Chastity and single Catholic adults

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Well I kinda like my environment Michelle Therese :). I watch a lot of TV, but it’s mostly for white noise, and I like to go get dressed a little scandalous and go out dancing with the girls, ( I know this is gonna catch heat, but we go to clubs on Gay night, mostly cause then we aren’t leered at we can drink and dance, and not feel like we’re at a meat market. I like popular music, I also live with two guys. One who is an ex (but from a loooooooong time ago, we’re now just very good friends.), but I live in a big city, where it can be a little sketchy, and I feel safer livign with the two of them than I would with another girl. I don’t really have time to read anything but text books, I leave work go to class come home and do homework, but, I can honestly say the reading about Non- Profit Line item budgets doesn’t get me all hot and bothered 🙂

My trick is easier, and those no risk of puncture wounds:) I just don’t shave my legs. That way I’m like no we’re not goin any further.

OK I’m off to work… Have a good day everyone !
 
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MichelleTherese:
My step-mother told me her own trick as a single: she’d pin a small Miraculous Medal to her brassiere! It sounds crazy but she told me that the realization that a blessed and holy object was waiting really kept her boyfriends (and herself) in line hahaha! Now imagine what would happen if we pinned Miraculous Medals to all of the brassieres hanging out of women’s skimpy shirts these days…
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That is awesome. I almost feel out of my seat laughing when I read that but it is a great idea. When I think back to my wilder days I can only imagine what I would have done had I encountered a Miraculous Medal blocking my way…I think I will suggest that my sister use that idea (although she may give me a funny look when I tell her).

Michelle, thanks for your story and your insight. I really appreciate it. God bless you sister! :getholy:
 
Yes, a ‘house cleaning’ does help!
What made it possible with me was that I was headed in that direction (getting rid of all the junk that kept me away from our Lord), but I could not rely on MY own will power. I still believe to this day, that in 2001, our Lord gave me grace to simple 'clean house; in my life.

Pray, and it DOES work!

Go with God!
Edwin
 
I don’ have anything to add, but I just don’t want our thread to die. I just want to remind my fellow singles that you’re not alone. Maybe we have some new members who don’t know about us here.
 
I enjoyed reading this thread. I struggle with this too. In my case, I’m widowed for 7 years now. My intent, barring some totally unexpected person to come into my life, is to continue raising my daughters, live a life of prayer, and strive towards holiness, while remaining single.

I always enjoyed sex, so learning live the celibate life has been a struggle at times. Here’s what helps me…
  1. Get lots of exersise! It helps one’s general sense of well-being and burns off that libido in a healthy way.
  2. Cultivate a lot of hobbies. I have tons of them.
  3. Eat properly. A temperate life includes more than just chastity.
  4. No TV or movies. Frankly, love scenes stimulate lust in me.
  5. Partake of sacraments frequently.
  6. Lots of prayer. Turn that longing into desire for God.
  7. Fasting. Helps cultivate self-control, turning away from the flesh, and is a good fuel for spiritual fervor.
Anyways, those things have helped me.
 
You guys are killin’ me!!!

Here I am, wallowing in my sin, practically talked myself in to believing I wasn’t being that bad and WHAM!!! I stumble across this thread…now why does God do that? (Don’t answer that, I already know).

In case you can’t tell, I am having difficulty with the chaste thing. I too, believe in it wholeheartedly. In fact, after my divorce (long, bad, ugly story), I promised myself AND God that I would live chastely and asked that if I do ever find someone, that they believe in it, too. I looked for books, but like you said, they are all geared to teens…which I definitely am NOT. Do you know what happened? God answered my prayer. I met a wonderful Christian man. We did well for a while. Then we fell.Then we persevered. Then we fell. We tried again. We fell. Get the picture? It got to the point that I’m sure my priest didn’t want to be there for my confession (I swear I heard him groan out loud one time). So for the time being, I have given up. I’m knee deep in sin, and was doing pretty good at ignoring it (except when Sunday rolls around…can I tell you how much I miss the Eucharist? And I miss Confession…never thought I’d miss that!) until this thread.

SO…any more advice you can throw my way will help me tremendously, since God will not let me ignore it any longer. I’m going to try the medal idea…Oh, by the way, my fiance is in total agreement as far as the chaste thing goes, but we’re both very weak in the will department now. We used to imagine my priest standing there with us, but that’s not working any more…
Any help and prayers would be greatly appreciated!
 
Remember that when you go to confession you are not talking to the priest you are talking to Christ and He knows what youv’e done anyway. Try referring to the sacrament as reconciliation; I think that is a better description. It is a sacrament of healing. Through it we are brought back into friendship with God.

I thought the same thing, if I don’t receive communion I’ll miss it so much that I’ll “clean up my act”. However, by refusing God’s grace we are relying on ourselves instead of God. Also, not receiving the Eucharist will make us weaker, not stronger. The sacraments are how God transmits to us His grace. The grace that we need to live the Christian life. Spend time with Him. He is always waiting for you at the Church. I know it is hard to live a chaste life. I hope one day it will be easier. I’ve asked God to give me the patience to persevere to that day.
 
