have the guts to say, “Go for it!” Most of the younger Priests I know are adamantly aligned with knowing the Bible, knowing the catechism, and knowing that sin, the devil, hell, the Real Presence, and God’s forgiveness are all 100% real.

Again, thanks to everyone who has chipped in here. If any of you know how to extract all this information into a document, let me know. If there’s no “easy way to do it,” I’ll just copy and paste - with permission of the moderator and participants (no names or screen names to be included). I think this is important stuff, and something we should all be looking at in the Year of Faith.

 

[Disciple_I_Hope]

haastiin:

WOW!

Et cum spiritu tuo. Amen.

Haastiin and I are about the same age. My life experience in the Church is similar. I have posted elsewhere in this thread that I was “in and out” for many years, but made a final return. Upon return, I observed what I call a general “move away from conscience” and a “casual approach to the liturgy and sacraments.” When I spoke to people, I heard the same things haastiin, Gordon Sims and SecretGarden have all posted in this thread. As a corollary, those who were half-way well formed had a desire–a yearning–to participate in Catholicism and to learn more. I think that the root cause of the original question is identified.

Different people have different reasons for not being active: gossip, scandal, car port, kids–mine was the implementation of Vatican II. Please notice that none of these are doctrinal or theological. It is common in the modern day to define a problem and then assign blame. This doesn’t fix it though.

Haastiin is right. It is up to those of us who care to reach out–catechize (?), evangelize (?)–to our fellow Catholics. One of the Vatican II documents is addressed to “missionary lands.” Although our task in this country is not to introduce Christianity, the “fallen away” Catholic population–of all ages–is fruitful land for missionary activities.

One huge obstacle, in addition to a lack of or bad catechesis, is what Pope Emeritus Benedict calls the sea of relativism and secularism. People of today have lost sight of the only goal we humans have–to be happy with God in heaven for all eternity. (For those of you who recognize that, it’s from the Baltimore Catechism.) One task we missionaries have is to help people redefine God in “God terms” and not “human terms.” We must, as Jesus told Peter, think like our Father in heaven. To do all of this we must labor and pray for the Spirit to move within us to continue the work started my Our Lord.

My problem is that I have no answers on how to do this. If I did, I would share them. I’m working at it though. In redefining the Church for the modern world, Vatican II laid a grave responsibility on the shoulders of the faithful. We are disciples. We are called. We have put this load on our pastors and bishops for too long. I’m trying to hold up my end of the responsibility. I must continually remember the parable of the Sower and the Seed.

@haastiin. Look at the homily Cardinal Ratzinger gave at the Mass which convoked the Conclave in which he was elected pope. I think the document you seek may already be in existence.

God bless you all.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Check the Latin Masses

 

[haastiin]

Et cum spiritu tuo. Amen.

@haastiin. Look at the homily Cardinal Ratzinger gave at the Mass which convoked the Conclave in which he was elected pope. I think the document you seek may already be in existence.

God bless you all.

Thank you. Will do. God bless YOU!

 

[adbridges]

We have a lot of kids and a youth group that seems to do ok. But you are right, I think it would be helpful to have something place for young adults to meet and share activities with fellow Catholics in your age group. I wish mine had thirty something group with 2 kids and divorced LOL…recovery hour God Bless and pray you find your place in your church community. Sounds like you are starting out on the right foot.

 

[ishnianqueen]

Most seem just apathetic, while others are overtly hostile towards any kind of religion. But that’s what strikes me the most, how just so many of them don’t even think about it. They don’t think about existential questions at all. They don’t want to be bothered by them.

This is spot on with my experience, too. I had roommates who were “Catholic,” but even though I told them that I would go to church with them (our campus ministry was excellent), that Mass was important, that holy days of obligation were, well, obligatory, they just kind of shrugged and pretty much said that even though they knew that was what the church taught, that Jesus wouldn’t mind. Even when they did come with me AND ENJOYED IT, they wouldn’t come back.

