Corporal punishment, tips on how to raise children

  • Thread starter Thread starter Debora123
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
28562 said:
I’d rather be able to say his name and stop him in his tracks than explain to DSS why I broke my kids hand. I don’t have to resort to such harsh physical violence to get compliance.
Click to expand...
When it came to the life of my child. I would rather not rely on my vanity.
 
28562 said:
There is no point in me spending my time responding to the rest of your post. At this point, we will have to agree to disagree, especially if your purpose is to persuade me to raise my kids differently than the very successful way I have done so far. We are at opposite ends of the spectrum and nobody is moving, no matter how long we discuss this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my form of discipline. There is nothing wrong (I assume) with yours. I don’t abuse my kids, regardless of what your opinion is. If you think I do, I really couldn’t care less. I know me, I know my kids, you don’t. I haven’t tried to tell anyone how to raise their children, but that respect is a one way street apparently. I certainly haven’t told anyone they are abusive. I didn’t tell anyone that their kid might have a neurological disorder. As a matter of fact, I think I did a pretty good job of trying to see both sides without being judgmental…

But, this is the internet, and at the end of the day, none of you matter when I go home to my babies.👍
Click to expand...
Exactly. BTW, I have been following your posts and you’ve made some great valid points. I am in agreement with you that with some children, a light swat on the butt is necessary to get the end result you need as a parent.
 
Allegra said:
Millions of people have children who have not been spanked and who have also not been hit by cars. How do you suppose they manage? I propose to keep toddlers from running out in the street by holding their hand when you are walking down the street. I’m willing to bet that you do the same thing, whether you want to admit it or not. If I actually believed your contention that you allow a two-year-old to play near the street with no supervision whatsoever because you have faith in the fact that you gave her a spanking and she’ll never go in the street again I would have to say you are a insane and negligent parent. As it stands, I don’t believe that any parent would actually leave a two-year-old’s life up to “personal responsibility” and then try and brag about it on the internet.
Click to expand...
Have you never seen a toddler yank their hand away from their parent in order to run after something? What if that something is in the middle of the street?

It happened to me with my son more than once. He was very strong and twice managed to get out of my grasp to run on the street after something when he was 2.

While I never spanked him for it, it scared the living daylights out of me!
 
Allegra said:
Are you physically incapable of seeing that there really might be one way to skin a cat that works much better than another? And do you really expect me to believe that a person who proudy admits that he spanks his kid is worried that people would accuse him of holding a child’s hand “too hard” in traffic? If a toddler is trying to get away from you in traffic, you don’t let go and it doesn’t matter if you break his fingers! A wrist cast is alot cheaper than a coffin!
Click to expand...
Why can’t there be more than one way to “skin a cat”?

How do you know that your way is better?
 
I should note that this is my belief with spanking:
  1. Only ever hit their bum or palm of hand once. Never hit repeatedly ever.
  2. Never EVER hit anywhere on their face…that is abuse
  3. Never hit a bare bum; only when fully clothed
  4. Never grab their arm so tightly that it leaves a mark (unless child is in danger)
  5. Don’t hit the bum too hard. It should not leave a mark.
  6. Only ever use the palm of your hand for hitting…no fists ever.
These are my boundaries for spanking.

Like I said, I’ve only ever smacked my son’s bum on maybe 5 occassions.
 
latin_rite said:
When it came to the life of my child. I would rather not rely on my vanity.
Click to expand...
Why would you assume that 28562 is being vain, and then indirectly accuse him of it?

And why is this discussion turning into personal attacks on other members here?
 
I was just wondering if anyone thinks of hitting with “switches”, belts, or the flat end of hair brushes an appropriate form of corporal punishment or if that is considered abuse.
 
Gem02 said:
I was just wondering if anyone thinks of hitting with “switches”, belts, or the flat end of hair brushes an appropriate form of corporal punishment or if that is considered abuse.
Click to expand...
abuse.

wooden spoon also abuse
 
Gem02 said:
I was just wondering if anyone thinks of hitting with “switches”, belts, or the flat end of hair brushes an appropriate form of corporal punishment or if that is considered abuse.
Click to expand...
Obviously it would depend on how hard you hit and how you did it. It’s pointless to make blanket statements.

Any good parent knows the line between discipline and child abuse.
 
Debora123 said:
Obviously it would depend on how hard you hit and how you did it. It’s pointless to make blanket statements.

Any good parent knows the line between discipline and child abuse.
Click to expand...
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would never hit my child with any object. I do feel that it crosses the line of what is acceptable IMO.

Having said that, I highly doubt any parent on this thread would hit their child with anything other than an open palm on the bum or hand. At least I hope so.
 
Gem02 said:
I was just wondering if anyone thinks of hitting with “switches”, belts, or the flat end of hair brushes an appropriate form of corporal punishment or if that is considered abuse.
Click to expand...
Yes abuse, any physical spanking also in any form is abuse.

