Child not getting married in the church

[Ammi]

These are not marriages according to the Church, but either fornication or adultery depending on the situation.

Some might stay in fornication and adultery for life. Some might seek convalidation. Some might seek annulments.

Lots of them choose to ask for nullity and marry a new lover.

 

[TC3033]

Like I said, if it’s worth cutting off you relationship…your call.

 

[Ammi]

To support an invalid marriage? My children would not force that ultimatum on me. We are much closer than that.

 

[TC3033]

Like I said. Your call.

 

[Ammi]

Everything is our call. Doing whatever you want is your call. No one controls you. Its freedom, like Adam and Eve were given.

 

[TC3033]

Yep, and to live with the consequences of our decisions.

 

[Ammi]

Yes, both have consequences. Supporting and celebrating an invalid marriage perpetuates and strengthens lack of faith and invalid marriages among Catholics.

So you might strengthen the worldly relationship with someone, while weakening their faith.

It’s rather difficult not to support an invalid wedding by attending and congratulating. It means being outspoken of the immoral gravity of the wedding. Without that charity, one can easily become an aid, accomplice, or accessory to the sin (of which has scandalous infection).

 

[Ammi]

Then don’t go, even though the Catholic Church (from my understanding…of course YMMV) says you don’t have to skip it.

The Catholic Church doesnt say anything formal about it. There is a difference.

And in turn take the chance…the chance of destroying a relationship with a child…

Supporting an act which willfully separates from the Church will not help them return to the Church, but might reveal your own separation from the Church.

 

[francesj]

It’s true that they don’t have a very good relationship. Brides parents are very involved with Catholic matters in the diocese and such, but have not really been there for the kids…at least the younger ones, which seem to have been raised by some of the older ones. This has been hard to watch over the years and has produced this young woman who is now rejecting all her parents have stood for. Daughter is not an active unbeliever, but I’m afraid she has been hurt by her upbringing and may not believe/ have faith. I cannot go on about it much more because it hurts me to try and analyse it, and I feel bad saying what I already have.
I thought it would help them all to be there in support of her, but it is not to be. Her parents are not attending the wedding.
Thanks for all the differing opinions. It has helped me.

 

[TC3033]

but have not really been there for the kids

to be there in support of her, but it is not to be.

It’s one more time she’ll see where her parents aren’t there and aren’t supporting her. It’s too bad. For the parents it may be the last time.

who is now rejecting all her parents have stood for.

Well, have they not really been there for the kids due to such an avid involvement in the diocese?

 

[Ammi]

Sounds like the relationship is bad completely apart from the invalid wedding.

 

[francesj]

While the parents are well meaning and they would think all is well, they have not always given the younger ones the attention and everyday support that they needed, while demanding their religious truths be upheld.
The young woman was a good friend of my daughter as they were growing up and we were blessed to have her spend time visiting with us. There is resentment on their daughters part, I know. My daughters view is they are getting what they have sown. I can see both sides and just wish they could show more individual care and understanding on both sides.
Many who have written in here are accurate in noting the daughters turn away from Catholicism. I have seldom spoken to their daughter since the girls graduated from high school and they are now graduated from college. Now the mother tells me she and her husband are not attending the wedding and I just have had trouble in my heart over it, so what do I do?
I write in to Catholic forums for some Catholic advice and viewpoint. When I first heard her parents were not attending, I was shocked. Now I can understand where they are coming from, but I am still very, very sad. I still think they should talk to our young and wonderful priest, or maybe the retired one who knows all the ins and outs of the family better. I don’t think their daughter is open to their ideas, but you never know what some healing could do. Thanks for all you insights everyone!

 

[Psalm30]

So, I’m genuinely curious…

To those who say they won’t attend the wedding but will still love their children/remain in their lives, how are you going to handle things after the invalid wedding? How are you going to continue to refrain from supporting their decision to marry outside the Church?

If you are invited to their home, will you refuse to go because they are living in sin there by living as if they are married when they actually aren’t married?

If you must introduce the man your daughter is invalidly married to, are you going to refuse to say, “This is my son-in-law” or “This is my daughter’s husband.”? Are you going to refer to him as your daughter’s “boyfriend”? Since they aren’t actually married, technically he still is her boyfriend.

And, if you do refer to the man as your son-in-law, daughter’s husband, etc., would you be supporting the sinful, invalid marriage?

I really am curious.

 

[Ammi]

To those who say they won’t attend the wedding but will still love their children/remain in their lives, how are you going to handle things after the invalid wedding? How are you going to continue to refrain from supporting their decision to marry outside the Church?

If I am going to consider answering any of the other questions in your post, please answer me about your’s. Are you saying that you do support a decision to marry outside the Church?

 

[Psalm30]

If I am going to consider answering any of the other questions in your post, please answer me about your’s. Are you saying that you do support a decision to marry outside the Church?

