12 years of marriage as Catholics, my husband now wants to convert to being Muslim! Help!

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Our Lady of Fatima, pray for us.

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Hello Amy,

I am Arabic myself, and I can help you out with any cultural misunderstanding. Message me if you need to talk about it.

First of all, I sense that your husband has had close interactions with his family in Saudi Arabia, and they are most likely the ones who are pressuring him to do such things. You know your husband very well, and yes he lied to you for this long, but you still know him. Although this behaviour might seem a bit odd to you, this is the usual reaction pressured Arabic men have from their families. This is common where I come from. But please BE AWARE, he will make attempts to convert you and your children. I know for a fact this has happened to many Western women from where I come from.

I am surprised myself, where does your husband want to go from here?
I have a few questions
  1. What are his motives?
  2. Who is influencing him to do this? (I am very sure it is his family in Saudi Arabia)
  3. Where does he want to go from here
I agree with some of the comments, please tell someone else about this, telling a priest is a great option. Make sure someone knows about your situation.Again if you need to talk please feel free to message me. God bless you.

Mother Mary protect this family, Saint Rita and Saint Maria Goretti pray for this family.

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
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Inform your Husband that your Marriage is a Catholic Marriage and if he converts to the Muslim religion it is no longer a Marriage. You both signed on as Christians and Catholics and your Child is baptized by The Holy Spirit; your husband is turning his back on Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit after being brainwashed by evil (satan’s middlemen) if your husband intends following the koran.

Ask your husband what type of role model he is for your Children into their future (and they will be observing all of the ‘muslim ways’, how he is brainwashed by evil and the most negative dictatorial religion which promotes and applaudes violence and murder, the shocking ill treatment of spouses (wives), their family and their children.

I would be uttering one question to your husband; “do you have your own mind without needing to be brainwashed by a violent religion”?

Best visit a Priest as quickly as possible. Do not take your Child out of the Catholic System and continue attending Mass, Reconciliation and pray The Holy Rosary daily asking for God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ Divine Holy Loving Intervention.

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P.S. I have quite a few friends who are from Lebanon (all happen to be Christians and Catholics) who turned their backs on being Muslim for many validated reasons.
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This could be an opportunity for your husband’s conversion.

I think the Catholic Arabic lady is correct…this sudden change…family pressure.

I married a foreigner from a predominantly Catholic population, but the issue with his family, who are not Catholics but only baptized is more that I was white…sexualized and divorce prone. Which was not the case.

I have been married over 30 years, I have kept my vow, and my in-laws respect and support me very much.

I will pray for your husband that his eyes be open and he see the bondage he is putting himself in, that it could end up bad for everyone, and that how he has been living with you is much better than in the prior.
 
rtechie said:
I grew up in Fremont, CA which has one of the highest concentration of Muslims in the USA outside of Dearborn. I’m very familiar with Islam and not every Muslim man is a hateful wife-beater who kidnaps children. The book (and movie with Sally Fields) you’re thinking of is “Not Without My Daughter”, and it’s completely hysterical anti-Muslim propaganda.

And you certainly can mix religions and show religious tolerance, ask any Baha’i. Most of the Muslims I’ve known have been involved in mixed religious marriages. If you are a fanatic Catholic you’re going to have problems with your family following any other religion, not just Islam. If you’re not a fanatic, you should have no problems exposing your children to other faiths. I attend my friend’s Passover seder every year. I go to Christmas Mass every year too, and I’ve also celebrated Ramadan (not every year though). Still an atheist.
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Fanatic only because I’ve had the chance to see and hear testimonies of mixed marriages and child kidnapping. Tell this to a mother that cannot see his 13 y.o. boy kidnapped by his muslim father now in Syria. I’ve never told that all the muslims are like these ones but, because there’s the chance that he can make, I said those words.
I’m so fanatic that I’ve studied very well islam reading quran, hadith, bougth hijabs, niqabs, prayer books and many articles, and try to make the islamic prayer. I’m so fanatic that I have a books about judaism, have the talmud and fathers sayings, psalm italian-hebrew. I’m so fanatic that I have books about wicca, paganism, buddhism and also the English version of The age of reason of Thomas Payne plus numerous protestant books.
You’ll continue to deny the existence of these situations, and I’ll continue to say that this sister MUST control the behavior of her husband to avoid future problems and take the precaution about the children passports (if they have it).
 
