Comparing holiness

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MargaretofCortona said:
I don’t like calling it pride. I don’t think it is a bad thing to feel offended a person used you for sex and moved on quickly to serious relationship especially if you liked them. I’m not sure if that is unholy pride. I don’t know how the humble way to accept that would be honestly.
I’m 20 something. Lol
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But really, what does one expect from sex outside of marriage?

A person cannot demand what they themselves will not give.

It is incredibly prideful to think that one can “outwit” natural hormones and that one can expect anything more than casual sex from a casual relationship.

For one to claim inordinate suffering from a bad decision is a hubristic statement.
 
Many people suffer consequences and hurts that were unforeseen.

Best simply to follow what God has ordained. God’s Rules are much more than rules. 🙂 They will keep you from going of the tracks into needless suffering for yourself and/or others.
 
How do you suppose such people should feel honestly? How do you comfort a friend who is struggling who is hurt that such an arrangement ended in that way? Should I tell her she’s prideful or unrealistic or even wrong for feeling hurt or lying to herself?
 
That’s the advice I’ll give my girlfriend. Stop settling.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
How do you suppose such people should feel honestly? How do you comfort a friend who is struggling who is hurt that such an arrangement ended in that way? Should I tell her she’s prideful or unrealistic or even wrong for feeling hurt or lying to herself?
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How should people feel? That’s not up to me to determine. I imagine there is a whole negative range of emotions that result.

How do you comfort a friend?

It depends on the relationship.

I do think that in many cases tough love is necessary. It is important that the person realizes how they feel is a direct consequence of what they did. So far the entire focus has been on feelings of how the man in the situation is the one doing wrong. How the woman feels wronged by him and his decisions…its not about the man. It’s about her and her sin and how she plans to correct it in the future.
 
They were lied to by a culture that says sex means no more than a handshake. They are not wrong for having bodies that behave exactly they way God designed them. God designed us to bond to our sexual partner, that is why sex is so dangerous outside of marriage.
 
I think she is in entitled to feel wronged by him. I don’t think she fully understands what she did is a sin. All she is kind of sees, talks about is how he broke her heart. I don’t think k she is even looking at it from the sin perspective more of the I’m very depressed because I feel used by this man and I’m hurt he moved on from me so quickly. Ultimately she is a person, she will naturally after awhile not what to feel used like an object. I think she used him for validation to feel beautiful, desired, etc. Ultimately she got the short end of the stick, but he never became as emotionally invested as she did. I thought it was bordering on disrespectful to tell her all the ways she wasn’t what he was looking for, especially physically.
Technically, it is completely casual, nothing he says should ruffle her feathers ever and him asking out another girl in front of her a week later, shouldn’t technically bother her but it did.
He didn’t owe her exclusivity.
 
It can be argued that it is prideful for a woman to feel slighted, offended, hurt if a man they agreed to have uncommitted sex with moves on to a real committed relationship. No one forced her to act in such a way. She shouldn’t have expected exclusivity. Is it wrong for her to feel insulted he asked out a woman in presence or to feel pity or sadness for a poor choice of her own?
 
MargaretofCortona said:
I think she is in entitled to feel wronged by him. I don’t think she fully understands what she did is a sin. All she is kind of sees, talks about is how he broke her heart. I don’t think k she is even looking at it from the sin perspective more of the I’m very depressed because I feel used by this man and I’m hurt he moved on from me so quickly. Ultimately she is a person, she will naturally after awhile not what to feel used like an object. I think she used him for validation to feel beautiful, desired, etc. Ultimately she got the short end of the stick, but he never became as emotionally invested as she did. I thought it was bordering on disrespectful to tell her all the ways she wasn’t what he was looking for, especially physically.
Technically, it is completely casual, nothing he says should ruffle her feathers ever and him asking out another girl in front of her a week later, shouldn’t technically bother her but it did.
He didn’t owe her exclusivity.
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Your feeling that she is entitled to feel wrong by him is misguided.

