Women and "Those Images"

[silentfactor80]

Yeah. Sorry, I think that’s really improper (and I’m a married woman in my 30s.) I would never discuss sexual stuff with a male friend. Not in a million years.

There is a difference! You are a married woman. You really shouldn’t be discussing your sex life with your woman friends either. Somethings are just sacred! As a guy, if I knew my wife was relaying our intimate details to her friends you can rest assured I would not be having sex with her until she stopped. Then again having sex with your spouse is not a sin so no need to be discussing that. IF you had an infidelity that is a different story and I believe what were talking about before we got off on this tangent.

Still though, you don’t and shouldn’t be giving juicy details in a confession. If you cheated you would say “I confess to adultery…” Or “I viewed pornography…” Or “I committed solitary acts against chastity…” I don’t think you have to be specific what kind of pornography but you get the idea.

 

[jamie86]

All I have to say is WOW to the comments here. I do not have any fear or problem confessing to a priest the type of porn I watch if I must do so for forgiveness! I think its this fear of men stuff that lands us in this being attracted to women thing!! Not every man nor even most men are rapists!! If you think that way you might as well marry a woman or stay single. Sorry

I think everyone man or woman should be modest and not spill details to friends but confessing a sin is a different thing. I will go to confession but I want to know how other girls have overcome this and what problems they had in doing so. Kensho gave some great advice. Do any other women have advice? You can PM me if you prefer.

Thanks,
Jamie

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Personally I see no harm in this and actually a good thing. The only way guys are going to be more understanding of women and their emotions is for women to share. It is a good way for men to learn to empathize with women and learn to set healthy boundaries. It is also a good way for women to feel secure in themselves and safe if they have a male friend looking out for them. I could tell a girl in a much shorter time than for her to figure out if a guy was using her. Consequently a girl could do the same for a guy. I dated a really messed up girl that one of my friends (a girl) told me was more trouble than she was worth. Thanks to her I got out of a very abusive relationship which I may otherwise not have.

Exactly. These girls trust me. I don’t know, but something about me makes people trust me, even with really private information they haven’t told even their best friends. It’s a good thing. It’s not improper, it’s helpful. I’ve been able to give advice, and by just telling me, it lifted all the weight of their shame off their shoulders. I don’t see why telling me would be improper. If they trust me enough, that’s between me and them, not what a stranger on the internet thinks. I wasn’t tempted to have sex with them right there on the couch, so I don’t see how it’s “improper” for them to tell me what they wish to tell me.

I think perhaps it’s this “I can’t tell a man, otherwise he’ll get sexually aroused and I’ll lead him to sin, or he’ll rape me!” fear that is keeping us as a society from finally breaking through in understanding with one another. If we can’t be honest with each other about our past, what can we be honest with each other about? Pretty much all of my friends (And almost all of my friends are girls – guys my age are generally really immature and perverted) know about my past, and I know about a lot of theirs. They’ve had all sorts of stories, including being victims of sexual felonies. I trust them and they trust me. I don’t see why other people can’t be like that. Just because we have different genders it doesn’t mean we can’t be true friends and listen and help each other on the subjects that really matter.

 

[Kensho]

A couple of things.

I was very tired when I posted last night and not terribly clear. Let me say that I had boyfriends before I got involved with women and went on to have boyfriends and to get married after that. It’s not been an issue in over a decade. However, I didn’t mean to imply that a woman with deep-seated lesbian tendencies is guaranteed to get over them just by going into therapy and exploring her relationship with her mother. Maybe she could, maybe she couldn’t – I had a relatively easy time because I had always been interested in men anyway.

I do think women are more malleable sexually than men are and that by our nature we are more open to some degree of bisexual feeling or experience. Because so many women are very intimate with women friends, it can spill over into a quasi-romantic, quasi-erotic relationship, especially when the women are young and don’t have great boundaries. A lot of women who are basically heterosexual have this idea that other women understand them and are sensitive and wouldn’t it be nice if they could just date women, because men are such brutes. I can tell you right now as someone who has had experience with both that this is not true. Women are not “nicer” than men and that dream of perfect feminine sensuality – well, if it exists, I never found it.

