12 years of marriage as Catholics, my husband now wants to convert to being Muslim! Help!

[Kelfa28]

I do not feel that he will take the children and leave. They do not have passports. Nor will they ever have them until they are adults. I won’t tell him that!

If there is any one thing that you can do…this would be it. No passports. None. Never consent to it.

Your children cannot obtain passports unless you BOTH are physically there applying for one. Otherwise you need special paperwork to do so…that still requires your consent.

If he asks why…tell him the truth. You don’t trust that your children will ever be allowed to come home. If he balks…tell him the answer is, and will always be, NO.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

you advised someone to commit sin,a serious if not grave sin .to damage someones good name is reprehensible

Perhaps, but it happens a lot on these boards. Look around. Again, I said what I would be willing to do if I thought my children were in jeopardy. If you’d prefer us not be honest in a “what would you do” scenario, just say so.

Have you offered any advice other than picking apart other posts?

 

[MaryLouItalia]

I think posters are being a bit hysterical.

It’s very unlikely he’s “been lying to you for 12 years”. Either he switched to Catholicism and has now reverted to the religion of his youth, or he simply stopped being religious and “played along” with your Catholicism and now he’s decided to renew his Muslim faith.

Religion is often a source of conflict in marriage. If you want to preserve this marriage you may want to suggest some sort of compromise. For example, he allows your son to be baptized, but you allow the family to attend Friday prayers. Instead of attending Mass every Sunday, you could switch off attending Catholic services one week and Muslim services the next. There’s no reason why you can’t celebrate both Ramadan and Christmas. etc.

I don’t know enough about you or your husband to know how flexible either of you will be on these issues. Clearly, you have no desire to convert to Islam. If he insists on this, it sounds like you’re headed for divorce.

Maybe you don’t know Islam. I’ve had the chance to know a wonderful woman (Italian-Swiss) and she married a non-practing muslim, and he became a Mormon (making also tha baptism) only to make her happy. After he comes back to islam and convinced to convert his wife. Beatings (also when she was pregnant) and bad words almost everyday. Islam give the right to the man to beat (it’s in the Quran, that I have and read it) you’re wife if he thinks that she are not so obedient, also teach that the mother have rights on its children only till they have 7y.o., after they’re a father properties. Many western man who marry devoted muslim women, must convert to islam also if they don’t believe in the religion beliefs because it’s a 100% patriarchal religion. So yes, you can cheat about your true religious beliefs very very well to obtain what you want. Islam and christianity have different beliefs about many things above all Jesus (holy books, and many other things) and it’s not absolutely negotiable deny (or put aside) the fulcrum of the Christian faith and celebrate (and say) words in which you proclaim that Muhammad is a God’s prophet and accept the islamic law.
You’re an atheist, so you don’t really understand that mixing two different faith, it’s not possible. There’s no compromise with God. Maybe you also don’t know how many male muslims kidnap their children and the mothers can’t make anything because they’re female and Christian. Read the book ‘Never without my daughter’. If a (devoted) muslim man marry a jew or a christian (he can), he MUST teach only Islam to the children. There aren’t 2nd options.

I hope that the original poster, will talk asap with a priest and a lawyer, and she must hide their passports so he’ll not have any chance to run away in Saudi Arabia. The divorce is always the last option but she must be very very careful and ‘study’ his behaviour. In the USA she’ll be protected and helped, outside NO.

ps: if there are errors, forgive me. My mother language is Italian…

 

[Mariem2]

I have been acquainted with Muslim families, some of whom were very devout but none of them from an ultra conservative Islamic country such as Saudi and I don’t personally know anyone in a situation such as yours. None of the families I knew were the type to force their religion on others.

It was a long time ago but if memory serves me, in the more traditional families the husband’s mother could be a very influential figure whereas the wife’s mother had no influence whatsoever. Your eldest is nearing the age when Muslim girls are expected to cover up. And now you have a son. I don’t want to scare you or add to any rift in your family, but keep an eye on how much your MIL’s influence is growing on your household. Be aware if your husband appears to grow closer to his siblings but more aloof or austere with you. Trust your instincts. Keep close to your own family and don’t let your identity be swallowed up.

Editing to add that, although I don’t know them personally, I have heard of quite a few cases similar to those described by the poster from Italy. There was a case in this country a couple of years ago that was very similar to the Not Without My Daughter story. The mother managed to snatch her child back but she was lucky to get help entering and leaving the Muslim country.

