12 years of marriage as Catholics, my husband now wants to convert to being Muslim! Help!

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Ames your story just breaks my heart. I cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now. Know though that Jesus was always by your shoulder ALL this time and He is, still. You need to lean back on Him right now so do so and let Him take charge of your family’s life. Do a consecration to His Sacred Heart or the Immaculate Heart of Mary then place all your family under Mary’s protective mantle. I have never been this sad just reading your story so I cannot possibly begin to even try to imagine how this must break your heart finding out you have been deceived for 12 years. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Well wishes,

Yehuda
 
Some background please: was your husband born in Saudi Arabia? What about you and where do you live now? Do you wish to stay married to him?
IF you know now he has been dishonest about his religious leanings from the first this has to be ample grounds for annulment.
Second, you should overrule him if he doesn’t want your baby baptized. The child’s salvation comes first. If it were me I’d baptize even on my own if necessary. You can do it yourself and it is perfectly legit.
This sounds so much like the book and film about 20 years ago - “Not Without My Daughter” - where the husband took his family to Iran and refused to let the wife and daughter leave.
You are in my prayers and please let us know how it is going.
 
Read and tell him about the miracle at Fatima, Portugal (the sun danced for ten min, thousands of witnesses (non-Catholics/Catholic) including secular reporters, clothes dried instantaneously after hard rain, sun changed colors).
 
This is a devastating situation and I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

I have no advice other than that which has been given: pray, consult a priest, consult a lawyer, and take legal and practical steps to protect your children from any attempt to remove them from your care.

I don’t say the latter because I think your husband is necessarily a bad person or that Islam makes him so (though this sudden change/admission makes it seem that he could be somewhat unstable at present). It is rather because he will consider it his duty to raise the children as Muslim, and thus he may consider it his duty to take them away from you if you are the obvious “barrier”.

I am praying for you all.
 
MalaysianDan said:
My heart aches for you and I will pray for you. I have grown up in a muslim country and I have seen this countless times, it breaks my heart every time. What I recommend you do is take your children and yourself away from him IMMEDIATELY (go to one of your relatives or a friends far away from where u are) and annul your marriage. I am so sorry that I have to see this happen to you. Muslims do this very often in my country, they (yes they, he has backup) will forcibly convert you and your children. Do not stay in the same house, I am warning you. If you refuse to convert he will most likely become abusive, please go to somewhere safe where he cannot reach you and annul your marriage immediately. Please take my advice into consideration, for your children’s sake.
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I’d like to echo the points of this poster, this bait-and-switch thing is very common now, appears to be entirely deliberate, and leads to lots of nightmares and abductions. Now play the game to enable you to do it, but get out quickly, do not hang around for merciful respect of your religion, you and your children are now on the path to forced conversion and/or separation at the least, to say nothing of the lovely new lifestyle that awaits you all if you acquiesce for the sake of the family.

You need to speak to a priest, and a lawyer - you need physical protection from assault and abduction - from your family if you can get it, and from the authorities if you can get it.

PS: get an annulment as soon as you can.
 
Sounds totally irreparable. Best to just leave the situation. If he has lied for 12 years then you never really knew him.
 
This is one of the few situations where getting away and leaving is probably better advice then trying to reason.

The possibilities of him abducting your children are high. If you have passports for the kids…hide them.
If you don’t have passports…never agree to get them (he cannot legally obtain passports for the children by himself).

Never agree to leave the country with him…especially to visit family.

Talk to your priest and don’t just get a lawyer…but see if you can research one that has experience with these kind of situations.

It may be better to start looking into isolating some finances just in case you need to go.

Praying for you.
 
Christy_Beth said:
My first reaction was to say, “kick the bum out of the house.” Then, call a lawyer. And your parish priest. If he has lied to you all these years about this, what other lies might he have told? I understand why you are so hurt. This man definitely has issues.
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At this point, I would treat him as though he was an abuser, and a kidnapper. I would not leave him along near the children, and kick him out of the house for sure.

You can deal with the hurt and pain more later - right now, I’d focus on survival. Ultimately, the children are usually the goal of this sort of person, and once they leave the country all bets are off. A lawyer can helpo guide you, but they can’t undo a flight to Abu Dhabi either once it happens.

Also, at least in America, getting a court ordered restraining order takes less than a day, and most judges will give them for any reason. Imminnent threat of sexual abuse, harrassment, whatever it takes. The judges would rather err on the side of being to strict than being the judge who denies a person’s request and sees that person wind up dead.

Speaking as a parent not as a Catholic Apologist - I’d do or say whatever it took to keep the kids away. Rape accusations, molestation, attempted murder, whatever. The key is buying time and ensuring there is no flight risk.
 
Also, I want to just point out that this doesn’t just happen in relationships w/Muslims. This happens a lot to our military people who marry foreigners.

