Wrongfully treated by a priest

[distracted]

I2) As many have said here, lets not attack our priests. Our priest live in service to us.

i feel it is unwise to make a blanket statement like this. All preists are NOT in service 2 the congregation as they should be some. Some just seem to be serving themselves… The Bibles even mentions those who “pasture themselves” and not the flock…

very rare that even a very good priest will make all his parishoners happy all the time. There will allways be hate mail. Its part of the job.

that goes without saying & saying so nonetheless seems only like you are negating the reality of OP…

And its a job I am thankfull they have the perseverance to do on my behalf.

Perseverance? As i said, some are just there for all the bennies… nice car, nice home…prestige… etc… & i have met more than 1 who seems to fit that description… I don’t feel they are as rare as you would like to think…

 

[bilop]

I live in a parish which is experiencing some major turnover. It has a single priest for a very long time, who then retired. After his retirement and three priests in three years, we finnaly have a new permanent replacement.

Our new priest is very strict, and very by the book. He has removed all the “parish practices” from the mass (rituals or habits the parish has done over the years) and re-structure mass to be exactly like the Vatican’s mass.

He has also introudced more homilies about uncomfortable topics (abortion, birth control, and living a godly life for the sake of our eternal souls) that often make the congregation squirm.

He has told the attached grade school (which my 7 year old daughter attends) that Mass will now be mandatory weekly, instead of once a month, for the sake of the children.

He has taken over RCIA, from the Sister who ran it, and turned it into a much stricter, more formal set of education sessions.

He is very much a religious conservative. He plays by the book, and ONLY by the book. He enforces the laws of the church as laid down by the Vattican, and the Bishop.

And you should SEE the reams of hate mail he recieves…

But in all the things he does, he is really in the right. He believes we need a bit more “fire and brimstone, and worry about our souls” from the pulpit, because in the end, this mortal world is transitory, and it IS our soul we should be worried about. He also beleives that even if he makes people uncomfortalbe, that he should not avoid the important discussions.

I know more than one parishoner who has written letters to the bishop on him.

I added these comments really to make the following points:

1. In this whole discussion we are only hearing one side of the story. While I will pray for the lady who origonaly posted, that her pain will subside, we also dont know the priest’s perceptions or otherwise. The priest was completely correct in his stance on RCIA. And if the priest thought there may be a reason she should not be a Eucharistic Minsiter, how can we judge that? There are probably facts there we do not know.
2. As many have said here, lets not attack our priests. Our priest live in service to us. Its very rare that even a very good priest will make all his parishoners happy all the time. There will allways be hate mail. Its part of the job. And its a job I am thankfull they have the perseverance to do on my behalf.

Welcome to the borad diggity.

Sounds like a wonderful priest!

God Bless

 

[diggitydug]

that goes without saying & saying so nonetheless seems only like you are negating the reality of OP… …

Im not negating, im just saying we have only heard one side of the story. There could be much more to this. Im just trying to keep an unimpassioned, objective eye on things.

Perseverance? As i said, some are just there for all the bennies… nice car, nice home…prestige… etc… & i have met more than 1 who seems to fit that description… I don’t feel they are as rare as you would like to think…

Benefits? Nice house and Car? I think your priests may be living better than our priests. At least down here in the South, most of the priests I have met drive old honda’s or toyotas, and have small appartments. On top of that, their “stipend” is pretty darn small compared to the standard of living.

I freely admit though, It may be different in other parts of the US, or Euorope.I have never been to priest’s houses outside my local geographic area, so I cannot intelligently comment.

 

[Layman]

You are lucky to have such a priest. Very lucky. Give him your full support.

As for Distracted’s opinions, I don’t think I’ve met a rich priest yet. From memory, a priest generally has a nice car if his family will buy it for him.

It just occured to me: if the Catholic Church were to only admit saints to the priesthood, we’d have to travel a long way to go to Mass!

Even a bad man can be a vehicle of grace. I think that’s even doctrine. The notion the graces are solely dependent on how good the priest is a schismatic one called Donatism, I believe.

