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Eve1
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Or have kids!
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LundyLund
Guest
This is totally true. In addition, research shows that humans do not mentally mature fully until they are about 25.
OP, you have said you want to wait a few years, too, so how is your girlfriend’s perspective substantively different than yours? If you are adamant about trying to change her perspective (good luck!), maybe you should ask her questions instead of presenting arguments. “How do you see marriage impacting your career?” “What do you think marriage is supposed to be?” “What does it involve?” Things of that nature.
If the concern really is one of stability (perfectly reasonable), I would suggest you both enroll in Financial Peace University (Dave Ramsey) or some similar type of program. With an agreed attitude toward finances and a budget that you actually follow, you’ll be fine. Even if you don’t get married for a few years, this class is well worth your time.
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JHFamily
Guest
I’ve heard an awful lot of priests say that if you are not ready to get married, you should not be dating. People put up a fuss, and the answer I’ve heard is, “You’re not the one in the confessional hearing confessions. I am. I know what I’m talking about.”
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Eve1
Guest
Totally agree about the Dave Ramsey course. My husband and I just went through it and I wish we had done it 10 years ago!
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Pup7
Guest
Schools assume you are there for a means to an end while fulfilling all the obligations of your chosen educational path. Marriage and when someone chooses to do it has nothing to do with their intent. They’re there to educate you - which is what you’re paying for - and to make sure you have all the elements needed to start in your selected field.
As you chose that path, and you chose that major, it’s really got nothing to do with what the university is trying to do - other than make sure you’re getting what you pay for.
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Eve1
Guest
If I may respectfully ask, why are you so convinced that she is “the one”? So many people get married for the wrong reason and I don’t even realize until years later. That doesn’t mean that God can’t work through an imperfect marriage but I think it definitely makes it more challenging for us humans.
I’m actually not asking you to post your reasons for wanting to marry her here. I’m saying you should search your heart.
I’m actually not asking you to post your reasons for wanting to marry her here. I’m saying you should search your heart.
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One of the biggest myths of modern times is that you need to have it all together in every way before marriage.
Don’t presume you can convince her. I went out with a girl like this at one point. Wanted to travel the world and marry in her 30’s. Ultimately we didn’t work out as we had very different ideas about lots of things.
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redbetta
Guest
The university decides what a reasonable workload and schedule is and the amount I have to do is unreasonable, especially considering a lot of it is useless. People in my school lose relationships and opportunities all the time because of it. I get physically ill from it. It’s why dating is dead on college campuses. You can say just transfer, but I’m on scholarship and God knows whether I’d be able to get money from another school.
People really underestimate how much schools expect of students. When I was in high school, I spent more hours a week doing schoolwork and both my parents going to their actual jobs. College is worse, especially when you go to a place where undergrads are the minority that nobody cares about.
People really underestimate how much schools expect of students. When I was in high school, I spent more hours a week doing schoolwork and both my parents going to their actual jobs. College is worse, especially when you go to a place where undergrads are the minority that nobody cares about.
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alice24
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Just as a general note, not to convince anyone to marriage, but: are you really expecting things to change that much in later work life?! I married during my and my husband´s final study time. I worked in two institutes at university, was available all the time for work, had one (!) day off for the ceremony. I know how much work a well planned university career costs. This may change, yes, but maybe not. My husband works during night and the weekend now as finding a well paid, good job right after university is not the average in many fields. We are still happy married. A workmate of me married during her doctor in medicine. It can work. No problem if someone doesn´t wants this, but no, it´s not doomed to fail.
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Seagull
Guest
She - keeps using them - as ‘an example’
and saying that there’s no rush.
We’ve been dating for almost 4 years.
Maybe she’s not the one - or your’re not the one ?
4 years - I’d draw the line.
That’s a LONG time. People go to college for four years and get a degree.
and saying that there’s no rush.
We’ve been dating for almost 4 years.
Maybe she’s not the one - or your’re not the one ?
4 years - I’d draw the line.
That’s a LONG time. People go to college for four years and get a degree.
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redbetta
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I never said it was doomed to fail. I just think it’s a bad idea, especially if kids come along. I just think we overwork our students. The ones that aren’t studying basket weaving, that is.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
It sounds as if you have different philosophies about life and marriage.