So, last night we got together on neutral ground to discuss things.He has agreed that the kids can go through their sacraments.But, he wants the kids to know about Islam. I have agreed to this and now I am feeling sick to my stomach. As soon as he received my acceptance, today he started praying (the Muslim way). I asked him what he was doing and he said praying. I just have so much negativity about all this- it makes me sick to see him pray and he insists that it will be 5 times a day! He told me yesterday that the kids have seen him pray and they loved it!
I have decided to be open to allowing them to learn about Islam b/c it is better than the alternative. If I divorce, I will have 50% custody which gives him more of an opportunity to brainwash my children. I’m trying so hard to be positive in all of this, but it is just so hard to make my negative comments about this Muslim stuff.
To the person that mentioned he will eventually want us all to convert- I strongly feel this way, even though he has “allowed” the children to perform their sacraments.
I know I am going to battle this man until the day I die. He has let Satan into my home. I told him this and he got mad at me asking how I could ever think Islam is Satan! He totally doesn’t understand what I mean- Satan caused him at a weak moment to pull away from me and his family.
He has admitted that it is his family pulling him back. And that it all began when we found out that we were expecting a son. He has asked me to not post pictures of the kids performing their sacraments. He doesn’t want his family jumping down his throat.
Goodness, my story can go on and on… I would love to be the one that writes the book on a successful marriage of a Muslim and a Catholic raising children. However, I sense this success will only be a never ending struggle.
However, in the mean time, Satan is still present in my home!
 
If your children loved the Muslim prayer you might teach them our very own Liturgy of the Hours - prayed 7 times a day (although it may be best to start out with just two - Morning and Evening Prayer).

Divineoffice.org is a fantastic and very easy to use resource to get you started.
 
My heart goes out to you. Please be careful that he doesn’t see your posts on this forum.

You’re going to need help to cope with this - the kind of help not available in public posts. Perhaps Rafarose could recommend someone you could talk to. I hope you feel you can confide in your priest. Trust in God.
 
Yes, agree with Lily.

Let him know that Muhammed drew from both Jewish and Catholic practices, and he witnessed Catholics praying several times a day.

But yes…the issue is in divorce, the child is split 50/50 so they are out of your hands in the other 50% time and anything could happen.

I step back and say ask your pastor to come in and intervene and hopefully he will help the husband see the affliction put on you and eventually your children. To turn a child against its own parent is not a good thing for a child This sort of thing has happened to Americans marrying into pagan subcultures in Asia and the South Pacific Islands. It is also very racist and it sad to witness children despising their American white parent who won’t give them whatever they want.

I found out my inlaws wanted to take my infant daughter to the Philippines to be raised because they couldn’t imagine a white woman being a good mother with all the stuff they see in papers, in public and on tv. But they found out what I was like and have alot of respect for me, but it was so hurtful in the beginning.
 
I mean no disrespect here, but the OP’s chances of convincing his parents in Saudi Arabia that any non-Muslim woman is an acceptable mother to their grandson are about equivalent to a snowball’s chance in hell. She is fortunate that there is an ocean between them and can only hope that he doesn’t start cajoling the children into wanting to visit their grandparents. The problems she’s having now are mild compare to what she will face when she tries to raise her son in the Catholic faith.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Both of your posts have been very sensible. Even after the OP came back and explained more everyone still seems to be riding the worst possible assumptions train, and it’s actually very uncharitable (and ignorant). Advice like “take the kids”, and say any lie you can think of against him" is really, really bad advice.

The saw the word ‘Muslim’ and read it as ‘Monster’.
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It’s ignorant to pretend that the worst case scenario can’t or won’t happen. I live in Metro Detroit and there are a lot of Muslims in our community.

In fact, I love that several Muslim families live in my neighborhood because they take better care of the kids than a lot of native-born American parents.

Still, I’m not going to pretend that all Arabs or Muslims have come to America to escape persecution from extremist governments in their homeland.

A lot of Muslims come over here and don’t realize that it’s against the law to beat the women in their lives. That’s a fact because I’ve seen the police reports from officers responding to these crimes. They have a more conservative view of Islam and don’t want to integrate into Western society.

