Being single...not a vent thread

[CountrySinger]

I am curiously waiting for CountrySinger’s response to this. I can second-guess her response to such passages from St. Paul.

I know I can’t serve God by myself. I tend to get into trouble, so I need someone cough a husband cough to keep me on the straight and narrow (and provide physical benefits as well. If I’m by myself, I fall into the pattern of “my life is my own, I could die and no one could care, so I’m living JUST FOR ME!” Which then results in me sleeping most of the time and eating doughnuts.

Evidence: Ever since I’ve started dating my Catholic boyfriend, my faith has been stronger, I’ve been praying more, going to Mass, etc. I feel like God has FINALLY given me what I need. I feel like I can actually be Catholic and have a romantic relationship. If you are single and religious in my city, you are seen as a freak who can’t get a date because of their religion. St. Paul never lived in Seattle and worked in customer service. Just saying. Single doesn’t equal= more time for God, it means live for yourself, because no one else is going to take care of you.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know I can’t serve God by myself. I tend to get into trouble, so I need someone cough a husband cough to keep me on the straight and narrow (and provide physical benefits as well. If I’m by myself, I fall into the pattern of “my life is my own, I could die and no one could care, so I’m living JUST FOR ME!” Which then results in me sleeping most of the time and eating doughnuts.

Evidence: Ever since I’ve started dating my Catholic boyfriend, my faith has been stronger, I’ve been praying more, going to Mass, etc. I feel like God has FINALLY given me what I need. I feel like I can actually be Catholic and have a romantic relationship. If you are single and religious in my city, you are seen as a freak who can’t get a date because of their religion. St. Paul never lived in Seattle and worked in customer service. Just saying. Single doesn’t equal= more time for God, it means live for yourself, because no one else is going to take care of you.

Actually St. Paul lived in a time when choosing to be an unmarried man would have caused quite a scandal. Men who could get a wife and family were expected to get one, or they were lumped in with “religious nuts” like John the Baptist. It has never been “in” to be Christian! Many of those early saints who were “virgin and martyr” were that because they refused an arranged marriage to a pagan. Talk about pressure.

It’s good that your new boyfriend is a help to your faith. That is a very good sign!

 

[havana1]

I was raised that Mass was a requirement by my parents. I was never asked did I want to be Catholic I was given a major guilt trip about missing mass and resented it all fiercely as a child. It was years before I could go to church without feeling that resentment. Now I don’t mind mass but the emptiness the goes along with it is what I have trouble with. At other churches I’ve been too the congregation embraces each other and actually stands by each other with support. ** Catholics get no support unless they are married, divorced or elderly.**

The truest thing I have seen posted on here: Catholics get no support unless they are married, divorced or elderly. Amen to that. And, before someone asks, “Well, is feeling empty and depressed a good enough reason to turn away from the Real Presence?,” let me say - yes, for some of us singles out here, it most certainly is a good enough reason. There isn’t even a “Singles Life” sub-forum on CAF…! It’s a “Family Life” sub-forum. Swell.

And, no, the Church doesn’t owe me a wife. However, being single precludes me from participating in all of the sacraments that other Catholics enjoy. That’s not fair.

 

[MtnDwellar]

It’s good that your new boyfriend is a help to your faith. That is a very good sign!

Good sign? Can you say, “Codependent”?

 

[CountrySinger]

Good sign? Can you say, “Codependent”?

Hey there! Thank you for your loving response. I’ll be praying for you.
Stay classy and Christ-like! Not all of us are strong enough like you to stay faithful without a companion (none of my friends are practicing Catholics, I’m the only Catholic in my family, and my parish is no good). Plus I live in a city where I get mocked for having a rosary, and moving is not an option now. It is where Catholics live if they want to lose their faith. The fact I have a teeny amount left is weird.
So thank you for your comment. It really shows how Catholics are SO supportive. sarcasm

 

[CountrySinger]

Good sign? Can you say, “Codependent”?

Yep, praying the rosary and the Office with my boyfriend is co-dependent. He is educating me about my faith. We are trying to both build up our faith. I am having a crisis of faith, and was thinking of leaving the Church, until I met him. In fact, because of some things that were said to me on here, I was ready to leave Catholicism for good.
So I might be dependent on him, but he is the only decent Catholic I know in person (I have no Catholic family or friends). And churches here blow chunks. So zero support, in fact, my family and friends would love it if I left the Church. I’m not one of those people who can stay faithful without some support (and CAF doesn’t count).

 

[kib]

Can’t you people see that these are literally lies of the devil? You would leave the Eucharist because your church doesn’t support singles! WTF! That is freaking crazy talk.

If you church doesn’t support singles then start a singles group for crying out loud. Help others to be aware of your plight, people don’t treat you that way because they want you to feel badly about yourselves.

 

[CountrySinger]

The truest thing I have seen posted on here: Catholics get no support unless they are married, divorced or elderly. Amen to that. And, before someone asks, “Well, is feeling empty and depressed a good enough reason to turn away from the Real Presence?,” let me say - yes, for some of us singles out here, it most certainly is a good enough reason. There isn’t even a “Singles Life” sub-forum on CAF…! It’s a “Family Life” sub-forum. Swell.