In some ways, I wonder if they just know that being a good, practicing Catholic involves a radical life change, and they just don’t want to be bothered with it or they’re just lazy. “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton

As some others have said, many 20-somethings are more mobile than their married counterparts or their younger compatriots still living at home. Between college and getting married (3 years), I had 4 different addresses in 4 different parish boundaries. Registering to a single parish is almost ludicrous at that point - the paperwork for the staff would be overwhelming. But that makes the 20-somethings that ARE active difficult to plan for in terms of ministry - you don’t have any numbers to work with. Our diocese is pretty good about doing young adult ministry to remedy that. There’s Theology on Tap, some sports leagues, holy hours, something called “Catholic Underground” at least once a season, and various trips.

As some people mentioned too, the ones getting left out of both parish groups and young adult events are generally the couples with young kids. I would LOVE to get involved with our parish women’s group, or go to some of the talks or other events, but the timing stinks. Either I’d have to bring a very cranky toddler with me, or I’d have to leave her with my husband, who would already have had to do a full work day plus dog care, with no back-up, and I don’t think that would be fair to do that to him every week.

Jade 17 and Jeanne D’arc, if you are still reading this thread, I want to give you a hug. No one should have to deal with those things. I had a friend who, for one of her first confessions at seven or eight years old, was given a thousand Hail Marys as penance, and was forced to spend 2 days of school sitting in the church saying them while someone sat with her to make sure she did it. I take some comfort in the fact that I’m pretty sure that there is some kind of punishment for people that push others away from the church, but I’m distressed that their actions caused such damage that may never be undone.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

This is spot on with my experience, too. I had roommates who were “Catholic,” but even though I told them that I would go to church with them (our campus ministry was excellent), that Mass was important, that holy days of obligation were, well, obligatory, they just kind of shrugged and pretty much said that even though they knew that was what the church taught, that Jesus wouldn’t mind. Even when they did come with me AND ENJOYED IT, they wouldn’t come back.

In some ways, I wonder if they just know that being a good, practicing Catholic involves a radical life change, and they just don’t want to be bothered with it or they’re just lazy. “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton

As some others have said, many 20-somethings are more mobile than their married counterparts or their younger compatriots still living at home. Between college and getting married (3 years), I had 4 different addresses in 4 different parish boundaries. Registering to a single parish is almost ludicrous at that point - the paperwork for the staff would be overwhelming. But that makes the 20-somethings that ARE active difficult to plan for in terms of ministry - you don’t have any numbers to work with. Our diocese is pretty good about doing young adult ministry to remedy that. There’s Theology on Tap, some sports leagues, holy hours, something called “Catholic Underground” at least once a season, and various trips.

As some people mentioned too, the ones getting left out of both parish groups and young adult events are generally the couples with young kids. I would LOVE to get involved with our parish women’s group, or go to some of the talks or other events, but the timing stinks. Either I’d have to bring a very cranky toddler with me, or I’d have to leave her with my husband, who would already have had to do a full work day plus dog care, with no back-up, and I don’t think that would be fair to do that to him every week.

Jade 17 and Jeanne D’arc, if you are still reading this thread, I want to give you a hug. No one should have to deal with those things.** I had a friend who, for one of her first confessions at seven or eight years old, was given a thousand Hail Marys as penance, and was forced to spend 2 days of school sitting in the church saying them while someone sat with her to make sure she did it.** I take some comfort in the fact that I’m pretty sure that there is some kind of punishment for people that push others away from the church, but I’m distressed that their actions caused such damage that may never be undone.

If that is considered extremely harsh then I must have misheard a priest in confession, I thought he said 5000 Hail Marys which for a teenager with ADHD is an enormous amount. In order to keep track I prayed the rosary a hundred times, took a long time.

