Why is the Catholic Church so unfriendly to singles?

  • Thread starter Thread starter happypeacemaker
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
In general, celibacy is badly seen in society, but also in the Church. To have a complet adult Christian life you must be either married, or priest or religious, otherwise you are a Christian pariah, nothing is planned for you because you are “without special vocations”.
What our friend says is only very true, there is a campaign “marketting” in the Church to value the life of a couple, so the Vatican has created a new dicastery only to take care of the family, there have been two synods and an exhortation to exalt the family. In my diocese there are so many conferences, events organized for families, and for young people.
Another synod is in sight for religious life. And the single life? pfff they are “without vocations” why worry about them?
 
klmt123 said:
In both the elders minds and the reality, singles are either having casual sex, contracepting, or living with someone without being married.
Click to expand...
And the reality?

You know this about every single singleton? They’re all bed hopping and leading less than Catholic lives? How do you know this?

Why are people here always tarring every member of a group with the same brush?

No wonder single people feel out of place. I wouldn’t want to sit in a room with a bunch of folks sizing me up and thinking they know everything about me without even bothering to meet me.

Hold up. I go to Mass alone. (sigh)
 
Last edited:
Mboo said:
And the single life? pfff they are “without vocations” why worry about them?
Click to expand...
Single people get married. I wasn’t a married adult until I (whoa) actually got married at 26.

Single people don’t necessarily stay single forever.
 
What??? I left this thread for about 10 minutes. I come back…How did we go from “Why is the Catholic Church so Unfriendly to Singles”" to (AGAIN!!!)…Sex issues???

I am really paying attention now. And shaking my head.

I recently lodged a complaint that everything on CAF revolves around sexual issues. I got jumped on pretty hard for making that assertion. I think I was right, though.
 
Last edited:
Pup7 said:
Single people get married. I wasn’t a married adult until I (whoa) actually got married at 26.

Single people don’t necessarily stay single forever.
Click to expand...
it’s because we do not talk about the same thing. A single person contemplating marriage is concerned indirectly or explicitly with the events and structures of the church that deals with marriage and the family.
I’m talking about permanent singles
 
Have you looked at the statistics of adultery lately among married people?
 
Mboo said:
it’s because we do not talk about the same thing. A single person contemplating marriage is concerned indirectly or explicitly with the events and structures of the church that deals with marriage and the family.
I’m talking about permanent singles
Click to expand...
That’s fair.

That treatment is decidedly unfair.

It gets awkward for me sometimes because we don’t have children, so I have a lot of empathy for that, even though it’s a different situation.
 
Last edited:
I do think some churches are working so hard at strengthening marriages and families they can inadvertently hurt singles. I know a few parishes where the couples groups have been so strong and wonderful they absorb all the married people. They started with a monthly movie night and a monthly talk and next thing the couples groups had their own Bible studies and holy hours. It’s been absolutely wonderful unless you aren’t married. Those parishes no longer have regular Bible studies or women’s groups.

And many have a school do that is another whole world devoted to married families.

The seniors also have senior clubs, Bible study and the Legion of Mary during the day.

That just leaves the Knights of Columbus which just doesn’t work if you are a girl and honestly their age range here seems to be 55-90.
 
Last edited:
happypeacemaker said:
Families and seniors get VIP treatment at church.

Singles…second class citizens.

Am I mistaken?

Yes, I realize it’s not a social club, but if there’s no acknowledgement whatsoever that some would-be-parishoners are treated like pariahs, I really don’t what to say.
Click to expand...
It is written in Canon Law for the Latin Rite (Section 3.2.2):

“Senior citizens and married couples are to receive VIP treatment at all times and free donuts & coffee after Mass, lolol”.
 
klmt123 said:
I doubt married people are having casual sex and attending mass.
Click to expand...
I doubt you are familiar with the situation of every married Catholic couple out there.
Based on my own life experiences and the stories my mother used to tell, yes there are people doing this very thing.
Don’t assume that just because people are married, they’re all faithful and holy-holy. To do so is incredibly naive.
And also don’t assume that just because someone is sinning, they don’t go to Mass. They may go to keep up appearances, or because they feel guilty, or because they are struggling and want/ need the help of Jesus to sort things out in their life.
 
Last edited:
Tis_Bearself said:
And also don’t assume that just because someone is sinning, they don’t go to Mass. They may go to keep up appearances, or because they feel guilty, or because they are struggling and want/ need the help of Jesus to sort things out in their life.
Click to expand...
Also that treating sinners badly doesn’t help with that last bit.
 
Most people who are sinning aren’t going to go around advertising the weird situations going on in their life, for this very reason. They don’t want or need other people’s judgments.

One tends to hear about such things only if one is very close to the person having the situation, or else hears about it after everything goes haywire and the person’s spouse has moved out on them or something.
 
Last edited:
In many different parishes, no matter if orthodox or catholic, I experienced rather the opposite - people tended to be better networked in the church when they were single as they had more time they otherwise would spend with their spouse or children and the “maybe looking for a spouse” thing was an underlying feel for some (not all).
In my parish now, most activties are managed by the strong and hard working community of either young unmarried students/ workers or old ladies.
 
Exactamundo.

Particularly the part about appearances. Some of the folks who seem to the outside world to have it all together, are the most messed up behind closed doors.
 
HolySpirit said:
I have nothing against drinking in moderation, but should the church be sponsoring events in barrooms?
Click to expand...
But you can easily drink in moderation in a bar. It’s not like you have to start slamming shots just because you’re in a bar. I’ve never gone to Theology on Tap but I assume the vibe is more about sipping a beer and chatting than it is about getting completely tanked.
 
And back to the original intent of this thread, i came back to my parish after being away for decades (I had not only not been practicing, but I had been living elsewhere). I just started attending Liturgy by myself, and little by little people started to speak to me. After some introductions, it might have helpled that they remembered my parents and grandparents, but at first they had no idea who I was. I definitely felt welcomed and not left out. Not all of the activities at the Church are suitable for me, but there are plenty that are. And I take the initiative and join in when I can.
 
The only thing I can think of that OP might be referring to is, if Mass is crowded, the ushers will make a special effort to find seats for those with small children/the elderly. That seems entirely appropriate, though.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top