Wrongfully treated by a priest

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Deborah_Kloos

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I am really struggling. At age 17 I was sexually abused by a 65 y old priest. I am now 41 y old. I returned to the church 2 y ago and have faithfully attended mass everyday. I renewed my faith at the altar of the church with a special mass. The Catholic Diocese has paid for counselling. I suffer from depression. The parish priest has been supportative at times, but there are times when he really hurts my feelings with things he says to me. He discouraged me from joining RCIA to learn more about the Catholic faith, but I have went through the program despite of this and at the Easter Vigil, they totally forgot to acknowledge me as part of the RCIA group. I was really upset and felt really left out. When I first started coming to mass and went to confession for the 2nd time in 20 y. He told me I was manipulative and kicked me out of the confessional. I left the church crying and withdrew my son from the sacramental program. My son never completed his sacramental classes, yet he still receives Eucharist and confession. Although, I have been a Registered nurse with 17 y experience working with dying patients and their families he said that I could not be a pastoral care minister and give Eucharist to people in our parish. I asked him why and he said, what do you want to do…everything in the parish? It really hurt. I also asked if I could be a Eucharistic minister and he denied this request too. I asked for a meeting to find out why and to see what I could do to prepare for this role and he avoided me. Three weeks ago I asked him why he would not see me? He said there was nothing to talk about. He said we have been stuck with you in this church for 2 years. What do you want applause for returning to your faith? Do you want to do everything in the church? You are not humble and you are selfcentred. I was crying and told him that he was hurting my feelings and he said suffer more than. I have not been able to rest. I have been crying at every mass. I decided to call his superior and report him. Since they are friends, he did not want to be involved, but he referred me to another therapist who is a priest because the place I was receiving therapy closed. I reported him to the Bishop too, with no response yet, but Advent season is busy. I went to confession and told him I did this and he should receive penance because he hurt me. I told him that as an RN, I provide compassionate care to patients, no matter how difficult they are. I have been sweared at, spit upon, and punched in the face yet I always provided care and a minister should do the same. I told him that he is not uplifting to me and church should be uplifting, but he treats me like garbage. I feel really sad, because I don’t want to leave the parish. I sing in the choir, have met people in the church, and volunteer with St. Vincent de Paul. My son goes to the school affiliated with the church and it is very convenient to attend daily mass in my neighbourhood. I can’t miss mass. I am very much committed to my faith, yet I go there and basically cry while I pray. I pray for reconciliation and peace between the priest and I. Recently Colossians 3:12-21 was read on Jan 30 mass and I wrote this scripture to the Bishop and pleaded with him to help this priest and I with reconciliation as he won’t talk to me. This priest also exhibits inappropriate behaviour by dancing seductively to the “I’m too Sexy” song. I have heard him swear and he said a very inappropriate joke about prostitution at a parish function where children and teenagers were present. I also reported the incident about the dirty joke to the Bishop too. I am very reluctant to bring my 9 y old son to parish functions because I don’t want him to hear these types of jokes from someone who is supposed to be a role model and spiritual leader. I am really hurt, disappointed, angry and very sad and I am not sure what to do anymore, if the bishop does not contact me. I have been hurt twice by the Catholic church…as a teenager and as an adult, but I won’t let it effect my faith in God. The Catholic church is a beautiful faith where we worship God using all our senses and the faith in God not man is what matters to me and keeps me from leaving again. I pray for this priest everyday.
Please respond to me. I am really feeling alone at this time and it is difficult. God bless you.

Deborah
 
I think you’ll find that many people are persecuted for various reasons. I’d simply find a new church for counseling. This one sounds like it needs to be left in the dust.

Remember, the devil is going to do anything he can to keep you away from the Church. He’ll even use those who are supposed to be a help to you to hinder you. Stay the course. Many prayers!
 
