Are couples so selfish these days that they won't have kids

[cthulhubryan]

I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.

Some people cannot. My wife is one of them. We foster and have adopted 3 out of foster care but some people are not comfortable with that. I think it has to be an honest decision with the couple. There are some people who just shouldn’t be parents.

 

[David_Balmer]

Some people cannot. My wife is one of them. We foster and have adopted 3 out of foster care but some people are not comfortable with that. I think it has to be an honest decision with the couple. There are some people who just shouldn’t be parents.

The qestion wasn’t if you cannot have children, but if you chose not to have children. I commend you and your wife for adopting children from foster care, that is a truley loving and unselfish act .

 

[magic_stick]

I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.

I don’t believe it’s selfish to not have kids. Not everyone wants them and not everyone should be a parent.

But on a side note, you should talk to my sister. She has 2 kids, a daughter that is 8yrs old and a son that is 4.
I am pregnant and she called me up and made me feel bad that I am having a baby. She insisted girls are “b!tches” and all boys ruin everything She insists that all boys are like this because everyone who has boys “says so”. (I am having a boy). She also threw it in my face that her “boyfriend” can go where he wants and do what he wants because he doesn’t have kids. (she is going through a divorce and only knows this new guy all of 2 weeks ) All of this while her 8 yr old came in the kitchen, she told her to “get out you b!tch”.
When her son was 3, she beat him and yelled “I hate you I hate you I wish you were never born” all because she was stupid enough to give him her car keys and he lost them. That’s just a small cliff notes of what she is like.

I am sorry, but I am really angry about what she said to me a few days ago about having kids.

You know, I can go on and on about her, but I will leave it at that. I really need someone to talk to about this just to get it off my chest. My husband knows but I just need to talk about it more I guess.

 

[shannyk]

I think some of you are confusing self-centred with selfish – selfish really means concerned most with your own well-being, as opposed to the well-being of a large crowd of meddlers, busybodies, buttinskis and other nosy parkers who always think it is their supreme right to tell you that you will be much happier if only you obey their every command.

People are still telling me that when I am old (news flash: I am 60. Isnt that old?) I will be sorry I did not marry and buy property and give birth. I usually counter by saying that one day really soon when they are covered with spit up and sitting in the middle of a nice restaurant watching their toddler scream and seing the maitre d approaching their table with Bums Rush written all over his face, that they will be sorry they never saw the sun set over the Amalfi Drive through the windscreen of a Lamborghini Diablo … or that they never sat on a hilltop at Mulsanne Corner at midnight and watched the glowing brake discs of a Bentley gearing down into Indianapolis – or sitting atop a $250,000 motor home that belongs to someone else sipping champagne and playing Guess Whats Coming Next by engine note alone … or leaning on the rail of a survey ship heading through the Straits of Magellan on a crisp afternoon with icebergs and mountains looming and the comfortable assurance that there are six buffets calling your name just down the gangway …

Selfish, my foot. How about those selfish people who have children and expect me, the taxpayer, to fed, clothe, shelter, educate, entertain, jail, medicate and buy Christmas presents for as many kids as they can manage to birth? How about the 45 years of school taxes extorted from me so America can rear three generations of kids who think LOL is a word?

Bitter much?

Yikes.

Sorry my kids are such a burden to you, I’m sure the disabled one is even more problematic for you since he uses medicaid to pay for some of his treatment needs, let me know what fraction of a penny your income contributed to it and I’ll GLADLY repay you

You’ll be glad to know I’m now sans uterus and can’t produce any more useless human beings.

You know I’ve learned that most people who have this view of children usually suffer from a debilitating lack of self worth, therefore they can’t see the worth in anyone else.

It’s one thing to choose not to marry and have children, dandy, but to live with this kind of venomous hatred for other people and condemn their choices is another.

And for the record neither myself or any mother I know of would trade the experience of parenting for a ride in an overpriced snob car. Thanks but no thanks.

 

[sanctamaria17]

OK, since it’s part of my generation who uses LOL (online and texting, btw, not in conversation or formal academics), I may have to say something.