To some extent all of us have to cope with the fact that reality is often disappointing whereas fantasy is not – at least not until it becomes an addiction that prevents you from relating to the people you care about.

About confessing to a priest and talking to men in general: I have never worried that a man I told things to was going to rape me. I simply feel immodest telling these things to a man. Women are expected to share intimate details with other women, which probably isn’t a wonderful thing to do and I am not terribly comfortable with that, either, but at least it doesn’t feel like the psychological equivalent of walking around in front of someone in a soaking wet minidress.

When I went through RCIA, I and the other women were actually warned not to give details when confessing sexual sin because it could be an occasion of sin for the priest.

 

[JackieMom]

In all honesty, YES! If a woman was acting in a seductively tempting way do you really think a guy would be able to resist given all that you mentioned about guys? Look at all the high profile cases like General Petreus, Bill Clinton, etc. Most powerful men in history brought down by those “weak powerless” women. A woman does not need to physically restrain a guy because her feminine charm is MUCH more efficient. When a man is in an aroused state his higher reasoning circuits shut down and unless he has a REALLY strong will he will be out for the count. Women can’t be seduced as easily but men sure can.

Whoa. WHOA. So a man encountering a sexy, flirtatious woman is the same as a woman being physically restrained, her clothes ripped off and forced to have sex? Whoa!

You totally missed the point, and honestly, comparing these two scenarios is terribly offensive. Bill Clinton et al. Were not brought down by women. They made a choice out of their own free will to have affairs. No one forced them to do a thing.

Most men are not rapists. But as girls we are taught to fear rape and guard ourselves because you “never know.” I have plenty of friends who were date raped by men who thought they deserved sex. And we know that if it were to happen to us, we would be physically incapable to stop it. If you don’t think that plays at all into how we view males, you’ve got a lot to learn about the female psyche.

 

[Kensho]

I also want to reiterate what I said about how women in society are presented as THE sexual objects. I think it’s kind of funny that whenever men are presented as “sexy”, it’s for gay men! Things have changed a lot in society since I was growing up in the '80s, but there is still a pervasive idea that women are “sexy” but men are “sexual”. It’s as though sex is a product women are selling, intentionally or not, and men are the consumers. Women’s sexuality is still viewed as largely responsive and we’re supposed to get excited just about being wanted sexually, not by anything that men do or are. This is my perception, in any case.

If a woman struggles with solitary sins against purity, good luck finding any help dealing with it. I have yet to see any Christian source that admits that women have that problem. Every single book I have seen about sexual sin has assumed that women sin sexually through vanity (wearing skimpy clothes to get men’s attention) or by fornicating to get men’s love, or by witholding sex from their husbands. I went through a period in my marriage when my husband would not touch me, and damn if I could find any sort of Christian source that didn’t assume either that this is something that is only done by women to men or assume that if a man won’t have sex with his wife it’s because she’s gotten fat or something like that, and it’s therefore her fault. I saw nothing acknowledging that a woman in that situation has to deal with sexual frustration and temptation to sin as well as the more “womanly” hurt feelings and sense of rejection. Maybe there’s some wonderful book, article, or blogspot out there that deals with this, but I haven’t found it yet. All I’ve found is that women are supposed to keep themselves attractive, sexy, and available. Men are just expected to want to have sex a lot.

I’m not saying this to blame men in any way. Men as individuals are no more responsible for this situation than women are and it isn’t any fairer to them. I don’t know how any of us got into this or how to get out of it. I just think it makes perfect sense for a woman to find herself responding sexually to these images of women because that’s pretty much what we’re all primed to do from early childhood, and male sexiness is the province of – other men. So weird, if you think about it.

