12 years of marriage as Catholics, my husband now wants to convert to being Muslim! Help!

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I was divorced in Oregon twelve years ago, and I have no idea if the laws have changed, but…

I was awarded full and sole custody of my son. There was no stated reason for the divorce, the court was not interested in why. But the judges in Oregon had no ability to order joint custody if both parties did not agree. They are not allowed to make that decision unless there is abuse or something like that.

In other words, I got custody because I would not say “yes” to joint custody.

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I saw that the OP stated that no state would award sole custody based on religion. So I comment on my experience in Yamhill County, Oregon.

It’s also the most beautiful place in the entire world, and is full of wonderful people. I lived in McMinnville. It has a thriving Catholic community and is the kind of town kids should
grow up in.

In my prayers.
 
I wish I could make that choice- take them and run. But, no state would allow me full custody of my children based on a dispute of religion. Thankfully, my husband is a good father, I just could never take my children’s father out of the picture for them. There are so many pros and cons to this situation. I’ve written them all out and can only take this situation one day at a time. I get to say the Lord’s Prayer with my children every night and if I were to divorce my husband, I would only be able todo this 50 percent of the time.
I know it does sound so much easier to take the kids and run, but there is so much more to it than that.
And yes, straightening out my previous marriage with the church is definitely on my to do list. My priest has encouraged me to do this at a later time.
I again thank all if you for your continued prayers, advice and encouragement. It means so much to me.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, have been getting advice in sound places, and have taken your time to discern. Blessing to you.
 
Well…it is no life either, if you do leave with your children, if the husband and family members end up stalking you, and eventually taking the children away when you least expect it.

I have seen this on tv programs. I remember a woman who lost her two daughters, taken by their father to Saudi Arabia, never to see them again. Same happen to a man whose boys were taken back to Egypt when he least expected it.

Horrific.
 
Totally agree here. Once the child is in the other spouse’s care, anything could happen.

And Muslims witness the goodness and kindness of Christians all the time, so do hard core non-deistic peoples, and most of the time see kindness as stupidity and weakness. They are hard core materialists and out to make a buck. Eat and have money and that is it.

American men are duped as well in marrying foreign brides. They want the money. I find so many times, people immigrating here who are not from first world, industrial countries know more in depth about our society’s benefits than the average American, usually white. And working Americans do not want to take welfare to be a burden to society. And, it is these classes of immigrants who have been here for only one or two generations that have voted in the presidential elections for those who oppose Catholic and American traditional values of self reliance.

It is an entitlement culture. I see that. People immigrating here, even legally, are reflecting the course of American society. We are a materialistic society, people come here for money, and not to give back to society. We are paying the piper for removing God and spiritual values from the public arena.

But it can come back. Perhaps through alot of suffering. And those coming here to get money…we are facing a world wide financial collapse of the credit economy…growth based on debts. It is going to crash and China is ready to implode on itself, and the debt burden their country carries is actually worse than ours…March 17, 2013, Fareed Zakaria’s Sunday program.

Going full circle, reflecting on all these things and on this OP’s plight, I am coming back to the original help – the Catholic pastor. The other point is Francis. I just ordered a book yesterday evening on Francis and the Muslims. There are several out there.

But I am wondering if the OP can get hold of the best book on Francis and his dealings with Islam and the Muslim. May be even refer it to the pastor first before encountering the husband. The husband must see the destructiveness he is beginning to start in this marriage and family.

Maybe St. Francis can intercede with the husband and help him to see the transcendence of Christianity and the prosperity it brings to the family. In Lebanon, the Christian husbands are objects of jealousy by Muslim men. So they tell them, they are better off financially because they are not having to provide for multiple wives and children.

It is a time for the wife to turn deeper into her faith as I had to do. The Catholic Church was my great consolation. I threw myself into its depths. There I read and study and drew on the saints and good spirituality, and later began to share my learnings with other women and lay people in general.

But I will pray for the intercession of St. Francis to help the husband find peace and to not listen to his family.

When the father has a son, then he forms an alliance with the son to do his will. My son worked in Alaska and met a Muslim Turk who found out from his family that his sister was bringing dishonor to the family, and so he was going back to kill her. The son stands by the father in dominating and subordinating his own mother and sisters.

This is horrible. But it is a fact of life that has been going on for thousands of years, and also in some parts of SE Asia. When they come here, they commit crimes against their wives, they go in to a 2 year counselling program to atleast let them know that what they are doing here is illegal to their wives. They might not convert to kindness and justice for their wives, but atleast they come to realize that what they are doing is illegal.

St. Francis intercede for this mother and her children. Pray for her husband to be free of his family’s will. May he come to understand Christianity is better for himself and his family!
This.