My generation is “useless”? All we’re good for is the spitup and stuff we did as toddlers? Oh my gosh, you have to PAY TAXES so that every kid can be educated and therefore help run the future of this nation? You see that as problematic??

Let me tell you about my “useless generation”.

Two friends of mine, barely in their twenties, have already done something amazing. They spent a semester in the slums of Nairobi, taking care of school children and helping them get educated. One of these friends is now facilitating girls’ education in another Third World nation. And he’s just barely 22!

Another friend, not even twenty yet, does as much as she can to raise awareness of the death penalty, of its arbitrary unfairness and cruelty. She goes to protests, gives money to causes, and raises awareness all the time. She’s not even halfway through college and she’s already working on making a difference.

Another friend of mine, an Anthropology student, already uses her research to address issues in the Church, mainly the lack of formation and understanding of the Church teachings. She does a ton of research on TOB and wants to be a marriage and family counselor.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Wow, my generation, so useless!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Wow, my generation, so useless!

**
But have they done any of THIS?:**

"…saw the sun set over the Amalfi Drive through the windscreen of a Lamborghini Diablo … or that they never sat on a hilltop at Mulsanne Corner at midnight and watched the glowing brake discs of a Bentley gearing down into Indianapolis – or sitting atop a $250,000 motor home that belongs to someone else sipping champagne and playing Guess Whats Coming Next by engine note alone … or leaning on the rail of a survey ship heading through the Straits of Magellan on a crisp afternoon with icebergs and mountains looming and the comfortable assurance that there are six buffets calling your name just down the gangway …"

sorry, but helping poor children, contributing to society, and generally trying to make the world a better place is a huge waste of time. You’d better tell your friends to stop wasting their lives when there are so many more important and worthwhile things to do! After all, on their death beds, they aren’t going to be happy about the difference they made in so many lives…they are totally going to regret not taking advantage of the materialistic things this life had to offer, if only they hadn’t been so busy.

 

[happymommy]

“People are still telling me that when I am old (news flash: I am 60. Isnt that old?) I will be sorry I did not marry and buy property and give birth. I usually counter by saying that one day really soon when they are covered with spit up and sitting in the middle of a nice restaurant watching their toddler scream and seing the maitre d approaching their table with Bums Rush written all over his face, that they will be sorry they never saw the sun set over the Amalfi Drive through the windscreen of a Lamborghini Diablo … or that they never sat on a hilltop at Mulsanne Corner at midnight and watched the glowing brake discs of a Bentley gearing down into Indianapolis – or sitting atop a $250,000 motor home that belongs to someone else sipping champagne and playing Guess Whats Coming Next by engine note alone … or leaning on the rail of a survey ship heading through the Straits of Magellan on a crisp afternoon with icebergs and mountains looming and the comfortable assurance that there are six buffets calling your name just down the gangway” …

I hope you set aside some of your money to help pay for your nursing home care or are you going to expect my kids to pay for it for you?
My brother is your age and equally as bitter and angry. He and his wife were far above having children, why they were intellectuals afterall. Why would they want children to bother with. Well, fast forward to their 40’s, they decided wow, kids might not be too bad, too late. Couldnt’ have them… but they didn’t want to adopt someone else’s kid…no, if they couldn’t have their own they didn’t want any…now they are in their 60’s, alone, bitter, drink too much and look down on people, like myself, who are happy with their children.
So you have traveled, you can do as you please. I bet deep down you are not as happy as you want people to think. But I could be wrong, you might just be that shallow.
I think that there are people that should not have children. They might have deep issues that would keep them from truly loving their child, but I think in a lot of cases, like my brother and our traveling friend here, it’s a case of selfishness. Of course you never said if you married or not, that could be part of it too.

 

[happymommy]

I don’t believe it’s selfish to not have kids. Not everyone wants them and not everyone should be a parent.

