Are naked and/or bikini shots of women a sin

[theplummer]

I believe there may be much deeper issues here. Some of which have been grazed upon, but not fully flushed out.

Now I’m no expert in anything, so this is just my experience (YMMV), & treat it just as food for thought.

OP, if your husband has an addiction it’s wrong, and he knows it. It’s his problem to deal with. It’s not your place to chastise him for it. Well, maybe it is, but not right now. You two have much greater issues.

He announced that he wants a divorce. That should sound a huge alarm for you to take action. He’s already telling you that he no longer values you or your feelings, nor the consequences of divorce, of which will be hard on both of you but MUCH harder on him, due to the current female advantage in family court. I’m sure he’s aware of this and at this point feels like the pain he knows he’s about to initiate for himself is somehow going to be less or better than his current life with you. Think about that, really hard.

Right now, if you love him, and want your marriage to survive, you must take immediate action. Remember his ACTING on his addiction is a problem, but it’s HIS problem.

The worst thing a wife can do to a man is lord over him, that’s disrespectful on the wife’s part. I’m not saying you are, however I suspect he FEELS like you are.

I heard a wonderful sentiment recently referring to Ephians 6 (I think). He said, “Husbands, love your wives, wives give your husbands something to love”. I believe the exact opposite could be added; Wives, respect your husbands, husbands give your wives something to respect ( my additional thought to the quote).

Now here’s the rub. Your husband is not loving you and has NO Interest in doing so, he’s being selfish and is acting out on it, he doesn’t care though. Apparently you do care, so you need to take action to save your marriage NOW!

Take the focus off of him (right now, it’ll be dealt with later), show him massive amounts of respect, he’ll love that and love you for it. Stop the nagging on him, he doesn’t feel like a man right now, and I suspect it’s because you aren’t respecting him. Even if he’s not earning your respect, fake it. Smile constantly. Lavish him with praise for the areas he is doing well in, and make no demands of him.

Clean the house while he’s gone, both of you will feel better. Have his favorite meals ready when he gets home from work. Send the children to their rooms and give them an activity to occupy their time quietly. Dress well for him, doesn’t have to be sexy, just look good.

Don’t ask him any questions, unless he volunteers info that needs to be expanded upon.
Greet him at the door with a warm smile, a big hug and a kiss. Tell him that you love him. Say, I hope you had a great day today at work. Listen to his response. Then respond back in such a way that he can look forward to an even better night.

Flirt with him, just like when you were dating. Show him your femmine side. Make him want to be your hero, protector, provider. He’ll jump at the chance.

He’s looking for something that’s missing from his marriage. Give it to him, even if he doesn’t deserve it. Just see how he responds.

Don’t go to counseling, unless he wants to. Don’t even bring it up, let him.

Do this for one month, commit to it and just see if things improve, you can always go back to nagging him to be a better husband, but I assure you he will leave.

Once he feels like he is the true head in his marriage, I’ll bet those magazines will no longer be interesting to him.

Remember, this is not your fault, but since he’s ready to walk, it’s your job not to give him further reason to want to leave.

I’ll pray for your situation.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I believe there may be much deeper issues here. Some of which have been grazed upon, but not fully flushed out.

Now I’m no expert in anything, so this is just my experience (YMMV), & treat it just as food for thought.

OP, if your husband has an addiction it’s wrong, and he knows it. It’s his problem to deal with. It’s not your place to chastise him for it. Well, maybe it is, but not right now. You two have much greater issues.

He announced that he wants a divorce. That should sound a huge alarm for you to take action. He’s already telling you that he no longer values you or your feelings, nor the consequences of divorce, of which will be hard on both of you but MUCH harder on him, due to the current female advantage in family court. I’m sure he’s aware of this and at this point feels like the pain he knows he’s about to initiate for himself is somehow going to be less or better than his current life with you. Think about that, really hard.

Right now, if you love him, and want your marriage to survive, you must take immediate action. Remember his ACTING on his addiction is a problem, but it’s HIS problem.