 

[distracted]

Im not negating, im just saying we have only heard one side of the story. There could be much more to this. Im just trying to keep an unimpassioned, objective eye on things.

i doubt the poster was leaving out much. Why are you suspicous that poster may leave out important information. I feel you are in denial about priests. I feel that a lot of Catholics virutally worship priests… I have reverence for the office of the preisthood & i respect priests. I respect ALL human beings becasuse ALL, not just priests, are created in God’s very image… but i am NOT going to overlook bad behavior in a priest. It is evne worse than bad behavior in a “worldling”… because “to whom more is given more is required”… to just accept a priests’ bad behavior - not reporting to the bishop, etc is being irresponsible… He will just continue to do it to someone else…

Benefits? Nice house and Car? I think your priests may be living better than our priests. At least down here in the South, most of the priests I have met drive old honda’s or toyotas, and have small appartments. On top of that, their “stipend” is pretty darn small compared to the standard of living.

I’ve been to churches all over the US… and some priests live exactly as i said… brand new car, big nice house… NOT apartment… I have seen this even in the south… In fact one of the worst cases i’ve seen was there… I know priests who have 3 bedroom homes while many parishioners have big families & live in 2 bedroom places…

Also… priests can’t seem to ever be fired… No matter what kind of bad behavior they engage in, they are never fired… Even the priests involved in the sex scandal were just moved… Something is terribly wrong…

but oh well, the guilty ones will answer to God like everyone else… Several saints (and i believe even Mary in one of her apparitions??) say that there are many priests in Hell…

 

[catharina]

He discouraged me from joining RCIA to learn more about the Catholic faith, but I have went through the program despite of this and at the Easter Vigil, they totally forgot to acknowledge me as part of the RCIA group. I was really upset and felt really left out. When I first started coming to mass and went to confession for the 2nd time in 20 y. He told me I was manipulative and kicked me out of the confessional. I left the church crying and withdrew my son from the sacramental program. My son never completed his sacramental classes, yet he still receives Eucharist and confession. Deborah

Deborah, I’m sorry you are having difficulty finding peace. Nonetheless, two issues mentioned above give cause for concern. 1. You received no public acknowledgement for attending RCIA but since you were not attending to prepare for the Sacraments, there was no reason you should have been acknowledged - but not being acknowledged upset you. 2. You had your feelings hurt in confession and your reponse was to remove your SON from his classes. Both of these issues, 1.and 2., help me understand why a priest might not feel secure about your stability as a Eucharistic Minister or in any other special capacity. It seems your personal responses to pains that are related to the Church might still be seen as unpredictable. That doesn’t make you less or inferior or unworthy - but it can raise some questions about your emotional stability and emotional stability is a necessity for anyone in Church ministries.

 

[diggitydug]

i doubt the poster was leaving out much. Why are you suspicous that poster may leave out important information. I feel you are in denial about priests. I feel that a lot of Catholics virutally worship priests… I have reverence for the office of the preisthood & i respect priests.

I’ve been to churches all over the US… and some priests live exactly as i said… brand new car, big nice house… NOT apartment… I have seen this even in the south… In fact one of the worst cases i’ve seen was there… I know priests who have 3 bedroom homes while many parishioners have big families & live in 2 bedroom places…

Also… priests can’t seem to ever be fired… No matter what kind of bad behavior they engage in, they are never fired… Even the priests involved in the sex scandal were just moved… Something is terribly wrong…

but oh well, the guilty ones will answer to God like everyone else… Several saints (and i believe even Mary in one of her apparitions??) say that there are many priests in Hell…

Well, I think its apparent that you have some strong feelings around priests (not saying your right or wrong). While I dont worship priests, I am very thankful they do their job.

My post was not to say that the Origonal Poster left anything out, in their perception. Instead it was that perhaps there were other facts, that the OP did not place, because they were not how she percieved things. As a parent, i always try and keep an unimotional objective eye when one of my kids comes claiming to be wronged by one of the others. The cry of “Daddy Jake needs timeout because he kicked me”, often fails to mention that Jake had been tickled without mercy before he started kicking.

So since I have intelligently professed my viewpoint, and you have intelligently professed yours, rather than saying the same thing over and over again, we may just have to politely agree to dissagree.

 

[distracted]

It just occured to me: if the Catholic Church were to only admit saints to the priesthood, we’d have to travel a long way to go to Mass!

