Discussing Marriage with my Girlfriend

[pensmama87]

FYI, in the US it is illegal for a potential employer to even ask about pregnancy, marital status or children.

That doesn’t mean they don’t discriminate, unfortunately. If I had the knowledge I do now, I would have taken off my engagement ring when I went for job interviews.

 

[Tulitas]

To be fair, you jumped on her first.

 

[blackforest]

While pregnant with my first, I got a call from a potential employer who gushed about my resume and made it sound like I was pretty much in. When I showed up at the interview and she saw my belly, it went suspiciously downhill from there.

You can’t prove these things, which is exactly why it’s easy to get away with discrimination.

 

[redbetta]

Listen, I’m a first generation student. I had no idea what to expect. Also, I don’t appreciate people talking as if schools don’t have any responsibility for the well-being of their students. There is not enough flexibility nowadays for people to begin life while in school. Hopefully that will change when more flexible forms of schooling like online courses become more acceptable.

 

[Pup7]

Online schooling is extremely acceptable. It’s not frowned upon unless it’s from a diploma mill. Your choices aren’t the school’s problem. They’re there to educate and prepare you for the working world. Not see to your well being.

I’m not hijacking the thread anymore.

 

[redbetta]

If kids commit suicide because of the workload, it is definitely their problem. Or are forced to abuse drugs to keep up. Or wind up at the doctor frequently from the work. I had to see the doctor 4 times in the last few weeks of last quarter because my left limbs were getting this numbing pain when I wasn’t exercising at all. The cardiologist said they see these things in college students all the time who get no sleep, overuse energy drinks, and are overworked.

Excuse me, but I don’t appreciate my pain being poo-pooed as “my choice.” I didn’t have a choice on how hard to work in high school: I needed a scholarship to go to any school. I didn’t have a choice on where to go to school because I had to choose the cheapest option. I don’t have a choice on how hard to work in school because I need to keep that scholarship. I don’t have a choice on major because my parents are paying a small fraction and it would be immoral to use other people’s money to get a degree in something useless.

 

[Pup7]

None of that is new to your era, unfortunately. I have a friend who was a commandant for an ROTC Det at a prestigious engineering school almost 20 years ago - stories like that are as old as the university experience. But the university still has a job to do.

 

[redbetta]

Why not provide an education while being conscious of your students’ lives? They are not mutually exclusive.

 

[Pup7]

The ones that aren’t studying basket weaving, that is.

Stress varies from person to person. You have no idea what someone else’s life is like. Would you scoff at someone with multiple pressures who finally and sadly turns to suicide while taking what you deem a “lesser” program?

That’s not your call to make and not your judgment to pass.

 

[redbetta]

There are such things as easier fields of study. I don’t deny their might be other things going on in their lives, but it’s ludicious to think engineering and art history are at the same difficulty level.

 

[Xantippe]

There are such things as easier fields of study. I don’t deny their might be other things going on in their lives, but it’s ludicious to think engineering and art history are at the same difficulty level.

This is off-topic, but it really does depend on the person and their aptitude for the subject.

My husband (bless his heart) breezed through his undergraduate work in math and physics with a Hermione Granger style class load. They literally allowed him to sign up for a class load with conflicting courses…

 

[redbetta]

There are always exceptions, but there are also general trends. You can see that how many people majorin psychology despite the market being over saturated versus engineering.

 

[Vonsalza]

Hi everyone! So I’m 21, turning 22 soon, and my girlfriend is 22 and she’s graduating college next month. We were recently discussing getting married and she told me that she wanted to wait until she’s 27 or 28 to get married. I would really like to get married more around 24, maybe 25. She kept saying that she wants to wait until she has “an established career and a stable income”.

You can’t change her mind, but “waiting until I was more secure” is one of the biggest regrets of my life.

Get married. Have kids. Don’t wait until you’re 30 with the signs of age juuuuuust beginning to show up to start this stuff.

Life isn’t an adventure you’re getting ready for. It happening right. friggin. now. NOW.

Let your girlfriend in on that little nugget of truth.

 

[Pup7]

Because that is not their job. Their job is education and training. Not managing your life choices.

You have gyms, incredible dormitories, fantastic food choices, all sorts of lifestyle accommodations. That didn’t exist 25 years ago. Universities have come a long way in adding to the experience (some likely at the detriment of cost, but that’s not my call). Free counseling, better medical services. I could go on and on.

They have come a long long way toward looking out for personal needs.

 

[Pup7]

They could be if that person’s abilities are different than yours. Intelligence doesn’t make you better than anyone - it makes you more fortunate.

Art history would bore me to death. People well versed in that amaze me and I have appreciation for their knowledge and aptitude.

I’m also appreciative of the plumber who fixes my toilet who never went to college to start with, yet makes just about as much as I do as a 15 year military officer.

 

[Xantippe]

There are always exceptions, but there are also general trends. You can see that how many people majorin psychology despite the market being over saturated versus engineering.

Don’t engineering (and similar programs) tend to have a weed-out philosophy?

I would say that the individual differences can be more important than you realize. For example, my husband is brilliant at abstract reasoning, but has a relatively poor memory. Meanwhile, my abstract reasoning is relatively poor, but my memory is excellent. Hence, my husband would do much better in the engineering program than in art history (which is heavy to memory), whereas I would do better in the art history than the engineering.

 

[redbetta]

But they have not come far enough.

Look, my school is best at training people for futures in academia and the majority of undergraduates don’t want to pursue academic work. So why not create separate tracks or reduce the material being taught that will not be useful to us to make our lives easier?

Also, also, colleges aren’t really for vocational training either, but people still demand they prepare us for jobs.

 

[redbetta]

General trends still do exist. Most people hate math, for example.

 

[Xantippe]

Because that is not their job. Their job is education and training. Not managing your life choices.

You have gyms, incredible dormitories, fantastic food choices, all sorts of lifestyle accommodations. That didn’t exist 25 years ago. Universities have come a long way in adding to the experience (some likely at the detriment of cost, but that’s not my call). Free counseling, better medical services. I could go on and on.

They have come a long long way toward looking out for personal needs.

Right.

Some of that was available 25 years ago when I was a college sophomore at a fancy pants private school, but I would agree with you 150% on food and wellness programming. I live near a college campus now and often eat in the cafeterias, and the food is SO much better than the stuff we got at a similar tier school 25 years ago. We had maybe 25% of the variety that you see today.

This is a hard fact–but sometimes if a program involves continual struggle, it’s because it’s not a good fit. I worked to the point of unhealthiness in grad school and flailed around academically–because it wasn’t a good fit.

 

[redbetta]

Sometimes people have to study things they aren’t talented in to move up the socioeconomic ladder. Just go where the money is. All I want is for my children to be able to have a better life than I had.