The worst thing a wife can do to a man is lord over him, that’s disrespectful on the wife’s part. I’m not saying you are, however I suspect he FEELS like you are.

I heard a wonderful sentiment recently referring to Ephians 6 (I think). He said, “Husbands, love your wives, wives give your husbands something to love”. I believe the exact opposite could be added; Wives, respect your husbands, husbands give your wives something to respect ( my additional thought to the quote).

Now here’s the rub. Your husband is not loving you and has NO Interest in doing so, he’s being selfish and is acting out on it, he doesn’t care though. Apparently you do care, so you need to take action to save your marriage NOW!

Take the focus off of him (right now, it’ll be dealt with later), show him massive amounts of respect, he’ll love that and love you for it. Stop the nagging on him, he doesn’t feel like a man right now, and I suspect it’s because you aren’t respecting him. Even if he’s not earning your respect, fake it. Smile constantly. Lavish him with praise for the areas he is doing well in, and make no demands of him.

Clean the house while he’s gone, both of you will feel better. Have his favorite meals ready when he gets home from work. Send the children to their rooms and give them an activity to occupy their time quietly. Dress well for him, doesn’t have to be sexy, just look good.

Don’t ask him any questions, unless he volunteers info that needs to be expanded upon.
Greet him at the door with a warm smile, a big hug and a kiss. Tell him that you love him. Say, I hope you had a great day today at work. Listen to his response. Then respond back in such a way that he can look forward to an even better night.

Flirt with him, just like when you were dating. Show him your femmine side. Make him want to be your hero, protector, provider. He’ll jump at the chance.

He’s looking for something that’s missing from his marriage. Give it to him, even if he doesn’t deserve it. Just see how he responds.

Don’t go to counseling, unless he wants to. Don’t even bring it up, let him.

Do this for one month, commit to it and just see if things improve, you can always go back to nagging him to be a better husband, but I assure you he will leave.

Once he feels like he is the true head in his marriage, I’ll bet those magazines will no longer be interesting to him.

Remember, this is not your fault, but since he’s ready to walk, it’s your job not to give him further reason to want to leave.

I’ll pray for your situation.

There’s a lot of wisdom here. When a wife tells a husband how to live, the husband feels less like a man. When he feels less like a man, he looks to someplace where he can seize control. Pornography is such a place.

 

[theplummer]

I’m going to add more of my thoughts here.

Let’s look at male and female nature. Men have a deep desire to please. They have a desire to protect and provide for someone whom respects them. He goes to “war” everyday for you by going to work. The last thing he wants is to come home to a second front in the war he’s battling. He needs a safe havento regroup. Make your home that place. Make him feel secure. When he feels secure he will open up to you and share his thoughts. When he does, respond positively. Do not make him feel insecure about anything he tells you.

Woman’s nature is to manipulate men into protecting and providing. There are two ways to manipulate. Positively and negatively. Stop ALL negative manipulation. Only give him positive manipulation. He won’t care that you are manipulating him, in fact he probably won’t even notice that he is being manipulated.

Do anything and everything he asks of you (unless it’s a sin). Do it enthusiastically, with a grin on your face.

You are not being a doormat for doing so, as the feminist rhetoric would have you believe. In fact the opposite, you are controlling him, as he desires to be controlled.

Remember men control the world, and women control men. It’s how you do that that matters.

As far as his sin, let our Lord convict him. He will in time. Allow him time to work. Do nothing to add fuel to the fire of your husband wanting to leave. Put your pride and hurt feelings on the back burner for now. Once he appreciates his home and wife, you can introduce your feelings in a positive way. He’ll want to please you when he’s feeling secure.

I’d suggest reading anything Dr. Laura Schlessinger has written. As well as study Athol Kay’s works regarding Alpha/Beta and the effects of dopamine/oxytocin/testosterone have on both the male and female.