We can find studies to support both sides of this debate, it comes down real life.
In real life, if you wish to have children, a woman’s fertility begins to decrease late 20’s early 30’s, by 35 it can be difficult to achieve pregnancy. (You can find these statistics all over the web.) That is a cold, hard, scientific fact.
There is something to be said for starting a family at a younger age, because when your kids grow up and move away the two of you will still be on the younger end of middle age instead of getting into the ages when health starts to decline. It is nice to be young enough to play with grandkids instead of simply looking at them
Also in simple real life, it is difficult to be in love with someone for many years and still avoid temptation to fornication.
Did you say, are you both practicing Catholics?
We can find studies to support both sides of this debate, it comes down real life.
In real life, if you wish to have children, a woman’s fertility begins to decrease late 20’s early 30’s, by 35 it can be difficult to achieve pregnancy. (You can find these statistics all over the web.) That is a cold, hard, scientific fact.
There is something to be said for starting a family at a younger age, because when your kids grow up and move away the two of you will still be on the younger end of middle age instead of getting into the ages when health starts to decline. It is nice to be young enough to play with grandkids instead of simply looking at them
Also in simple real life, it is difficult to be in love with someone for many years and still avoid temptation to fornication.
Did you say, are you both practicing Catholics?
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TheLittleLady
Guest
FYI, in the US it is illegal for a potential employer to even ask about pregnancy, marital status or children.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Agree. When you truly love your best friend, you want forever to start today.
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Pup7
Guest
I’ve been to college twice, actually. Once in my 30s in a full time, intensive accelerated nursing program at Duke University. Once while on active duty - full time, and deploying.
I’m not underestimating anything, nor speaking on things I haven’t experienced myself.
You reviewed the course of study and I assume you looked at syllabi. You thought about your chosen major. What was expected shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. If you thought some of it was useless, you should’ve rethought your plans.
We’ve all been through it.
I’m not underestimating anything, nor speaking on things I haven’t experienced myself.
You reviewed the course of study and I assume you looked at syllabi. You thought about your chosen major. What was expected shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. If you thought some of it was useless, you should’ve rethought your plans.
We’ve all been through it.
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Xantippe
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Or parenthood, most likely.
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Xantippe
Guest
Does she know that?
I have to tell you that “I want to wait to get married until I am 25!” was what I told my college boyfriend at 19 that I didn’t want to marry.
I got married at 22 to somebody else with no hesitation.
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Magdalene
Guest
I’ll give you that, school is hard. Especially very rigorous programs. So if you don’t have time to date, I understand that. But if there is time for dating there is time for marriage. In fact, marriage would be better because you live together. Once you find the right person, it doesn’t matter how busy or stressed you are.
Two years after I got married my husband was deployed. So his job literally took 100% of his time for an entire year. Our marriage was fine. Even if I had known he was going to deploy or if the deployment had been sooner, I still would’ve married him! When you know, you know.
Two years after I got married my husband was deployed. So his job literally took 100% of his time for an entire year. Our marriage was fine. Even if I had known he was going to deploy or if the deployment had been sooner, I still would’ve married him! When you know, you know.
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Xantippe
Guest
But then there are also a lot of awkward 20-somethings who have never been on a date…
blackforest
Well-known member
I empathize with your girlfriend. I’m glad I’m with my husband. He’s definitely the right person, and we’ve been together for almost 20 years. I just knew that because he was in a higher income career, my ambitions would end up taking a backseat. So when I got accepted into a top-tier graduate school and he couldn’t find a job in the same town, it put tremendous strain on the marriage. I ended up with a Master’s from a lower-tier school in our city.
Oh, and it also meant that when children came along, and daycare was too expensive for a dual-income marriage, I’d be the one to stay at home with the kids. (It’s also a much, much easier arrangement for breastfeeding babies). These are all important considerations.
Oh, and it also meant that when children came along, and daycare was too expensive for a dual-income marriage, I’d be the one to stay at home with the kids. (It’s also a much, much easier arrangement for breastfeeding babies). These are all important considerations.
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