 

[Kensho]

Bill Clinton is an odd example to use of a man brought down by a sexy woman. Yes, there was a scandal and he lost face for a while because of it, but I don’t think anybody really blamed him. His political enemies acted indignant and made him out to be a sexual predator not because they cared about that young woman but because they didn’t like Clinton’s policies and wanted him out of office. Even the feminists didn’t care what happened to Miss Lewinski; they made fun of her and made her out to be a fat, trashy, stupid slut, because they liked Clinton. Years later, he still has a career and is taken seriously, whereas Miss Lewinski was completely destroyed by the scandal and laughed at by people on both sides of the issue – fat, trashy, dumb slut.

 

[JackieMom]

I also want to reiterate what I said about how women in society are presented as THE sexual objects. I think it’s kind of funny that whenever men are presented as “sexy”, it’s for gay men! Things have changed a lot in society since I was growing up in the '80s, but there is still a pervasive idea that women are “sexy” but men are “sexual”. It’s as though sex is a product women are selling, intentionally or not, and men are the consumers. Women’s sexuality is still viewed as largely responsive and we’re supposed to get excited just about being wanted sexually, not by anything that men do or are. This is my perception, in any case.

If a woman struggles with solitary sins against purity, good luck finding any help dealing with it. I have yet to see any Christian source that admits that women have that problem. Every single book I have seen about sexual sin has assumed that women sin sexually through vanity (wearing skimpy clothes to get men’s attention) or by fornicating to get men’s love, or by witholding sex from their husbands. I went through a period in my marriage when my husband would not touch me, and damn if I could find any sort of Christian source that didn’t assume either that this is something that is only done by women to men or assume that if a man won’t have sex with his wife it’s because she’s gotten fat or something like that, and it’s therefore her fault. I saw nothing acknowledging that a woman in that situation has to deal with sexual frustration and temptation to sin as well as the more “womanly” hurt feelings and sense of rejection. Maybe there’s some wonderful book, article, or blogspot out there that deals with this, but I haven’t found it yet. All I’ve found is that women are supposed to keep themselves attractive, sexy, and available. Men are just expected to want to have sex a lot.

I’m not saying this to blame men in any way. Men as individuals are no more responsible for this situation than women are and it isn’t any fairer to them. I don’t know how any of us got into this or how to get out of it. I just think it makes perfect sense for a woman to find herself responding sexually to these images of women because that’s pretty much what we’re all primed to do from early childhood, and male sexiness is the province of – other men. So weird, if you think about it.

It’s weird NOW because we live in a more egalitarian society. But that’s so recent. We are still very much suffering from the years in which a woman wasn’t supposed to to college, or get a job, or speak her mind - she was supposed to be pretty and demure in the hopes of being selected by a good man. He had all the power in the relationship (education, money, property, legal status, physical advantage)- except for one thing. Women learned they could use their sexuality to somewhat control men. Want that new dress? Want him to let you visit your sister? Want him to stop hitting you? Without any other power in the relationship, women learned that their sexuality was THE useful tool they had. Our society is different than it was 40, 50 years ago - but after centuries of male-dominated society and marriages, it’s hard to shake the idea of male as the one with the sex drive and female as the one who withholds or doles out her sexuality for men’s pleasure.

 

[LisaA]

Hi CAF! Jamie here! I am posting for what advice you would give a woman who has a problem with pornography, specifically of the “women / women” variety. The woman is married to a man and can’t explain why she is into that stuff. She is distraught that she is more aroused by this kind of porn than by her husband who is quite in tune and gentle with her. She also can’t seem to get enough or get away from it. I know this is a big problem for men but it seems in recent years women are catching up especially with all female same-sex porn. What to do?

Jamie I read through the posts and thought both SonSearcher’s and Kensho’s advice were the most practical. This addiction needs to be treated like any other addiction. The pathways of the brain are rather like a dirt path that having been trod repeatedly becomes harder and more difficult to change. The brain is a wonderful slave but a terrible master and when it is the master, the body follows like ducklings following mama duck.