 

[Kelfa28]

Read the book ‘Never without my daughter’.

The book is called Not Without My Daughter and the author is Betty Mahmoody.

It was written in the early nineties about a woman who was tricked by her, seemingly Americanized, husband to go to Iran (of all places) just to visit his family for two weeks. Two weeks turned into several years as she couldn’t leave the county without her daughter because her daughter was now legal property of her husband the second she stepped foot in that country.
This happened just after the revolution took place in Iran and she and her daughter were trapped by the radical beliefs the country now held.

In order to get out of Iran…she and her daughter had to travel a very dangerous route through the mountains into Turkey.

Its a fantastic read but the movie was awful…IMHO.

 

[rtechie]

Maybe you don’t know Islam. … You’re an atheist, so you don’t really understand that mixing two different faith, it’s not possible. There’s no compromise with God. Maybe you also don’t know how many male muslims kidnap their children and the mothers can’t make anything because they’re female and Christian. Read the book ‘Never without my daughter’. If a (devoted) muslim man marry a jew or a christian (he can), he MUST teach only Islam to the children. There aren’t 2nd options.

I grew up in Fremont, CA which has one of the highest concentration of Muslims in the USA outside of Dearborn. I’m very familiar with Islam and not every Muslim man is a hateful wife-beater who kidnaps children. The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

And you certainly can mix religions and show religious tolerance, ask any Baha’i. Most of the Muslims I’ve known have been involved in mixed religious marriages. If you are a fanatic Catholic you’re going to have problems with your family following any other religion, not just Islam. If you’re not a fanatic, you should have no problems exposing your children to other faiths. I attend my friend’s Passover seder every year. I go to Christmas Mass every year too, and I’ve also celebrated Ramadan (not every year though). Still an atheist.

 

[JimG]

I grew up in Fremont, CA which has one of the highest concentration of Muslims in the USA outside of Dearborn. I’m very familiar with Islam and not every Muslim man is a hateful wife-beater who kidnaps children. The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

And you certainly can mix religions and show religious tolerance, ask any Baha’i. Most of the Muslims I’ve known have been involved in mixed religious marriages. If you are a fanatic Catholic you’re going to have problems with your family following any other religion, not just Islam. If you’re not a fanatic, you should have no problems exposing your children to other faiths. I attend my friend’s Passover seder every year. I go to Christmas Mass every year too, and I’ve also celebrated Ramadan (not every year though). Still an atheist.

By a ‘fanatic Catholic’ do you mean a practicing Catholic?

 

[Kelfa28]

The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

It is the TRUTH.

It is a massive problem…especially in countries like Iran after the revolution took place.

There are countless stories of people having to escape through dangerous means because of the way laws are now set up in that country.

There is another book called Out of Iran that was written right after the revolution took place.
A woman couldn’t leave the country because after her husband died…the laws stated that her In-Laws had power of attorney and control over her son. Her son couldn’t leave the country with his own mother…despite the fact that she was a widow.
The revolution changed everything in that country.

Are all Muslim men wife beaters and kidnappers?

No.

Do the laws in these countries take away the rights of the mother and give them solely to the father…even if he is abusive?
Yes.
Do the laws in these countries give any rights to American children and their mothers if they find themselves in this country with a husband and father who won’t allow them to leave?
No.

 

[rtechie]

The book is called Not Without My Daughter and the author is Betty Mahmoody.

Two sides to every story.
youtube.com/watch?v=_W2SUn1ZNU0&list=PL6E9F3A3F7EBA63EA&index=1

 

[Mariem2]

I grew up in Fremont, CA which has one of the highest concentration of Muslims in the USA outside of Dearborn. I’m very familiar with Islam and not every Muslim man is a hateful wife-beater who kidnaps children. The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

And you certainly can mix religions and show religious tolerance, ask any Baha’i. Most of the Muslims I’ve known have been involved in mixed religious marriages. If you are a fanatic Catholic you’re going to have problems with your family following any other religion, not just Islam. If you’re not a fanatic, you should have no problems exposing your children to other faiths. I attend my friend’s Passover seder every year. I go to Christmas Mass every year too, and I’ve also celebrated Ramadan (not every year though). Still an atheist.

