Discussing Marriage with my Girlfriend

[Cruciferi]

I was fortunate enough to attend a quaint cow college I went part-time and didn’t incur any debt. It was nice

 

[redbetta]

Thank you for lightening the mood. Can you try harder?

 

[blackforest]

I tried respond with just, “Moo!” But CAF complained that my character count was too low.

 

[Cruciferi]

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[tafan2]

he’s going to be graduating. She’s

Both of you are likely wrong. You say you know this is who you want to marry, so I will assume you have been dating a while. You are correct that there is no reason to wait until you are in your late 20s to get married. Very long courtships and long engagements are a bad idea, for lots of reasons. Others have mentioned that its hard to stay chaste in a relationship for years, and I agree. But it will also make your married life more difficult. You reach a point where it is time to fish or cut bait. It sounds like you two will be at that point pretty soon. If she doesn’t want to get married, then move on.

However, you are likely wrong also, when you say you don’t plan on having children immediately. There are reasons for newlyweds to wait, but the general rule of thumb is: if your not ready to have kids, you are not ready to get married. Again, there are exceptions to this (perhaps one spouse needs to finish school, or a medical condition), but I doubt if you know this two or three years ahead of time.

Lots of things for both of you to consider. But in particular: long courtships are bad for a relationship, getting married and not being ready to have kids is a red flag.

 

[JimG]

It seems that the girl has bought the feminist and now generally accepted line that career must always take priority over marriage.

 

[Xantippe]

It seems that the girl has bought the feminist and now generally accepted line that career must always take priority over marriage.

Or, alternately, that this girl is not excited about marrying this boy.

 

[Pup7]

Because that’s not their job. It’s also not within their funding.

There are indeed separate tracks. They’re known as other majors.

I know successful financial managers who have BS degrees in psychology. My sister is a midlevel executive at SAS, a software engineering firm, with a child psych degree. Don’t judge.

Most people hate math? Lol most people I know despised English Composition and saw it as a waste. The low caliber of supposedly professional writing I see come across my desk is telling. I can tell who paid attention and who didn’t.

Also, also, colleges aren’t really for vocational training either, but people still demand they prepare us for jobs.

Really?

So your program isn’t teaching you anything?

You’re completely incorrect in that assumption.

 

[redbetta]

It’s teaching me all sorts of things not relevant to what I want to do.

 

[Pup7]

Your observation has been shared by all of us before, but trust me when I say time has taught me differently.

That hasn’t changed in decades. Clearly the formula is effective, because while all of us shared that, it’s not changed the system.

Pick your electives carefully and you’ll weed some of that out. There is a common general ed core for a reason, and it exists everywhere - including overseas.

 

[Xantippe]

It’s teaching me all sorts of things not relevant to what I want to do.

I have a cousin who is an engineer who has bounced between engineering fields (he’s worked both at a nuclear plant and on oil fields), so I would be careful about believing that at your age, you know exactly what you are going to need to know for your entire future.

 

[redbetta]

Listen, I am sick of you cr@pping on the legitimacy of my concerns. I cannot tell you how many times since I was 15 I wanted to throw myself off a bridge because of how much I’ve had to work to earn and keep my scholarship. May parents cried over how unhappy I was but could not do anything because we needed the money.

This whole “it’s just your choice: deal with it” inapplicable to a lot of people and is actually dangerous.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I strongly believe that the change of parenting over the past decades has a great impact on the stress levels. When I was a teen, just about everyone I knew had a part time job while in high school and they were required to do chores at home. It was simply a given.

College, same thing, you had a part or full time job while you went through undergrad (unless your parents were rich!), some were married during undergrad. Grad school? More than not still held down jobs, many were married.

Now, it people look at you as if you have three heads to expect a high schooler to have a JOB.

 

[Xantippe]

Now, it people look at you as if you have three heads to expect a high schooler to have a JOB.

Part of that is that there isn’t a lot of employment available for high schoolers–but it’s a chicken-and-egg situation.

Listen, I am sick of you cr@pping on the legitimacy of my concerns. I cannot tell you how many times since I was 15 I wanted to throw myself off a bridge because of how much I’ve had to work to earn and keep my scholarship. May parents cried over how unhappy I was but could not do anything because we needed the money.

This whole “it’s just your choice: deal with it” inapplicable to a lot of people and is actually dangerous.

You think it’s going to be easier when you’re working full time?

Edited to add:

…working full time, a homeowner, and a mom?

 

[redbetta]

Yes. I am aiming for a job with set hours beyond which nobody can bother me. Like my parents, who come home from work and go straight to the couch instead of doing more work.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes. I am aiming for a job with set hours beyond which nobody can bother me. Like my parents, who come home from work and go straight to the couch instead of doing more work.

Is that a thing in the field you are aiming at, and are there jobs in that field?

I don’t know what specific field you are thinking of, but good-paying professional jobs these days tend to have round-the-clock demands with regard to answering emails, etc.

 

[Magdalene]

That’s a good one.

 

[Vonsalza]

redbetta:

Yes. I am aiming for a job with set hours beyond which nobody can bother me. Like my parents, who come home from work and go straight to the couch instead of doing more work.

Is that a thing in the field you are aiming at, and are there jobs in that field?

I don’t know what specific field you are thinking of, but good-paying professional jobs these days tend to have round-the-clock demands with regard to answering emails, etc.

There’s some truth there.

And thank Jesus that some of the Euros are trying to pass some legislation against that.

 

[redbetta]

I’m aiming at pharmacy. My relative in it says it’s a pretty good job for work life balance. Much more worth it than being a doctor.

 

[Vonsalza]

I’m aiming at pharmacy. My relative in it says it’s a pretty good job for work life balance. Much more worth it than being a doctor.

Buddy of mine became a dermatologist for that exact reason.

Ain’t no one gonna call you in the middle of the night and say “Doc! Get out of bed! This rash is CRITICAL!”