But on a side note, you should talk to my sister. She has 2 kids, a daughter that is 8yrs old and a son that is 4.
I am pregnant and she called me up and made me feel bad that I am having a baby. She insisted girls are “b!tches” and all boys ruin everything She insists that all boys are like this because everyone who has boys “says so”. (I am having a boy). She also threw it in my face that her “boyfriend” can go where he wants and do what he wants because he doesn’t have kids. (she is going through a divorce and only knows this new guy all of 2 weeks ) All of this while her 8 yr old came in the kitchen, she told her to “get out you b!tch”.
When her son was 3, she beat him and yelled “I hate you I hate you I wish you were never born” all because she was stupid enough to give him her car keys and he lost them. That’s just a small cliff notes of what she is like.

I am sorry, but I am really angry about what she said to me a few days ago about having kids.

You know, I can go on and on about her, but I will leave it at that. I really need someone to talk to about this just to get it off my chest. My husband knows but I just need to talk about it more I guess.

I would watch her. Make sure she isn’t hurting those kids, physically or emotionally. If she is, you have to report it! I wish I could hug those kids!

 

[sanctamaria17]

All of this while her 8 yr old came in the kitchen, she told her to “get out you b!tch”.
When her son was 3, she beat him and yelled “I hate you I hate you I wish you were never born” all because she was stupid enough to give him her car keys and he lost them. That’s just a small cliff notes of what she is like.

I’d report that. I wish I could give your kids a hug Poor babies

 

[iluvmybabies]

I do consider myself greedy, I am horrible…I hate myself for this but I am terrified of having any more children…with my last child I had such devastating complications if it wasn’t for GOD’s miracle, love and grace I doubt we would have made it the way we did! I had a difficult pregnancy, gestational diabetes for like a month, a lot of stomach problems, etc and we almost needed emergency epidural, etc…It was no fun at all! I was devastated and so scared but I thank GOD every minute of every day that I have my 3 munchkins…Even though it was a really bad experience, I am grateful and wish I could have more…But being outside of a marriage well that also complicates things…

If people, especially most Catholic people I know would be more open to the fact that an independent woman can still raise her children perfectly fine then I wouldn’t have any problem having more, but to wait for a man to propose to you, to see if his family likes you, etc well it turns out a difficult process and the fact that my timeclock is running out for children, if GOD allows, doesn’t help either…

My bf and I wish to marry and hope that GOD blesses us with more children, but I am terrified for my health, I pray that if GOD does bless us that He will keep his compassion, merciful eyes and love towards me very close so that we can make it through such a wonderful life giving event and I can continue enjoying the many blessings He has gifted me with!

I worry about money, barely have enough for my 3 children and myself…Thanks to GOD we were able to get some money and actually have a bday for my son this year! It was nice to see him smile and eat his cake!! So yeah I think I am greedy…I shouldn’t be but I am because I am afraid for my life and not being able to enjoy my 3 all ready born children as well as not any new tiny tot God blesses me with, as well as not being able to support my children better!!! I am not proud of myself, but it is the way I feel right now…

If I were to be more economically stable and married perhaps my feelings would change and I would definitely be trying to get pg very fast…And right now with what the doctor has told me that I may not be able to anyhow because of some ovarian problems it just destroys me since I am barely turning 30 I would love to be able to have more children someday soon and have children with my df!! I am very scared I will not be able to have that opportunity and gift!!!

 

[happymommy]

I do consider myself greedy, I am horrible…I hate myself for this but I am terrified of having any more children…with my last child I had such devastating complications if it wasn’t for GOD’s miracle, love and grace I doubt we would have made it the way we did! I had a difficult pregnancy, gestational diabetes for like a month, a lot of stomach problems, etc and we almost needed emergency epidural, etc…It was no fun at all! I was devastated and so scared but I thank GOD every minute of every day that I have my 3 munchkins…Even though it was a really bad experience, I am grateful and wish I could have more…But being outside of a marriage well that also complicates things…

If people, especially most Catholic people I know would be more open to the fact that an independent woman can still raise her children perfectly fine then I wouldn’t have any problem having more, but to wait for a man to propose to you, to see if his family likes you, etc well it turns out a difficult process and the fact that my timeclock is running out for children, if GOD allows, doesn’t help either…

My bf and I wish to marry and hope that GOD blesses us with more children, but I am terrified for my health, I pray that if GOD does bless us that He will keep his compassion, merciful eyes and love towards me very close so that we can make it through such a wonderful life giving event and I can continue enjoying the many blessings He has gifted me with!