The OP’s husband has already insisted that she stop bringing her Children to the Catholic Church. He has every right to revert to Islam but no right to demand that his wife convert and when he married in a Catholic Church he committed to raising his children in the Catholic faith. Not Without My Daughter is a true story. The case in this country was very similar, except that the couple were living in Cyprus, the wife was Catholic but not particularly devout, and I don’t think there was any physical abuse. The husband took the daughter to Syria just at the start of the upheavel there. He left word for the mother that she should sell everything she owned and move to Syria. She got help, crossed into Syria via Turkey, snatched her daughter and managed to get out. This type of situation occurs more often in European countries because there are land borders with Muslim countries or short boat trips to North Africa. It’s harder to get a child out of the US. Harder but not impossible.

 

[Kelfa28]

Two sides to every story.
youtube.com/watch?v=_W2SUn1ZNU0&list=PL6E9F3A3F7EBA63EA&index=1

A very poor attempt to discredit a woman who was the victim of abuse.

Why in the world would she take her child through such a dangerous route to Turkey if she wasn’t desperate to get out.

She obviously trusted her husband enough to encourage her daughter to embrace her persian roots and travel to a country that had just gone through an incredibly radical revolution that is completely totalitarian in its patriarchy.

If he wasn’t the man she made him out to be and loved his family enough…why would it be okay for him to hold her and her daughter there against their will?

 

[jessylouise_x]

very sorry to hear about this awful situation. i can only agree what others are saying - stand by yourself, your children and God. do not allow him to dictate on what the children can or cannot believe and what you and they can or cannot do (go to mass, be baptized).

i hope everything works out, i will pray for you and your children.

God Bless x

 

[jambro777]

After 12 years of knowing my husband as Catholic, my husband insists that he is now Muslim and that the kids will be too. He refuses to allow me to take the children to church, have a cross in the home or to do the sign of the cross. I just had a baby boy 3.5 months ago and this is when it all began. He refuses to let me baptize him and I am devistated. Nor will he let our 6 year old go through with her First Holy Communion next year.

I’m so lost right now and devistated by his irrational behvior.

My husband lied to me about being Catholic all these years. I have just found out by his family that he was born and raised Muslim. All his family live in Saudi Arabia and over the past year they have slowlly started to enter into our lives. I’m devistated that the foundation of our marriage was based on a lie. I’m doing everything I can to maintain happiness for my childrens sake, but my husband wants me to completely end the catholiciscm for the kids and begin the pathway to Islam. He wants me to do the same and I am adimant that I will not be open minded about this. Please help in anyway you can

Wow! This is quite a shocker. I’ve had many conversations with Muslims, especially regarding their beliefs. You mention that after 12 years of knowing your husband as a Catholic, he now insists that he’s a Muslim. Were you both married in the Catholic Church? Even so, being a professed Muslim how does he justify lying for all these years? He would certainly not be a ‘good Muslim’ as this would reflect negatively on Allah, to which you might want to point out to him.

I’d like to suggest that you NOT get angry, but rather try and have an open, quiet, and respectful conversation. Here’s how it worked for me: I told my Muslim friend how interested I was in learning all about his beliefs, simply because if he had something better than me, then I wanted it too. I gave him all the time to tell me about his beliefs and at the end of it all I asked him one simple question: Are you guaranteed to go to heaven when you die? His reply was, “I’m not sure as it is up to Allah.” THAT WAS THE DIFFERENCE. We have a guarantee from Christ Himself that we can have eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord.

You might want to point him to this guarantee found in the Bible known as Romans Road. Here it is in a nutshell:

The first verse on the Romans Road to salvation is Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” We have all sinned. We have all done things that are displeasing to God. There is no one who is innocent. Romans 3:10-18 gives a detailed picture of what sin looks like in our lives. The second Scripture on the Romans Road to salvation, Romans 6:23, teaches us about the consequences of sin - “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” The punishment that we have earned for our sins is death. Not just physical death, but eternal death!

The third verse on the Romans Road to salvation picks up where Romans 6:23 left off, “but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus Christ died for us! Jesus’ death paid for the price of our sins. Jesus’ resurrection proves that God accepted Jesus’ death as the payment for our sins.

The fourth stop on the Romans Road to salvation is Romans 10:9, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Because of Jesus’ death on our behalf, all we have to do is believe in Him, trusting His death as the payment for our sins - and we will be saved! Romans 10:13 says it again, “for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins and rescue us from eternal death. Salvation, the forgiveness of sins, is available to anyone who will trust in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

The final aspect of the Romans Road to salvation is the results of salvation. Romans 5:1 has this wonderful message, “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Through Jesus Christ we can have a relationship of peace with God. Romans 8:1 teaches us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Because of Jesus’ death on our behalf, we will never be condemned for our sins. Finally, we have this precious promise of God from Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

He might want to pray a simple prayer like: Dear God, I know that I am a sinner. I believe that you love me and sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins. I believe that Jesus rose from the grave and I invite Him into my heart. By faith I receive Christ and I want to serve you. THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME…AMEN

If he doubts the Catholic Bible, I have an answer for that one too.
God Bless and keep in touch.