And, no, the Church doesn’t owe me a wife. However, being single precludes me from participating in all of the sacraments that other Catholics enjoy. That’s not fair.

high five

sends cyber cookies

That is one of many reasons I’m thankful for my boyfriend, I am semi-accepted (I won’t be fully accepted until I’m married) at my parish. Of course, I can’t go to singles groups anymore (THANK GOD, those things are awkward, plus it would be weird to be the only one not spouse hunting). But I still have the bitter single woman in me.

 

[Norseman82]

This is very dangerous thinking, straight from the devil himself in my opinion. The Lord doesn’t promise anyone a light load- He promises each of us a cross!

But Christ ALSO decried pharisees who lay impossible burdens on the backs of men and did nothing to help carry them (Luke 11:46 and Matthew 23:4). And when I hear some Catholics talk in both real life and online, it seems pretty clear that they forgot this lesson.

God also said in Genesis that it is not good for the man to be alone.

I would classify neither of the above as from the devil (unless one is reading from a “Momma Bouchet” version of the Bible).

 

[Norseman82]

Can’t you people see that these are literally lies of the devil? You would leave the Eucharist because your church doesn’t support singles! WTF! That is freaking crazy talk.

Then that only goes to show that being single can be an occasion of sin and that sexual immorality is not the only “immorality” that marriage will help us avoid.

 

[CountrySinger]

Then that only goes to show that being single can be an occasion of sin and that sexual immorality is not the only “immorality” that marriage will help us avoid.

Good point. People want to go where they belong, not where they feel out of place. So it is easier to forget Mass and go where there are people like you. Sitting surrounded by old people, couples, and families is draining. And being judged at the same time is too much.

Plus, if there are no other singles, starting a singles group is about as useful as giving a thirsty person a piece of bread. They will look at you like you are crazy.

 

[Norseman82]

Plus, if there are no other singles, starting a singles group is about as useful as giving a thirsty person a piece of bread. They will look at you like you are crazy.

Add to that the fact that singles who want to marry are often criticized for it, told that “it’s their vocation they should just accept it”, something is lacking in their relationship with God, their feelings “ARE OF DA DEBBIL!”, it’s just their cross and that they should just shut up and bear it, how lucky they are being single, etc. (We could start a game to cross-reference that last sentence with what has actually been said in this thread!).

You know, we’re told that Church/Mass is not a “singles bar” or a match-making service, but how are we going to find good compatible Catholic spouses in this rotten world?

 

[Norseman82]

I forget one thing. If you are single it is normally because your standards are too high. Some standards need to be non-negotiable. However, too often I see singles complain about not having someone and they then describe a list of superficial standards. Not everyone is meant to marry the perfect mate either looks or personality wise. If you find youself perpetually single it is often because you have unrealistic expectations for a partner to have. There is no perfect match for most people. The key to finding someone is to be realistic and understand that not everyone is perfect. There are a lot of less attractive singles and also a decent amount of extremely attractive single that both have trouble realizing that their dream partner is not a realistic partner.

I think it is more accurate to say that the dating pool is “poisoned” (as Mary Beth Bonacci put it) and even among those who have not been “poisoned”, some turn their backs on their fellow Catholics.

 

[CountrySinger]

Add to that the fact that singles who want to marry are often criticized for it, told that “it’s their vocation they should just accept it”, something is lacking in their relationship with God, their feelings “ARE OF DA DEBBIL!”, it’s just their cross and that they should just shut up and bear it, how lucky they are being single, etc. (We could start a game to cross-reference that last sentence with what has actually been said in this thread!).

You know, we’re told that Church/Mass is not a “singles bar” or a match-making service, but how are we going to find good compatible Catholic spouses in this rotten world?

How about making a bingo board? I’ve seen it used for other things. And when people say it, and we get a line across, we can yell bingo? Or maybe I just like yelling random things. Lol.

I do think that my passion is helping singles. My parish priest keeps wanting me to help with religious education shudders. I’m not teaching in my spare time (I’m wanting to be a teacher full time). It would be too much. So I should start a single Catholic group, with the motto “we’re here, we’re single, we’re ticked, get used to it”. With the symbol of the dollar sign to represent our potential donations to the Church. It would rain down, and no one could ignore us.
Even though I hope to be married one day, I will remember the frustration of being single, and having no one who cared.

 

[havana1]

Can’t you people see that these are literally lies of the devil? You would leave the Eucharist because your church doesn’t support singles! WTF! That is freaking crazy talk.

Yeah, and that abbreviated obscenity (moderators: paging moderator) isn’t?

 

[EasterJoy]

Good sign? Can you say, “Codependent”?

“Keeps me on the straight and narrow” in the sense of “makes me go to church” and “hides my liquor” is co-dependent. “Keeps me on the straight and narrow” in the sense of “when I am with him, it motivates me to be a better version of myself” is a good sign.

