Desperate Plea for Help! My husband wants a divorce!

  • Thread starter Thread starter mccartyj
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Let me echo everyone’s advice to look out for YOUR and YOUR DAUGHTER’S best interest first. I know from my experience how hard it can be to make that mental shift from thinking as a married woman (and considering your husband’s needs) to thinking about yourself first. Really hard bond to break.

But let me tell you, the minute you break it, you feel so free! Not that I can actually recommend this in good conscience, but for me, infidelity helped me keep my head clear in that regard. Hopefully you can find another way.
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers

God bless

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers today. I know how difficult today must be for you.
 
Thank you. I’ve been trying to keep busy today. I don’t know how my daughter is going to react when he doesn’t come home. I talked to somebody with the Legal Aid office and they took my information and are going to pass it to an attorney to see if I qualify for help.

Jessica
 
Hi Jessica, how are you doing today? You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers

God bless

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
maltmom said:
Hi Jessica, how are you doing today? You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.
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Hi. I am doing okay. We’ve been busy. I got a call this morning for an interview for a CNA training spot at a nursing home so I had to get up and get my daughter ready and over my mom’s house so she could watch it. I got a spot in the training program and that starts in about a week so I’m excited and nervous. Only bad thing is I’m not guaranteed first shift so I’m not sure who’s going to watch her. Her father works swing shift, so 2 weeks of the month he is on second as well.

He called this afternoon to see how we were doing and that he’ll be over tomorrow to see our daughter. He said he was crying because he misses our daughter and has even been missing me.

Please continue to pray for us, especially him that he will come to his senses before this is finalized.

Jessica
 
tbcrawford said:
You are in my thoughts and prayers

God bless

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
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Thank you.

Jessica
 
mccartyj said:
Hi. I am doing okay. We’ve been busy. I got a call this morning for an interview for a CNA training spot at a nursing home so I had to get up and get my daughter ready and over my mom’s house so she could watch it. I got a spot in the training program and that starts in about a week so I’m excited and nervous. Only bad thing is I’m not guaranteed first shift so I’m not sure who’s going to watch her. Her father works swing shift, so 2 weeks of the month he is on second as well.

He called this afternoon to see how we were doing and that he’ll be over tomorrow to see our daughter. He said he was crying because he misses our daughter and has even been missing me.

Please continue to pray for us, especially him that he will come to his senses before this is finalized.

Jessica
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That’s wonderful news. God will work out the schedule and childcare for you.

I’ll keep praying. I’m also praying for him. Only God can work a miracle in his heart. I believe in miracles.
 
Jessica,

So glad to hear of your acceptance into the training program. Who knows what God might have in mind for you there? I’m sure it’s sort of scary, but kind of exciting too.

I know you love your husband very much and I will pray for him. But, please remember to keep God first. He is the only one we can truly count on.

God Bless you.
 
Thank you. My husband came over today to spend time with our daughter. It was really weird. I just didn’t know how to act. He brought dinner over and picked up dog food and dog medicine. He was very nice to me and even gave me a long hug. When we were on the phone he kept asking me if I was angry at him. Hello? Duh! But I didn’t say that. He ran in to see our daughter but she was still asleep (she fell asleep on the couch while I thought she was watching a movie). She woke up very groggy and not too happy to spend time with daddy. Just wanted to be with me and that upset him. I told him not to take it personally she was just sleepy.

It was very weird. I want us to reconcile but I just don’t know how to act around him. I don’t want to seem desperate or anything but I don’t want to push him away farther. He seems to miss me but still seems certain that this is what he wants.

Jessica
 
It had to be very strange. The best advice I can give is, if possible, leave the room when he’s visiting your child. A good time to catch up on some spiritual reading.

As best I can remember previous posts, the two of you have not met with a priest. Did you go on your own?

I would suggest you continue to try for a meeting with your priest or a Catholic counselor. You might tell him this meeting is important for you to know you’ve done everything you could or to help you through this transition. Either way, you would appreciaite him giving you this courtesy.

You all remain in my prayers.
 
Father’s Day was okay when my husband came over to see our daughter. I did start to pick a little fight and stopped thankfully. He came over again today and it went really well. He’ll be over tomorrow because I have orientation.

Got the divorce papers today and I handled it well.

I’m waiting for the Catholic counselor to call me to set up an appointment.

I’m also waiting to hear if my case will be accepted for pro-bono work from an attorney.

Just trying to stay strong and pray like crazy!

Jessica
 
I know it may not always feel like it; but, you are doing a GREAT job.

By being strong, you are giving your daughter a great gift. You’re allowing her and her dad to enjoy a loving relationship without stress from you. You are also showing her how a good Catholic behaves. She is blessed to have you as a Mom.

