:crying: I’m sorry you’re stuck in such a delema.
St. Thomas Aquinas taught that we are made to see God, in the sense of knowing God. His friend and intellectual equal, St. Bonaventure, taught that we are made to love God. They are both right. Our spiritual aspect of our nature, the Image of God, is our intellects, our minds, and our wills, our hearts, and so our intellects were made to know God (which is the supernatural virtue of faith) and our wills were made to love God (which is the supernatural virtue of Charity).
This is what the Catechism straight out teaches: we are destined to know and love God. But why? Because that is what Intimacy with God is.
Aristotle called friendship one soul in two bodies. This makes sense: a friend is someone whom I can share my mind and heart with, and he can share his with me. Or more mystically, when I become truly connected with someone, our minds and hearts become one: our experience connects and our love connects. We see with the same eyes; our hearts beat to the same rhythm; we feel the same things; out love becomes one and the same.
Intimacy with God, what the Beatific Vision is, is then becoming one intellect or mind with God’s, and becoming one will or heart with God’s. We not only know God as He is, we also in a sense know as God knows. We not only love God as He is, we Love in a sense as God does.
This is what you, the Image of God, are created for. To know and be known by partaking in God’s intimate thoughts, and to love and be loved by partaking in God’s intimate love. No matter what hardships and temptations you face, remember that you wish, no, God wishes to see you face to face.
Christi pax,
Lucretius