Her fixation on his part in the sin keeps her from facing her own. It is easy for her to keep focused on how wrong he is without ever admitting how wrong she is.

She didn’t “get the short end of the stick” she got exactly what she was asking for.

This is what happens when you take a sexual relationship outside of marriage. You have the bonding hormones but not the legal and spiritual boundaries to deal with it.

The crux of your “friends” argument is that she has a right to be “more” inured because of the way the man acted.

No.

Her actions with the man inured herself. It’s like she convnced someone to stick their hand into a hot stove with her and now is saying that just because the other person can function with their 3rd degree burn hers burn (which is just as bad) is somehow “worse” because he “got over it” faster.

It dosn’t work that way.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
Is it wrong for her to feel insulted he asked out a woman in presence or to feel pity or sadness for a poor choice of her own?
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I’m not sure that “wrong” is useful in this context.

Perhaps “unreasonable” is more appropriate.
 
Explain to me how and why I’m misguided. This person does not understand the nature of fornication as a sin, all she gets is that this dude used her for sex. How can I explain this to her without hurting her feelings even more?
Honestly, it is slightly cruel to ask out another woman in front a woman you’re a sleeping with.
I think she definitely hurt herself for settling. I don’t condone or agree with his behavior.
Perhaps I cannot see or imagine how he got hurt in the situation honestly.
 
Would you say the same if the genders were switched? Why ask out someone in front of a girl you sleep with? That is a recipe for drama.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
Is it difficult for more emotional people to be holy? Some people overlook the harshness of tone and humbly accept the truth behind the harshest criticism or correction. Isn’t that how the Lord wants us to be? Some people can humbly accept romantic rejection. Others find faults in their ex’s new lover. They bred jealousy and unnecessary resentment. The truth is he doesn’t want you, why become angry he is now happy with someone else? Does he need your approval? I’ve had friends become angry their ex quickly moved on to date their friend, a girl they didn’t care for or worse an enemy. The end is the end. No man owes you loyalty. Or worse women feeling betrayed their casual sex partner asked out a woman in their presence or asked out a mutual friend, enemy, etc. If there is no agreement to exclusivity and you agreed to a casual relationship, why become upset or attached that you are not what he wants?
Where is the rational in that?
Some people are able to go above and beyond and forgive their cheating ex and genuinely feel happy for them or wish the best for new relationship.
Why can’t some people behave that way?
I think emotionality and sensitivity hampers people from practicing rational morality. Or forgiving others easy.
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I find it odd that someone can equate fornication with holy individuals. Fornication itself is an unholy act. The Bible specifically says to flee fornication. I hope this helps.
 
MargaretofCortona said:
Explain to me how and why I’m misguided. This person does not understand the nature of fornication as a sin, all she gets is that this dude used her for sex. How can I explain this to her without hurting her feelings even more?
Honestly, it is slightly cruel to ask out another woman in front a woman you’re a sleeping with.
I think she definitely hurt herself for settling. I don’t condone or agree with his behavior.
Perhaps I cannot see or imagine how he got hurt in the situation honestly.
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You are misguided because the focus of the blame is constantly on the other.

This is all about how it’s his fault.

It takes two to tango. He wanted “meaningless” sex and she agreed to “meaningless” sex. She agreed to something that cannot be physically or mentally or emotionally done. It does not give her the “right” to legislate morality upon him.

Really, his actions and his feelings–and the consequences to him–are none of your friends business, never mind yours. We know for a fact the things the hormones cause and are a result of. She needs to be guided to accept that it’s not about him.

Her focus on the guy is entirely unhealthy.

She needs to remove herself from any situation of temptation with him and stop putting herself in situations where she can fixate on him.
 
Eh, sure, I’d say it was unreasonable to be upset that a person’s non exclusive sexual partner was not behaving as if they were an exclusive partner no matter what gender that person was.

Edit…

As for why ask out another woman in that situation, perhaps he was angling for a threesome.
 
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It’s very dominant in the culture, especially still on college campuses, that sex without meaning is the norm, but because it goes against human nature, it takes a toll on people in one way or another.
 
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