Given that international kidnapping of American children by foreign spouses is a problem that the State Department knows exists and can’t do much about, I think it’s fair that OP is informed.

I would love to be wrong. However, given what I know of conservative Muslim culture, I think it would be a disservice to act like all Muslims come to the West to adopt our values and norms. (Especially given that he came out of Saudi Arabia where Christianity isn’t accepted or taught. Travelers can’t bring a bible or a cross into the country. There are no Christian churches. There are gender codes that are strictly enforced that have directly led to the loss of female lives because males wouldn’t break the code of conduct.)

I get wanting to be fair and look for the best in people. I do that all the time. However, in this situation, I can’t (in good conscious) tell OP to just “play nice” and “try to get along”. There’s too much at stake.

It’s not ignorant to point out reality. It’s ignorant to pretend that every time someone says something critical about the Muslims that we are inherently being bigoted or racist.

Because I knew that charge would eventually be made, I made a point in one of my earlier posts to point out that it’s not just Muslims that dupe Western spouses. It just so happens that in this case that the spouse is from Saudi.

The reality is that kids are kidnapped by the overseas parent and deny access to the Western parent. When you check out the FBI website, it points out that the state department says that they get 1,200 new cases of international kidnapping annually. That’s a lot of kids being taken from their parents. **And there’s nothing that the US government can do to get these kids back to America. **

I’m just not going to lie to OP and pretend that the situation is different than it is.

Ignorance might make people sleep better at night, but reality is going to be a lot harsher when they wake up and realize that they have no control over their situation and the kids are gone.

My goal is to encourage and to empower OP to take control of the situation before others take away her ability to have a say in what goes on in her family and w/her kids. She needs to be pro-active before husband does something that she can’t undo because he’s in his home country and she’s in the States. It’s obvious that husband is capable of anything, if he’s been lying to her about having a Catholic family for 12 years.

Why would anyone trust what that guy says - ever again?
 
Totally agree here. Once the child is in the other spouse’s care, anything could happen.

And Muslims witness the goodness and kindness of Christians all the time, so do hard core non-deistic peoples, and most of the time see kindness as stupidity and weakness. They are hard core materialists and out to make a buck. Eat and have money and that is it.

American men are duped as well in marrying foreign brides. They want the money. I find so many times, people immigrating here who are not from first world, industrial countries know more in depth about our society’s benefits than the average American, usually white. And working Americans do not want to take welfare to be a burden to society. And, it is these classes of immigrants who have been here for only one or two generations that have voted in the presidential elections for those who oppose Catholic and American traditional values of self reliance.

It is an entitlement culture. I see that. People immigrating here, even legally, are reflecting the course of American society. We are a materialistic society, people come here for money, and not to give back to society. We are paying the piper for removing God and spiritual values from the public arena.

But it can come back. Perhaps through alot of suffering. And those coming here to get money…we are facing a world wide financial collapse of the credit economy…growth based on debts. It is going to crash and China is ready to implode on itself, and the debt burden their country carries is actually worse than ours…March 17, 2013, Fareed Zakaria’s Sunday program.

Going full circle, reflecting on all these things and on this OP’s plight, I am coming back to the original help – the Catholic pastor. The other point is Francis. I just ordered a book yesterday evening on Francis and the Muslims. There are several out there.

But I am wondering if the OP can get hold of the best book on Francis and his dealings with Islam and the Muslim. May be even refer it to the pastor first before encountering the husband. The husband must see the destructiveness he is beginning to start in this marriage and family.

Maybe St. Francis can intercede with the husband and help him to see the transcendence of Christianity and the prosperity it brings to the family. In Lebanon, the Christian husbands are objects of jealousy by Muslim men. So they tell them, they are better off financially because they are not having to provide for multiple wives and children.

It is a time for the wife to turn deeper into her faith as I had to do. The Catholic Church was my great consolation. I threw myself into its depths. There I read and study and drew on the saints and good spirituality, and later began to share my learnings with other women and lay people in general.

But I will pray for the intercession of St. Francis to help the husband find peace and to not listen to his family.

When the father has a son, then he forms an alliance with the son to do his will. My son worked in Alaska and met a Muslim Turk who found out from his family that his sister was bringing dishonor to the family, and so he was going back to kill her. The son stands by the father in dominating and subordinating his own mother and sisters.