Even a bad man can be a vehicle of grace. I think that’s even doctrine. The notion the graces are solely dependent on how good the priest is a schismatic one called Donatism, I believe.

i don’t expect priests to be perfect, to be 'saints"… but some behavior is so outrageous…

& for a preist to be engaging in behavior that even heathens often don’t engage in… (yelling at someone for no reason, etc.)… is just downright weird…(among other things)

I know that anything,whether Christian or not can be a means of grace…That is NOT the issue… i feel it is rather besidde the point… or maybe more than rather beside the point… .

I still think most Catholics virtually idolize priests… they will treat the priest with great respect and then turn around and in the same breath, verbally abuse a 'common parishioner" …

 

[distracted]

we may just have to politely agree to dissagree.

before i was treated badly by a priest, i would probably have agreed with you, for the most part…

but experience has a way of changing things…

 

[anon52328184]

i notice the OP states in her profile that she is Catholic and also practices her faither in the Nazarene church. how can you belong to two churches?
maybe you should try consulting the pastor of the Nazarene church if you are having so many problems with the Catholic priest.

i see there weren’t too many posts by you after your first post to start the thread.

perhaps you need to decide whether you want to be Roman Catholic or belong to the Nazarene church.

i think the priest is as frustrated by the situation as you are.

i hope you find peace.

 

[Methodi]

Its about time we got back to the real teachings of the church instead of all this Liberalism, . Most of us want our faith but not to be inconvenienced by it. We all want to pick & choose which is wrong. We recently got a new Pastor who first thing he did was to put the confessional boxes back in. Most Of us catholics dont want to be bothered with confession. We want the faith without any sacrifice

 

[distracted]

Its about time we got back to the real teachings of the church instead of all this Liberalism, . Most of us want our faith but not to be inconvenienced by it. We all want to pick & choose which is wrong. We recently got a new Pastor who first thing he did was to put the confessional boxes back in. Most Of us catholics dont want to be bothered with confession. We want the faith without any sacrifice

i would love to go to confession every week… used to do that… but i don’t feel like being… (how to say it???)…

I don’t live in a big city… ican’t just go to whatever priest i feel is… priestly…

 

[St_Francis]

i would love to go to confession every week… used to do that… but i don’t feel like being… (how to say it???)…

I don’t live in a big city… ican’t just go to whatever priest i feel is… priestly…

Gotta admit, I can relate to that!

 

[distracted]

Its about time we got back to the real teachings of the church instead of all this Liberalism, . Most of us want our faith but not to be inconvenienced by it. We all want to pick & choose which is wrong. We recently got a new Pastor who first thing he did was to put the confessional boxes back in. Most Of us catholics dont want to be bothered with confession. We want the faith without any sacrifice

So true… We don’t want the humilation of confession… We want to think we are OK people… just as we are…

We forget that God HATES sin… God doesn’t change… He has always hated it and always will…

We treat our neighbors shabbily & think nothing of it. We tell ourselves things like… “Well, i must not hate my neighbor too much - He is still alive!” & we go about our business as though our lack of charity is nothing… because at least we are not fornication or adulterating or what have you…

st. Faustina (not to mention the Bible) said that God does NOT dismiss our so-called “small sins”

 

[Methodi]