I worry about money, barely have enough for my 3 children and myself…Thanks to GOD we were able to get some money and actually have a bday for my son this year! It was nice to see him smile and eat his cake!! So yeah I think I am greedy…I shouldn’t be but I am because I am afraid for my life and not being able to enjoy my 3 all ready born children as well as not any new tiny tot God blesses me with, as well as not being able to support my children better!!! I am not proud of myself, but it is the way I feel right now…

If I were to be more economically stable and married perhaps my feelings would change and I would definitely be trying to get pg very fast…And right now with what the doctor has told me that I may not be able to anyhow because of some ovarian problems it just destroys me since I am barely turning 30 I would love to be able to have more children someday soon and have children with my df!! I am very scared I will not be able to have that opportunity and gift!!!

That’s not selfishness. That’s living with a genuine concern. I don’t think anyone would fault you for your concerns or call you greedy or selfish.

 

[Calliso]

You know being childfree doesn;t equal you will be rich and can do whatever you want. Neither does having kids equal your hopes and dreams are squashed either. And you know despite my feelings on having kids…for many of the things that person listed I would rather have kids then do those things. Oh and I am a part of the LOL generation and no I donlt think it is an actual word…believe it or not I am educated…

 

[magic_stick]

I’d report that.

I wanted to. I told my mom I wanted to and she told me to not to report her because my sister would kill herself if someone took the kids away. I told my mom that my sister is unfit and shouldn’t be a parent. (my mom agrees that my sister is unfit). They would have a better life with another family, then my mom said “well, you don’t know who would take care of them, they might get beat or molested.”.

 

[happymommy]

I wanted to. I told my mom I wanted to and she told me to not to report her because my sister would kill herself if someone took the kids away. I told my mom that my sister is unfit and shouldn’t be a parent. (my mom agrees that my sister is unfit). They would have a better life with another family, then my mom said “well, you don’t know who would take care of them, they might get beat or molested.”.

Do you really think she would care if they took her kids? Please think about the children. Is there anyone in the family that could/would take them, with the police involved as well so it’s known that she shouldn’t be around them.

 

[shannyk]

I do consider myself greedy, I am horrible…I hate myself for this but I am terrified of having any more children…with my last child I had such devastating complications if it wasn’t for GOD’s miracle, love and grace I doubt we would have made it the way we did! I had a difficult pregnancy, gestational diabetes for like a month, a lot of stomach problems, etc and we almost needed emergency epidural, etc…It was no fun at all! I was devastated and so scared but I thank GOD every minute of every day that I have my 3 munchkins…Even though it was a really bad experience, I am grateful and wish I could have more…But being outside of a marriage well that also complicates things…

If people, especially most Catholic people I know would be more open to the fact that an independent woman can still raise her children perfectly fine then I wouldn’t have any problem having more, but to wait for a man to propose to you, to see if his family likes you, etc well it turns out a difficult process and the fact that my timeclock is running out for children, if GOD allows, doesn’t help either…

My bf and I wish to marry and hope that GOD blesses us with more children, but I am terrified for my health, I pray that if GOD does bless us that He will keep his compassion, merciful eyes and love towards me very close so that we can make it through such a wonderful life giving event and I can continue enjoying the many blessings He has gifted me with!

