Wrongfully treated by a priest

[LeafByNiggle]

RomaBella:

… reading some older threads and, at the end of this one, I noticed that “Distracted”, the poster, had been banned. I certainly hope it was not for having the “temerity” to point out that there are plenty of bad priests out there! .

No, not for that. The post you refer to was in 2008. But if you click on “distracted” and view all posts by that author, you will see that he/she continued to post until December 2010.

 

[RomaBella]

Practically all the abuse and the cover ups happened thirty years and more ago. Seminaries were allowing men to enter who should not have been encouraged. Things have changed since then.
Regarding Father’s attitude toward you, RomaBella, I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I suspect he may be nervous because you live in the same building. He may be socially inept, or he may be experiencing temptations that you know nothing of. Please give him the benefit of the doubt.

It seems to me you are making excuses for the behavior of this priest and I don’t know what you mean by “benefit of a doubt”. First of all, why should a priest be nervous about living in the same building with me? There are many older single women living here. This is a very large building. Socially inept? Why would someone who is socially inept have been kept in the priesthood for over 50 years? Unless he is in a monastery, isn’t it a priest’s job to deal with people? This is a parish priest, still in the ministry because of a shortage of younger men, no doubt, and able to continue due to good health. What do temptations matter when one is closer to 80 than 70? It seems to me that you may be one of those people who believe that priests have the right to behave like immature 14-year-old boys if --God forbid–something is making the poor dears feel uncomfortable. Even rudeness is okay on their part if it makes them feel better about some kind of “temptation”? It was okay for Christ to be rude to the Devil when he was tempted in the wilderness but it is not okay for a man to be rude to a woman who is doing nothing to tempt him at all.

 

[casslean]

It seems to me you are making excuses for the behavior of this priest and I don’t know what you mean by “benefit of a doubt”. First of all, why should a priest be nervous about living in the same building with me? There are many older single women living here. This is a very large building. Socially inept? Why would someone who is socially inept have been kept in the priesthood for over 50 years? Unless he is in a monastery, isn’t it a priest’s job to deal with people? This is a parish priest, still in the ministry because of a shortage of younger men, no doubt, and able to continue due to good health. What do temptations matter when one is closer to 80 than 70? It seems to me that you may be one of those people who believe that priests have the right to behave like immature 14-year-old boys if --God forbid–something is making the poor dears feel uncomfortable. Even rudeness is okay on their part if it makes them feel better about some kind of “temptation”? It was okay for Christ to be rude to the Devil when he was tempted in the wilderness but it is not okay for a man to be rude to a woman who is doing nothing to tempt him at all.

I rarely initiate conversations with anyone. If I happen to make eye contact, the most interaction I might offer is a smile before I look away. I am happy to engage with people when they initiate conversations or make contact, but I really, desperately struggle with it myself.

Nonetheless, I work in a profession that requires me to be social and engaging and forthright. I excel at my profession, but it takes a lot of energy to do so, and when I go home, I’m* tired*. When I can turn that off, I do, because it takes so much out of me to keep it on all the time.

I’m not rude. I’m not ignorant. I’m shy. Lots of shy people can be extroverted or outgoing or social when they need to be, but then they need time to recharge. You don’t know what else is going on in this priest’s life that might be causing a drain on his resources.

I think that’s what Viki63 meant by giving him the benefit of the doubt. Be the first to reach out in social settings. Go to the lectures, and the next time you see him, mention how much you enjoyed it. Mention that it is giving you a reason to get out and that you appreciate that. Lift him up instead of expecting him to lift you up.

 

[RomaBella]

I rarely initiate conversations with anyone. If I happen to make eye contact, the most interaction I might offer is a smile before I look away. I am happy to engage with people when they initiate conversations or make contact, but I really, desperately struggle with it myself.

Nonetheless, I work in a profession that requires me to be social and engaging and forthright. I excel at my profession, but it takes a lot of energy to do so, and when I go home, I’m* tired*. When I can turn that off, I do, because it takes so much out of me to keep it on all the time.

I’m not rude. I’m not ignorant. I’m shy. Lots of shy people can be extroverted or outgoing or social when they need to be, but then they need time to recharge. You don’t know what else is going on in this priest’s life that might be causing a drain on his resources.

I think that’s what Viki63 meant by giving him the benefit of the doubt. Be the first to reach out in social settings. Go to the lectures, and the next time you see him, mention how much you enjoyed it. Mention that it is giving you a reason to get out and that you appreciate that. Lift him up instead of expecting him to lift you up.

I am not expecting anyone to lift me up. I thought I had made it clear that, until I had started to attend the lectures, the priest had been friendly enough. Well, that’s not exactly true, come to think of it. When he first mentioned something to me about the class, I said I would like to go and he gave me a flyer. So I went–because I knew the man and the location was very close and easy to find. The next time I saw him in the elevator, he seemed quite curt and told me he was surprised to see me at the class! Then I told him it was the first time I had gone out in the evening for three years. He said something about that being good and got off the elevator. As I had my laundry basket with me, the priest knew I was going to the laundry and, after a few minutes he came up there. Then he said he would drive me to the class if it was difficult for me to go on my own. I thanked him but said it would not be a good idea. Since he hadn’t lived in the building as long as I have, he didn’t know what a bunch of gossips it harbors. These are elderly people who have nothing to do but talk about others and never in a charitable way. They never give anybody the benefit of the doubt. I made it plain that I didn’t care one way or another what they thought or said about me, but he had managed to stay off their gossip radar until now and that was for the best. My appearance doesn’t amount to that much these days, but people tell me I am an attractive woman and women who look nice arouse the envy and hostility of small-minded people. Of course, I didn’t mention that part to the priest. For all I know, he finds nothing special about me and might have just felt sorry for me. The priest seemed to understand my concerns and that was the end of that. Then I went to the class again the next week but now the man doesn’t seem to want to look at me or speak to me at all. It seems weird, because he knows exchanging a mere greeting or a few words is not going to be a source of gossip even in a building such as this one.

 

[Matilda_Bennett]

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