I grew up in a Muslim country and I have also observed this. In the old country, Muslim men were actually permitted to marry Christian or Buddhist women since it is automatically assumed that the children from the marriage are by default Muslim.

And I also agree on the concept of forgiveness and compassion on the part of Christians to be seen as weakness by Muslims.
 
I wish I could make that choice- take them and run. But, no state would allow me full custody of my children based on a dispute of religion. Thankfully, my husband is a good father, I just could never take my children’s father out of the picture for them. There are so many pros and cons to this situation. I’ve written them all out and can only take this situation one day at a time. I get to say the Lord’s Prayer with my children every night and if I were to divorce my husband, I would only be able todo this 50 percent of the time.
I know it does sound so much easier to take the kids and run, but there is so much more to it than that.
And yes, straightening out my previous marriage with the church is definitely on my to do list. My priest has encouraged me to do this at a later time.
I again thank all if you for your continued prayers, advice and encouragement. It means so much to me.
I think you should get legal advice, and if you have, get a second opinion. There may be more options than you currently know.
 
I wish I could make that choice- take them and run. But, no state would allow me full custody of my children based on a dispute of religion. Thankfully, my husband is a good father, I just could never take my children’s father out of the picture for them. There are so many pros and cons to this situation. I’ve written them all out and can only take this situation one day at a time. I get to say the Lord’s Prayer with my children every night and if I were to divorce my husband, I would only be able todo this 50 percent of the time.
I know it does sound so much easier to take the kids and run, but there is so much more to it than that.
And yes, straightening out my previous marriage with the church is definitely on my to do list. My priest has encouraged me to do this at a later time.
I again thank all if you for your continued prayers, advice and encouragement. It means so much to me.
You are right about this. In most states, you are not even allowed to take the children out of state without the husband’s permission. In some states, you may not take them a certain distance away.

If you took the children without his permission, it could be grounds for him to have sole custody. In my state, the parents usually get joint custody. They spend 3 days with mom, 2 days with dad, and the next week 2 days with mom, 3 days with dad. It is horribly confusing for the children.

Right now you have to keep it legal and be there for your children, and they do love their daddy.

Keep praying!
 
Saracelle

I met a Catholic man from Nigeria, and he tells me what happens to Christian women when they marry Muslim…their children must be raised Muslim.

I see that the world is becoming much more aware of such behaviors in Islam. The world is also witnessing atrocities of extreme Islam.

I pray the atrocities will end. And should there be some kind of transformation, that moderate Muslims will be given legal protection to freely chose their faith. I wonder how many believe in all the impositions within Islam, as they will be killed for leaving Islam as well.

So the average moderate Muslim is likewise ‘under the gun’ if he leaves Islam as well…it is a shared experience both among non Muslims and Muslims alike.

Mary of Fatima pray for us!
 
Bad advice. The OP is in an invalid union right now which means that she is not married to her current consort (this obviously has moral implications but that’s beside the point). She doesn’t need an annulment for first marriage to prove the invalidity of current union. She has already stated why she didn’t pursue an annulment for her first union- why is it important to you that she do so? Because the Church does not see her as married to this man, she is free to leave (divorce) or stay (and remain chaste) as she sees fit due to the children involved as long as she is fulfilling the duties of being a good parent. My hope in this situation is that having been warned of possible kidnapping, that her lawyer has given her advice on how to legally prevent it and she will follow that advice to the letter regardless of whether she stays with this man or divorces him. Now that she knows about the very real possibility of kidnapping, she has the serious moral obligation of ensuring the children’s welfare to the best of her ability, and that includes taking whatever legal steps are necessary to prevent it. Also, she is in a better position than most women. She is the primary breadearner, which means that she can leave this man without as much worry as stay at home moms who stay with men because they are their financial lifeline.
 
Let’s back up a few steps here. In what way is the OP’s marriage invalid in the eyes of the Church? I don’t see any signs that imply any of that.
 
I see. In any case, I’m glad there’s some compromise being made. It’s a start.
 
Let’s back up a few steps here. In what way is the OP’s marriage invalid in the eyes of the Church? I don’t see any signs that imply any of that.
From reading back, I’ve gathered that she had a previous marriage that was not annulled which would make this marriage automatically invalid as she’s still technically married to her first husband. At least that’s how I’m understanding this 🤷
 
no one here is qualified to answer this

🤷
Your opinion only. I am qualified as well as any other careful (and knowledgeable) reader to make the statement that her current arrangement is invalid based on what she has shared. It’s not rocket science.
 
I could be completely wrong but I find it interesting how this all happened once you gave birth to a SON…I’d watch him more closely than your daughters.,awful situation for you to be in…praying for you and hope things have improved since for you…what’s the latest?
 
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