A few months ago, I was flipping through the channels and CSPAN had a panel of people talking about this issue to a Congressional Committee. The story I caught was just heart-breaking.

A GI meets a cute Japanese girl in Okinawa, they fall and love, get married, etc…
Mom says that she’s going back to Japan to visit the family and takes the kids and stays. Dad tries to find the kids, but mom and Japanese Courts block access. Dad tries calling up the kids and the family won’t put them on the phone. The US government can’t do anything. She’s a Japanese citizen. The guy’s heartbroken and wishes that someone in the military would have warned him that this was a potential problem going into the marriage. He never thought that the wife would go back to Japan w/the kids and deliberately keep the kids from him.

The government realizes that it needs to do more because the kids are US citizens, but practically this continues to be a growing problem.

Anyway, I just wanted to reassure OP that she isn’t the first or last person who will face this situation. I pray that she gets the help and guidance that she needs at this difficult time.
 
Kal2012 said:
This is not the time to play nice or try to get along for the sake of the kids. This is the time to protect you and your kids from a life that you don’t want for yourself or for them.

You need to understand that once the kids get out of the country w/their dad, all bets are off. You may never see your kids again - and it’s perfectly legal under the Saudi system. (This also happens in other countries too).

In the case of Saudi, men hold all the rights, especially when it comes to their kids. Dad and the family can easily shut you out of your kid’s lives because you are an infidel and a woman. They are doing their duty to raise their kid as a Muslim.

There’s nothing that the US (or other Western) government can do to get the kids back once they leave the country. There is no such thing as joint custody or visitation rights once they leave US soil (assuming you are in the States), especially if they are in the care of a parent. Their civil law applies, not ours

This needs to be crystal clear in your mind as you move forward.

It doesn’t matter if he was a nice guy when you met and married him. You need to deal with the circumstances that are presenting themselves in the here and now.

Men will come and go, but your kids are your kids and Jesus is forever.
  1. Move out of the house, ASAP
  2. Get a lawyer, ASAP
  3. Get your priest and start the annulment process, ASAP
  4. If the kids are school-age, let the school know that husband is not to pick up the children unannounced for any reason. (Again, a lawyer will help you w/the laws in your area.) Again, kidnapping is a real threat.
  5. Hide the passports
  6. Get a restraining order
  7. Pray
Obviously, it’s sad that your marriage is ending and the guy is turning out to be a creep.

Still, first things first. Secure your family, then mourn the loss of your family.

Peace be w/you as you go through this tough situation.
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THIS!!!

There is but little I can add:
Move, now, abandon what you must, get the children and get as much distance as you can.
Another state is good. Enlist the Church once you get there, She has historically hidden and helped refugees.
Close/cancel all joint accounts, get rid of your cell phone, it can be tracked and you do not want him to hunt you down.
Think escape, evasion and survival.
 
Sky_Pilot said:
THIS!!!

There is but little I can add:
Move, now, abandon what you must, get the children and get as much distance as you can.
Another state is good. Enlist the Church once you get there, She has historically hidden and helped refugees.
Close/cancel all joint accounts, get rid of your cell phone, it can be tracked and you do not want him to hunt you down.
Think escape, evasion and survival.
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NO! The above is abomiably foolish. Kaninchen gave the best advice: Get a lawyer FIRST. If you do what the above poster suggests then YOU will be treated as the villain and kidnapper by the courts.

All people here know is what you have told, but some seem to be jumping into kne jerk panic. There’s not enough info here yet to warrant that. Get legal advice and spiritual advice from a priest on what his apparent fraud means for your marriage.

He has no right to STOP you from taking the kids to mass or keeping a cross in the house (assuming you are in the USA). Take 'em to mass. If he uses force to stop you, THEN you have grounds to get a restraining order on him. But talk to the lawyer about all this.
 
Waiting to see what happens may mean waiting too long. If he still has access to those children, he could leave at any time. Enlist some help, and get out. Maybe wait until he goes to work so that you have time to pack a few things. But take only the bare minimum for now. Some clothes and stuff like that. If you end up divorced/ anulled, then you will have the right to get possesion of everything else. If the courts order it, what can he do?

I don’t know if they have this in your area, but when I got kicked out (for not being good enough), I found a small church that kept some cots in the basement. I was able to stay there for the night and called my parents. Collect, of course. When they got there, they immediately got me an attorney and a judge who signed the order that I be allowed to get my things along with our daughter and her things. He and his family were totally pissed about this, but that’s just tough. They did wrong, not me. Anyway, try to find somewhere safe to stay and start enlisting help.

Please update us on the situation. I’m sure everyone here would like to know.
 
Yes, hide your children’s passports, and for goodness sake don’t let him convince you to go to some muslim country! (There’s a fair chance you’ll never come back.)
 