I am really struggling. At age 17 I was sexually abused by a 65 y old priest. I am now 41 y old. I returned to the church 2 y ago and have faithfully attended mass everyday. I renewed my faith at the altar of the church with a special mass. The Catholic Diocese has paid for counselling. I suffer from depression. The parish priest has been supportative at times, but there are times when he really hurts my feelings with things he says to me. He discouraged me from joining RCIA to learn more about the Catholic faith, but I have went through the program despite of this and at the Easter Vigil, they totally forgot to acknowledge me as part of the RCIA group. I was really upset and felt really left out. When I first started coming to mass and went to confession for the 2nd time in 20 y. He told me I was manipulative and kicked me out of the confessional. I left the church crying and withdrew my son from the sacramental program. My son never completed his sacramental classes, yet he still receives Eucharist and confession. Although, I have been a Registered nurse with 17 y experience working with dying patients and their families he said that I could not be a pastoral care minister and give Eucharist to people in our parish. I asked him why and he said, what do you want to do…everything in the parish? It really hurt. I also asked if I could be a Eucharistic minister and he denied this request too. I asked for a meeting to find out why and to see what I could do to prepare for this role and he avoided me. Three weeks ago I asked him why he would not see me? He said there was nothing to talk about. He said we have been stuck with you in this church for 2 years. What do you want applause for returning to your faith? Do you want to do everything in the church? You are not humble and you are selfcentred. I was crying and told him that he was hurting my feelings and he said suffer more than. I have not been able to rest. I have been crying at every mass. I decided to call his superior and report him. Since they are friends, he did not want to be involved, but he referred me to another therapist who is a priest because the place I was receiving therapy closed. I reported him to the Bishop too, with no response yet, but Advent season is busy. I went to confession and told him I did this and he should receive penance because he hurt me. I told him that as an RN, I provide compassionate care to patients, no matter how difficult they are. I have been sweared at, spit upon, and punched in the face yet I always provided care and a minister should do the same. I told him that he is not uplifting to me and church should be uplifting, but he treats me like garbage. I feel really sad, because I don’t want to leave the parish. I sing in the choir, have met people in the church, and volunteer with St. Vincent de Paul. My son goes to the school affiliated with the church and it is very convenient to attend daily mass in my neighbourhood. I can’t miss mass. I am very much committed to my faith, yet I go there and basically cry while I pray. I pray for reconciliation and peace between the priest and I. Recently Colossians 3:12-21 was read on Jan 30 mass and I wrote this scripture to the Bishop and pleaded with him to help this priest and I with reconciliation as he won’t talk to me. This priest also exhibits inappropriate behaviour by dancing seductively to the “I’m too Sexy” song. I have heard him swear and he said a very inappropriate joke about prostitution at a parish function where children and teenagers were present. I also reported the incident about the dirty joke to the Bishop too. I am very reluctant to bring my 9 y old son to parish functions because I don’t want him to hear these types of jokes from someone who is supposed to be a role model and spiritual leader. I am really hurt, disappointed, angry and very sad and I am not sure what to do anymore, if the bishop does not contact me. I have been hurt twice by the Catholic church…as a teenager and as an adult, but I won’t let it effect my faith in God. The Catholic church is a beautiful faith where we worship God using all our senses and the faith in God not man is what matters to me and keeps me from leaving again. I pray for this priest everyday.
Please respond to me. I am really feeling alone at this time and it is difficult. God bless you.

Deborah

The last person we expect to be treated badly by are priests, I was once treated badly by one & I told him off, If he can be Brash so can I

 

[distracted]

The last person we expect to be treated badly by are priests, I was once treated badly by one & I told him off, If he can be Brash so can I

Good for you…

Frankly, i think a lot of priests enter the priesthood just to have power over others… (among other selfish reasons) Ok… maybe not a lot… (i HOPE)… but a few… (One is too mnay )…

i have told off priests myself… don’t feel one bit guilty about it because, for one: if they don’t act like a priest, they shouldn’t be treated like one… (and no, that is not an open-wide statement… meaning a person should say whatever comes to mind or whatever…I just mean that there are appropriate ways to tell a person off, still be respectful…)

 

[RomaBella]

Good for you…

Frankly, i think a lot of priests enter the priesthood just to have power over others… (among other selfish reasons) Ok… maybe not a lot… (i HOPE)… but a few… (One is too mnay )…

i have told off priests myself… don’t feel one bit guilty about it because, for one: if they don’t act like a priest, they shouldn’t be treated like one… (and no, that is not an open-wide statement… meaning a person should say whatever comes to mind or whatever…I just mean that there are appropriate ways to tell a person off, still be respectful…)

I am new here and have been reading some older threads and, at the end of this one, I noticed that “Distracted”, the poster, had been banned. I certainly hope it was not for having the “temerity” to point out that there are plenty of bad priests out there! There have been too many cover-ups in the Catholic Church and this has invited criticism from all sides–and plenty of lawsuits by victims of the worst of these priests. It is high time that we begin to acknowledge that perhaps the very nature of the priesthood, as it stands, may be attracting the wrong kinds of men. At any rate, having read this entire thread, I find the treatment of the OP appalling and, yet, if all that is permitted here is “pray for the priest”. no matter how disgusting his behavior, then even this forum may be part of the problem instead of the solution.

