Nobody ever said the husband should force himself. Why do you keep saying that?
So what is the difference between not being allowed to deny your husband “without a good reason” (which you have not defined, nor specified who gets to decide what a “good reason” is) and your husband getting sex whenever he wants on demand? Maybe “force” is a bit of a strong word to use, but the dimension of this sort of relationship that I am trying to emphasize is the
wife’s inability to say “no”. In non-Muslim marriages in the West, as flawed and cheaply as they are handled in many cases, the wife still has the option of withholding intimacy from her husband if there is something seriously wrong with their relationship. If you are indulging your husband even when you “don’t feel like it” (which you admitted you would do), then I suppose the issue of force need not come into play, as you already willfully forefeit your right to intimacy on equal terms in the relationship. And then what about those times when you don’t want to and you have what you feel is a good reason? If he is accustomed to getting what he wants whenever he wants regardless of your feelings, how do you think he will react to your protestations?
Or out of marriage. I’m not saying men are allowed to force themselves on their wives, why do you keep accusing me of saying that?
Because not being allowed to say no effectively gives the husband the context to demand sex whenever he wants? Again, as I said above, “force” is perhaps a strong word to use, and I regret using it now. The point is the denial of the wife’s right to say no without a “good reason” (whatever that is; does
she get to decide what that is?)
Who says I am assuming that? I’m not. I know a man whose wife was very accommodating sexually and still he wanted another wife. Just the way he was. I definitely did not make the assumption you accused me of.
Sorry, but that is what this part of your post (#66) reads like to me:
For my part, I would much rather indulge my husband when I “don’t feel like it” than force him into the arms of another woman.
So…if you do not indulge your husband even when you don’t feel like being intimate with him, it will effectively force him into the arms of another woman?
Interesting use of “force” in that quote, by the way. Maybe you can understand my use of that word, then. You would not be physically forcing him out of the house and into the arms of another, so much as the context of the situation could cause him to seek physical affection elsewhere. Similarly, in “forcing” his wife to have sex by denying her right to say no, the man might not need to lift a finger. Manipulation can go a long way. I have heard some Christians invoke certain Bible passages to convince their wives that it is their religious duty to never have an opinion or dream of their own, and I don’t agree at all with that, either.
Really, if you want to live by these Islamic precepts in your possible/eventual marriage, that’s fine. The only reason I’m even continuing in this thread is that it seemed to me that you were advancing the idea that the Islamic idea of marriage is somehow what would be best for non-Muslims as well, as in this part of post #66:
If American society doesn’t like that idea, too bad. It has a future full of many more divorces, of more cheating husbands and wives, more tales of infidelity…
This is what I was saying “whatever” to (I normally don’t like replying to posts in that manner). Islamic marriages
will prevent cheating, divorces, etc. but only because,Islam avoids these things by codifying infidelity via polygamy (and according to this cleric you are in agreement with, forced sex). These things are perhaps in your future, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you trash the Christian idea of marriage because many Americans don’t take marriage seriously. In a marriage of two non-idiots (regardless of their religion), the consideration of the other does not preclude the free exercise of personal choice in keeping with ones own emotional health or conscience, but
includes it.
In the picture of intimacy within Islamic marriage that you are painting, that does not seem to be a bedrock principle.