This is horrible. But it is a fact of life that has been going on for thousands of years, and also in some parts of SE Asia. When they come here, they commit crimes against their wives, they go in to a 2 year counselling program to atleast let them know that what they are doing here is illegal to their wives. They might not convert to kindness and justice for their wives, but atleast they come to realize that what they are doing is illegal.

St. Francis intercede for this mother and her children. Pray for her husband to be free of his family’s will. May he come to understand Christianity is better for himself and his family!
 
You have heard the advice of many so far and your fears are I am sure very real! But you must first be strong for your children and, to the best of your ability, keep the peace in your home.

You said Satan is in your house. Satan can only enter your home if you let him. Your husband is not evil because he is Muslim, nor is he because he lied to you when you married him. Though the lie is sinful thing to do.

Secondly, you still have custody of your children and if you want to take them to a Catholic Church, he has no right to say you can’t. Your husband may also be being pressured from his Muslim family. I can could see it being a shame to them if part of there family married outside of there faith.

When you are feeling like your world is falling apart, close your eyes and take a deep breath. You may have heard this before, but now you MUST actually do it!

If your children do have passports, you needn’t hide them. For a minor to leave the country, even with a passport, both parents must sign a concent form. Also, try talking to your husband, ask him if he understands that by doing this he is causing you pain, or if there is some middle ground where the two of you can meet.

Lastly, you said that he told you, “the kids have watched me pray, and they like it…” if he is telling the truth then you must talk to your children. If he is lieing to you then it is a spitful thing to do. But no matter what you do or how you do it, you MUST remember that you have an equal say in your childrens lives and if he trys to take that from you, you must go to your parish priest and I am sure he will refur you to a both a civil lawyer and a cannon lawyer who can help you gain costody of your childern, God forbid he should try and take them from you.

You are in my prayers and if you need more help, pray to Mary. She is true mother, and will answer your cry for help! God bless!
 
NathanielCath said:
If your children do have passports, you needn’t hide them. For a minor to leave the country, even with a passport, both parents must sign a concent form. Also, try talking to your husband, ask him if he understands that by doing this he is causing you pain, or if there is some middle ground where the two of you can meet.
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This whole phenomenon is grounded in lies and fraud, from the lies during courtship and at the altar, to in some cases several women giving birth to children thinking they are the sole spouse, to the complicity of family members and community backup in doing whatever must be done - this is very well understood in very many cases.

This is why I feel, with respect, that people advising this person in ways that rely on observance of the law are missing the point, and advising her to follow the very same, the exact course of action that leads to child abduction in other cases of this “bait and switch marriage” phenomenon.

The point is that if you rest on your laurels expecting the law to be an impediment or the authorities to help you, that’s great until someone has forged the appropriate papers, posed as you with your passport, crossed a border that is not a problem etc. and taken flight from there, and you are just another one of the women to never see your children again.

@The OP: please at the very least protect yourself against a practice that relies on your expectation that they will not kidnap, forge, lie or even hurt people to get your kids that short distance after which your country’s laws cannot reach them.

Any advice that is not at the very least advising you to protect yourself from further fraud/dishonesty after that fake marriage and all of the other ones like it that have happened to other people, is I think potentially highly destructive.
 
KathleenGee said:
Totally agree here. Once the child is in the other spouse’s care, anything could happen.

And Muslims witness the goodness and kindness of Christians all the time, so do hard core non-deistic peoples, and most of the time see kindness as stupidity and weakness. They are hard core materialists and out to make a buck. Eat and have money and that is it.

American men are duped as well in marrying foreign brides. They want the money. I find so many times, people immigrating here who are not from first world, industrial countries know more in depth about our society’s benefits than the average American, usually white. And working Americans do not want to take welfare to be a burden to society. And, it is these classes of immigrants who have been here for only one or two generations that have voted in the presidential elections for those who oppose Catholic and American traditional values of self reliance.

It is an entitlement culture. I see that. People immigrating here, even legally, are reflecting the course of American society. We are a materialistic society, people come here for money, and not to give back to society. We are paying the piper for removing God and spiritual values from the public arena.