 

[Porknpie]

Thought:

Tell your husband …being loving but absolutely firm…that the children are being raised Catholic. Period. Period. Period.

• The daughter is going to be an alter server.
• The children are continuing to attend the Catholic school
• The children are attending Church on Sunday with you.
• He is not to inhibit the children from practicing their Catholic faith in any way (ie making signs of the cross…whatever he would come up with)

He agreed to this when you got married. This is the convenant that he made with God.

Put the line in the sand. See what he says.

 

[SouthCatholic]

Yes, hide your children’s passports, and for goodness sake don’t let him convince you to go to some muslim country! (There’s a fair chance you’ll never come back.)

Don’t let him convince you to leave the country PERIOD. If you go to another country he can easily take you from another country to a Muslim country and the US laws will not apply. GET A LAWYER!!! GET A SHARK!!! When you get a lawyer deposit the children’s passports and yours with your lawyer.

Also, my guess is that the birth of your SON is what precipitated this.

 

[mayogirl25]

After 12 years of knowing my husband as Catholic, my husband insists that he is now Muslim and that the kids will be too. He refuses to allow me to take the children to church, have a cross in the home or to do the sign of the cross. I just had a baby boy 3.5 months ago and this is when it all began. He refuses to let me baptize him and I am devistated. Nor will he let our 6 year old go through with her First Holy Communion next year.

I’m so lost right now and devistated by his irrational behvior.

My husband lied to me about being Catholic all these years. I have just found out by his family that he was born and raised Muslim. All his family live in Saudi Arabia and over the past year they have slowlly started to enter into our lives. I’m devistated that the foundation of our marriage was based on a lie. I’m doing everything I can to maintain happiness for my childrens sake, but my husband wants me to completely end the catholiciscm for the kids and begin the pathway to Islam. He wants me to do the same and I am adimant that I will not be open minded about this. Please help in anyway you can

Get out now and take your children with you or you may lose them.

 

[ephesians4]

NO! The above is abomiably foolish. Kaninchen gave the best advice: Get a lawyer FIRST. If you do what the above poster suggests then YOU will be treated as the villain and kidnapper by the courts.

All people here know is what you have told, but some seem to be jumping into kne jerk panic. There’s not enough info here yet to warrant that. Get legal advice and spiritual advice from a priest on what his apparent fraud means for your marriage.

He has no right to STOP you from taking the kids to mass or keeping a cross in the house (assuming you are in the USA). Take 'em to mass. If he uses force to stop you, THEN you have grounds to get a restraining order on him. But talk to the lawyer about all this.

Years of lies, then a sudden reversion to Islam and the path to forced conversion open?

With respect, there is a lot of this kind of fraudulent marriage at the moment in several countries (notably Italy and the UK), along exactly these lines, resulting in mothers being left without their children as they are abducted and taken abroad - or sometimes, if they go “home” with the “husband”, far worse after they’ve been there for a while.

There is a time to rest on one’s laurels and adopt a calm approach to things, and there is a time to realise there is a risk to children and self that lots of other people have tried (unsuccessfully) to wait out.

If the OP is in a bait-and-switch marriage, being nice and laid back and wishy-washy about it will very possibly get her taken for a fool. Unfortunately, and unlike most "possibly"s, the first she discovers of being wrong may be legally irreversible loss of one’s children, possibly for life.

As for waiting until physical abuse has started to “get a restraining order” when one’s partner reveals after twelve years that this is in the pipeline… probably not a good way around to do things, even if we were “trusting” enough to think she would be able to instruct her lawyer after she had been (I believe your hypothetical example was) forcibly prevented from attending mass.

“Yeah, you can’t go to mass and I am physically stopping you. Feel free to use the phone, though”

 

[JackieMom]

Get out now and take your children with you or you may lose them.

You cannot just move out and take the children. Him becoming a Muslim does not mean a court will grant full custody to the mother. If she tries to kidnap the kids and keep them from him, she will likely be arrested. Unless a court orders that he is too neglectful or dangerous to have children in his care.