Keep up the praying; it’s obviously working if you were able to stop picking the fight. Trust that God has a plan for you.

I’m praying with you for your family.
 
Mummsie said:
I know it may not always feel like it; but, you are doing a GREAT job.

By being strong, you are giving your daughter a great gift. You’re allowing her and her dad to enjoy a loving relationship without stress from you. You are also showing her how a good Catholic behaves. She is blessed to have you as a Mom.

Keep up the praying; it’s obviously working if you were able to stop picking the fight. Trust that God has a plan for you.

I’m praying with you for your family.
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Thank you. I never knew I was this strong. Having to look out for my daughter has made me stronger in a way I never knew.

Jessica
 
mccartyj said:
Thank you. I never knew I was this strong. Having to look out for my daughter has made me stronger in a way I never knew.

Jessica
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You will only get stronger. God gives us strength and courage when we need it.

God Bless!
 
mccartyj said:
Thank you. I never knew I was this strong. Having to look out for my daughter has made me stronger in a way I never knew.

Jessica
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It was my experience that under stress like this, you have two options;
  1. go crazy
  2. not go crazy
Being responsible for someone else kinda forces you to choose option #2. And once you choose option #2, all the rest of the right choices just kinda fall out of that. I was asked once, “How did you manage to do everything you did after your marriage fell apart?” The answer is simple: “I chose not to go crazy, and the rest just followed naturally.”
 
AthenaC said:
It was my experience that under stress like this, you have two options;
  1. go crazy
  2. not go crazy
Being responsible for someone else kinda forces you to choose option #2. And once you choose option #2, all the rest of the right choices just kinda fall out of that. I was asked once, “How did you manage to do everything you did after your marriage fell apart?” The answer is simple: “I chose not to go crazy, and the rest just followed naturally.”
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I am trying so hard. I have been really good up until today. The reality of certain things are setting in. I’m trying to figure out child care for my daughter and I am stressing out so much about it. Her father works swing shift (two weeks on 1st and two weeks on second). I have a good chance of being put on second which would be from 2pm-10pm. I’m going to need vouchers because I cannot afford it. No one who accepts vouchers accepts children that late. Don’t know what I am going to do. I’m also looking at apartments and it’s just a lot when my heart is breaking. I’m putting on a happy face for my husband and all of this change is just so much to bear. I don’t have a lot left over for my daughter. This will be the last week I’m home with her this much and it kills me because my parenting skills have gone down so far. I don’t have very much to give right now and of course, my husband is winning parent of the year awards right now because he probably feels much better since he filed the divorce. He’s taking her to the park and buying her stuff (which I’m happy he’s spending more time with her because it had definitely been lacking lately) but I feel like a horrible mommy and it hurts so bad.

Jessica
 
mccartyj said:
I am trying so hard. I have been really good up until today. The reality of certain things are setting in. I’m trying to figure out child care for my daughter and I am stressing out so much about it. Her father works swing shift (two weeks on 1st and two weeks on second). I have a good chance of being put on second which would be from 2pm-10pm. I’m going to need vouchers because I cannot afford it. No one who accepts vouchers accepts children that late. Don’t know what I am going to do. I’m also looking at apartments and it’s just a lot when my heart is breaking. I’m putting on a happy face for my husband and all of this change is just so much to bear. I don’t have a lot left over for my daughter. This will be the last week I’m home with her this much and it kills me because my parenting skills have gone down so far. I don’t have very much to give right now and of course, my husband is winning parent of the year awards right now because he probably feels much better since he filed the divorce. He’s taking her to the park and buying her stuff (which I’m happy he’s spending more time with her because it had definitely been lacking lately) but I feel like a horrible mommy and it hurts so bad.

Jessica
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It’s called the “Disney Dad” syndrome. Daddy gets to do all the fun stuff and never disciplines nor has to stress out about anything.

Frankly, I would take every bit of his money (which is your money as well) that I could get ahold of and then some. How is the lawyer appointment coming along?
 
Jessica,

I can understand that you feel you’re giving all you’ve got just to get through the day. And no one wants to see their child neglected. But, it is kind of amazing that your husband is finally able to step up and give your daughter some very overdue attention. This may or may not last. Try to be happy for your daughter.

A few ideas on your childcare dilemna:

Pray.

Ask some of the daycare providers (who close at 6 pm) if they can recommend anyone to cover the hours you need.

As you’re going through classes, ask some of the other students how they’re dealing with 2nd shift childcare.

Ask your husband if he has any ideas.

Seconding RJ’s question, how’s it going with the attorney search?

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
 
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