I worry about money, barely have enough for my 3 children and myself…Thanks to GOD we were able to get some money and actually have a bday for my son this year! It was nice to see him smile and eat his cake!! So yeah I think I am greedy…I shouldn’t be but I am because I am afraid for my life and not being able to enjoy my 3 all ready born children as well as not any new tiny tot God blesses me with, as well as not being able to support my children better!!! I am not proud of myself, but it is the way I feel right now…

If I were to be more economically stable and married perhaps my feelings would change and I would definitely be trying to get pg very fast…And right now with what the doctor has told me that I may not be able to anyhow because of some ovarian problems it just destroys me since I am barely turning 30 I would love to be able to have more children someday soon and have children with my df!! I am very scared I will not be able to have that opportunity and gift!!!

iluv this is not greedy by any means. First of all you have already been open to having children and you have them. Having health concerns or financial concerns isn’t selfish.

Married couples who will not have children, or be open to having children, simply because it may interfere with career plans or personal pursuits or lifestyle, ARE being selfish by the very definition of what selfish is and what marriage is. And, they may not even be in a valid marriage…

 

[Kaninchen]

Married couples who will not have children, or be open to having children, simply because it may interfere with career plans or personal pursuits or lifestyle, ARE being selfish by the very definition of what selfish is and what marriage is. And, they may not even be in a valid marriage…

Would you then please define ‘selfish’ and ‘marriage’ - oh, and ‘valid’ - in terms that a non-Catholic, or non-Christian like me, might follow.

 

[gmarie21]

I wanted to. I told my mom I wanted to and she told me to not to report her because my sister would kill herself if someone took the kids away. I told my mom that my sister is unfit and shouldn’t be a parent. (my mom agrees that my sister is unfit). They would have a better life with another family, then my mom said “well, you don’t know who would take care of them, they might get beat or molested.”.

And what will they think when you witnessed this abuse and did NOTHING to protect them. Seriously, you love your sister, but she’s an adult, those children need protection, even if it is from their own mother.

My biological mother (I’ve met her) has two other children. She and her ex-husband were abusive and terrible alcoholics. Well, her daughter ended up, at the age of 11 or 12 in the foster care system and her son ended up in and out of juevenile detention centers beginning at the ripe old age of 10 (now he’s in and out of the prison system since’s he’s over 18). I’m sorry, but your sister’s well being should be a concern but not over the safety and health of your niece and nephew.

Your mother is trying to protect her daughter, unfortunately her daughter isn’t protecting her own children. You say that she is going through a divorce, how is their father? Is he a better, more stable parent? If so, how about defending him to have sole custody and your sister to have supervised visitation rights?

 

[CradleCath]

I think some of you are confusing self-centred with selfish – selfish really means concerned most with your own well-being, as opposed to the well-being of a large crowd of meddlers, busybodies, buttinskis and other nosy parkers who always think it is their supreme right to tell you that you will be much happier if only you obey their every command.

People are still telling me that when I am old (news flash: I am 60. Isnt that old?) I will be sorry I did not marry and buy property and give birth. I usually counter by saying that one day really soon when they are covered with spit up and sitting in the middle of a nice restaurant watching their toddler scream and seing the maitre d approaching their table with Bums Rush written all over his face,

 

[iluvmybabies]

iluv this is not greedy by any means. First of all you have already been open to having children and you have them. Having health concerns or financial concerns isn’t selfish.

Married couples who will not have children, or be open to having children, simply because it may interfere with career plans or personal pursuits or lifestyle, ARE being selfish by the very definition of what selfish is and what marriage is. And, they may not even be in a valid marriage…

Still I feel selfish because right now I am unable to have any more children because of my fears!! I would love to have more children but because of the lack of marriage and income and certain health concerns I am not willing to nor unable to…It’s both because I am not married so unwilling to, economically and health wise, unable too!! It’s very hard and disappointing… I mean I really wish I could just have a child right now but my fears overwhelm me and the fact that I am not married just destroys that dream all together… you know?

 

[happymommy]

Perhaps the opportunity to marry never came your way, perhaps you are a chaste person with SSA…If eiher of these scenarios describe you…I understand your need for a happy life without
a spouse & children. However, writing such a bitter post belies your claim of a full & happy existence. Happy people don’t post in such a hateful way.