Wrongfully treated by a priest

[RB2]

You are right. I have joined a new parish and try to be extra kind to the priests there. I give them gifts and pray for them everyday because they are a gift to us.

Everyone has problems:
You should concentrate on healing and improving
your spiritual life and prayer. Keep a low profile for years, concentrate on your healing. Then when your in a secure position in life with a significant part of your healing done. Then join some ministries.

It would appear? that you are a person that makes everyone aware of what you’ve been through.
This means you are still full of the hurt. Its too early, and you do not present yourself as a likely person to be involved with Church ministries.
If these priests you give gifts to at the new Church, if you’ve told them your problems, the exact nature, and what you’ve been through then your likely to repeat the same pattern that you went through at the other church.

Specifically these are communication, social and anger problems. Not everyone has a perfect or pleasant personality and some of us unintentionally manifest our anger repeatedly when we interact with others, or display some other inappropriate emotion.

You need to spend time healing and not trying to preen and present yourself as a holy person to the church. You are not ready for that.

WWDLS
What would Dr. Laura Say

 

[Pong]

You are right. I have joined a new parish

Good so far.

and try to be extra kind to the priests there.

Still good…

I give them gifts

This one stuck out. By gifts, do you mean for an anniversary of ordination? Birthday? Stipend for sacrament? Or do you just give them gifts “because?” If you just give them random gifts and do it regulrarly, you may be coming across as an overly needy person who is trying to buy affection through material goods. I honestly apologize if this is not the case and it sounds harsh, but given the situation you described to us in your first post, I wonder if you are coming on a bit strong…?

and pray for them everyday because they are a gift to us.

They are, and I’m sure they appreciate that the most.

WWDLS
What would Dr. Laura Say

Probably something nasty, hypocritical, and unhelpful like usual.

 

[rlg94086]

Probably something nasty, hypocritical, and unhelpful like usual.

No, no, no…you misunderstood. RB2 didn’t ask WWPP?

 

[Pong]

No, no, no…you misunderstood. RB2 didn’t ask WWPP?

Gee, that’s funny. I don’t remember posting anything nasty, hypocritical, or unhelpful.

 

[rlg94086]

Gee, that’s funny. I don’t remember posting anything nasty, hypocritical, or unhelpful.

Do you mean other than this?

Pong:

Probably something nasty, hypocritical, and unhelpful like usual.

 

[Pong]

No, I mean at all. But alas, this thread isn’t about me.

 

[distracted]

Your priest was right not to encourage you to go, since RCIA has enough problems already, without also having to be all things to all people. It has a very specific intent, and it seems to me as though your RCIA leaders were, in fact, focused on the right things. It would have been very wrong of them to put any focus on you, since you have already received your Sacraments of Initiation - you got your applause, already, at that time.
.

I feel you are just adding to Poster’s pain…

you may or may not be right about the RCIA thing but i do not feel you are right… I have been told that anyone can attend RCIA and i love to attend myself because i learn a lot…

You say nothing of the evil this priest has done… People like you really get on my nerves… because it is almost like you dont’ want to admit that priests are not God or something!

Get real…

 

[distracted]

Even a cranky priest can be a vehicle for Grace. People expect too much from them. All I want is from mine is to administer the Sacraments properly and keep himself righteous in the eyes of God. They are expected to be psychiatrists and social workers as well, these days, and that’s too much, I think.

If you have trouble with one, consider it as a way of learning humility. Even a bad spiritual mentor has valuable lessons to teach.

As other posters suggest, you can also attend another Parish. I’ve done that, as there’s a Latin Mass in the next parish.

If the priest is deviating from specific Catholic doctrine, write to the Bishop, and leave it at that. You can also have a quiet, respectful word with the priest concerned. Understand, he probably gets a lot of that, so keep it cool and polite.

I had a notion to become a priest as a lad. What put me off, in part, was the notion of having cranks and dear old ladies bending my ear morning noon and night because, hey!, a priest is a nice, ‘safe’ man who has to listen to their petty concerns, unlike their husbands(!)