BTW, if you’ve managed to get comfortable in your marriage and gained a little weight, work toward losing a few pounds. Become the object of his desire. The quickest way to do this is to remove ALL sugar carbs from your diet. Commit to it. Get them out of your house, so your not tempted to feed your depression. Exercise. And most of all PRAY.

I know you and our Lord can save your marriage. Just make sure your helping him work his miricle instead of hurting it.

Once your husband is being properly fed, he’ll allow The Lord to convict him and he’ll be receptive to it.

Again I’ll continue to ask for inter session on your behalf.

 

[Hopey]

There’s a lot of wisdom here. When a wife tells a husband how to live, the husband feels less like a man. When he feels less like a man, he looks to someplace where he can seize control. Pornography is such a place.

The men with these problems do not just let go of porn on their own. Most of the time, it takes loosing a lot before they will think something is wrong and look at it.
You are right, he has to want to change. Saying you don’t like this or that in your marriage without fighting about it is good too. I have seen all too many OK with divorce as it removes that problem, problem being the wife who was too demanding (expecting intimacy from husband when they can not give it).
My addict didn’t do it on his own. But I didn’t fight with him about it either.

 

[Hopey]

I would not work on my appearance unless I wanted to either. If you do that, do it for yourself. You will never be able to compete with the photo shopped women. Never. Nor should you. You are his wife, not a prostitute.

 

[theplummer]

I would not work on my appearance unless I wanted to either. If you do that, do it for yourself. You will never be able to compete with the photo shopped women. Never. Nor should you. You are his wife, not a prostitute.

I totally agree. By the OP improving herself she will feel better and want to do more. I’m sure her husband is smart enough to figure out that his wife cannot nor should compete with those photos. However, if he sees that she’s trying he will chose to stay with what he has instead of looking elswhere.

One more thought. OP, continue to go to individual counseling, however change the focus. Start focusing on being happy within yourself, not expecting the world or your husband to make you happy. You’ll never get that from the world or your husband.

Feel confident that he still does have desire for you, as he is still initiating with you. You’ve got that going for you already. Encourage and enhance that, for both of you.

Make as many possible opportunities for both of you to both receive dopamine and oxytocin.

 

[theplummer]

I would not work on my appearance unless I wanted to either. If you do that, do it for yourself. You will never be able to compete with the photo shopped women. Never. Nor should you. You are his wife, not a prostitute.

I would like to focus on the word prostitute here. Prostitution is wrong in every way. Both inside and out of marriage.

What is prostitution inside of marriage. That’s when one party uses the act as a tool to get something in return. That is wrong, completely wrong.

Never and I mean NEVER offer the act with a promise of doing something or receiving something in return. The gift for both of you is the only reward in and of itself. Anything other than that IS prostitution.

 

[justamon]

Our counseling session was a complete disaster on Friday. She said she couldn’t advise porn/bikini shots are wrong because she isn’t a Christian counselor and we weren’t there regarding morals. She asked if perhaps our Priest could help us on that. In my solo
session, she told me she believes he is depressed.

He denied watching porn and said if he were doing it, he would admit to it but he is not. He also told her that we would not humiliate himself in front of a male doctor if he were masturbating and then complaining about ED. I honestly in my heart don’t feel an addiction to porn is our problem. My issue is him looking at trash and not feeling that it is wrong or “all men do it.” Our counselor said our morals are very different. In the end I had heard enough and told them that I was done with working on our marriage. She asked us to come back this week to try a different approach. We talked at length last night and decided we would meet with her but we are prepared to end things amicably of we need to.

Suggestions for Friday’s session? Should I go speak to our Priest?

 

[theplummer]

Our counseling session was a complete disaster on Friday. She said she couldn’t advise porn/bikini shots are wrong because she isn’t a Christian counselor and we weren’t there regarding morals. She asked if perhaps our Priest could help us on that.