There are great resource and well done work on how to discipline your children. I like the method of reward for good behavior. I had great result with my child. I use time out as a way of reflection and for my child to figure a way to make amend. Every children is different and the parent will be guided to do the right thing for her/his child.

We do the best we know but we can always research and learn.

p.s Learning the psychology of children is great help. Many time, the child doesn’t know how to communicate their need and they will start to act out as a way of saying, i need attention.
 
Serap said:
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would never hit my child with any object. I do feel that it crosses the line of what is acceptable IMO.

Having said that, I highly doubt any parent on this thread would hit their child with anything other than an open palm on the bum or hand. At least I hope so.
Click to expand...
I understand that completely.

I just wouldn’t go as far as to say that any parent who uses a brush or spatula or whatever to spank verses their own hand, is automatically guilty of child abuse. That’s why I said it really depends on how it’s done and how hard. A firm little tap with an object is hardly child abuse.

My Dad told me his mom used to spank him with a spatula and give little whips on the butt with a belt. My Grandmother is a loving person and a great mom. She did not abuse her children.
 
It should also be noted that even spanking with one’s own hand can be child abuse if done so very aggressively and very hard.

That’s why I said it really all depends on how it’s done and how hard it’s done. But it’s really not rocket science. Any good parent should know the line between discipline and child abuse… whether you’re spanking with your hand or with a spatula.

Now, I’m not condoning this type of behavior… that’s why I started this thread. Because I don’t know yet WHAT the best way is to discipline my future kids will be. I just wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s child abuse.
 
Serap said:
I should note that this is my belief with spanking:
  1. Only ever hit their bum or palm of hand once. Never hit repeatedly ever.While I will give more than one swat sometimes, I can see where you are coming from and respect that. I do think the amount of force used is more important than quantity.
  2. Never EVER hit anywhere on their face…that is abuse**I will lightly **tap (not smack!) my kids on the lips or cheek on occasion. A smack probably could be considered abuse, but a light tap wouldn’t.
  3. Never hit a bare bum; only when fully clothedEasy to agree to.
  4. Never grab their arm so tightly that it leaves a mark (unless child is in danger)That is tough to make an absolute because some kids have much more sensitive skin. I could squeeze the daylights out of my oldest son and you would never know. I can barely touch my daughter and her skin would turn red and maybe bruise.
  5. Don’t hit the bum too hard. It should not leave a mark.Again, depends on the kid, but it is kinda hard to leave a mark through clothes.
  6. Only ever use the palm of your hand for hitting…no fists ever.Definitely agree. We do play fight with fists sometimes and my boys die laughing the whole time. I’ll feel a punch on the back of my legs and then my oldest son will yell “Hey daddy, put up your dukes!” lol…thanks for the warning…
These are my boundaries for spanking.Absolutely reasonable.👍

Like I said, I’ve only ever smacked my son’s bum on maybe 5 occassions.
Click to expand...
You’re lucky. Either your son is incredible easy or your have saint-like tolerance. 😛 👍
 
Debora123 said:
It should also be noted that even spanking with one’s own hand can be child abuse if done so very aggressively and very hard.

That’s why I said it really all depends on how it’s done and how hard it’s done. But it’s really not rocket science. Any good parent should know the line between discipline and child abuse… whether you’re spanking with your hand or with a spatula.

Now, I’m not condoning this type of behavior… that’s why I started this thread. Because I don’t know yet WHAT the best way is to discipline my future kids will be. I just wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s child abuse.
Click to expand...
I think you likely won’t know until you have kids how you’re going to discipline them. As others have said different kids require different methods of discipline. That’s why I don’t say I will/will not spank my kids…because I may have kids that do not respond to spanking, or I may have kids that do.
 
Gem02 said:
I was just wondering if anyone thinks of hitting with “switches”, belts, or the flat end of hair brushes an appropriate form of corporal punishment or if that is considered abuse.
Click to expand...
Not necessarily abuse. A belt does not have to hurt much to make a ‘scary’ noise. The noise itself can be the deterrent rather than the pain. Kinda like spanking a dog with a rolled up newspaper. It doesn’t hurt, but they don’t like the sound.
 
Serap said:
Have you never seen a toddler yank their hand away from their parent in order to run after something? What if that something is in the middle of the street?

It happened to me with my son more than once. He was very strong and twice managed to get out of my grasp to run on the street after something when he was 2.
While I never spanked him for it, it scared the living daylights out of me!
Click to expand...
I believe the correct action on your part, based on the recommendations on this thread, were to break his fingers rather than let him go.

BTW, I understand having a very strong child. My oldest son is **extremely **strong. The only thing that matches his physical strength is his stubborness and, interestingly enough, his loving side. Out of all of our kids, he is the stongest physically, the strongest willed, the most difficult to raise, the biggest headache (most of the time), has the worst temper, but also the cutest and most loving. I think God knew what he was doing adding those last two in because it’s going to save him in the future many times.😛
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top