AmesLouise said:
My husband lied to me about being Catholic all these years. I have just found out by his family that he was born and raised Muslim. All his family live in Saudi Arabia and over the past year they have slowlly started to enter into our lives. I’m devistated that the foundation of our marriage was based on a lie. I’m doing everything I can to maintain happiness for my childrens sake, but my husband wants me to completely end the catholiciscm for the kids and begin the pathway to Islam. He wants me to do the same and I am adimant that I will not be open minded about this. Please help in anyway you can
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Did you marry in the Church?? How could he lie to be a Catholic if he was not a real Catholic? Because you need to present Baptism certificate in order to receive the sacrament of marriage, I guess???:o:o
 
Frank_Drebin said:
Also, at least in America, getting a court ordered restraining order takes less than a day, and most judges will give them for any reason. Imminnent threat of sexual abuse, harrassment, whatever it takes. The judges would rather err on the side of being to strict than being the judge who denies a person’s request and sees that person wind up dead.

Speaking as a parent not as a Catholic Apologist - I’d do or say whatever it took to keep the kids away. Rape accusations, molestation, attempted murder, whatever. The key is buying time and ensuring there is no flight risk.
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advising someone to slander and falsely accuse someone :rolleyes:
 
I think posters are being a bit hysterical.

It’s very unlikely he’s “been lying to you for 12 years”. Either he switched to Catholicism and has now reverted to the religion of his youth, or he simply stopped being religious and “played along” with your Catholicism and now he’s decided to renew his Muslim faith.

Religion is often a source of conflict in marriage. If you want to preserve this marriage you may want to suggest some sort of compromise. For example, he allows your son to be baptized, but you allow the family to attend Friday prayers. Instead of attending Mass every Sunday, you could switch off attending Catholic services one week and Muslim services the next. There’s no reason why you can’t celebrate both Ramadan and Christmas. etc.

I don’t know enough about you or your husband to know how flexible either of you will be on these issues. Clearly, you have no desire to convert to Islam. If he insists on this, it sounds like you’re headed for divorce.
 
april32010 said:
advising someone to slander and falsely accuse someone :rolleyes:
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Hey, I did offer a disclaimer. 🤷 Do you want honesty, as we often hear preached about on the moral theology boards, or not?

Look around the boards - lots of advice you consider bad around here. Just saying the lengths I’d go to to avoid losing children, which is pretty much any length. Again, I’m just being honest about what I’d be willing to do IF I thought there was serious jeopardy. Only the TC knows how serious th situation is.

Best bet is to talk to a lawyer immediately and go from there.
 
Thank you so much for all your replies. I’m on my cell phone writing this. When I get home I will expand more.
Here is more info.
1-We live in the US.
2-our two older children (9 and 6) go to Catholic school and have since JK.
3-we have gone to church together before we married until about one year ago and then he would just not join me. Now I fight him on it to take the kids to church.
4- he has asked my parents to tell the children that they do not need to do the sign of the cross before prayer.
5-My daughter is in 4th grade and is an alter server. He said she can no longer do that. She doesn’t understand why daddy won’t let her go it when she enjoys it.
6-we have such a fantastic life as a happy family, until he became demanding about Islam.
7-he is a huge family man, always supportive until we had our baby boy
8- my sweet boy (3.5 mths) has been baptized by me. I want it on paper too.
Thank you for all your support and prayers.
I do not feel that he will take the children and leave. They do not have passports. Nor will they ever have them until they are adults. I won’t tell him that!
 
I think people here are equating Islam to illegal activity. You are well within your rights to divorce this man, but you cannot keep him from his children or prevent him from teaching what he will when he has his time with them. Simply converting to a new religion (and in the eyes of the court, Islam and Catholicism are equal) is not grounds for you to get full custody. Has he done anything illegal? Hurt you or the children? Threatened violence? Has he threatened to run away with the kids? Have you ever had to call the police on him? Will people who know him testify that they have observed him doing illegal or reckless activities? I’m sorry to say, that unless you have proof that he is dangerous or neglectful, you will probably only get 50% custody. Think long and hard about how you’d feel about him having the kids alone and unsupervised for half of the rest of their childhoods.
 
Frank_Drebin said:
Hey, I did offer a disclaimer. 🤷 Do you want honesty, as we often hear preached about on the moral theology boards, or not?

Look around the boards - lots of advice you consider bad around here. Just saying the lengths I’d go to to avoid losing children, which is pretty much any length. Again, I’m just being honest about what I’d be willing to do IF I thought there was serious jeopardy. Only the TC knows how serious th situation is.

Best bet is to talk to a lawyer immediately and go from there.
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you advised someone to commit sin,a serious if not grave sin .to damage someones good name is reprehensible
 
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