Ok, I have to read ALL of this page because I find it interesting and it does relate to me.
But I must ask this question - who lives in Chicago and can tell me of a safe meeting place for singles at a local church…
If anyone knows, send me a shout.
Thanks so much.
Blessings
 
This is a tough subject.
It takes LOTS of grace to stay in grace, and not to even think about fornication. But once you receive the grace things really are so much easier. You dont act on what your thinking, or desiring.
 
(Sorry for the delay. I’ve been in New York for the past 2 weeks)

Oh Truly! (and anyone else) You are so utterly human. 🙂 Don’t despair. Do you think no one else falls, gets up, falls, gets up, etc. etc. etc.??? YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE! And if your Priest groaned out loud when you went to confession, oh well. You are still being forgiven. That is what matters! I say, grit your teeth and carry on with your confession every time you fall, and this applies not just to sexual sin but any sin! We are all sinners after all. If you must, find a new confessor. (Priest)

I invite you to consider something very important:

We have about…let’s say, 50 to 100 years of life here on earth, ok? Then after that we have ENDLESS ETERNITY. What ever we struggle with here on earth will only last temporarily. (Struggle as in, not sinning but instead resisting. That’s hard! Tough! Purgatory on earth! Even Virgins struggle with sexual desire.) At the ends of our lives we face eternal damnation or eternal salvation. I humbly suggest, as a fellow sinful human being, that you meditate on this every day, even if only for a few minutes. Do as I had to do: drill this reality into your head!

God doesn’t send us to hell. We send ourselves to hell by our sins.

I am writing all this not as your superior but as your fellow sinful sister in Christ. Want more? Here are some of the things I did and encountered as I became a Catholic and learned to turn from sin of any nature:

#1 Baby steps. We can’t expect ourselves to change over night. Start small and pick your self up every time you fall. You can “pick your self up” first and foremost by CONFESSION. Get the sin cleaned off your soul as soon as humanly possible because we never know when we are going to die! That’s the harsh reality.

#2 Have a friend help. In the area of pre-marital sex, you need lots of support and help. First, confide in trusted friends that you need TONS of prayers to help you fight a certain temptation. You don’t have to go into detail though. Enlist the aid of your Priest, or find another Priest to help give you AND your finace spiritual guidence as you work towards purity and chastity.
Then, ask a trusted friend to accompany you on all and any dates/time spent with your fiance. Sounds dorky, eh? Yeah but guess what? Until we are able to control ourselves, we need another pair of eyes to keep us in line. Having a serious chaparone will keep you from engaging in any sexual sins.

#3 Avoid all occasions of sin. Bring purity into your relationship by avoiding physical contact. This will seem extreme and utterly stupid at first but ride the wave! When we make out with the opposite sex we are getting ourselves ready for sex. That’s the whole point of touching, kissing, fondling: let’s get ready to procreate! So, avoid such activity! Act like a “prude” and save your soul. 😃

Just because you’ve been having sex with someone doesn’t mean you can’t stop and become pure!

(Due to space limitations, Continued in next post…)
 
(Continued…)

I don’t really fall for the whole “secondary Virginity” thing because let’s face it: when ya have sex, yer not a virgin. HOWEVER, you can strive for purity and chastity regardless of your past. Anyone and everyone has this right. It is your right to be pure. Be cleansed by confession and start fresh. If you do fall, confess and start fresh again. WORK HARD. Keep at it. Don’t give up just because you fall.

#4 Remove sexual temptation from your life. I’m serious when I say this: throw away all music, movies, DVDs, computer chats and games, etc. that contain sexual content. Surrounding yourself with sexual songs, movies, and entertainment gets your mind and body focused on sex and it’s nearly impossible to keep from making out and having sex when you’re totally primed for sex! Think about it: doesn’t that make absolute sense? Fill your life with purity. There is so much GOOD music out there: classical, international, christian, even Catholic music, that either does not contain sex sex sex so it’s “safe” OR sings all about God and God’s greatness while still being beautiful.
It’s not easy! When you weed this stuff out of your life you are going to notice that it’s gone and you are going to get frustrated and disgusted and fed up with “Foo Foo Music”. But this is because you are breaking a habit and you are moving into something totally new. So ride the wave and eventually it’ll calm down.

The same goes for books, magazines, and other forms of entertainment. LIVE FOR GOD, NOT FOR LUST.

Does any of this help? I sure hope so! I’ll be praying for you and anyone else that struggles with chastity.

Remember:

GOD IS WAITING FOR YOU TO RETURN TO HIM!

He loves you.

Also, turn to the Virgin Mary. Any time you feel tempted or overwhelmed with lustful feelings, drop everything and start praying Hail Mary’s until it passes. Focus on every word of the Hail Mary and pray from the heart! Cling to Our Lady. Let her protect you.
 
You know, this thread is largely responsible for the RELATIVE ease I’ve been having keeping chaste. I was really struggling when I first logged onto these boards, but nowadays, I’m almost casually avoiding occasions of sin. It’s a miracle. Literally. A few prayers to the Holy Family for intercession in these matters and I’ve been able to find incredible strength.