He denied watching porn and said if he were doing it, he would admit to it but he is not. He also told her that we would not humiliate himself in front of a male doctor if he were masturbating and then complaining about ED. I honestly in my heart don’t feel an addiction to porn is our problem. My issue is him looking at trash and not feeling that it is wrong or “all men do it.” Our counselor said our morals are very different. In the end I had heard enough and told them that I was done with working on our marriage. She asked us to come back this week to try a different approach. We talked at length last night and decided we would meet with her but we are prepared to end things amicably of we need to.

Suggestions for Friday’s session? Should I go speak to our Priest?

Sounds like you’ve already answered your question. You said that you are DONE. Did you really mean it? Or are you just spouting threats that don’t mean anything?

If you meant what you said, probably time to move forward. If you didn’t really mean it, you’d better apologize to your husband RIGHT NOW!

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Making idle threats then not following through with them just takes any power or credibility away from you.

If you’ve done this in the past, you have no credibility anyway and your spouse just thinks you are a drama queen.

BTW, if you are interested in saving your marriage, you are going to have to work extremely hard on forgiveness, even without his acknowledgment of wrongdoing.

I’m sure he doesn’t trust you with offering an apology simply because you keep throwing the past back in his face. You’ve got to stop. You have to offer the olive branch with lots of sugar on it.

Read my earlier posts and internalize my words and take action immediately. He’s already told you he wants a divorce and he’s having at least an emotional affair. This is a recipe for failure. He’s not as invested in you right now. You need to UP YOUR VALUE to him. Give him the desire to want to stay.

I know this is going to be hard for you because you are hurting, however stop doing more harm, unless you want out.

 

[Hopey]

Our counseling session was a complete disaster on Friday. She said she couldn’t advise porn/bikini shots are wrong because she isn’t a Christian counselor and we weren’t there regarding morals. She asked if perhaps our Priest could help us on that. In my solo
session, she told me she believes he is depressed.

He denied watching porn and said if he were doing it, he would admit to it but he is not. He also told her that we would not humiliate himself in front of a male doctor if he were masturbating and then complaining about ED. I honestly in my heart don’t feel an addiction to porn is our problem. My issue is him looking at trash and not feeling that it is wrong or “all men do it.” Our counselor said our morals are very different. In the end I had heard enough and told them that I was done with working on our marriage. She asked us to come back this week to try a different approach. We talked at length last night and decided we would meet with her but we are prepared to end things amicably of we need to.

Suggestions for Friday’s session? Should I go speak to our Priest?

I am going to pray you have the wisdom to know what to do for your marriage.
Speaking with a priest could be a good thing.
Do you think when you married you too had different morals?

 

[justamon]

I am going to pray you have the wisdom to know what to do for your marriage.
Speaking with a priest could be a good thing.
Do you think when you married you too had different morals?

Of course, I was 19 and now 46. We just convalidated our marriage in 2009.

 

[anonymous_in_fl]

PLEASE seek a qualified therapist (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) who can give testing to your husband to render a definitive diagnosis regarding if your husband does/does not have a porn addiction. Here: iitap.com

 

[nodito]

He believes these images are nothing because “it’s freaking Lowrider Magazine.”

You: “If it’s nothing, then you won’t have any problem giving it up because it bothers me.”

Seriously. If something bothered my spouse to the point that he wanted to talk to a marriage counselor about it and it really wasn’t that big of a deal/I didn’t need it, then why not just give it up?

Phrase it like that. It’s a request you’re making of him that you’d like him to respect out of love for you, and not because it’s inherently sinful. Even if it were completely irrational of you to be bothered by the “freaking Lowrider Magazine” (and I don’t think it is) he should have enough decency to sacrifice something he enjoys for his wife.

 

[Cackles]

Which of course is why St Paul says that it would be better if everyone could be unmarried like him

And who was he writing his letter to?

By the way, do you adhere to all the ‘tried and true’ scriptures in Leviticus about stoning adulterers and disobedient children to death,

Yes I do. Even the Children part because there’s a genius teaching in that one and it is there for a reason.