But it can come back. Perhaps through alot of suffering. And those coming here to get money…we are facing a world wide financial collapse of the credit economy…growth based on debts. It is going to crash and China is ready to implode on itself, and the debt burden their country carries is actually worse than ours…March 17, 2013, Fareed Zakaria’s Sunday program.

Going full circle, reflecting on all these things and on this OP’s plight, I am coming back to the original help – the Catholic pastor. The other point is Francis. I just ordered a book yesterday evening on Francis and the Muslims. There are several out there.

But I am wondering if the OP can get hold of the best book on Francis and his dealings with Islam and the Muslim. May be even refer it to the pastor first before encountering the husband. The husband must see the destructiveness he is beginning to start in this marriage and family.

Maybe St. Francis can intercede with the husband and help him to see the transcendence of Christianity and the prosperity it brings to the family. In Lebanon, the Christian husbands are objects of jealousy by Muslim men. So they tell them, they are better off financially because they are not having to provide for multiple wives and children.

It is a time for the wife to turn deeper into her faith as I had to do. The Catholic Church was my great consolation. I threw myself into its depths. There I read and study and drew on the saints and good spirituality, and later began to share my learnings with other women and lay people in general.

But I will pray for the intercession of St. Francis to help the husband find peace and to not listen to his family.

When the father has a son, then he forms an alliance with the son to do his will. My son worked in Alaska and met a Muslim Turk who found out from his family that his sister was bringing dishonor to the family, and so he was going back to kill her. The son stands by the father in dominating and subordinating his own mother and sisters.

This is horrible. But it is a fact of life that has been going on for thousands of years, and also in some parts of SE Asia. When they come here, they commit crimes against their wives, they go in to a 2 year counselling program to atleast let them know that what they are doing here is illegal to their wives. They might not convert to kindness and justice for their wives, but atleast they come to realize that what they are doing is illegal.

St. Francis intercede for this mother and her children. Pray for her husband to be free of his family’s will. May he come to understand Christianity is better for himself and his family!
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You are going off tangent on your own crusade to put down non-white foreigners and sounding racist.
 
I wonder if people are jumping the gun a little here. The Muslim religion should be respected. It sounds to me like the husband is getting a lot of pressure from his family and that he feels torn between the two religions.

I’m not sure why you would want to leave your husband if you love him. Doesn’t getting a lawyer, getting a divorce, and running away with the children add insult to injury?

This is a very difficult situation, but adults have been known to change religions. I have been to a Muslim country, and I think the call to prayer is quite charming. Does God really care if we pray sitting up, kneeling down, or bending over and touching the floor?

I think you should continue to go to Mass yourself. I don’t think it would be wrong to accompany your husband to the mosque as long as you have been to Mass.

It is probably prudent to keep religious pictures out of Facebook if his family will see them there.

If you and your children end up physically abused because you went to Mass, then things are bad enough to do what some of the other posters suggested.
 
Listener said:
I wonder if people are jumping the gun a little here. The Muslim religion should be respected. It sounds to me like the husband is getting a lot of pressure from his family and that he feels torn between the two religions.

I’m not sure why you would want to leave your husband if you love him. Doesn’t getting a lawyer, getting a divorce, and running away with the children add insult to injury?

This is a very difficult situation, but adults have been known to change religions. I have been to a Muslim country, and I think the call to prayer is quite charming. Does God really care if we pray sitting up, kneeling down, or bending over and touching the floor?

I think you should continue to go to Mass yourself. I don’t think it would be wrong to accompany your husband to the mosque as long as you have been to Mass.

It is probably prudent to keep religious pictures out of Facebook if his family will see them there.vert you.

If you and your children end up physically abused because you went to Mass, then things are bad enough to do what some of the other posters suggested.
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You may have visited a Muslim country but there are things you do not know about Islam. Women do not attend Friday prayers. Since the OP is not Muslim and does not know Muslim prayer postures, she will stand out. Men and women are separated. What do you suggest she do there?

It is quite one thing to attend a wedding at a Hindu temple for instance. You are not required to participate in the prayers and no one tries to convert you. It is quite another thing to attend a mosque. The assumption would be made that you want to convert. Further, this would be called as evidence against the OP that she wanted her children and herself to be and remain Catholic.

I was born Catholic and I want to die Catholic. I care if someone tries to force me to convert with my children. I am sre the OP cares very much.
 
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