My advice to anyone struggling with this or doubt: stick with it! Prayer, frequent confession, and frequent Mass. It really does work.

A couple of practical tips (from a guy’s point of view): If she’s dressed “that” way, and it doesn’t require much imagination, focus on her face–that’s where you’ll see the person, not the “bod.”

Don’t beat yourself for every idle thought that slips into a certain territory–change the subject in your mind. Again, and again, and again. Despair will weaken you and aid the justification of those thoughts. If you think your thinking went too far, go to Confession. (Even if it’s not mortal, it helps).
 
Agreed. This forum, and this thread in particular is very helpful. It does seem to be less of a burden after reading and/or participating on this forum/thread. It does put your mind in a better state. Visiting Jesus in the chapel. Wow. That really makes a difference.
 
We’re all in this together! Peer support is a huge help when struggling with and for chastity and purity. 🙂

Purity is beautiful.
Chastity sets us free.
 
I have something to share that I’ve recently discovered:

“Theology of the Body”

Christopher West puts out some awsome tapes (both video and audio) as well as books that walk through the Holy Father’s talks about the Theology of the Body.

Understanding why our sexuality exists and exactly what it’s for really helps put everything into a dignified and sanctified perspective. It lends incredible holiness to chastity AND sex within marriage.

Here is Christpher West’s website:

christopherwest.com/

I highly suggest jumping on this! We are adults and as such we need a much deeper more intellectual understanding of our sexuality and our chastity.

Another thing I suggest is starting a single adult study of this Theology of the Body with your fellow single Parishoners. Here’s a good solid adult study that will challenge and motivate others and it can be presented in a setting where we can also meet fellow single Catholics and thus build support networks.

I’m attempting to get T.O.B. taught at my Parish during next semester. Pray for me!
 
It is bad advice to tell people “wait until you get married to have sex”. Or to advice people not have sex before marriage.

The underlying assumptions in such statements are that everyone has a vocation for marriage and that everyone will evenually get married. These assumptions are false.

Many people do not have a vocation for marriage. The Church teaches that there are four vocations. They are single, religious, priest, and marriage.

The high divorce rate in American society is evidence, that a great number of people have made the mistake of thinking marriage was their vocation.

It is much better advice to tell people, “Never have sex with anyone that you are not married to.”

Being single in and of itself is a vocation. It is not a waiting time for another vocation. People with a vocation for being single are not single until…they become a priest, until… they become a brother or a nun, until… they get married. They are single for life.

Perhaps it is time for single people to form chastity rights groups. If an employer gives health insurance benefits to live-in partners, chastity rights groups could demand that employers pay single people the difference in premium between the family plan and the single plan.

Chastity rights groups could be watch-dog and advocacy organizations. Public awareness can be raised showing how chaste singles are discriminated against. Letters could be written to priests and bishops, letters to the editor, protest marches could be staged. And chastity-phobic public officials and institutions exposed, and preasure brought to bear to make them see light and mend their ways. People could be recruited to enjoy the benefits of a single and chaste lifestyle.
 
Get a LARGE statue of Mary and place it at the foot of your beds. That might curb temptation! LOL:o

I have been involved in the singles ministry in my archdiocese. The Church considers it’s Young Adult ministry to go to age 39 but does not formally address those of us over that age who are single. We have a number of groups in the archdiocese that don’t call themselves Young Adult Groups because they have too many members who are in their 40’s. Most of the groups have a three part mission: spiritual, social and community. I was part of an established group at my previous parish and am now trying:wave: to get a group going at my current parish. It’s been hard to get people to be consistently involved. But, for now, I feel this is something I’ve been called to do.
Check out your archdiocese Office of Youth and Family Ministries. They may have info. on groups at nearby parishes!
 
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MichelleTherese:
Here’s a good solid adult study that will challenge and motivate others and it can be presented in a setting where we can also meet fellow single Catholics and thus build support networks.

I’m attempting to get T.O.B. taught at my Parish during next semester. Pray for me!
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Consider yourself prayed for 👍 !
 
Ditto for
The Theology of the Body

I am just about halfway through the tape series and it is
awesome—

you can get these for a donation at giftfoundation.org

Most people think of chastity as “not doing it” or “how far can you go to be chaste?”
The Theology of the Body elevates this way of thinking to a beautifully sacramental level.

Also, Bishop Sheen “Three to Get Married”

Both of these works will DRAMATICALLY change the way you think about human sexuality, chastity, celibacy, The Bride of christ - and it is just as helpful for single or married.

When you experience these works, you’ll probably be amazed that two celibate men can have such rich insights to human sexuality. Pure Holy Spirit
 
My Priest was very hesitant to launch into Theology of the Body because he told me he knows nothing about it and he does not have the time to do all of the research. (He wasn’t being rude - just honest.) So I offered to do all of the “grunt work” for him and he was very surprised to hear that Christopher West has video tapes out and that C.West “does all the teaching” from those tapes. So now I have to see if I can afford the videos and then I’ll show them to Father and see what he thinks. I sure hope he goes for it!!!
 
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