I agree with the previous Post shake the dust from your shows go another parish close to you. If feeling that you need to speak to the Priest at the new Parish do so with out names and locations. I feel that it important to billed a new trust within yourself. May God lead you.

Peace in the Lord.

Scott
 
Abuses by priests are life-changing and therefore hard to forget.

I was only verbally abused by an out-of-control priest who was merely angry and he had harsh words to scream at me to get out of the cathedral – NOW. I ran out and have never been the same. BTW he’s become a monsignor now.

Alan
 
I am so sorry for your mistreatment. I agree you should go to another parish where you will receive the positive nurturing you deserve.
I’ve been “barked” at by a priest in confession: “This isn’t one stop shopping.” and when I went after an interval of one week: “What could you have possibly done in one week?” That put me off until the priest transferred to another parish and now I feel I can go to confession once a week if I so desire, to confess venial sins, imperfections and faults, and to receive the powerful grace of the sacrament of Reconciliation.
I keep reminding myself that we are not here for the priests. We are here for Him. Pray for our priests. I’ve heard that the devil really aims for them, much more than for us. God bless you and I wish you all the best in this New Year.
🙂
 
RosalieM said:
I keep reminding myself that we are not here for the priests. We are here for Him. God bless you and I wish you all the best in this New Year.
🙂
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I agree. 👍 The priests are here as shepherds for us.

Alan
 
Deborah_Kloos said:
I am really struggling. At age 17 I was sexually abused by a 65 y old priest. I am now 41 y old. I returned to the church 2 y ago and have faithfully attended mass everyday. I renewed my faith at the altar of the church with a special mass. The Catholic Diocese has paid for counselling. I suffer from depression. The parish priest has been supportative at times, but there are times when he really hurts my feelings with things he says to me. He discouraged me from joining RCIA to learn more about the Catholic faith, but I have went through the program despite of this and at the Easter Vigil, they totally forgot to acknowledge me as part of the RCIA group.
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Since you were not being received into the Church as a new Catholic, you were not really “part of” the RCIA group. This is most likely the reason your priest did not want you to attend RCIA - because it is not for people who are already Catholic.

Easter Vigil is not “graduation from RCIA Catechism” - it’s Baptism, Confirmation, and First Holy Communion - which you already received when you were a child.

I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt, but RCIA is not a “welcome home” program for returning Catholics; it is intended for converts - people who have never been Catholic before.

Your priest was right not to encourage you to go, since RCIA has enough problems already, without also having to be all things to all people. It has a very specific intent, and it seems to me as though your RCIA leaders were, in fact, focused on the right things. It would have been very wrong of them to put any focus on you, since you have already received your Sacraments of Initiation - you got your applause, already, at that time.

As for the rest, I am praying for you. I hope you find the peace that you seek.
 
AlanFromWichita said:
Abuses by priests are life-changing and therefore hard to forget.

I was only verbally abused by an out-of-control priest who was merely angry and he had harsh words to scream at me to get out of the cathedral – NOW. I ran out and have never been the same. BTW he’s become a monsignor now.

Alan
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With no disrespect intended to Mr. fromWichita, we don’t know the rest of the story. What were you doing, or what else was happening in that place and time when the priest yelled at you? He may have had a very good reason, or at least may have been very sorely provoked.

Or maybe not, but we don’t know the details.

I imagine some people may have thought Jesus was out of control when he drove the moneychangers from the temple with a whip. Not that I am comparing this with your situation, but it’s something to think about.
 
Leopard said:
With no disrespect intended to Mr. fromWichita, we don’t know the rest of the story. What were you doing, or what else was happening in that place and time when the priest yelled at you? He may have had a very good reason, or at least may have been very sorely provoked.

Or maybe not, but we don’t know the details.