If the priest is fasting, and is overworked, you can forgive them having a short fuse. He is also being attacked by the Devil, by virtue of his office.

If you are already active in the parish, the priest was within his rights to refuse you more responsibility. If you are already a Catholic, then attending a course for new converts in unnecessary.

Why so many people making excuses for priests??

Once again: Priests are NOT God… or even remotely godly sometimes…

Why the need to defend behavior that, frankly, if it happened to you, you would likely not defend… If someone other than a priest did this stuff (& called himself Christian) it would be a different story.

If anything it is WORSE for a priest to act this way… He knows the Word of God… He knows that “God is love” and etc, etc… To Whom more is given, more is required…

I am glad s/he reported to the bishop. Whether the bishop does anythijg or not… is another mtter… bishops are not God either… The good that will come is that poster hopefully will or has seen this… & realized (more fully) that… we really ARE there for Jesus…

We are human so that is hard to always remember…

But in any case, no matter what good comes from it, the priest is still wrong…

and may be on his way to Hell… so we need to pray for him… Those on their way to Hell, though hard to pray for, need our prayers worse than anyone else… (another truth hard to live by )

 

[jmcrae]

I feel you are just adding to Poster’s pain…

you may or may not be right about the RCIA thing but i do not feel you are right… I have been told that anyone can attend RCIA and i love to attend myself because i learn a lot…

She was upset because she wasn’t applauded when the new converts were applauded. The applause was not for going to RCIA; it was for being Baptized, Confirmed, and receiving their First Holy Communion. She had done these things many years previously.

It would have cheapened the specialness of the moment for the others, if they had applauded her, too, just for wanting applause for herself.

You say nothing of the evil this priest has done.

What “evil” did he do? Treating her like a normal Catholic (which she was) instead of like a new convert?

 

[Layman]

Lay off priests. They have a hard job. A proportion of their congregation is ‘cracked’; people for whom religion is a mania, not source of peace. Or people who are more influenced by the infernal than Heaven and get secret pleasure causing trouble.

I’m pretty sure Bishops get a lot of letters in green ink about what Fr. So-And-So did that did not meet with the standards of the (anonymous) writer.

As long as he’s not a heretic or a crook, I’ll support any priest. As well as being available to any loon 24 hours a day, he has to be celibate, poor and obedient to his bishop.

*You think about doing that for 50 years * before you go gunning for Catholic priest.

 

[distracted]

She was upset because she wasn’t applauded when the new converts were applauded. .

What “evil” did he do? Treating her like a normal Catholic (which she was) instead of like a new convert?

i doubt she wnted applause… How do you know such a thing? Can you read people’s minds?

Even if she did wnt to be part of the celebration in that respect… The thought occurs to me that what she probably disliked was that she was excluded… Have you ever been excluded, separated out in a big group??

Also… if you can’t see what the priest did wrong… Well… maybe some day a priest will treat you thesame wwy… and you will know. In the meantime, you could at least try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes…

 

[distracted]

You are right. I have joined a new parish and try to be extra kind to the priests there. I give them gifts and pray for them everyday because they are a gift to us.

that’s jus a temptation for a priest to favor one person or persons over others. Some people do not have the financial means to give gifts… and frankly, i think this kind of thing should be discouraged by the bishop…

 

[distracted]

. The priest who sexually abused me passed away, so I lit candles for him at the church, dedicated a mass for him, and also purchased a Perpetual mass card for him and sent it to the Bishop as a sign of love and forgiveness… I still have periods of depression and anger, but it has lessened a lot since I forgave those who hurt me. Jesus knew this when he said to pray for those who hurt you, turn the other cheek, and love your enemies. When you do this it releases a heavy burden from your heart and it helps you become a stronger more loving person.