I am not in any way a professional in this but having faced my own compulsions, sometimes called soft addictions, I’ve been given a few techniques. As SonSearcher noted, and using a Catholic approach, avoid the occasion of sin. Whatever is your addiction get it out of your environment. If it means throwing away your computer then throw it away or get some kind of lock to prevent access to these sites. Avoid any triggers like “adult shops” or other stimuli.

Plan ahead knowing that the feelings and desires will arise and have alternative pleasureable activities to take their place ready and waiting. Just as an example, a binge eater first throws out the cookies and the ice cream and doesn’t buy more. She enjoys a particular activity, say arranging flowers or taking a long bath with good smelling bath salts and nice music…IOW a sensual pleasure but not eating. Or break the brain/body let’s eat connection by taking a walk or playing with your child or petting the dog. Train your brain to get pleasure from alternatives.

As far as sexual response, again no professional but once the porn is out of the sphere of influence, it can be replaced with marital sex and again the re-learned response and enjoyment can take the place of porn.

Be aware this like any other addiction is a strong and powerful force. You must push back against the force that pushes against you.

Lisa

 

[jamie86]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I will think them over and some of you have sent great links like Beggars Daughter. Keep me in your prayers!

 

[silentfactor80]

Whoa. WHOA. So a man encountering a sexy, flirtatious woman is the same as a woman being physically restrained, her clothes ripped off and forced to have sex? Whoa!

You totally missed the point, and honestly, comparing these two scenarios is terribly offensive. Bill Clinton et al. Were not brought down by women. They made a choice out of their own free will to have affairs. No one forced them to do a thing.

Most men are not rapists. But as girls we are taught to fear rape and guard ourselves because you “never know.” I have plenty of friends who were date raped by men who thought they deserved sex. And we know that if it were to happen to us, we would be physically incapable to stop it. If you don’t think that plays at all into how we view males, you’ve got a lot to learn about the female psyche.

I was not referring to a sexy and flirtatious woman. I am talking about a woman that is desperate and is sexually over-confident. The kind that just jumps on you before you even get a chance to act. I am not sure you understand what today’s women are like. The men have nothing on them. Try attending a college party where everyone is getting trashed. A friend of mine had a girl jump him and start making out with him. If I hadn’t intervened he would probably have had a package to deal with 9 months later.

I take it you don’t understand male psyche very well if you think a woman coming onto you when you are 1) having mid-life issues 2) she is much younger and attractive is done totally out of free will 3) under the influence of alcohol. When you are psychologically depressed and some woman is giving you attention for whatever reason you don’t have as much power in the matter as you think.

I am quite well sure that rape is a huge fear for women but not every man is stronger than every woman. Strength is not always what matters when fending an attacker off. When I was in HS we were learning self-defense from the wrestling teacher. He was 2x my size but I could flip him using a little leverage and brain power. Maybe we should be teaching women self-defense instead of fear.

Also most of the time it isn’t some random guy that commits rape on a woman. Date rape is entirely preventable so no reason to fear something you can prevent. I’m not saying its something you shouldn’t fear but you shouldn’t fear it more than it needs to be feared. A man is more likely to be gunned down by another man than a woman is to be raped by a man. Do you think guys are afraid to go outside because of that?

 

[silentfactor80]

It’s weird NOW because we live in a more egalitarian society. But that’s so recent. We are still very much suffering from the years in which a woman wasn’t supposed to to college, or get a job, or speak her mind - she was supposed to be pretty and demure in the hopes of being selected by a good man. He had all the power in the relationship (education, money, property, legal status, physical advantage)- except for one thing. Women learned they could use their sexuality to somewhat control men. Want that new dress? Want him to let you visit your sister? Want him to stop hitting you? Without any other power in the relationship, women learned that their sexuality was THE useful tool they had. Our society is different than it was 40, 50 years ago - but after centuries of male-dominated society and marriages, it’s hard to shake the idea of male as the one with the sex drive and female as the one who withholds or doles out her sexuality for men’s pleasure.