I imagine some people may have thought Jesus was out of control when he drove the moneychangers from the temple with a whip. Not that I am comparing this with your situation, but it’s something to think about.
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Thank you; I’ll keep that in mind. I didn’t tell the story because I’m tired of hearing it. :yawn:

Alan

edit >> FYI right after the incident I consulted with a retired priest who knew me well and was friends with the angry priest, and told him the story, asking if I was somehow excommunicated and could he absolve me. He said he couldn’t absolve me because I didn’t sin in the situation.
 
I went to a priest when I was terribly depressed and needed counseling. He was horrible to me, so this post hit home for me. I do not feel that “The Church” hurt me, though - that man hurt me. Fortunately, his superior was kind and helped me. I think it’s good to remember that most priests are not trained counselors…so I don’t go to them for that anymore…

The way this priest is treating you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t of the same mind as the first priest who hurt you. I hope you stay on his superiors to investigate his behavior. In the meantime, switch parishes and PRAY for this priest and the bishop. They have a grave responsibility to care for the Lord’s flock, and he’s got it coming to him if he doesn’t repent and become an example of Jesus’s love, gentleness, and mercy.

Priests seriously need prayer. They are under attack constantly. Please try to remember that he has problems in his life that have nothing to do with you…

God loves you! Welcome back to your Catholic Home.

Shalom!
 
Deborah,
If all that you have recounted here about your priest is true, then I would strongly encourage you to seek another parish. It is good that you have written to the Bishop and you should continue to pray that God will guide him to the truth about this priest. In the meantime, you really must leave this environment. Since you already have scars from previous abuse issues, compounding these by allowing more abuse is masochistic. You are setting yourself up for spiritual challenges that, with your history, you may not be able to manage. As another poster said, shake the dust from your shoes and move on.
 
Deborah, I will keep you in my prayers. I do not know your whole situation, but I do know God loves you and wants you to be happy. I agree with the last poster that stated that priests are not always trained counselors and they may not be able to help you like that.

Continue to search for a better situation, but I think that perhaps you might be experiencing slights when none are intended. I will pray for you discernment in this situation.

Welcome home and I am so sorry you were abused as a child. No one deserves that.
 
Deborah, May God Bless and Keep You Close to His Heart.

I don’t know all the details but you are in my prayers.

I have had contact with some bad priests but I also have met some of the most wonderful priests.

I think the priest shortage sometimes creates a lack of patience. My mother use to say “Don’t contact the priests unless truly necessary because they are so busy”. Shame on this priest for not suggesting an alternative. It does sound like there maybe something more going on here with the priest himself. I would basically say “Hi” to him, pray for him but that is about it.

If it is your desire to be a Eucharistic minister, pray about it and wait on it. You may be directed someplace else.

A prior poster said priests are not trained counselors and that is true. You said you were in counseling, and there are many good Catholic counselors who are good at just giving support. Or there may be a church group in that parish or a surrounding one that will help give support.
 
Please don’t let your faith be destroyed by a priest. There is no more perfect instrument for the devil to use in the destruction of our faith than a bad priest. Remember, Christ dwells in our church and it is the true path to holiness in this life. Your cross you may have to bear sounds like dealing with bad, unholy priests. Priests are there to administer sacraments and hopefully guide us in the correct path, but do not let them come between your relationship with Christ.
 
Well, he sounds like a familiar personality type, you come off as weak, I don’t mean that as an insult, but the constant talk about how he hurts your feelings, cyring etc, there are some people, and it sound like your priest may be one of them, who view these things as weakness, and absolutly hate such behavior. I am NOT defening his behavior, I’m just telling you that he sounds like people I know, like when he said you should suffer more, that’s when it clicked, it sounds like he justifies his behavior by clocking it in some “lesson” he has to teach you.

I don’t know, if that is offensive or hurtfull or totally off the mark just ignore it, I’m trying to help but am not very good at helping people.

You mentioned connections with your parish and St. Vincint de Paul socioty, is he a Passionist? I’d hate to think such a Priest is in such a wonderfull order, but if so I might be able to help you out a bit.

