I’m giving up on reconciliation. She again has told me she doesn’t love me anymore. This is no different than in April. After all these months she hasn’t changed her mind. I have to come to terms with a divorce. I can’t stay in a marriage where my wife has no interest in making it work. I’m trying to wait until the first of the year to move out. I’m debating whether I should buy a condo now, or just rent for a while. This means I would have to move twice. I could also stay in a furnished apartment. They are move expensive, but then I wouldn’t have to worry about moving twice. What’s hard is that I have no family in town to stay with. I could stay with friends, but I don’t want to wear out my welcome. I never thought I would have to make these kinds of choices. where to stay while I go through a divorce. This has been a horrible year, with my life and my future thrown up in the air. I’m in contact with one of our priests, and he is worried about my mental well being. So am I, that’s why it may be best to just move the divorce process along so I can get on with me life.
Not so fast. Unless you know your wife has committed adultery, please be very certain that you are not giving up prematurely on a marriage to which you have bound yourself for life. Whether you or your wife chooses to honor that bond or not, the bond endures.
I am very sorry for the terrible time your wife is putting you through, I would not wish it on an enemy, I want to do what I can to support you, but you may not simply choose to ignore the existence of a promise you made before God in order to “get on with your life.”
Under Canon Law, you are obliged by your marriage vows to stay, if you
can stay, excepting grave reasons. In spite of prevailing attitudes and legal structures that work towards obscuring that fact, that has not changed since “no-fault” divorce came into vogue.
Can. 1141 A marriage that is ratum et consummatum can be dissolved by no human power and by no cause, except death.
SEPARATION WITH THE BOND REMAINING
Can. 1151 Spouses have the duty and right to preserve conjugal living unless a legitimate cause excuses them.
Can. 1152 §1. Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.
§2. Tacit condonation exists if the innocent spouse has had marital relations voluntarily with the other spouse after having become certain of the adultery. It is presumed, moreover, if the spouse observed conjugal living for six months and did not make recourse to the ecclesiastical or civil authority.
§3. If the innocent spouse has severed conjugal living voluntarily, the spouse is to introduce a cause for separation within six months to the competent ecclesiastical authority which, after having investigated all the circumstances, is to consider carefully whether the innocent spouse can be moved to forgive the fault and not to prolong the separation permanently.
Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.
§2. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise.
Can. 1154 After the separation of the spouses has taken place, the adequate support and education of the children must always be suitably provided.
Can. 1155 The innocent spouse laudably can readmit the other spouse to conjugal life; in this case the innocent spouse renounces the right to separate.
"*Brothers, even if a person is caught in some transgression, you who are spiritual should correct that one in a gentle spirit, looking to yourself, so that you also may not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he is deluding himself. Each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason to boast with regard to himself alone, and not with regard to someone else; for each will bear his own load.
One who is being instructed in the word should share all good things with his instructor. Make no mistake: God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows, because the one who sows for his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows for the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit.
Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up. So then, while we have the opportunity, let us do good to all, but especially to those who belong to the family of the faith*." Gal. 6:1-10
I am not here to judge you, but to encourage you to fight the good fight for as long as it is in your power to fight it. If you fall, ask for forgiveness, do penace, and then fight on, knowing that God forgives the contrite. He will not fail to reward the steadfast. You will not go without your reward, but will shine among the just when the truths of this life are all laid bare.
). Also remember, your wife wants to pull them out of Catholic school. If you’re out, you lose all practical say in their education - so put their education in any agreement.