But Jesus famous verse ultimately banned stoning and until this day it’s banned. He was such a high ranking Rabbi that everyone dropped their stones.

not eating shellfish or pork and the like?

I dont eat pork, shrimp etc. and trust me i have a smoker and used to make smoked honey bacon. It was real good. But the chicken bacon tastes very, very close… It’s quite amazing they’ve gotten it so close. Yesterday i had beef hot dogs. At first it’s hard but you get used to it.

Again, whose authority is an unmarried woman under? Either you are making the absurd claim that every unmarried woman you leer at or see in a porno film is somehow under your authority, which must mean she is equally under the authority of every man who gazes at her, which is utter rubbish, or you must accept that unmarried women are NOT under your authority and therefore NOT your property or a suitable object for your pornographic/lustful/wilfully sexual gaze.

Why would i say that unmarried women are under my authority? Only my wife is.

There is a train of thought that says the unmarried woman is under the Fathers authority, but others say thats only for daughters of priests.

If the woman is unmarried, she’s under no ones authority/headship in todays day and age. Although… I could say she must be under Gods authority or Satans. An either or scenario because the woman doesnt have free will. If this is the case, then the orphan would be under headship of the Father/Priest at all times if she’s unmarried. I’m sure someone has the answer to this, but these are very old, non English, secret teachings that are very difficult to get.

In Islam they allowed men to take in up to three if they could afford it. If not just one. Aristicrats were allowed much more.

It’s entirely possible if a disaster happens the Church will mandate men to take in orphans. While we dont have a hisotry of polygamy, it’s technically not outlawed biblically, but was rarely done unless exceptions were made. Polygamy does have some sort of backing. Gay marriage has none. They should never be confused. Polygamy is much more acceptable than Gay Marriage.

 

[Cackles]

Our counseling session was a complete disaster on Friday. She said she couldn’t advise porn/bikini shots are wrong because she isn’t a Christian counselor and we weren’t there regarding morals. She asked if perhaps our Priest could help us on that. In my solo
session, she told me she believes he is depressed.

He denied watching porn and said if he were doing it, he would admit to it but he is not. He also told her that we would not humiliate himself in front of a male doctor if he were masturbating and then complaining about ED. I honestly in my heart don’t feel an addiction to porn is our problem. My issue is him looking at trash and not feeling that it is wrong or “all men do it.” Our counselor said our morals are very different. In the end I had heard enough and told them that I was done with working on our marriage. She asked us to come back this week to try a different approach. We talked at length last night and decided we would meet with her but we are prepared to end things amicably of we need to.

Suggestions for Friday’s session? Should I go speak to our Priest?

In my opinion you don’ sound cut out for marriage. Most women are, some women just arent.

Like… My jaw is dropped… I cant believe you did that to your husband. Like… I can’t believe what i just read. Your soul imaybe just isnt meant for marital companionship. You’ve been lost to Secular humanist feminisim.

This should be a lesson for men, whome are all made in Gods image and God said ‘it is good’. Men need to realize that not all women are made for companionship with men. There are millions of more women than men. They all can’t be wives. Many women dont have a marriage soul to them. They may get married at first, and stick it out, but eventually divorce will come along with court dates and child support payments. The came and damaged what was good. In todays Extreme feminism, women are agressive towards courting men. They have no shame anymore. The daughters of God are shy and modest. You need to build the courage to court these women as wives. Dont let the girl court you. That can only mean trouble. Your life will suffer and your day will come. The police will be called, your children will be taken, court dates, theft of your funds. It’s pure evil from Satan.

So men really need to look at the above post to see what can happen. I thank God for blessing me with a true wife and daughter of God. I’ve ‘dated the demon’ many times in my 20’s so i know him first hand.

 

[theplummer]

Our counseling session was a complete disaster on Friday. She said she couldn’t advise porn/bikini shots are wrong because she isn’t a Christian counselor and we weren’t there regarding morals. She asked if perhaps our Priest could help us on that. In my solo
session, she told me she believes he is depressed.