There is a reason the Lord sent them out two-by-two. We aren’t meant to be co-dependent, looking for parent-child relationships with other adults. We are meant to be interdependent. That is quite healthy. If the unmarried were all meant to be hermits, there wouldn’t be such a thing as a monastery. As it is, most monasteries require success at community life before a monk is allowed to have a try at being a hermit.

 

[JadeStarr]

The church isnt going to hand anyone a wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend. It is hard to make everyone happy. Some churches have a very low population of singles. Others have a high population. It is impossible in a short sermon at a normal Sunday mass to include everybody. Most sermons arent on family life anyways. Most are about some personal aspect of the faith. Churches with high populations of singles have singles groups and events. Most younger people arent religious. This means there are less people spread over a wide area to get a group set up at every church. It is a waste of time to have singles events when few people show interest or go to events. What does the church need to do to cater to singles everywhere? There is always a chance you are one of the few, maybe only, single you age at your church. The most the church could do is tell you what to look for in a man but there is plenty of information on that all over the world wide web. If you want the church to cater to singles you need to give them a good reason to by bringing numbers to church. It is like talking to a wall if you cater to people that arent there.

I think you’re missing the point, there is a place in the Catholic Church for children and their parents but there is nothing for the single people and YES, I do think it would be wise for the Church to start holding the Singles Dances again…a lot of Catholics that I know in their late sixties, early seventies met their spouse at events at Church that catered to their needs and emotions.
It might take awhile to catch on, but it’s something that should be done for all ages of singles folks, the Protestants do it!

 

[CountrySinger]

“Keeps me on the straight and narrow” in the sense of “makes me go to church” and “hides my liquor” is co-dependent. “Keeps me on the straight and narrow” in the sense of “when I am with him, it motivates me to be a better version of myself” is a good sign.

There is a reason the Lord sent them out two-by-two. We aren’t meant to be co-dependent, looking for parent-child relationships with other adults. We are meant to be interdependent. That is quite healthy. If the unmarried were all meant to be hermits, there wouldn’t be such a thing as a monastery. As it is, most monasteries require success at community life before a monk is allowed to have a try at being a hermit.

Thank you. You said it a lot more eloquently than I could.

He makes me want to be a better woman, and I know I wouldn’t have the desire to do so if I were alone.

 

[JadeStarr]

Yep, praying the rosary and the Office with my boyfriend is co-dependent. He is educating me about my faith. We are trying to both build up our faith. I am having a crisis of faith, and was thinking of leaving the Church, until I met him. In fact, because of some things that were said to me on here, I was ready to leave Catholicism for good.
So I might be dependent on him, but he is the only decent Catholic I know in person (I have no Catholic family or friends). And churches here blow chunks. So zero support, in fact, my family and friends would love it if I left the Church. I’m not one of those people who can stay faithful without some support (and CAF doesn’t count).

Baloney to the COdependent notion! I would say INTERDEPENDENT “IF” I were going to analyze a person online but of course, I won’t do that because A- I’m not a shrink and
B-it’s insulting and I don’t think it’s polite to insult a fellow poster.

 

[EasterJoy]

Add to that the fact that singles who want to marry are often criticized for it, told that “it’s their vocation they should just accept it”, something is lacking in their relationship with God, their feelings “ARE OF DA DEBBIL!”, it’s just their cross and that they should just shut up and bear it, how lucky they are being single, etc. (We could start a game to cross-reference that last sentence with what has actually been said in this thread!).

You know, we’re told that Church/Mass is not a “singles bar” or a match-making service, but how are we going to find good compatible Catholic spouses in this rotten world?

Tell me what you would say to Catholics who complain because they find married life a burden. Probably a version of what you’re hearing: a) the person in charge of making your life better is you, so look around your life with some imagination, b) every state in life has its trials, and c) the best way to receive blessings is to be a blessing. What else could you say? It’s the truth!

Saying that those who are not married are free of some worries, to say that there is some reason for gratitude for where you are right now, is not the same as saying “shut up and bear it.” You do not find a joy-filled life by thinking about how drab and humdrum your life is. One of the ways you do find it is through a habit of gratitude.

Saying, “I feel released from any obligation to go to Mass because it doesn’t do so and so for me”…well, that isn’t from Heaven, sorry. Go here instead of there, wish you had someplace better than here, resolve to find a parish where your state in life isn’t an excuse to exclude you or to make insensitive remarks, but don’t try to tell me that whether or not God deserves your worship and whether or not you forsake the assembly of the Body of Christ is dependent on the payoff you get out of it. You are not your own. You belong to Christ. That involves some level of duty. It is a duty that is for your own good, but no less a duty for that.

Having said that, it turns out that the Universal Church has some activities going on in this world other than Mass and the doughnuts afterward. Generally speaking, those activities are where one generally meets other Catholics, in all walks of life. If the local Catholics neglect to treat you well without regard to your state in life, go somewhere else. There are a billion Catholics in the world. Quitting your search and abandoning the Mass because you had bad luck at one local parish is too faint-hearted.