I always feel spoiled whenever someone posts such a story about Priests beause, for all my complaints and difficulties with the Church, I have always been blessed with fantastic and extraordionary Priests(Passionists and Franciscans, never had a Diocesian Priest), so perhapse look for another Parish, good Priests exist. If you can find one run by a religious order they are usually fantastic human beings.
 
bear06 said:
I think you’ll find that many people are persecuted for various reasons. I’d simply find a new church for counseling. This one sounds like it needs to be left in the dust.

Remember, the devil is going to do anything he can to keep you away from the Church. He’ll even use those who are supposed to be a help to you to hinder you. Stay the course. Many prayers!
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Thankyou for your response and support. Happy New Years.

Deborah
 
Deborah, words cannot express what I feel, but I pray that you will prevail and find the peace in our church that you obviously seek, and obviously deserve.
:gopray2:
 
To cut to the chase, your problem at this time is with your parish priest. Since you have so many friends at this parish and your child is very settled at this parish, would it be possible for you to go to another nearby parish for confession and counseling? It’s a fact that priests are human and there’s a certain percentage of us who are just Jerks.

In my parish, it is very easy for a person so get lost in the crowd. Would it be possible for you to stay lost in the crowd in this priest’s parish and go to another parish for counsel and confession?
 
Deborah_Kloos said:
I am really struggling. At age 17 I was sexually abused by a 65 y old priest. I am now 41 y old. I returned to the church 2 y ago and have faithfully attended mass everyday. I renewed my faith at the altar of the church with a special mass. The Catholic Diocese has paid for counselling. I suffer from depression. The parish priest has been supportative at times, but there are times when he really hurts my feelings with things he says to me. …I have been hurt twice by the Catholic church…as a teenager and as an adult, but I won’t let it effect my faith in God. The Catholic church is a beautiful faith where we worship God using all our senses and the faith in God not man is what matters to me and keeps me from leaving again. I pray for this priest everyday.
Please respond to me. I am really feeling alone at this time and it is difficult. God bless you.

Deborah
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Hi Deborah, and welcome back to the Catholic Church.

You began your thread by mentioning the past abuse by a priest. That must have hurt you very deeply. Abuse by priests affects the whole Church, not just the individual victims alone. That includes other priests. I remember hearing comments made by priests when some scandals broke. Abuse by a few bad priests deeply affected even some very good priests. It left some priests to clean up a mess they didn’t make and that they didn’t know how to clean.

Because a priest in your past gave you innappropriate attention, you may be expecting more attention from the new priest than he has time to give. He may not be able to give you what you want or need,. You say this new priest has been supportive to you at times–good! Focus on that. Count on God to give you the rest of what you need.

Priests are men, not angels. Even the best of priests face their own struggles against sin, and not all priest are skilled in all areas. You say the Church has provided you with counselling–a counselor is likely better prepared to help you that this particular priest in dealing with your past abuse and your depression.

Since you began your post identifying the sexual abuse by a priest, I sense that you still need healing from that. I think it is wonderful that you seek daily Mass and want to participate actively in Church life. Such things may assist with your healing. Ministers of the Church need to be relatively spiritually healthy themselves before they help others. No one has a “right” to be a Eucharistic minister or any particular ministries in the Church. I sense you still need more healing. I also sense that whatever this new priest has done or said hurts you mostly because of what the other priest did to you in the past. In a way, this new priest is also be a “victum” of the other priest’s misdeeds.

Keep praying for both priests who hurt you, and for your own healing. Healing takes time; don’t rush it. You have only been back in the Church for two years after many years away. Some wounds go very deep and take longer to heal. After the Resurrection, Jesus still even had the nail wounds in His hands. Place yourself in His care, and like the words in the Anima Christi, hide in His wounds.

God bless you. And I said a prayer for you.
 
Prayers & councelling is never enough. Make sure you send that rapist priest to Jail.

Youll be doing humanity a great favor.
 
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