OMG! Not every relationship that existed in the past was some male domination of the woman. Your gender studies professors give a very 1-sided view of the past. My grandparents did not have such power structure nor did my great-grandparents. The women often took care of the books and paid the bills. The were stewards of a lot more than just their sexuality. My parents the same. My dad doesn’t even know how to write a check or access the money he makes lol! In many cases my friends have said things work very similarly in their families. Dad works himself self to death outside the home and mom keeps everything else going. If she didn’t dad would be lost. You can’t judge every relationship on the deep South pre-1960’s model.

 

[Kensho]

I understand what you’re saying, SilentFactor, but you have to consider that this is the way we are trained from childhood. Because of the few bad apples, we have to be so careful. As a mother of a young child, I’ve already had to teach my daughter that there are bad adults who will hurt children and that she must be cautious of strangers. Sometimes I worry that I will make her nervous and untrusting, but I don’t know how to teach her to be careful without the paranoia creeping in.

OP, I think Lisa gave you good advice and I want to add this: To break an addiction, particularly one of this nature, it helps to fast. I’m not talking about anything extreme, but maybe set aside one or two days a week during which you severely restrict your food intake and abstain from meat, sweets, or something else you particularly enjoy. This will help strengthen your will. If you learn to resist a purely physical temptation like food, you will strengthen your will for the harder battle, which is disciplining your mind.

One of the bad effects of pornography or any kind of sexual fantasy is that it WILL diminish your ability to enjoy real sex. There will be a period of time when real sex will seem utterly dull and insipid and you will be tempted to return to porn. Don’t! As Lisa said, your ability to enjoy it will return once you have broken the addiction to porn.

 

[Kensho]

OMG! Not every relationship that existed in the past was some male domination of the woman. Your gender studies professors give a very 1-sided view of the past. My grandparents did not have such power structure nor did my great-grandparents. The women often took care of the books and paid the bills. The were stewards of a lot more than just their sexuality. My parents the same. My dad doesn’t even know how to write a check or access the money he makes lol! In many cases my friends have said things work very similarly in their families. Dad works himself self to death outside the home and mom keeps everything else going. If she didn’t dad would be lost. You can’t judge every relationship on the deep South pre-1960’s model.

I wouldn’t say it’s particularly the deep South. I’m from the deep South, and the women I knew were very powerful in their way. What Jackie Mom described sounded very suburban, middle class, and WASPy to me (very like my mother, too!). Maybe ethnicity and class background have something to do with it.

 

[JackieMom]

I was not referring to a sexy and flirtatious woman. I am talking about a woman that is desperate and is sexually over-confident. The kind that just jumps on you before you even get a chance to act. I am not sure you understand what today’s women are like. The men have nothing on them. Try attending a college party where everyone is getting trashed. A friend of mine had a girl jump him and start making out with him. If I hadn’t intervened he would probably have had a package to deal with 9 months later.

I take it you don’t understand male psyche very well if you think a woman coming onto you when you are 1) having mid-life issues 2) she is much younger and attractive is done totally out of free will 3) under the influence of alcohol. When you are psychologically depressed and some woman is giving you attention for whatever reason you don’t have as much power in the matter as you think.

I am quite well sure that rape is a huge fear for women but not every man is stronger than every woman. Strength is not always what matters when fending an attacker off. When I was in HS we were learning self-defense from the wrestling teacher. He was 2x my size but I could flip him using a little leverage and brain power. Maybe we should be teaching women self-defense instead of fear.

Also most of the time it isn’t some random guy that commits rape on a woman. Date rape is entirely preventable so no reason to fear something you can prevent. I’m not saying its something you shouldn’t fear but you shouldn’t fear it more than it needs to be feared. A man is more likely to be gunned down by another man than a woman is to be raped by a man. Do you think guys are afraid to go outside because of that?