 

[haastiin]

Today, April 11, 2013, is the Feast of Blessed Bishop Saint Stanislaus of Szczepanów who was murdered during Mass by King Bolesław. One of the activities for which he is well-remembered is his pursuit of reform for the clergy. Among the Fathers and Doctors of the Church, there are many who pursued the same goal - reform of the clergy. After mulling over the many extraordinary accounts of clerical misconduct endured by the correspondents here, I think my daily intercessions must include urging God to send us an increase in reformation among clergy. This thread has been formative and informative.

One answer I got from a married friend in this age group: No cry room. People around you, and sometimes even the Priest, shoot you “that look” when your kid makes noise or breaks loose and makes a run for it. It’s so embarrassing - even though you often hear, “It’s OK. It’s how they learn to be church-goers, by going regularly.” I sure don’t feel OK when I get those looks and comments like “He’s sure a bundle of energy!”.

In the CCC, Paragraph 3 Article 4, sections 2197-2257 there is a great series of lessons in what FAMILY is supposed to mean in our Church. Maybe the reform we need could help Pastors and parishioners understand their roles and responsibilities in that regard.

Great stuff everyone. Please keep this going and bring in more contributors.

 

[Buffalo2NY]

I didn’t realize it was such an issue. The recent parishes which I have attended have thriving communities in your demographic. (I’m one of them!) I guess we are really blessed.

(edit: after reading all the other posts, I get it. When I say “thriving communities in your demographics” I mean like 10 to 15 people in this age group per mass [which I think is still quite large]. Still a lot activities and ministries for the “youngsters”.)

I noticed that more affluent areas with large Catholic populations will have a lot of church goers between 19 to 35.

Also, if you live near a military base, you may want to try checking out a parish on base. Nearly all the parishoners are between 18 to 40 in all the bases that I have been to.

 

[Young_Thinker]

I didn’t realize it was such an issue. The recent parishes which I have attended have thriving communities in your demographic. (I’m one of them!) I guess we are really blessed.

(edit: after reading all the other posts, I get it. When I say “thriving communities in your demographics” I mean like 10 to 15 people in this age group per mass [which I think is still quite large]. Still a lot activities and ministries for the “youngsters”.)

I noticed that more affluent areas with large Catholic populations will have a lot of church goers between 19 to 35.

Also, if you live near a military base, you may want to try checking out a parish on base. Nearly all the parishoners are between 18 to 40 in all the bases that I have been to.

Wow thanks for sharing!

 

[Os2Hugh]

As a 26 going on 27 year old young single male Catholic I feel the same things. My family think I am a wierdo for not lusting after women. I have even had people that think I am a homosexual for abstaining from immoral sexual encounters. Sometimes i wonder if the Lord meant for me to have a vocation, because i don’t fit in with my own generation. It is hard tring to be a good faithfull virtuous man in his twenties in todays society filled with debauchery.

                 It can be very discouraging sometimnes I wonder why I try to live a good life when no one else seems to think that being a faithfull person matters. I nned to turn to Jesus more, this know but it can be so demoralizing

Pax Chrsti
Hugh

 

[Bklynguy]

Honestly, it seems like I’m the only one at my parish who’s between 19 and 35- either you’re in high school or you’re old and married LOL. Having converted a couple of years ago, I still kind of feel like an outsider- I joined the Knights of Columbus last year, but everyone else in my council is at least 40 (and my council isn’t particularily active as of late anyway), and lately I’ve been attending a Lifeteen Mass on ocassion at nearby church, but as a single 23-year old, I still left out and in a class unto my own. LOL Does anyone feel this way? Why are there so few young people (post-high school) who go to Mass? Boredom, overrationalism…?

I think it comes from pride. In other words, they don’t need God and they are, in a sense, being their own God. However, most people, on their death bed, cry out to God. They don’t fully understand the Mass, why it is important, and how much they need God. I am in my early thirties and returned to the Church about five years ago after being away for 13 years. Since then, I realized that Mass is the THE most important thing on this side of life in which I could participate.