(I realize that my sexuality is my whole personhood as well - my femininity and womanhood, and I celebrate that and delight in that, but I am talking about feeling and thinking about that uniquely marriage-kind of sexuality, that I think you are referring to).
Please pardon my “cutting” your post to the above, but it is, to me, unusually intriguing. I probably can’t address it well, but I’m going to try.
Yes, I have come to the conclusion that our sexuality is an integral part of what God made us to be. It might or might not be expressed as in a romance or a marriage, but it’s there, and it affects those around us, intended or not, in a lot of ways. We often don’t control it well, and even more often don’t understand it, but we need to try.
A long time ago, before I was married, I came to realize, though perhaps a bit hazily then, that my “maleness” could affect women, and not just in a “sexual” or “lust” or even “attraction” sort of way. There were all kinds of aspects to that. Simply being courteous (even overly so); being respectful of a woman for her being a woman. Yes, taking on the “heavier” or “more hazardous” aspect of something. Being dry-eyed but sympathetic if a woman was emotional. Perhaps even being “reckless” so young women could laugh at my “male antics”.
Oddly enough, after being married for awhile, I found that “gender assignment” even more basic to my being a useful person to others besides my wife. I’m embarrassed to admit that I particularly like to compliment women well past my age. I have come to a point where I will unabashedly “misjudge” an older woman’s age, or suddenly remark that she has the bluest (or brownest, or greenest) eyes I have ever seen. I will very quickly take an older woman’s hand in a conversation if she’s wanting comfort. There’s no lust going on in that, on either side of it, but it is not just a matter of a compliment. It’s a compliment from a man, to a woman who has perhaps long ceased to think herself attractive to men in any manner. It would not be the same coming from another woman. That’s a different dynamic. Fortunately for me, my wife “gets it” and actually encourages it, because I keep it in bounds so it’s a “pure gift”. Interestingly, my wife and I sort of complement each other in our attentiveness to others.
But one does have to be careful lest one be misunderstood. If someone is nearer my age or younger, one has to be more vigilant to make clear that it’s “manly courtesy” going on. Not so easy in this day and age when everybody seems to be “hitting on” everybody else.
I have sometimes thought Jimmy Stewart, in the old movies, was the perfect example of that. Courteous, chaste, yet in a way that exuded manhood for what that was worth.
One has to watch oneself as well, whether married or not. One wants to give the right message, not a wrong one.
For women, it’s different. I could not possibly tell a woman how to be a woman with a capital “W” who is chaste and communicates chastity as well as exudes all that’s good about femininity. I just know it when I see it. I have even seen it, quite powerfully, in some nuns I have known. Some of them are “women with a capital W”.
Of course, one could write a whole chapter about one’s gender effect on children, whether one’s own or not. But I won’t.
I’m not sure whether I understood what you intended to say. Hope I did.