An aggressively sexual woman coming onto a man /=/ equal forcible rape. Sorry, but a man can walk away from even a strong come-on, and if he chooses not to - then he’s a consenting participant in the sex. A woman literally fears for her LIFE during a rape. She has zero choice and her only recourse is to attempt to fight (which she’s usually too afraid to do for fear her attacker will kill her.) Date rape is not “entirely preventable” and honestly, your statement sounds like victim-blaming. Would you tell the victim of a date rape, “Well, you could have prevented that if only…” ?!

A man is not more likely to be gunned down than a woman is to be raped. 1/6 of all women are victims of attempted or completed rape during their lives. I doubt 1/6 of all men have been shot at with a gun. I don’t know where you are getting this information, but it’s wrong and offensive.

 

[Mark121359]

I don’t know if this has been mentioned previously because I haven’t read all the posts, But this viewing of porn by the OP needs to be addressed very quickly! They talked about this on EWTN Radio recently and explained how it rapidly remaps the brain and then it becomes increasingly more difficult to break from this devestating addiction. I don’t mean to be an alarmist here, just concerned. I pray that you address this very soon.

Viewing pornography has been called the “crack cocaine of sexual addiction” – after the “novel rush” of sexual highs, the brain quickly begins to rewire itself for addiction. Yet those fleeting moments of intense pleasure are soon followed by feelings of degradation and shame (because we know, deep down, that it’s wrong). Completing the cycle, the user turns once more to the very activity that caused those feelings of anxiety and shame, thereby cementing even further the preoccupation with porn and, eventually, leading to addiction. At the same time normal relationships (with real life people) become less satisfying, less exciting. Porn use rewires the brain, causes intimacy disorders, sexual aggression, “sexual anorexia,” and sexual self-hatred.

 

[silentfactor80]

**An aggressively sexual woman coming onto a man /=/ equal forcible rape. **Sorry, but a man can walk away from even a strong come-on, and if he chooses not to - then he’s a consenting participant in the sex. A woman literally fears for her LIFE during a rape. She has zero choice and her only recourse is to attempt to fight (which she’s usually too afraid to do for fear her attacker will kill her.) Date rape is not “entirely preventable” and honestly, your statement sounds like victim-blaming. Would you tell the victim of a date rape, “Well, you could have prevented that if only…” ?!

A man is not more likely to be gunned down than a woman is to be raped. 1/6 of all women are victims of attempted or completed rape during their lives. I doubt 1/6 of all men have been shot at with a gun. I don’t know where you are getting this information, but it’s wrong and offensive.

Bolded:
Yeah, you don’t how strong male sex hormones are especially if a guy is intoxicated. I cannot debate you on this because you do not know from experience. I just hope if you have sons you do more than tell him to just keep it in his pants.

I am not victim blaming! Let’s be real though. If you know a certain group of friends does drugs and you choose to be around them you put yourself in harms way. Do you deserve it? NO! Resoundingly no! But you could have saved yourself the heachache by using your God-given brain! Same thing with date rape. There is a reason a guy would get a girl drunk to rape her. It makes her more vulnerable and the guy doesn’t want a struggle. By not getting wasted and risk having her drunk spiked a girl could protect herself. It is a lot harder to restrain a person who is alert than someone who is intoxicated.

My stats come from the National Institute of Justice (nij.gov/topics/victims-victimization/welcome.htm):

Men become crime victims more often than women do, and blacks experience more crime than other racial groups.

Also, from the Bureau of Justice (bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cvus/current/cv0802.pdf):

Crimes of violence against men: 2,626,000
Crime of rape: 164,240

Yeah, I don’t know what biased numbers you saw but women are much less likely to be victims of rape than men victims of violence. That is what I call irrationally inflated fear.

 

[JackieMom]

Bolded:
Yeah, you don’t how strong male sex hormones are especially if a guy is intoxicated. I cannot debate you on this because you do not know from experience. I just hope if you have sons you do more than tell him to just keep it in his pants.