Your counselor is absolutely right, he IS depressed. And I believe I know why. However, you are not receptive to hearing why and he’s not going to tell you.

I WILL, but only if you initiate personal contact with me by PM. I’m requiring this of you specifically to see if YOU are really motivated in repairing your marriage.

I will say this, I know simply because I am a man whom has been in a very similar situation. I would be willing to share because I have nothing invested in your relationship and nothing to lose. Your husband, on the other hand, has a great deal to lose, and is unsure what to DO to fix things because nothing he’s tried works.

I only offer this to enlighten you to the fact that there are different perspectives that are not being considered here.

 

[nodito]

In my opinion you don’ sound cut out for marriage. Most women are, some women just arent.

Huh?

Like… My jaw is dropped… I cant believe you did that to your husband. Like… I can’t believe what i just read.

Did what? Go to a marriage counselor? Try to address a marriage issue in the marriage that is causing them grief and tension?

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Your counselor is absolutely right, he IS depressed. And I believe I know why. However, you are not receptive to hearing why and he’s not going to tell you.

I WILL, but only if you initiate personal contact with me by PM. I’m requiring this of you specifically to see if YOU are really motivated in repairing your marriage.

I will say this, I know simply because I am a man whom has been in a very similar situation. I would be willing to share because I have nothing invested in your relationship and nothing to lose. Your husband, on the other hand, has a great deal to lose, and is unsure what to DO to fix things because nothing he’s tried works.

I only offer this to enlighten you to the fact that there are different perspectives that are not being considered here.

This post comes off as superior, not as respectful. Just sayin.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

In my opinion you don’ sound cut out for marriage. Most women are, some women just arent.

Like… My jaw is dropped… I cant believe you did that to your husband. Like… I can’t believe what i just read. Your soul imaybe just isnt meant for marital companionship. You’ve been lost to Secular humanist feminisim.

If you continue to post things that have no other conceivable purpose than to make another person feel bad about themselves, I will report you.

 

[nodito]

A married woman is under her husbands authority and headship (1 Corinthians 11). This is why a woman covers her head, and why real Jews and Muslims cover their head. It’s to show they are under headship of someone else. This is why many muslims women actually wear a hijab after marriage. All Catholics used to cover their head until feminism destroyed the Church 30 years ago. And Im talking all through history. Even up till Jackie Kennedy.

The Christian man does not cover his head because he is made in Gods glory and has free will. The Church Father actually is like a Jew in that he covers his head because he’s under headship of God. He stands beside Jesus in authority so to speak so he covers his head.

The layperson Christian does not cover his head because he’s not under headship. Not the woman. She is under headship to her Husband. The same in Ismal and Judaism. I appologize if these tried and true teachings directly from the Bible disagree with your new fangled feminist, Secular humanist viewpoints, but that is the truth of the matter.

A man is obligated to get married. A woman is not obligated. A man is obligated to have 1 son, a woman has no obligation to have children. Why? Because there millions more women than men in the world and likely always has been.

When a woman is not married, she’s called an orphan. Without a man the woman has no meaning to her life because God created her to be mans helper. This is what she does naturally. Her only other option is to be a bride of God and do the lords work.

But there is another type of woman, who is… Nah I’ll skip those teachings. Lets say that like some men are gay and will never be cut out for a straight and narrow life, some women arent cut out for marriage either. If you are a woman, you must aks if you’re a wife, or… Well… The other type of woman. Ohh… I’d love to shock you with some of the early writings.

With Islam it’s easy. If she wears a hijab, she’s lifetime wife material. The head covering brings out the best of a woman. With women modesty and outward appearance is amongst the most important thing.

What kind of woman are you? Take your pick because you’re one or the other:

faithalone.com/Images/Dubai%20Frock%20and%20awe%20%5B1%5D…%20Muslim%20women%20stare%20at%20a%20girl%20in%20skimpy%20dress.jpg

This is not Catholic teaching.