I am being treated badly by a priest right now. We are both elderly persons but Father is at least a decade older than I am and probably close to retirement. Although his attitude was quite friendly to me ever since I’ve known him, it has suddenly changed. I have been quite a reclusive person for various reasons but decided to attend some evening lectures that Father is giving. As it happens, he and I live in an apartment complex with many other persons. Now, if we run into each other on the elevator, he has difficulty looking at me and won’t even say “hello” unless I say it first. Instead of being happy for me that I am starting to come out of my shell a little more, this man seems to be discouraging me from attending his talks any further. I have no idea what I have done to bring this on. I had become very apathetic about going anywhere in the evening because I really don’t like the smallish town in which I currently live. But, since Father’s classes are so near where we live, I decided to make an effort to “get dressed-up and get out”, the very thing my children have been urging me to do for quite some time. I have enjoyed the experience, up to now, but I think I had better avoid this priest. In my younger years, I used to be an entertainer and knew a number of actors and singers, so charming and charismatic when they were “on”, but cold and aloof otherwise. Father keeps to himself in our building and that is his right. But at least he used to be polite. Unfortunately, I now see him as one of those “actors” of my past, an empty shell of a man.

 

[thequeen]

that’s jus a temptation for a priest to favor one person or persons over others. Some people do not have the financial means to give gifts… and frankly, i think this kind of thing should be discouraged by the bishop…

You are so right. We had this priest who is now retired and the wealthy people were always giving him gifts of large sums of money and those were the parishioners that he favored in fact when we had the Saint Joseph dinner they were the only ones allowed to attend because they were the only ones invited We now have a good priest who treats every one the same and does not accept gifts from parish members although he did accept a new picture frame from me because I accidently knocked one off his desk as I was leaving after my appointment for confession It was a picture of his doggie He knew that I wanted to do the right thing by replacing it and I gave it to him when no one was around In fact I laid it on his desk when I went to the office to pick up a copy of one of his homilies or reflections which I edit for his blog.

 

[thequeen]

Welcome to the borad diggity.

Sounds like a wonderful priest!

God Bless

Sound like my kind of priest.

 

[Viki63]

I am new here and have been reading some older threads and, at the end of this one, I noticed that “Distracted”, the poster, had been banned. I certainly hope it was not for having the “temerity” to point out that there are plenty of bad priests out there! There have been too many cover-ups in the Catholic Church and this has invited criticism from all sides–and plenty of lawsuits by victims of the worst of these priests. It is high time that we begin to acknowledge that perhaps the very nature of the priesthood, as it stands, may be attracting the wrong kinds of men. At any rate, having read this entire thread, I find the treatment of the OP appalling and, yet, if all that is permitted here is “pray for the priest”. no matter how disgusting his behavior, then even this forum may be part of the problem instead of the solution.

I am being treated badly by a priest right now. We are both elderly persons but Father is at least a decade older than I am and probably close to retirement. Although his attitude was quite friendly to me ever since I’ve known him, it has suddenly changed. I have been quite a reclusive person for various reasons but decided to attend some evening lectures that Father is giving. As it happens, he and I live in an apartment complex with many other persons. Now, if we run into each other on the elevator, he has difficulty looking at me and won’t even say “hello” unless I say it first. Instead of being happy for me that I am starting to come out of my shell a little more, this man seems to be discouraging me from attending his talks any further. I have no idea what I have done to bring this on. I had become very apathetic about going anywhere in the evening because I really don’t like the smallish town in which I currently live. But, since Father’s classes are so near where we live, I decided to make an effort to “get dressed-up and get out”, the very thing my children have been urging me to do for quite some time. I have enjoyed the experience, up to now, but I think I had better avoid this priest. In my younger years, I used to be an entertainer and knew a number of actors and singers, so charming and charismatic when they were “on”, but cold and aloof otherwise. Father keeps to himself in our building and that is his right. But at least he used to be polite. Unfortunately, I now see him as one of those “actors” of my past, an empty shell of a man.

Practically all the abuse and the cover ups happened thirty years and more ago. Seminaries were allowing men to enter who should not have been encouraged. Things have changed since then.
Regarding Father’s attitude toward you, RomaBella, I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I suspect he may be nervous because you live in the same building. He may be socially inept, or he may be experiencing temptations that you know nothing of. Please give him the benefit of the doubt.