Daughter thinks she is Bi

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The way I handle it with my nieces and nephews that I raise is by setting an age limit on when dating was allowed. At our house that is 16. Before 16, they can go out with a group of friends, same sex, opposite sex, or mixed group, but not any one on one dating at all. They could meet up with other teens or go to school functions as a group. We didn’t really allow the “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” talk. We would just tell them life is way to short to get so consumed by hormones. Live life, have fun and don’t worry about being tied to any one person at this stage of your life. It is not our place to choose their romantic interests or to determine who they would be attracted to, but it is our job to help them navigate life and to find a greater purpose than their hormones would lead them towards. At 12, your daughter is too young to be thinking about any sort of dating relationship.
 
The media makes it look trendy and these impressionable teens are probably unaware of these sorts of studies.
 
Helicopter parenting is a fascinating topic to read about… pros & cons on it.
 
That a 12 year old is so adamantly sure about a sexual preference is odd. What sorts of exposure to sexual things does she have? This seems awfully young to be defining or even knowing what these things entail.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
That a 12 year old is so adamantly sure about a sexual preference is odd. What sorts of exposure to sexual things does she have? This seems awfully young to be defining or even knowing what these things entail.
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According to an article at WebMD:
Oct. 20, 2012 – American boys are starting puberty up to two years earlier than decades ago, new data show.

Boys are entering puberty at an average age of 10 among whites and Hispanics, and at an average age of 9 among African-Americans. About a third of boys start to mature sexually up to two years earlier than average.

The findings come from a study of 4,131 boys examined at doctors’ offices across the U.S. by Marcia Herman-Giddens, DrPH, and colleagues. The same team found a year-earlier shift in first puberty for girls.
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https://www.webmd.com/children/news/20121020/earlier-puberty-age-9-10-average-us-boy#1

As another article at WebMD says: “While both girls and boys go through puberty, girls reach puberty and sexual maturity at earlier ages than boys do.”
 
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bw45 said:
yes people are born with it
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I don’t believe this. More likely something or another occurs early on that affects the psyche in such a way that the attraction may continue through life.
 
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13pollitos said:
The way I handle it with my nieces and nephews that I raise is by setting an age limit on when dating was allowed. At our house that is 16. Before 16, they can go out with a group of friends, same sex, opposite sex, or mixed group, but not any one on one dating at all. They could meet up with other teens or go to school functions as a group. We didn’t really allow the “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” talk. We would just tell them life is way to short to get so consumed by hormones. Live life, have fun and don’t worry about being tied to any one person at this stage of your life. It is not our place to choose their romantic interests or to determine who they would be attracted to, but it is our job to help them navigate life and to find a greater purpose than their hormones would lead them towards. At 12, your daughter is too young to be thinking about any sort of dating relationship.
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I agree with this.

This is complex and very topical at the moment and there are so many opinions and views being pushed onto young people. The official Catholic teaching in this area is very unpopular at the moment, which I think is problematic. People who align themselves to official Catholic teaching are often labeled as homophobic, haters or bigots. Which I don’t think is true. Young minds are so impressionable and the need to fit in adds additional pressure to go with the view of the majority.

At the same time, I realize that people at all ages who are same sex attracted have a lot to deal with and need care, compassion, acceptance and understanding. We have not always done a good job of this and a “hate the sin but love the sinner” approach is often an unhappy and unhelpful experience for everyone.

As a parent myself, I often worry about what my child is being taught and exposed to and have to trust that God holds my child and yours in his hands. If any of my children ever approached me to let me know that they were same sex attracted or are in a same sex relationship, I pray that God would give me the wisdom to handle things well.

May God grant wisdom and understanding in this area.
 
FloridaCatholic said:
The girl already said she’s bi at 12. Removing the corrupting influences is a little too late considering she’s been corrupted. And it’s not like there aren’t any gay students at catholic school
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Calling oneself “bi” is hardly being very corrupted. Quite the contrary, it may simply be accurate.

There are plenty of other influences that are dangerous. Mind you, I never said anything about a Catholic school – as far as I am concerned, non-Catholic Christian schools tend to be better at protecting kids. But protection is a valid concern, among many concerns.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
That a 12 year old is so adamantly sure about a sexual preference is odd. What sorts of exposure to sexual things does she have? This seems awfully young to be defining or even knowing what these things entail.
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Its certainly not what you would see back when I was a kid.

But nowadays, children a lot younger than 12 come out as LGBT all the time. Little boys who are 3 or 4 sometimes tell their parents “I am a girl”, and if the parent takes them to the doctor, they get a scrip for hormone treatment and get lined up for sex reassignment surgery at the age we got our tonsils excised in the 1960’s.
 
You absolute should be talking with your kids in an age-appropriate way about what the Church expects of them and what you expect of them. Chastity is a virtue and like all virtues it requires effort and teaching. It doesn’t just show up naturally, any more than humility does.
 
Which is why you tell the kid “You’re too young to date.” Which she is at 12.
 
I’m going with just a phase.

Just as an anecdote: One of my son’s friends ‘came out’ as gay when he was about 11 years old. I thought it was highly unusual for an 11 year old to a) know that about himself and b) none of his friends, my son included, seemed to care.

How did this happen? The boy had a crush on a girl. She’s sort of a tomboy. Other kids teased him, saying that he must be gay because the girl he likes acts like a boy. He thought about it, and realized they were right. (completely logical for 11-12 year old boys)

So the friend was openly “gay” for a few months. I asked my son if his friend was still gay. He said, “No, he was never really gay. He kind of forgot about it.”
 
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Yeah but it’s hard to unsee something or uncook an egg. She’s gonna have to live through these times, not uncorrupt herself.
 
Sexuality can be very fluid during the teen years.

Frankly your daughter is too young to date in the first place and I would be encouraging her not to “label” herself until she’s older.

I think it’s rather common for teens to self-identify as gay or bi and then eventually realize they’re straight later on.
 
It is a tragedy that our society has sexualized every positive emotion.

When our 3 year old hugs or kisses another toddler, we say “Is that your girlfriend?”

Kids need to learn from day one that it is perfectly normal and good to have close bonds, to have deep affection for friends. That this fondness is is good.

I would advise you to reach out to enCourage. https://couragerc.org/for-families/
 
Sheila82 said:
My daughter is twelve, and has told me she Bi. I honestly and am not sure.
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Hello Sheila.

The organization I volunteer with sometimes has to pick up the pieces when a child feels rejected by their family for who they are. Maybe that ‘who they are’ is indeed a phase they are going through, but it is still who they are at that time and they will feel acceptance or rejection just as much if it is a phase as they would if it turns out to be a fixed part of who she is.

I would just encourage you to firstly make sure your daughter knows that she is loved by you, whatever happens. And then tread carefully with her, and don’t be afraid to ask her how she is feeling. Asking how she is feeling is a simple question that can sometimes accidentally be missed, but it is a question that firstly shows you care about how she is feeling, and secondly gives her the opportunity to tell you if she is feeling anxious, depressed or even distressed.

God bless you both +
 
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