I’m not exactly sure what difference it makes what my stance is. I’m asking the question of you and anyone else who says they will not attend the wedding—to show they don’t support or approve—but will still remain in their children’s lives.

I don’t think that whether or not I support a decision to marry outside the Church is as black and white as you want it to be. It saddens me when people who are Catholic marry outside the Church. But the thing is we all have free will. No one can force someone to accept the Church and her teachings. If someone who was raised Catholic decides they don’t want to be Catholic, then they don’t continue to follow what the Church says. I don’t “approve” of that decision, but even God doesn’t force Himself on people. You are of the opinion that attending the wedding = supporting a decision to marry outside the Church and it’s not that simple. I believe one can kindly make it known that they are sad the person isn’t marrying in the Church and why that’s not a good decision, say they wish they were marrying in the Church and hope they will one day, while still attending the wedding. When they are there at the wedding, they can pray for the people getting invalidly married that they eventually return to the Church. Like @CilladeRoma ‘s story. Not attending the wedding can drive someone further away from the Church. It’s possible—not guaranteed, but possible—that attending the wedding might just bring someone back. Or in some cases, depending on the circumstances, it might be better not to attend the wedding. But it’s not a black and white, all across the board solution. And attending the wedding doesn’t automatically mean approval of the decision to marry outside the Church.

Throughout this thread, you maintain the opinion that not attending the wedding is the one-and-only way to protest the invalidly of the marriage. I’m just wondering what happens after the invalid wedding.

 

[Ammi]

I’m not exactly sure what difference it makes what my stance is.

It makes a big difference to me. Because this issue has different approaches and stances with various Catholics. Some think it’s fine to marry outside the Church. Some just dont care. Some dont think it’s fine, but support other’s decisions. Some think it’s not good, but would attend without saying anything to the couple. Some think it’s not good, but would attend only after saying something to the couple. Some think it’s not good, and would not attend, but remain their friend. Some think it’s not good and would not attend or remain a friend.

I don’t think that whether or not I support a decision to marry outside the Church is as black and white as you want it to be.

I think the law which forbids marriage outside the Church is quite black and white. If an abusive priest refuses a marriage, Catholics should have enough brotherly support to bring the matter to the Bishop.

It saddens me when people who are Catholic marry outside the Church. But the thing is we all have free will. No one can force someone to accept the Church and her teachings. If someone who was raised Catholic decides they don’t want to be Catholic, then they don’t continue to follow what the Church says.

The Tribunal doesnt care. They will still dismiss the wedding as invalid in the Church, and allow either party to abandon the relationship. This happens quite a bit, you know?

I don’t “approve” of that decision, but even God doesn’t force Himself on people. You are of the opinion that attending the wedding = supporting a decision to marry outside the Church and it’s not that simple. I believe one can kindly make it known that they are sad the person isn’t marrying in the Church and why that’s not a good decision, say they wish they were marrying in the Church and hope they will one day, while still attending the wedding. When they are there at the wedding, they can pray for the people getting invalidly married that they eventually return to the Church.

That’s a good compromise, if one chooses to attend. I happen to highly doubt that is what happens in the great majority of Catholics who attend such a wedding. I think there is very little to no resistance.

Like @CilladeRoma ‘s story. Not attending the wedding can drive someone further away from the Church.

That priest was abusive. What should have happened, is another priest’s opinion sought, or writing the Bishop.

Throughout this thread, you maintain the opinion that not attending the wedding is the one-and-only way to protest the invalidly of the marriage. I’m just wondering what happens after the invalid wedding.

Not exactly. I do think there can be an acceptable way to attend. I posted an article from canon law made easy, which described it well. However, I happen to think that is hardly ever a realistic approach. And I dont understand why the couple would prefer anyone attending in that way but would rather they didnt attend at all.

 

[Psalm30]

Not exactly. I do think there can be an acceptable way to attend.

Then why were you so angry and argumentative? Most of the posters weren’t saying they approved of the invalid marriage. They were saying that the mother could still attend to preserve the relationship with her daughter, and you angrily accused them of being anti-Catholic, of threatening and bullying, and all other sorts of horrible things. If you do indeed believe there can be an acceptable way to attend, you might want to amend your posts…and possibly apologize.

 

[Psalm30]

That priest was abusive. What should have happened, is another priest’s opinion sought, or writing the Bishop.

Yes, the priest was wrong, but so was the groom’s father. You seem to put all blame on the priest and ignore the fact that the dad could have also acted differently by supporting his son. If he had supported his son, things very well may have gone differently.

 

[Psalm30]

And I dont understand why the couple would prefer anyone attending in that way but would rather they didnt attend at all.

I’m not sure why that is so hard to understand. If the couple are people who believe one can disagree with someone on a matter and still be friends/family, it’s most certainly possible they’d want them to attend!

 

[Ammi]

Because what I described in post #46