it is difficult to forgive such things… but so good to hear that you did it… I know someone who refuses to forgive someone in the family, who, admittedly, did awful things… but even when i pointed out that this person cannot be saved if doesn’t forgive… seems the person chose to continue in unforgiveness… so your story is uplifting for me… God bless…

 

[distracted]

. The priest who sexually abused me …

i think it is good to remmeber that many priests (one is too many) go into the priesthood for less than “honorable” reasons… One time someone told me (yrs ago when i was rather naive)… that a lot of men go into the priesthood because they are hiding from something. He didn’t say wht that something ws… i guess it could be many things… I didn’t wnt to bleieve that about most priests… but i have seen a lot of weird behavior in priests since then… and i have come to understand what this person meant… a lot of sociopaths go into “respectable” positions such as the p-hood because they don’t want their evil ways to be suspected… Unfortunatley, that is just a fact of life on Planet Earth… and maybe it is a good thing they end up there… because then they can hear the word of God all the time… and maybe some of it will eventually sink in…

 

[distracted]

It would appear? that you are a person that makes everyone aware of what you’ve been through.
This means you are still full of the hurt. Its too early, and you do not present yourself as a likely person to be involved with Church ministries.

what causes such hurt to continue is usually this awful feeling that some of us have (deep inside) that something is wrong with US rather than the priest… I mean, you start thinking odd things like "maybe i am a wrose sinner than i thought… maybe God is using this man to punish me… or something like that… Then there is always the disturbing aspect of: Why is a priest acting this way?? How can he read and hear the scriptures every day… (sometimes more often) & still act like that?? It is very disconcerting… to say the least… so if she is still hurting, it is no wonder… If a person were to wait until all hurt is gone and healing is perfect… (whatever that means)… one will never go outside oneself to do anything for another… or for the Church or whatever…

 

[jmcrae]

i doubt she wnted applause… How do you know such a thing? Can you read people’s minds?

Because she said so, at some point - she said that she was upset and angry because they didn’t call out her name to be congratulated at the Easter Vigil.

They didn’t call my name out at mine when I converted, either, because they only call the Baptized’s names - if you are only being Confirmed, they don’t call your name. And if you’re only along for the learning experience, they especially don’t call out your name.

Even if she did wnt to be part of the celebration in that respect… The thought occurs to me that what she probably disliked was that she was excluded… Have you ever been excluded, separated out in a big group??

Yes, I have, lots of times - I don’t actually “fit in” anywhere, really, so almost every group experience is a “singling out” experience, for me. I know that it hurts. But I also know that crying about it just gets you singled out and excluded even more.

Also… if you can’t see what the priest did wrong… Well… maybe some day a priest will treat you thesame wwy… and you will know. In the meantime, you could at least try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes…

People treat me badly all the time, including priests - sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident. I usually try to take the high road. If the reason for it is a problem I want to fix, I try to fix it. If not - if it’s something I either can’t change or don’t want to change, I just ignore them and limit my interaction with them as much as possible.

 

[juliamajor]

Lay off priests. They have a hard job. A proportion of their congregation is ‘cracked’; people for whom religion is a mania, not source of peace. Or people who are more influenced by the infernal than Heaven and get secret pleasure causing trouble.

I’m pretty sure Bishops get a lot of letters in green ink about what Fr. So-And-So did that did not meet with the standards of the (anonymous) writer.

As long as he’s not a heretic or a crook, I’ll support any priest. As well as being available to any loon 24 hours a day, he has to be celibate, poor and obedient to his bishop.

You think about doing that for 50 years before you go gunning for Catholic priest.

