So I just converted to Catholicism this Easter and have been going on my lunch break to Mass when my work schedule permits. I really feel a need and desire for the Eucharist. I feel the need for the grace and life that it brings. It’s something new and wonderful. Since my wife is not Catholic nor supportive of me becoming Catholic, I haven’t told her that I am attending Mass during the week. Talking about religion always seems to create more tension.
However, the situation changed today. I was coming out of Mass when she called. She asked where I was and I told her. She became very upset and feels that I am sneaking around with all this Catholic stuff. She feels that I am obsessed (which i probably am, but in a good way I hope). She doesn’t understand why I am going since it is not an obligation to attend. I have trouble communicating with her about my spiritual life. To her its all strange and unfortunately she doesn’t want to know anything about it. Kind of a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ situation.
So now she is asking me not to go to Mass on the weekdays. Its not a requirement of the faith, so I guess I could stop going if it is causing problems in my marriage. On the other hand, as I stated above, I feel the spiritual need to be there and receive Christ in the Eucharist. I feel somewhat spiritually fragile. I’m not sure what to do.
Dear nevadairenaeus,
You are a ‘young’ Catholic and you deserve all of the support that the Catholic community, in your place of worship as well as here online, can give you. Being a Catholic is the biggest and most meaningful GIFT that any human being can ever be given. I rejoice with you at your newfound faith; I also understand 1000% why you have a strong wish to attend Mass, and especially to partake of the Eucharist.
You are nurturing your relationship with CHRIST, not primarily with your wife, when you attend Mass. That you go on weekdays will bring you into especially tender connection with Him. Don’t think He does not care or that He does not notice. He most certainly does!
I believe that if I were in your shoes, I would consider telling my spouse that this is between you and CHRIST. In Catholicism, no one has the right to interfere with the Sacraments we receive. No one has the right to ask what we confess. This is our covenant with God. And, while it is very nice when friends and family members understand and share our sentiments, we must always remember that Christ comes FIRST. He alludes to this in the Gospels, when He says that if anyone is more important to us than Him, then we are not worthy of Him. And, that He has come, in one sense, to bring division: one spouse will be taken, one may be left behind. He is well aware of the struggle and consternation you are going through; and you most certainly are not alone!
My own mother lived with my father, who was hostile to Catholicism during the first 52 years of their marriage. She had 52 years of attending Mass ALONE on Sundays, Holy days, often during the weekdays, and any other times that she wished. This was despite his unhappiness about this, his complaints to her and to us children, & his trying to put up obstacles to this. She prayed for him every single day. Well, after the 52 years, he happened to take a very painful and distressing trip to the cancer ward at age 78. One day, he asked everyone to leave his hospital room. Then my father asked for a priest. He explained this to no one - not my mother, no one. The priest visited him, and my father became a Catholic during that one hospital room visit. He went to Mass, then, faithfully, with my mother until he died at age 90.
Do not despair. Give your difficulties with your wife to the Lord and ask Him to guide you both. Prayer can go a long, long way toward bringing you both a measure of peace or at least of acceptance. Your faith may be used by God to help your wife - you cannot know this. My mother’s being unwavering, solid, steadfast, most certainly was a powerful witness that my dad took hold of, when he was finally vulnerable.
Please do remember: Christ always must come first, in our hearts and in our actions. Since Christ brings you joy, I am wondering why your wife would be upset. Perhaps a priest - or, if your wife is hostile to a priest - then perhaps a licensed therapist who your priest knows, would understand this; and deal with it masterfully and with love and tact, with both of you. I think this could be of great help to both you and your wife.
Blessings to you! I am delighted you are here!