I am not victim blaming! Let’s be real though. If you know a certain group of friends does drugs and you choose to be around them you put yourself in harms way. Do you deserve it? NO! Resoundingly no! But you could have saved yourself the heachache by using your God-given brain! Same thing with date rape. There is a reason a guy would get a girl drunk to rape her. It makes her more vulnerable and the guy doesn’t want a struggle. By not getting wasted and risk having her drunk spiked a girl could protect herself. It is a lot harder to restrain a person who is alert than someone who is intoxicated.

My stats come from the National Institute of Justice (nij.gov/topics/victims-victimization/welcome.htm):

Also, from the Bureau of Justice (bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cvus/current/cv0802.pdf):

Yeah, I don’t know what biased numbers you saw but women are much less likely to be victims of rape than men victims of violence. That is what I call irrationally inflated fear.

I’m married to a red blooded American man with a high sex drive. I get “how men are.” The equivalent of raping a female is raping a male. Not aggressive and overt come-ons. I have four sons. If one of them chose to have sex with a temptress, I’d blame him squarely. Forcible rape does not equal heavy come ons whether the “victim” is drunk, horny, having a bad day - whatever. I’m sure men in prison who are violently raped by other men could attest to the sense of violation, deep shame and terror that they face when they are attacked. Rape victims suffer for years, often for lifetimes. I do not think a drunk guy who consents to sex with a horny babe is at all the same as those men. Hence, one situation is a felony and the other is considered a poor choice.

And you did not say “violence” - you said “being gunned down.” Backpedal much? Your misogyny and is really upsetting me, so I’m leaving this thread now.

 

[LisaA]

I don’t know if this has been mentioned previously because I haven’t read all the posts, But this viewing of porn by the OP needs to be addressed very quickly! They talked about this on EWTN Radio recently and explained how it rapidly remaps the brain and then it becomes increasingly more difficult to break from this devestating addiction. I don’t mean to be an alarmist here, just concerned. I pray that you address this very soon.

Would like to see this read carefully as it was also noted by several posters. The brain can be trained with repeated exposure and the addiction process is not always lengthy. To draw the analogy with drugs, certain chemicals create an almost instant addiction. Porn is similar in that it digs a “trench” into the brain and as with the path example, the more it is used the more entrenched it becomes.

Porn addiction is a very serious problem, ruining marriages, careers, and destroying families.

Lisa

 

[LisaA]

Bolded:
Yeah, you don’t how strong male sex hormones are especially if a guy is intoxicated. I cannot debate you on this because you do not know from experience. I just hope if you have sons you do more than tell him to just keep it in his pants.

I am not victim blaming! Let’s be real though. If you know a certain group of friends does drugs and you choose to be around them you put yourself in harms way. Do you deserve it? NO! Resoundingly no! But you could have saved yourself the heachache by using your God-given brain! Same thing with date rape. There is a reason a guy would get a girl drunk to rape her. It makes her more vulnerable and the guy doesn’t want a struggle. By not getting wasted and risk having her drunk spiked a girl could protect herself. It is a lot harder to restrain a person who is alert than someone who is intoxicated.

My stats come from the National Institute of Justice (nij.gov/topics/victims-victimization/welcome.htm):

Also, from the Bureau of Justice (bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cvus/current/cv0802.pdf):

Yeah, I don’t know what biased numbers you saw but women are much less likely to be victims of rape than men victims of violence. That is what I call irrationally inflated fear.

I think you over generalize and I agree that a woman who engages in risky behavior with drugs or alcohol is far more vulnerable and thus avoiding the behavior may help avoid a forced sexual encounter.

However there are many instances of men not taking no for an answer, who have used so called date rape drugs, or who take advantage of a young and naive woman. So I don’t think date rape can be avoided other than simply not dating. I know more than one woman who has thought a man could be trusted only to find out that was incorrect.\

Back to the thread though!

Lisa