 

[Ellen_Mary]

I grew up in Fremont, CA which has one of the highest concentration of Muslims in the USA outside of Dearborn. I’m very familiar with Islam and not every Muslim man is a hateful wife-beater who kidnaps children. The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

And you certainly can mix religions and show religious tolerance, ask any Baha’i. Most of the Muslims I’ve known have been involved in mixed religious marriages. If you are a fanatic Catholic you’re going to have problems with your family following any other religion, not just Islam. If you’re not a fanatic, you should have no problems exposing your children to other faiths. I attend my friend’s Passover seder every year. I go to Christmas Mass every year too, and I’ve also celebrated Ramadan (not every year though). Still an atheist.

I am in the UK we lived in a city called Leicester for over 30 years. The muslim population is over 50% of the population of this city now. Many of these are fine and are nice people. I have a few friends who are muslim as well as many from other faiths. However these are more westernised and open to other cultures. However there are many many more muslims who are fanatical about Islam and not open to other cultures or religions. I worked as a tutor teaching immigrants english. We had mainly muslim and east european students. Around 85% of these muslim women had been female circumcised against their wishes, and we worked alongside a refuge. Many women who marry muslim men when they themselves are not muslim do have to fight for the right to have their children. Many of these men take their family on holiday and the children are then in a muslim country and the women have no rights to their own children in these countries. Recently in UK a lady was reunited with her own child who was now 6 years old after her husband took the child to Pakistan on ‘holiday’ over 3 years ago. This child was eventually returned but didn’t speak english and didn’t know who her mother was, after 3 years seperation. This is obviously what the OP is concerned about.

As a parent I would do anything to protect my child and I believe that a man who’s lied to his wife for the whole of their married life has an agenda. He’s been biding his time until he’s finally had the son that he wanted. As soon as his son is born, he immediately reverts to his Islam faith and demands that his catholic wife and catholic children convert to. Do you not feel that this is wrong? If this was happening to your sister what would you think/advise?

Regardless of faith if this was happening to my friend/sister I would give the same advice, go to your priest and find a solicitor who has experience in this. For a man to change after lying his way into a catholic marriage, and lied to the priest and to Our Lord for 12 years, he’s obviously a man dedicated to getting what he wants. He now has that, a son so now this lady and her children are in danger. Wether you percieve this to be danger or not is irrelevant. You can hear and see the fear in this lady’s post.

 

[Ellen_Mary]

This is not the time to play nice or try to get along for the sake of the kids. This is the time to protect you and your kids from a life that you don’t want for yourself or for them.

You need to understand that once the kids get out of the country w/their dad, all bets are off. You may never see your kids again - and it’s perfectly legal under the Saudi system. (This also happens in other countries too).

In the case of Saudi, men hold all the rights, especially when it comes to their kids. Dad and the family can easily shut you out of your kid’s lives because you are an infidel and a woman. They are doing their duty to raise their kid as a Muslim.

There’s nothing that the US (or other Western) government can do to get the kids back once they leave the country. There is no such thing as joint custody or visitation rights once they leave US soil (assuming you are in the States), especially if they are in the care of a parent. Their civil law applies, not ours

This needs to be crystal clear in your mind as you move forward.

It doesn’t matter if he was a nice guy when you met and married him. You need to deal with the circumstances that are presenting themselves in the here and now.

Men will come and go, but your kids are your kids and Jesus is forever.

1. Move out of the house, ASAP
2. Get a lawyer, ASAP
3. Get your priest and start the annulment process, ASAP
4. If the kids are school-age, let the school know that husband is not to pick up the children unannounced for any reason. (Again, a lawyer will help you w/the laws in your area.) Again, kidnapping is a real threat.
5. Hide the passports
6. Get a restraining order
7. Pray

Obviously, it’s sad that your marriage is ending and the guy is turning out to be a creep.

Still, first things first. Secure your family, then mourn the loss of your family.

Peace be w/you as you go through this tough situation.

I think this is very good advice I will keep you and your children in my prayers. Make sure your husband can’t forge your signature on any passport request forms. (I’m in Uk we dont have the same system as USA) Make sure your priest knows your situation and he is aware of what your husband is trying to do.

I wish you good luck this is an awful situation for you, your husband lying and the possible end of your marriage. If he can not be pursuaded to carry on as before and allow you and your children to practice your catholic faith, then I fear your husband would try to take your children or at the least your son away. If his mother and family are in USA maybe the risk of taking them to another country is less, but never allow passports on any grounds he may offer. God bless x