What about a molester, murderer-?Don’t want then neither/ No criminal behavior of any kind. Hate to tell you but being available to people is his job.Celibate yes, diocesan priests don’t take a vow of poverty and being subject to his bishop is part of the deal.Like Underdog these guys"knew the job was dangerous when they took it!"No excuse for acting like a bozo instead of acting like Christ.Any religious person( that includes the pious in the pews) are ambassadors for Christ.Whenever we denigrate or harm folks in any way we are doing a damage to the body of Christ.Teach, speak, and live the way of Christ. I’ve been truly honored to know such a man- he’s a bishop now. He literally brought hundreds into the Church with his gentleness and Christ-like ways. the Monseignor who took up after him- totally opposite . He doesn’t act like a servant but a superior-result? People leaving,going to different parishes.What we do effects the Body. What a Priest, or any religious does can damage the Body for years. Priests are human -like the rest of us.i remember on priest telling me that they needed support just like anyone else. Take him to dinner, baseball game(when they have the time) stop by and tell him a few jokes. Make him feel that he is not isolated but part of the community. peace:

 

[Layman]

I said “As long as he’s not a heretic or a crook”

There are good and bad priests. What I’m railing against is 1. Priest-bashing as a casual sport of the Catholic laity and 2. Priest-targetting as a hobby of the Catholic pious.

I have the impression that when a priest enters a diocese he enters a bear-pit. All I want is a non-crook who’ll perform the Sacraments properly and on time. Anything else is a bonus.

Priests don’t take a vow of poverty, unlike monks, I think, but they are obliged, by their state of life, to live simply and frugally.

 

[juliamajor]

I said “As long as he’s not a heretic or a crook”

There are good and bad priests. What I’m railing against is 1. Priest-bashing as a casual sport of the Catholic laity and 2. Priest-targetting as a hobby of the Catholic pious.

I have the impression that when a priest enters a diocese he enters a bear-pit. All I want is a non-crook who’ll perform the Sacraments properly and on time. Anything else is a bonus.

Priests don’t take a vow of poverty, unlike monks, I think, but they are obliged, by their state of life, to live simply and frugally.

I’ve experienced very little of what you state. we get more grief and baiting by the media and semi- active Catholics. anti Catholicism is rampant in the states and has since the beginning of the Nation.-From the people of the pews? Maybe a little grousing. no- bear baiting though.But of course that could be my diocese.( Crook implies theft- not murder)

 

[diggitydug]

I live in a parish which is experiencing some major turnover. It has a single priest for a very long time, who then retired. After his retirement and three priests in three years, we finnaly have a new permanent replacement.

Our new priest is very strict, and very by the book. He has removed all the “parish practices” from the mass (rituals or habits the parish has done over the years) and re-structure mass to be exactly like the Vatican’s mass.

He has also introudced more homilies about uncomfortable topics (abortion, birth control, and living a godly life for the sake of our eternal souls) that often make the congregation squirm.

He has told the attached grade school (which my 7 year old daughter attends) that Mass will now be mandatory weekly, instead of once a month, for the sake of the children.

He has taken over RCIA, from the Sister who ran it, and turned it into a much stricter, more formal set of education sessions.

He is very much a religious conservative. He plays by the book, and ONLY by the book. He enforces the laws of the church as laid down by the Vattican, and the Bishop.

And you should SEE the reams of hate mail he recieves…

But in all the things he does, he is really in the right. He believes we need a bit more “fire and brimstone, and worry about our souls” from the pulpit, because in the end, this mortal world is transitory, and it IS our soul we should be worried about. He also beleives that even if he makes people uncomfortalbe, that he should not avoid the important discussions.

I know more than one parishoner who has written letters to the bishop on him.

I added these comments really to make the following points:

1. In this whole discussion we are only hearing one side of the story. While I will pray for the lady who origonaly posted, that her pain will subside, we also dont know the priest’s perceptions or otherwise. The priest was completely correct in his stance on RCIA. And if the priest thought there may be a reason she should not be a Eucharistic Minsiter, how can we judge that? There are probably facts there we do not know.
2. As many have said here, lets not attack our priests. Our priest live in service to us. Its very rare that even a very good priest will make all his parishoners happy all the time. There will allways be hate mail. Its part of the job. And its a job I am thankfull they have the perseverance to do on my behalf.